A Best Friend, a Distraction & a Crush

[Ophelie]

(It's a little odd to be posting this, as I'm usually the one handing out advice to my friends. I apologise in advance if I'm not very clear or waffle on.)

 

This year has been a bit of an eye-opener in terms of my sexuality. I always knew I wasn't quite straight, but this year it became clear that there really wasn't any other option than bisexual.

 

Unfortunately, this discovery has brought me an unhealthy amount of confidence and lead me into this tricky situation. I'm in love with my best friend; who was straight.

 

I recently told her of my feelings towards her, that I love her and that I don't feel more comfortable or as close with anyone in my life. She (to a degree) reciprocates these feelings, however she is in a relationship at the moment with a male. She, like me, had always been attracted to females but never really thought much of it until recently. We've been sexual with each other over, and last week came to the conclusion that we would ignore it in order to give the relationship she's in now a decent chance.

 

As you can imagine, this has hurt me immensely. However I am unable to do anything about it, as I am friends with her partner and believe he is a truly beautiful person and that my best friend deserves to be happy.

 

In an effort to distract myself, I have been making irrational decisions - I've expressed my interest in someone else who I'm not quite enthralled by. I regret this decision slightly, but at the same time I'm clinging desperately onto the hope that she'll be able to take my mind off my best friend. I believe my thought process was "It has to work, right?!"

 

...Yes, I see the issue there.

 

And, to make the matter worse, I've also been prodding the person who's had a crush on me for the last year to make a move. I had genuinely been ready for a relationship with them, but their constant dismissal of their feelings for me (using phrases like "Don't worry, I'll get over it. I promise.") has put me off. We've had conversations about it, but it's never a definitive end.

 

I know I'm doing the wrong thing, but I'm not quite sure how to deal with this. I love my best friend, but I can't see a way for this to work in out for everyone. I can't stand the idea of being without someone, but the other options just aren't her.