Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 mm4: I am sensitive too, it makes things so much harder for guys like us. When we do find a woman who loves a sensitive guy, we will be in good shape. Some women find it irresistible, while some want more of a macho meathead type of guy. Can't be anything but yourself, right? yea pretty much.. I can only be me, and I really like me. the right person would totally appreciate what I bring to the table. exW won't hit my level of perception/experience if she lives to be 200. she needs someone ignorant and **** simple, seems she has found her perfect match. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Guys, before you go down that road I am going to share a link with you. Nothing wrong with being a "nice guy" but this can turn into being a victim if your not too carefull. For me I am going to stop being the "nice guy" and instead be the "kind guy", grow some balls and say no to things. What is wrong with nice guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Guys, before you go down that road I am going to share a link with you. Nothing wrong with being a "nice guy" but this can turn into being a victim if your not too carefull. For me I am going to stop being the "nice guy" and instead be the "kind guy", grow some balls and say no to things. What is wrong with nice guys? I just try to do the right and responsible thing to do in any situation. if you're dealing with a selfish, ignorant bitch like my exW, it just makes things worse. at the end of the day, I have to live with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I just try to do the right and responsible thing to do in any situation. if you're dealing with a selfish, ignorant bitch like my exW, it just makes things worse. at the end of the day, I have to live with myself. Spot on, bro. Jaymz: I believe the nice-guy/jerk analysis can be empowering, give one a little boost, but in the end you have to be true to yourself. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you grow *pawnshop*-size balls - you're still gonna have to deal with unpleasantness; life won't necessarily go in your favor if you adapt one dogmatic tactic over another. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 That's a good link Jaymz, some funny stuff on there - but good advice too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I realized my ex is alot like my job.. you can do a great job 95% of the time and they won't appreciate it for ****, but they'll never let you forget the 5% of the time you **** up. so much of life is like this, I'll never understand. "friends" too I find.. they're all so "what have you done for ME lately". I'm destined to die alone. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I realized my ex is alot like my job.. you can do a great job 95% of the time and they won't appreciate it for ****, but they'll never let you forget the 5% of the time you **** up. so much of life is like this, I'll never understand. "friends" too I find.. they're all so "what have you done for ME lately". I'm destined to die alone. Sorry MM4, I hope you don't mind but this did make me chuckle. We do indeed live in a very "me me me" orientated society Not everyone is like that though and I'm sure once you've dealt with all that is happening with your xW and all, you'll start to feel better. Having been through some ***** with the XH, I can honestly say things can and do improve but unfortunately it doesn't happen over night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Sorry MM4, I hope you don't mind but this did make me chuckle. We do indeed live in a very "me me me" orientated society Not everyone is like that though and I'm sure once you've dealt with all that is happening with your xW and all, you'll start to feel better. Having been through some ***** with the XH, I can honestly say things can and do improve but unfortunately it doesn't happen over night. agreed.. thats how it appears.. being really impatient in general doesn't help things. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 mm4: Friends are flakes too.. generally. I have a very limited amount of friends. I never get back what I put in. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I realized my ex is alot like my job.. you can do a great job 95% of the time and they won't appreciate it for ****, but they'll never let you forget the 5% of the time you **** up. so much of life is like this, I'll never understand. "friends" too I find.. they're all so "what have you done for ME lately". I'm destined to die alone. you've got a good soul, my man. someone will see that. and I'm sure others DO. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I realized my ex is alot like my job.. you can do a great job 95% of the time and they won't appreciate it for ****, but they'll never let you forget the 5% of the time you **** up. Actually I'd hazard to guess most wives are like this. . I swear mine has some magical chest of 'f__k ups' somewhere that she draws on when she needs to..... Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 All of our mistakes are cryogenically frozen for future reference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 All of our mistakes are cryogenically frozen for future reference. a few months back she cited something I did on our wedding day.. during our first dance together. i was floored. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 All of our mistakes are cryogenically frozen for future reference. Yes and hidden away in a secret place somewhere. I think all brides are given the location on their wedding day Link to post Share on other sites
Donewrong Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yes and hidden away in a secret place somewhere. I think all brides are given the location on their wedding day Husband dear..it's supposed to be a secret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 mm4: Friends are flakes too.. generally. I have a very limited amount of friends. I never get back what I put in. i got absolutely nothing from my marriage (we already had our son). i get next to nothing from most of my "friends", I also give way more than I ever get back. honestly, I'm sick of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 mm4: Honestly man. I lost touch with most of my friends during my marriage, within the past year or so I have tried to reunite with a bunch of them. It is always ME making plans, calling or getting touch with them to do something. Most of the time plans never work out. So tired of it. I am tired of people too. That is why I said if my marriage ends, I am selling my house and all of my stuff - moving to California and getting a dog. Going to enjoy life on my own terms, by myself for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 MM4 and Surfer I feel for you. I really do. In your case Surfer it helps explain your neediness in your marriage. Guys remember life is so short. Be careful or it'll pass you by. Make friends, make great ones. If they turn out not to be good friends, then rid yourself of them and make more. Do not dissolve into your marriage. You must have interests and friends outside the marriage. Face it, less than half of all marriages will survive. The world is full of people, good ones, bad ones, those who will enrich your lives and those who seek to bring it crashing down around you. Don't stay inside a shell get out there and see what this big world has to offer! Life is a one way ticket, use all of it. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 MM4 - I have read your thread and followed your story. I know you have been deeply wounded by the actions of your ex-wife, and you have every right to be. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take your pain away, but I can't. When you go through a divorce with a child involved, and it wasn't your decision to end things, it is going to take quite a bit of time to heal from such a shattering experience. So I would never tell you to "get over it" or some other trite remark. But in reading your thread, I think you are getting stuck focusing so much on your ex wife's behavior and nature. When you've been mistreated, getting righteously angry is an important and necessary emotion to feel when it comes to healing. But the danger is that you can get stuck there, and end up becoming permanently bitter, cynical and jaded. If that happens, you can forget about ever being happy again, or having somebody to share your life with again. I have no doubt that your ex wife is all of the bad things that you have ascribed to her, but bitterly focusing on it isn't getting you anywhere, is it? Serenity is when we stop asking others for what they cannot give us. Fighting acceptance is fighting reality. There are certain situations, things and actions of others over which we are powerless. Life isn't always fair and kind, even to those who most deserve it. Focusing on what could be or could have been will unnecessarily make us sad. When we focus on others and things we cannot change, we do so to the detriment of focusing on ourselves. Acceptance gives us choices. And when we have choices, we don't put all of our happiness eggs in one basket. Acceptance does not mean we like, condone or sanction what has caused us pain and disappointment, but it restores power to us by giving us choices over how we will react and cope with it. We are hurt when we love and trust people who ultimately show themselves to be unworthy of that trust. We blame them for letting us down and hurting us, when it was in fact our choice to continue and repeat the cycle and the pattern of wanting our expectations to be met after it was made clear that the other person cannot and will not meet those expectations. Blame is focusing energy away from what we can control to what we cannot. It is an abdication of our responsibility to focus on what is within our power to change. Blame is also a way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings. Wanting things to be different is a waste of energy that could be better put to use on things we have power over. As long as we are wishing for things to be other than what they are, we are putting off and refusing any chance to be happy until that wish is granted. We first become aware of new realities, and this can be extremely painful. It is easy to feel good, pleasurable feelings, but it is not so easy to feel painful, uncomfortable ones. This awareness can only lead to Acceptance. There are a lot of different things to accept besides a relationship dynamic that has changed against our wishes. We also have to accept that old coping methods for dealing with life's problems are not suiting us well. Acceptance is also taking things as they are, instead of a stubborn and irrational willfulness when it comes to continuing to insist that our expectations be met. There is freedom in surrender. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Tech_E: Great post. Trying hard to embrace it, I think I have some room for improvement however. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 PS MM4 - I have no doubt that when you find it within yourself to forgive your ex-wife, a burden will be lifted off your shoulders. She doesn't deserve that forgiveness, but the benefit is not for her, but for you. When you forgive her for her actions in the demise of your marriage, you are essentially deciding that it is not your problem anymore that she chose to act the way that she did, and you are now free to start the next chapter of your life. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 some of us, make very good friends. and we offer that friendship to others. if they choose not to take it, it's not our fault ;-) some of us have no problem giving in a friendship, never asking " what's in it for ME." some of us really do want to work to make, at least our small portion of the world, a better place!!! so, if you all lived close by i'd be offering you dinner and dessert here tonight! i am making blackberry and peach ice cream and i have to say, it's to die for! and you would ALL be welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 i stand by this advice 100%. the best thing i have done in my life is to forgive. i don't forget necessarily, but i do always forgive. it makes my life so much easier to not have to hold onto all that anger and hurt. it's not admitting they were right and you were wrong. it's just a conscious choice not to hang onto being mad at them. which really is a lot of work if you think about it! PS MM4 - I have no doubt that when you find it within yourself to forgive your ex-wife, a burden will be lifted off your shoulders. She doesn't deserve that forgiveness, but the benefit is not for her, but for you. When you forgive her for her actions in the demise of your marriage, you are essentially deciding that it is not your problem anymore that she chose to act the way that she did, and you are now free to start the next chapter of your life. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 updown: What state are you in? I will be over in a flash, sounds tasty! Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 i'm south of you a bit ;-) but, if you're ever around our nations capitol be sure to stop by!! Link to post Share on other sites
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