Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) Btw saying honest but tough things to someone is not ABUSE. She just refuses to face the facts. Edited August 5, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 a boring, lonely friday night.. my son is asleep. i'm still struggling hard with being labeled as I have been by this person. for the life of me I know she is wrong and basically just out of her mind, but still it upsets me. ALL I wanted was to be appreciated for all the hard work I did for her, and I ended up with NOTHING, life blown up, finances destroyed, and some bs label. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 we made bad choices Yep. You can say that again. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 - I think one thing that has been hampering my recovery is fighting the fact that my ex really is as selfish, uncaring and callous as she really is. - My insides keep hoping she'll grow a conscience and see how bad she has f-ed me over and hurt our son. - She's playing the abuse card - She never loved ME.. she loved everything I gave her. - My intuition was dead on.. I felt trapped but didn't know what to do because I didn't want to lose my son. - In a fight I recall saying something about how this would've been over a while ago if not for him (our son). You are sooooo not alone. Those very words could've been written by me years ago. - I've never put in so much effort into something and had it end so horrifically bad. This still haunts me from time to time, even after all of these years. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 a i'm still struggling hard with being labeled as I have been by this person. for the life of me I know she is wrong and basically just out of her mind, but still it upsets me. You respected her and she didn't respect you. I suspect that you, as I was to my xW, were a resource, not a person. She labels you to offload her own responsibility. You simply MUST consider the source of the labeling. You MUST consider her rationally and NOT as the person you held in your mind's eye during the marriage. Her actions have defined her and she's not fit to judge and label you... NOT FIT! ALL I wanted was to be appreciated for all the hard work I did for her, and I ended up with NOTHING, life blown up, finances destroyed, and some bs label. The same happened to me. Believe it or not, you will recover in time; maybe a long time, maybe not so long. You mind will begin to see things as they really were and as they are. It will make more sense and hurt less in time. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 You are not going to get any kind of validation from your ex-wife. You just aren't and I know that it kills because you put so much time and love into her. The toughest toughest lesson that I still have to learn too is that we have to validate ourselves and reaffirm ourselves. Dude, a book for you, know that I have said it before, but trust in my great wisdom. Taming Your Outer Child. You want to be the man that still can feel whole after a crisis like this, and you really want to be that man for your son in case that ever happens to him. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 a boring, lonely friday night.. my son is asleep. i'm still struggling hard with being labeled as I have been by this person. for the life of me I know she is wrong and basically just out of her mind, but still it upsets me. ALL I wanted was to be appreciated for all the hard work I did for her, and I ended up with NOTHING, life blown up, finances destroyed, and some bs label. I am feeling the same last night. Had a really, really low point again. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Dude, a book for you, know that I have said it before, but trust in my great wisdom. Taming Your Outer Child. You want to be the man that still can feel whole after a crisis like this, and you really want to be that man for your son in case that ever happens to him. Thanks DOT, have bought it today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 (edited) You are not going to get any kind of validation from your ex-wife. You just aren't and I know that it kills because you put so much time and love into her. The toughest toughest lesson that I still have to learn too is that we have to validate ourselves and reaffirm ourselves. Dude, a book for you, know that I have said it before, but trust in my great wisdom. Taming Your Outer Child. You want to be the man that still can feel whole after a crisis like this, and you really want to be that man for your son in case that ever happens to him. I actually bought this book on your advice months ago.. read about 10 pages and put it down. I'm going to try and sit down and get through the whole thing. I'm so sick of feeling like crap. So many times in life things have been bad or I was in a bad situation and somehow things worked out better, or some amount of justice was somehow served. I don't feel like anything good is in my future, just constant struggle, missing my boy, and loneliness. It really, really scares me. Edited August 6, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 well, more drama, and I guess I have myself to blame. i posted on a hockey msg board for years.. the ex is on there too, and apparently has a lot more friends than I do because I got banned. i had posted something a few days ago.. there was a thread on BPD and i posted (not mentioning anyone's name, and no one knows who I am because the boards were restarted a few months ago) about how my exW exhibits numerous symptoms of bpd.. etc etc, how this person cheated on me, shacked up with yet another dude in less than 3mos, etc etc. well, here friends immediately came to the rescue and on of them who I HAVE NEVER MET IN MY LIFE had the nerve to call me out by my first name. I never called names, was calm and said it was a topic I wanted to discuss as it has affected my life. so back and forth, people calling me names and calling for me to be banned, sure enough they did. mob mentality, gotta love it. i would think "adults" would take into consideration they're only getting one side of the story, but nope, objectivity is lost on them apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 well, more drama, and I guess I have myself to blame. i posted on a hockey msg board for years.. the ex is on there too, and apparently has a lot more friends than I do because I got banned. i had posted something a few days ago.. there was a thread on BPD and i posted (not mentioning anyone's name, and no one knows who I am because the boards were restarted a few months ago) about how my exW exhibits numerous symptoms of bpd.. etc etc, how this person cheated on me, shacked up with yet another dude in less than 3mos, etc etc. well, here friends immediately came to the rescue and on of them who I HAVE NEVER MET IN MY LIFE had the nerve to call me out by my first name. I never called names, was calm and said it was a topic I wanted to discuss as it has affected my life. so back and forth, people calling me names and calling for me to be banned, sure enough they did. mob mentality, gotta love it. i would think "adults" would take into consideration they're only getting one side of the story, but nope, objectivity is lost on them apparently. you're right, you have yourself to blame for this piece of drama, but you recognize that which is a big plus... don't beat yourself up over it either, there will be more mistakes... keep posting here instead of going somewhere where she hangs out... she has her side of the story and a group that supports her.... work on staying with YOUR support group, even if it is just here... you'll never get her friends and especially her to EVER see it from your point of view... please keep hanging in there... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 yea.. I guess. I didn't start the thread and again mentioned no names and her moronic friends outed her by coming to her defense. Real smart. so to make matters worse.. my son is saying both of his legs hurt and he is having a hard time walking. After the msg board fiasco the last thing I wanted to do is txt her but I was worried. I txt and said he's having a hard time walking and. I was concerned because he kept changing his story and i was with him all day and saw nothing. No response for over 30 minutes... so i called my mom. Gave him some children's tylenol and she txts saying her phone was on mute and is he ok. I was about to respond and she calls. I gave the phone to my son... I can hear her annoying voice and there are people talking loudly in the background.. she's in a bar or something. Gave her the breakdown... she asked me to call his pediatricians answering service and have her paged. His mom said it could be growing pains and she is probably right. Dr just called and said its probably cramping/swelling.. to give gatorade and if he is still having issues tomorrow morning to take to urgent care to have him evaluated. Now I have to interrupt his mothers partying to let her know since she insists i call her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 son is feeling much better today and walking normally. have to drop him off to his mother in a few hours, please God I hope there is no fallout from the message board debacle. I'm not going to say a word. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 well, more drama, and I guess I have myself to blame. i posted on a hockey msg board for years.. the ex is on there too, and apparently has a lot more friends than I do because I got banned. i had posted something a few days ago.. there was a thread on BPD and i posted (not mentioning anyone's name, and no one knows who I am because the boards were restarted a few months ago) about how my exW exhibits numerous symptoms of bpd.. etc etc, how this person cheated on me, shacked up with yet another dude in less than 3mos, etc etc. well, here friends immediately came to the rescue and on of them who I HAVE NEVER MET IN MY LIFE had the nerve to call me out by my first name. I never called names, was calm and said it was a topic I wanted to discuss as it has affected my life. so back and forth, people calling me names and calling for me to be banned, sure enough they did. mob mentality, gotta love it. i would think "adults" would take into consideration they're only getting one side of the story, but nope, objectivity is lost on them apparently. Lol you gotta love internet warriors. I bet if you were face to face with them they wouldn't have said a word to you lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 (edited) Rob the first response after my bpd post was from someone who I had never heard of.. said something like -- I'm sure she doesn't care what you think.. you conveniently forgot to mention you BEAT HER. Way to take responsibility jackass!! I saw that and my stomach dropped. so, one physical and a pretty minor one in 8yrs and I beat her? she punched me in the face as hard as she could in 09.. I took it and walked away. should I go around saying my ex wife beat me?? I know I shouldn't be surprised at this point but I realized she will say WHATEVER to justify her cheating/lying/adultery. She really needs professional help.. she is f-ed in the head.. who knows what other lies she is capable of? Edited August 8, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 mm, more now than ever you really need to take your focus off this woman... what do you want? Do you want her back? listening to what she has done in the past would it be good to have her back? OF COURSE NOT! Do you want her to "see the light" and admit all her wrongs? Seriously, why would you even waste one minute hoping for this? It will NEVER happen! Stop it now! stop focusing on HER! Nobody here is saying this will be easy in fact many of us here were in very similar positions and we felt just as you did. She did you a HUGE favor by leaving, and she did your son a HUGE favor too! the time you spend with him is going to be making memories that he will cherish until he is old and grey - but only if you choose that path. I did it, I did it with 3 young children, and I know I'm no better than you so I expect you do do the same... my kids are grown and they have amazing memories of the things we did, all the way back to the time I was in my small apartment and broke up until now where I was able to rebuild my life and provide them with a better life... let her go 100%, don't worry about anything she does - be a dad, it's the best job you'll ever have... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 Yea definitely.. wanted the full time gig, not part time. But that would require living with that psycho hosebeast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 I will overcome all this and continue to be the best father I can be. My son loves and he's relying on me to take care of him. My daily affirmation. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I will overcome all this and continue to be the best father I can be. My son loves and he's relying on me to take care of him. My daily affirmation. Of course you will, your a strong person and a good dad. You know where your priorities lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 I just emailed my attorney... told him I was no longer at my old job, and what needs to be done regarding child support. he said I needed to file a motion but if there was cause for termination, then I guess I'm screwed and still owe the full amount? i have to laugh at this point. ps- thanks jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) weekly swim lessons... awesome to see my son.. the person he is with not so much. feel absolutely nothing when I see her. Edited August 9, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I was wondering how long it takes for people like us to start to have their feelings die. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) I was wondering how long it takes for people like us to start to have their feelings die. well she left 15 mos ago.. everytime I'd get close to being over it more dirt on her would come out. divorce is final, my feelings for her both positive and negative are gone. she is completely irrelevant. I don't even care about the OM anymore, he can have her. Edited August 10, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I was wondering how long it takes for people like us to start to have their feelings die. we are all different, and I know it's sounds so cliche but it's true because I've been there and back... our feelings never die, but we can choose at anytime to not let them get the best of us... no I'm not saying that the day after finding out that our marriage is over we can just turn on a switch and be happy, there is a point of mourning and then going through the stages of grief... be with friends, family... stay active, concentrate on kids, all of these things help the healing process. Til the day we die there will always be reminders of our failed marriages, now they may bring on a bout of depression and pain... but soon you'll find those reminders bringing maybe a small smile to your face or you may just hang your head a bit and say "what a waste", but either way it'll be for just a moment and then you won't dwell on it. There are so many good people here going through so much pain, I can only hope that you all see that this pain is temporary, what is waiting after the pain is an amazing life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 honestly the worst part for me now is missing my son. I asked if I could see him for a few minutes today and she said they were busy all day... running errands and going to the pool. certainly more important than a boy seeing his father. Link to post Share on other sites
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