andyg99 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 well she left 15 mos ago.. everytime I'd get close to being over it more dirt on her would come out. divorce is final, my feelings for her both positive and negative are gone. she is completely irrelevant. I don't even care about the OM anymore, he can have her. I don't think the negative feelings are gone... don't deny those feelings, indifference is a point to where you WILL get to some day but until then be open about those negative feelings (with close friends only, definitely NOT her or your son)... bottling them up can only lead to blowups like you have had recently... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 I don't think the negative feelings are gone... don't deny those feelings, indifference is a point to where you WILL get to some day but until then be open about those negative feelings (with close friends only, definitely NOT her or your son)... bottling them up can only lead to blowups like you have had recently... I'm not allowed to mention her name around anyone pretty much, friends, family etc. They don't even remotely understand because they've never been through it, but this whole thing has caused me to lose numerous friends, my relationship with my family is completely strained, and I've lost so much other stuff because of it. How could any human being not be bitter? My mind still thinks about it constantly, all day. I try to put other thoughts in there but they just don't matter. This is what happens when you involve yourself with someone who is untrustworthy, and will give absolutely no quarter. I couldn't in a million years imagine doing this to her. My belief system is strong, and I wasn't raised that way. She thinks she has the right to treat me like nothing because she is callous and has latched onto someone else. How is that right? How is that mature? And she says I'm immature for telling my son the OM is irrelevant. You just can't deal with someone who has no morals or conscience, you just can't. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 My mind still thinks about it constantly, all day... ...You just can't deal with someone who has no morals or conscience, you just can't. Unfortunately, you HAVE to deal with her because of your son. However, you CAN'T ever understand her or make sense of her decisions because there's no sense to them. I know it's hard to do, but, whenever you start thinking about it, you need to tell yourself to let it go. Thinking about it over and over will just perpetuate your depression and, worse than that, it's more time you're thinking about her...and she doesn't deserve ANY of your time...she's not worth it. Let it go...you're better off without her. Good luck and keep posting.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 thanks Debtman.. I guess I still struggle with the fact that 8yrs of my life was a lie. I can't believe I got played like that. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I know EXACTLY how you feel. Add to that the fact that our W's were able to give up our "family", not just us, makes it that much more shocking... But, it's over. It's done...next. Here's a quote I've got posted above my kitchen sink. I see it every morning... "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." — Groucho Marx Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
starting2wakeup Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." — Groucho Marx I LOVE this! Thank you for posting. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I have found recently that reading The Success Principles by Jack Canfield has brought me some comfort. Over the last couple of days at my place i have not breathed a word about H's complete moronic behaviour and he has started acting a bit like there isn't an obvious split here. It's actually very very weird. I almost feel like announcing every time he offers to spend time together: " you know you make my skin crawl and we are divorcing, right? Okay, just checking." I think it's his way of trying to make up for things a little bit. But really? You chose your addictions first and foremost. There's no compromise for that. I refuse to accept the 6th place "medal" in front of our daughter for the rest of our life and live in the basement in a sexless nightmare. Counting down the days.... Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm not allowed to mention her name around anyone pretty much, friends, family etc. They don't even remotely understand because they've never been through it, but this whole thing has caused me to lose numerous friends, my relationship with my family is completely strained, and I've lost so much other stuff because of it. How could any human being not be bitter? And she says I'm immature for telling my son the OM is irrelevant. I understand where you are coming from regarding family not understanding what you are going through. This is a situation where, unless they have gone through something similar, we can't expect them to relate. When I went through my divorce I told my sister this hurt worse than when my dad died. She was insulted. How could I compare this woman who cheated on me to my dad who was an amazing father and say losing her was worse. I don't even have to explain this to the people posting here, I think you all know where I was coming from... You need to be around family of course but also look into divorce support groups, I know it's great to post here but it may help to be around real live people who are going through similar pains. Heck, if there is no group near you start one! And as far as your ex saying you are immature for telling your son negative things about her guy, don't let that get to you, it's not immaturity but it's the rage and pain getting the best of you. You know it's wrong to tell him that stuff and you won't be donig it again, right? Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Exactly why finding this community was so VALUABLE!!!! Apart from dealing with the distancing of ur ex's family, if they or your own family don't understand it, and struggle to be of any assisstance to u at all, not to mention placing strain on their own lives..... who do u turn to? After awhile i could sense my 'reaching out' was taking a toll on the people i thought would help me through it. I felt like the plague. Andyg99- I have yet to experience a personal family death (i do feel lucky for this) but many have said it is a similar pain. For u to say this is worse actually makes me think im well prepared for when that time arrives. I do feel however that it is on a different level. Chin up people, we are alive after all. (Listen to me with this optimistic BS) hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 thanks Debtman.. I guess I still struggle with the fact that 8yrs of my life was a lie. I can't believe I got played like that. Mine was 16yrs. But I decided that I wasn't going to waste another second on such a waste of space Onwards and upwards MM4, you can do it Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 thanks I'm thinking positive and doing my best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 Saturday night on my weekend without my son.. everyone is busy or not doing anything. ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I hear ya. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I don't know man, I think if my marriage ends, I may just be a bachelor forever. Get a cool dog and my own place closer to the beach and never get in a committed long term relationship again. I can't do this again.. I don't know about you. I am a female, and I have been divorced for 10 years (husband cheated and got another woman pregnant), and I don't think I'll ever be able to have a long term relationship again. At some point you have to give up the anger though- it consumes you if you don't let go of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) I think I look great, dress the best I ever have, everyone I meet thinks I'm 5-8yrs younger than I am, have my own place, drive a modded Audi that I get compliments on daily, and ride a ducati. My 4yr old son is adorable, polite and incredibly intelligent. I am a loving father and have a great family that is caring and supportive. I have a unique sense of humor that only some people get but those who do love it. I have all my hair and I'll never go bald. I'm educated, semi refined, and fun to be around. Even though I'm between jobs I have a great resume and will make over $100k next year. I'm 6'5 and height weight proportionate. I am kind, generous, and fiercely loyal. I am not a braggart or a jerk. I'm also reactive and overly sensitive. I smoke. And my diet sucks. Overall I think the good in me FAR outweighs the bad. No one seems to care. I think there is a sign on my head that says "emotional turmoil". how can everyone pick this up but I can't read people at all it seems? Edited August 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Overall I think the good in me FAR outweighs the bad. No one seems to care. I think there is a sign on my head that says "emotional turmoil". how can everyone pick this up but I can't read people at all it seems? pretty soon you'll realize that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... if you're happy with yourself and your son is happy with you that all that matters in life my friend..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 That's true Andy.. but I sure as hell don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. But I'm also not settling again. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 It'll happen when you least expect it. In the meantime enjoy life with your son and learn to enjoy life by yourself Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 My divorce made me a much much stronger person in the end, there was no other choice either sink or swim. The first few years felt like absolute hell but I emerged eventually into the stronger person. My ex? Well she continued on her road as an eternal leeching parasite, unable to exist without another man to leech off. Zero growth, she's still a complete narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) NXS... this exactly what my ex is too. If she ever had to actually take care of herself with no assistance she'd be done for. Since she is ok looking and has a nice rack (thanks to my sister) she will live a lifestyle she never earned and doesnt deserve. She's already proclaiming the OM's townhouse as "her" house as per my son. She is the lowest of the low in my opinion, using people, throwing them under the bus and finding the next victim. People with a sense of entitlement really get on my nerves. Edited August 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Well, I am back from vacation. What the hell happened since I've been gone man? Come on, pull it together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted August 15, 2011 Author Share Posted August 15, 2011 nah things have been quiet, no drama. how was your vaca man? Link to post Share on other sites
Seraph1 Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Wow! This thread and story has been an eye opener! I know a woman like this and she is probably the most horrible person that I have ever met in my life. I thought that no one would be as messed up as her...but here we are! She is a serial cheater. She had a long-distance marriage so that she could stay in the same city as her long-term lover (the same lover she had while she was getting married to someone else!). She breaks up with her lover because she has met a new one and her husband only found out because her fist lover sent videos of them having sex in the marital bed to him. She kept lying about the affair until her husband showed her the videos...and then they split and he asked for a divorce. She dragged her heels, fell pregnant to the new guy (who decided that he didn't trust the kid was his) and then came begging back to her husband for another chance. They got back together...3 months later she was back to her same tricks. Moral of the story...women like this don't change and they only come back when they have no one else there to put up with them. Don't let love blind you to the truth or you have no one but yourself to blame for what happens later. You dodged a bullet... and you will be grateful in time! Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Good man! Well, my vacation was mostly good. One drunken issue popped up during the vacation. When we got back home she blew up about something unrelated and told me she did so because she is unhappy. Blah blah, same old crap. We talked it out. She still really hates herself for what she did and it continues to push us apart. Me being a nice guy, being myself makes her feel worse about herself. I don't know. Sorry for the threadjack. I'm done. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 What's going on mm4? I feel disconnected from the LS world. No updates from any one I am familiar with lately. Link to post Share on other sites
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