NXS Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Some great advice here for men during/after divorce: http://www.shrink4men.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Just checking in - how are you holding up, MM4? thinking of you, my pal. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 The advice in this thread is very good....I'm very much like MM4, we have discussed our situations and they are very alike. I to am having a very hard time dealing with it all....She took my heart and then ruined me financially...I'm having a very hard time dealing with all these changes. I just want to thank all of you who offer advice, when I feel like I can't go on another day I come here for strength...I'm a very proud person and all of this a humbled me so much. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 The advice in this thread is very good....I'm very much like MM4, we have discussed our situations and they are very alike. I to am having a very hard time dealing with it all....She took my heart and then ruined me financially...I'm having a very hard time dealing with all these changes. I just want to thank all of you who offer advice, when I feel like I can't go on another day I come here for strength...I'm a very proud person and all of this a humbled me so much. Change is not easy, especially when is has been "forced" on us. The hardest part sometimes is the feeling that we were "wronged" by someone who was supposed to be the one person who would have our backs no matter what... one day at a time, it's an old cliche but it works in these situations. Trust me, you, mm and the many others here who are at the same point in the breakup stage are going to come through it not only just fine but being better off without those who have hurt you! Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Andy, that's what I keep telling myself and your very right about being wronged by the one you trusted the most. I never thought she was capable of the things she did. She won't admitt to doing anything wrong, that also hurts. I mean it's over why lie about it???? Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Andy, that's what I keep telling myself and your very right about being wronged by the one you trusted the most. I never thought she was capable of the things she did. She won't admitt to doing anything wrong, that also hurts. I mean it's over why lie about it???? pigs will fly before she ever admits doing anything wrong... even if she ever did admit wrong you'd have to question the motive... Link to post Share on other sites
Saul Goodman Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) Andy, that's what I keep telling myself and your very right about being wronged by the one you trusted the most. I never thought she was capable of the things she did. She won't admitt to doing anything wrong, that also hurts. I mean it's over why lie about it???? I think about this sometimes. Perhaps it's guilt? Pride? Spite? A genuine pathological problem? To admit that you have done wrong...to accept and own the entirety of your actions takes a lot of inner-strength. I've learnt that there are times when you will never get an honest answer from somebody. Not the answer that you want, not the answer that you don't want. Just lies. When I was younger, those lies were the most frustrating thing for me. What you have to accept Troy, is that there are people who are incapable of being honest with themselves. And if they are incapable of being honest with themselves, how can they be honest with others? If she does decide to admit what she has done, no excuses, she would have to own the magnitude of her actions. To lie is to suppress, and for many, this is an easier way to live. Edited August 30, 2011 by Saul Goodman Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I think about this sometimes. Perhaps it's guilt? Pride? Spite? A genuine pathological problem? To admit that you have done wrong...to accept and own the entirety of your actions takes a lot of inner-strength. I've learnt that there are times when you will never get an honest answer from somebody. Not the answer that you want, not the answer that you don't want. Just lies. When I was younger, those lies were the most frustrating thing for me. What you have to accept Troy, is that there are people who are incapable of being honest with themselves. And if they are incapable of being honest with themselves, how can they be honest with others? If she does decide to admit what she has done, no excuses, she would have to own the magnitude of her actions. To lie is to suppress, and for many, this is an easier way to live.[/quote What eats at me is she was never a liar, in 15 years I can never recall her telling a lie until this started....it's like a Alien has invaded her body, this is not my wife! Link to post Share on other sites
Saul Goodman Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 What eats at me is she was never a liar, in 15 years I can never recall her telling a lie until this started....it's like a Alien has invaded her body, this is not my wife! I gotcha. People change over time. People change for many reasons. Sometimes permanently, sometimes temporarily. And not always for the better. That's life. Look after yourself alright? Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I gotcha. People change over time. People change for many reasons. Sometimes permanently, sometimes temporarily. And not always for the better. That's life. Look after yourself alright? Yes, I am.....life goes on somehow, just ain't quite figured out how just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I gotcha. People change over time. People change for many reasons. Sometimes permanently, sometimes temporarily. And not always for the better. That's life. Look after yourself alright? BINGO. You nailed it, bro. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Exactly...if she ever had (or has) to face the reality of the choice she made, she suddenly won't be able to blame everything on you and reality will come crashing down. She HAS to be right, her entire life (and many others) has changed based on one decision that she made...one selfish decision. Think of the pressure that must be...and then just shake your head and move on... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 It's because if she told the truth about it she would have up look objectively at the issues in the M. That would mean that they could be solvable. That obligates her to solve them. Women are so heavily encouraged not to leave marriages unless they are just plain unworkable. The truth is that she doesn't want to be married anymore. She has to create the biggest, most impossible unworkable marriage scenario to be able to leave and stay out of it permanently. People can't tell themselves: "I just don't wanna" very easily when it comes to divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Something good happened today I think??? For the first time in maybe a year I feel at peace...By that I really don't feel anything for her anymore. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For any of you BS's, did u finally reach a point when you finally felt at peace? Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 TroyNJ, good for you and, yes, there does come a time where you just come to grips with the situation and start to put the hurt, anger and confusion behind you because that's what you need to do in order to move on. Like all emotions at this point, it will come and go. Different things will set you off, flip your emotional switch back and forth, but, you're adapting and healing. It's like you said, "this is not my wife." You're right, but it's hard to wrap your head around anyone being able to just change like that. But, in life, you have to learn to let go of the things you can't control... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 "....that the parties hereto have lived separately and apart without any cohabitation and without interruption for a period of more than one year, to-wit: since xxx xx, 2010; that at the time of separation it was the Plaintiff's intent to remain permanently separate and apart and to terminate the marital relationship; and that there is no hope or possibility of reconciliation between them." Link to post Share on other sites
Lexygirl Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 "....that the parties hereto have lived separately and apart without any cohabitation and without interruption for a period of more than one year, to-wit: since xxx xx, 2010; that at the time of separation it was the Plaintiff's intent to remain permanently separate and apart and to terminate the marital relationship; and that there is no hope or possibility of reconciliation between them." Amen !!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 Amen !!!!! yea.. except she was the plaintiff... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 I'm financially done and I hate my existence. The only positive in my life is my son, thats it. And this every other weekend visitation is a joke. Worst decision of my life was marrying that sorry excuse for a human being. She's off banging some lowlife without a care in the world and I'm done. OH BUT IT'LL GET BETTER. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I'm financially done and I hate my existence. The only positive in my life is my son, thats it. And this every other weekend visitation is a joke. Worst decision of my life was marrying that sorry excuse for a human being. She's off banging some lowlife without a care in the world and I'm done. OH BUT IT'LL GET BETTER. Sorry man. I feel the same way. I too am out of money with no job And hate not seeing my kid everyday. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Just show your son how real men behave. Take it one day at a time and take care of yourself buddy. Really all you can do. Eventually the financial part will work itself out one way or another. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I'm financially done and I hate my existence. The only positive in my life is my son, thats it. And this every other weekend visitation is a joke. I hear yah buddy! I feel exactly the same way at times. In my down moments i cannot believe where i am, i still cannot believe this is actually happening to me! This cr*p happens to other people, not me! Worst decision of my life was marrying that sorry excuse for a human being. She's off banging some lowlife without a care in the world and I'm done. I do at times regret marrying my stbxw, I read stories on here about wives that put up with so much and yet still want to reconcille and work things out. I'm not saying I was the best husband in the world, but I was no-where near as bad as some of the lowlifes described on here. So why is mine and yours so different? I guess they are seflish, vain, childish, controlling, demanding, blame shifters, stupid, lazy, etc etc.. At the moment she is, same as my stbxw. Time will see what things are actually going to be like. DOnt forget, they are going to act great and happy around you to validate their decisions and to make you feel bad. I have to put up with my stbxw and scumbag cuddling and waving me off when ever i pickup my kids, it sticks in my throat. OH BUT IT'LL GET BETTER. Things are slowly getting better for me. I am doing things for myself now, learning how to live as a single man. I exercise regular, i make all the decisions and follow them through, enjoying my freedom when i get it. Its not the life I wanted, but its the life I have so I am going to try and get the best out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Jaymz, Well said mate. "It's not the life I wanted, but its the life i have so I am going to try and get the best out of it". MM4, The problem i found when trying to evade negative thoughts, is they are TOTALLY justifiable. This crap IS happening to us. Like in most cases the wife had it all, yet STILL chose to leave for it was'nt exciting enough. How misguided must someone be to assume life as a family is full of excitment. Life takes hard work (from both of u), not just maritally, real work. A job, money, income, future planning. I hate when people say life isnt about money- it isnt, but the difference between a good life and a crap one generally is. Money=comfort. With one half providing all the comfort while the other just enjoys it takes its toll. I too feel regret. Her own children must now wear the broken family scar on them forever, unwillingly, due to HER decision. THAT itself is undoable and will shape them as they mature. THAT is what i regret the most- their oppurtunity to a life with mum AND dad. Secure. Safe. Predictable. Stable. A Legacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 The best is when they say this will be better for our kids. I'm like have you seen our daughter or heard her asking why we can't live together or how she wants her family? Yeah this sounds like it's great for our daughter. Meanwhile all stbxw does is go out with her friends who are complete whores(not kidding). I said that to her before(first time we split) and she swore she didn't go out. She's gone out every chance she gets even when she has our daughter. I just wish she would let me have my daughter when she went out. You're right tho about us not wanting this but this is the way things are and we must make the best out of it. My stbxw says that when I talk or try I push her further away so I've stopped but all she's doing is pushing me further away. I've come to realize that she would rather live the single life of going out and being with om. She clearly doesn't/didn't love me if she can do this and I don't want to be with someone who could do this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I don't worry about what my ex is doing nor whom he's doing it with as I've discovered that is the path to drive myself mad. The thought that runs through my head each and every day is this, "you were stupid, you are a loser, even the judge thinks so, you're going to be fiscally punished every day for the rest of your life you stupid,stupid cow" My ex was smarter than me in every single way, he not only received total fiscal support during the marriage, he also managed to have me bending over backwards to minimize my contributions, to apologize for being a functioning,productive bread winner. Now he gets $2,750 per month for life plus full medical & co-pays. He's off enjoying life with a woman 22 yrs my junior. He won, he was indeed smarter than I am, I made a very poor life choice and am now paying for it. I will NEVER be able to retire, each and everyday till I'm finally lucky enough to pass away, the thought that he won will echo through my brain. The only good take away for me from all this? I will NEVER, ever have anything but the most casual of relationships with men ever again, want an easy lay? I'm your girl, want help paying your child support or somebody to cook, clean and care take for you & your first set of kids? walk on down the road. I learned my lesson & learned it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts