dreamingoftigers Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Yeah, when your heart has already been through the wringer, going slow is the only way to avoid getting super excited/passionate about someone and then having it fizzle REALLY QUICKLY. Plus you want to trust someone solidly instead of just having your judgment clouded. Warnings done. Other then that, have fun Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Yea DoT you are so right. Well after 2 dates in 2 nights and all kinds of positive talk from both sides, we haven't seen each other since. We were supposed to meet up for dinner tuesday night but she called during the day to cancel because she had too much to do after work as her family is going out of town until friday. I have my son this weekend but I asked her what her plans are this weekend and she said she had friends coming into town and would be busy all weekend. Ok. So, I'm backing off completely because its pretty obvious I'm the one who is pressed to see her. I have to be patient but on the same token it would be nice if she showed some urgency to see me. One good thing about thinking about her is I don't focus on how much I loathe my ex wife, so thats positive. I mean we just met for the first time last friday, I'm so damn impatient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Picked up my boy at 6pm.. its like 40 degrees and really windy, his mother didn't even put socks on him. Brilliant. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Picked up my boy at 6pm.. its like 40 degrees and really windy, his mother didn't even put socks on him. Brilliant. What a ignoramous! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 (edited) What a ignoramous! Indeed. I forgot to post this, but last week when I dropped off my son his preschool teacher came up to me and told me my son mentioned on wednesday that his mommy forgot to put on his seatbelt on the way to school. She feels comfortable with me because I go in and talk to her, and also I let her know my sons living arrangements. His mother never gets out of the car and is out of there. I asked my son about it and he said she didn't figure out he didn't have his seatbelt on until they got to school, at least 5 miles. Edited November 24, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Indeed. I forgot to post this, but last week when I dropped off my son his preschool teacher came up to me and told me my son mentioned on wednesday that his mommy forgot to put on his seatbelt on the way to school. She feels comfortable with me because I go in and talk to her, and also I let her know my sons living arrangements. His mother never gets out of the car and is out of there. I asked my son about it and he said she didn't figure out he didn't have his seatbelt on until they got to school, at least 5 miles. See my previous post! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 So she can add bad mother to already being a skank, cheater and compulsive liar. Impressive list. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I have to be patient but on the same token it would be nice if she showed some urgency to see me. One good thing about thinking about her is I don't focus on how much I loathe my ex wife, so thats positive. . read these two sentences over and over and re-think your approach, I don't think "taking it slow" is what you really want.... Link to post Share on other sites
harvej Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Without going into detail, i find out that my ex cheated three times, has STD,and was already moving in with another guy the day I told her I had cancer. She has a kid and wants the Brady Bunch lifestyle all packaged under one roof with no regard for the man long term. He is just a vessel for her now. 4th live in relationship in 10 years, dated him 2 weeks, dumped me on Nov 16th after the cancer discussion and have not heard form her since. After 4 year? I was shocked, devistated and was on theis site trying to ask what kind of person does this? Now I dont want to hear from her and she is dead to me. The problem is, i want her to feel my pain,and she is incapable of feeling for men at any level, long term. Link to post Share on other sites
HenryII Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I don't know man, I think if my marriage ends, I may just be a bachelor forever. Get a cool dog and my own place closer to the beach and never get in a committed long term relationship again. I can't do this again.. I don't know about you. I'm with u. If this M ends I'm gonna RUN from any woman that comes near me. TOO much drama. Thank god for the web browser. A new woman every nite and they never say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 read these two sentences over and over and re-think your approach, I don't think "taking it slow" is what you really want.... I mean my definition of "taking it slow" and hers may be completely different. I guess we'll see.. I can tell you this though, I don't need to get involved with someone who is going to disappoint me all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Henry: I know what you are saying man, haha. mm4: Keep doing what you're doing my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I mean my definition of "taking it slow" and hers may be completely different. I guess we'll see.. I can tell you this though, I don't need to get involved with someone who is going to disappoint me all the time. disappointment should not even be an issue now - have fun, if she is too busy to do something then just call someone else... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 First day on the new job after two days of orientation, nice to be earning a paycheck again. Onward and upward Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 great news! keep it up!!! forward, forward, forward :-) Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 THats good news MM4. Its nice when things start to settle down and move onto a even keel. Whats the next thing to do on the list? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 First day on the new job after two days of orientation, nice to be earning a paycheck again. Onward and upward You rule, bro!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 (edited) Thanks everyone... means alot. So, its been almost 2 months and I've spoken maybe 4 words to my exW. I have to be honest I still think about her most of the day, albeit not as intensely as I did before. I feel like I will always hope things will change, I still want my family back. I keep hoping she'll say something but she doesn't. I never in my wildest dreams could imagine things could go down this way and be so incredibly painful. It really does feel like it'll never go away. As for the woman I went out on 2 dates with, we haven't seen each other since. We've talked a few times and she said she was excited and that we were going to have alot of fun together, but she has shown no effort to get together. She also is already booked for this weekend. Oh well. Edited December 1, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 My ex wife quit our marriage like it was community college (which I might add she quit after 2 semesters and a 1.8gpa) Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 mm4, So hard to get past the thoughts of reconciliation and the desire to "fix" the problem. But, as you're so well aware, it's not your call and the best thing you can do is move forward. No biggie on the dating. There will be many, many opportunities ahead. No need to rush into a relationship when you're still thinking about your last one. I've done a few dates, but have avoided any sort of relationship. I've got some good new friends out of it, but don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet... You're doing great man, keep the attitude positive and keep moving forward. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 thanks buddy.. your attitude rocks. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 My ex wife quit our marriage like it was community college (which I might add she quit after 2 semesters and a 1.8gpa) having read your threads here I see a lot in common between your ex and mine... let me guess, starting something and then quitting was a common theme with her (and i'm not talking about the marriage)... Am I correct? another reason why she is not a keeper... great to hear you are among the working again!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) After 2mos of pretty much NC found out exW is just as nasty and callous as ever. "Am I a fool for putting you above other woman because you're my sons mother?" "Thats your doing not mine" Edited December 8, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) I just woke up after having a terrible dream about all of this, obviously because of what she said today. Reaffirmation that she likes the way things are, couldn't care less, and has no remorse for anything she has done. I hate things the way they are, I know in my heart I'll never be happy or even remotely satisfied with life this way. I appreciate people saying positive things but this is not a temporary situation, this is the next 13 years of my life. I am in big trouble, I love my son to death but I hate being a part time father and I hate that he'll never have a real family. I know it troubles him too. This is like a death sentence, the first thing in my existence that hurts me daily for over a year and I can't do anything to stop it. I feel completely helpless and completely alone. How can a relationship that started off as nothing in 2002 turn out to be the biggest disaster of my life? How did I let this person in when I knew I shouldn't? I have made huge strides and changed alot since she left. It means nothing to her. This person has truly ruined my life, and I'm not being overly dramatic. The concept of family means nothing to her, though she led me to believe it was so important. The fact I'm his father never meant anything, I'm no more important than some stranger walking down the street, only difference is I pay her money every month and babysit "her" kid. I believe her 100%, she absolutely does not care, and this isn't a fog, or some type of confusion. I'm stuck with this permanently and there is nothing I can do. Time isn't going to heal these wounds, they reopened constantly because of my son. This is what every man prays he doesn't have to go through. There is no end in sight. What goes around will not come around in this situation, and the shoe will never be on the other foot. This person is incapable of compassion or empathy and will put herself first over her child or anyone else. I can feign happiness over a job or meeting that girl, but really its all a front. I don't believe in "faking it until you make it" nor do I believe everything happens for a reason. This is all my mind thinks of. I don't know what needs to happen for that to stop or if it will ever stop. I'd like to think a therapist would help but after spending a good amount of time with two different ones I don't see that happening. I guess I continue on with this miserable existence. Edited December 8, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 MM4, Mate, I could have wrote word for word what u said. It's that feeling of helplessness that overides everything. Not only are our childrens physical lives affected (living at mums and dads), but mentally this shapes them differently compared to a life within a natural, complete home. I definately feel our own individual upbringings subconsiously shape the way we interpret the way our lives "should be". My ex's parents split early, mine are still together. Totally conflicting moral ideals. I agree on the therapist too. I feel, unless they have been through it, what the F do they really know... Just knowledge based off of countless studies. It's sh|t man. There's no way out. But aslong as u get time with your kids, life is worth living. To them, you are definately irreplaceable, one of a kind, superman even. Nothin ur ex, her family, OM, or even to an extreme extent the law, can do to even remotely extinguish the flame of love and admiration they have for u. That, to me, is worth the world. Link to post Share on other sites
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