How Can I "Respect Her Relationship" with OM??

[marqueemoon4]

An interesting article on abandonment issues:

 

http://www.newliving.com/issues/nov_2003/articles/abandon.html

[dreamingoftigers]

A couple wonderful books about relationship dynamics:

 

Relationship Cure by John Gottman

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail By John Gottman

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Stephen Sozny (sp?)

 

Taming Your Outer Child more for personal dynamics.

 

The above may sound simply like the "save your marriage" type books, but truly the knowledge in them can be (and should be) applied pretty much universally through interpersonal relationships.

 

A side note: You lose nothing by being civil with your ex. It costs you absolutely nothing and after the heavy lifting of keeping things in check you feel better about yourself and your self-control.

[dreamingoftigers]

An interesting article on abandonment issues:

 

http://www.newliving.com/issues/nov_2003/articles/abandon.html

 

LOL, she's actually the one that wrote Taming Your Outer Child.

 

I swear that book helped me so much in my darkest hours.

 

As well, How to Break Your Addiction to a Person was great in realizing how we get involved with toxic relationships etc. This one was so helpful in helping me refocus and reprioritize.

 

It must totally feel like your ex holds all of the cards and all of the power for happiness in your life. Truly though, she probably felt the same way about you for a long time.

 

This was a crazy-strong dynamic with my H and I.

[marqueemoon4]

Her actions that affect my son cause me a great deal of pain. Missing him causes me a great deal of pain. The fact she will use him against me at the drop of a hat, there are no boundaries because she doesn't care about anything between he and I. Thats repulsive to me, no way around it.

 

So, on sunday my son had been with me for a week.. there was some question to when she was supposed to pick him up. I hate looking at the divorce ppwk but I did, it said 6pm. She was working on sunday and text me when she should pick him up. I ignored. She text again.. I ignored. She called twice and I ignored both. I dropped him off at 6pm and didn't say a word. Was it an ahole move? Probably.

 

Before my son left we had talked about chatting on the phone during the week. He said he wanted to and would ask his mother again. Last night I txt her saying "xxxx expressed that he'd like to talk to me on the phone a few times during the week. I think thats reasonable"

 

No response... not a surprise. A few hours later I followed with "so, you're not going to allow him to talk to his father when he wants to? Thats pretty low"

 

She said something about oh I thought your phone was broken since you didn't respond to me on sunday. I said I know you enjoy reading the divorce agreement and its pretty clearly stated when he was to be dropped off. So standard back and forth starts.. she thinks I sat him down and told him I said she was "mean" which did not happen. She says well he's never asked me to talk to you on the phone, and if/when he does I'll consider it.

 

I came back with something like haven't you done enough to hurt and confuse him? Such as getting knocked up before the ink on the divorce agreement was even dry (yea, I know). You're a real class act.

 

She said I assure you it was after the it was final. We're having a girl and I've never been happier in my life. (our son) can't wait to be a big brother to her. We're a family here and everything is well.

 

Nice. Well, of course that was a burning hot poker through my eye, just as she had designed it. I said I won't let your selfishness and psychosis negatively affect my son. It won't happen. Keep gloating, you seriously need help.

 

So yea.. she won't let me talk to him during the week, and is doing her best to replace me with this lowlife. The simple fact that she is having another child that my son will undoubtedly will get attached to is gonna make it even harder to ever physical custody of him in the future. Yea, its the most helpless feeling in the world. This is HIS life. This is MY life that is being affected by this irrational person. She is as crazy as the day is long. I have NO idea how to put a positive spin on all this. I'm at a complete loss.

[worldgonewrong]

Just a few notes, buddy:

 

1. Ignoring her texts was bad 'cause it set you up for no response from her when you expected one. You realize that, of course.

 

2. Look at the tone of some of these things you're writing/saying to her. You've got to keep it all business.

Here's a sampling:

haven't you done enough to hurt and confuse him? Such as getting knocked up before the ink on the divorce agreement was even dry. You're a real class act.

and

I won't let your selfishness and psychosis negatively affect my son. It won't happen. Keep gloating, you seriously need help.

 

These are criticisms - true perhaps - that are NOT going to sink into her head. They amount to pleas. They're reality checks which she has consistently rebuffed/ignored. When you express these things to her, (a) it fortifies her stubbornness and (b) just makes you more miserable because you're NOT going to get any awakening from her.

 

I have NO idea how to put a positive spin on all this.

 

It's not for you to put a positive spin on it, at all. Which is sad but true.

Your wife has made unilateral, selfish decisions all the way down the line. She's now cementing (or trying to) her identity of this 'new family'.

 

The best things you can do?

Carve out your own identity separate from her insanity.

She's already made it clear that's she's 'reinventing' herself. You can't stop it.

So...that said, will this affect your son's life? Yes. Of course. But it doesn't have to be the end of the world for him. In fact, this new dynamic might even STRENGTHEN things FURTHER between you and him.

Will this decision (new baby) affect your life?

Hell no, it doesn't have to. It's HER concern, HER life.

and I think that's the toughest thing to come to grips with: she's working (albeit sloppily) on her life. A life without you, that has nothing to do with you, now made further painful & more acute with an impending baby.

Be GLAD that you're not part of this insanity. You've got your sh_t together. You're not cavalierly bringing new kids into the world. All the bills, neediness, and gravity of that new dynamic is NOT OWNED BY YOU. Count your blessings there, mate.

I understand though -- the shock of all this, the out-and-out almost-spiteful manner of jumping from you to another guy AND having a baby. It's f_cking traumatic. But...BUT you're divorced.

She owns that situation now.

You have a world out there ready to be yours. You also have a beautiful son who looks up to you and he needs his daddy now more than ever. Focus on that reality, and disregard HER flimsy/kooky reality.

[knitwit]

Hi MM4,

 

I haven't read your entire thread, but I've read enough to understand that you are in a lot of pain.

 

You didn't seem to react well to the suggestion above that you go talk to a counsellor, but I'm going to second that suggestion. Also, maybe go get on an antidepressant for a while, to help you even out a little at this time. You are going through a horrible, traumatic time- probably the very worst you'll have in your lifetime. Your anger and your pain come very clearly through your posts. Something "lighter" like Lexapro might be useful for a little while, to help alleviate some of that pain.

 

For your own sake, you need to get a handle on your hurt- you are lashing out and reacting very badly. Reduce the pain so that you can have more control on your behavior.

 

Look at your recent interactions:

 

She was working on sunday and text me when she should pick him up. I ignored. She text again. I ignored. She called twice and I ignored both. I dropped him off at 6pm and didn't say a word. Was it an ahole move? Probably.

 

There is no "probably"- this was an ahole move. This only shows your ex that you're able to be an a-hole towards her.

 

Every time you do this kind of stuff, you are only VALIDATING her decision to leave you.

 

Let's look at the next interaction:

I came back with something like haven't you done enough to hurt and confuse him? Such as getting knocked up before the ink on the divorce agreement was even dry (yea, I know). You're a real class act.

 

Calling her names and trying to degrade her only show her that you act like an a$$ towards her, and once again validates her decision.

 

Do you think her new guy picks fights, ignores her, degrades her, or calls her names? Unless he is serious tool, you are making him look good.

 

Whatever it is you think these kinds of outbursts and conversations are suposed to show her- it is nothing that can work in your favor. If you are trying to hurt her or punish her, then all are you doing is showing her that you're a jerk who is willing to hurt and punish her.

 

Why would she want to be with someone who would hurt and punish her? You are only showing her that she made a good decision to leave you.

 

You said:

I won't let your selfishness and psychosis negatively affect my son. It won't happen. Keep gloating, you seriously need help.

 

You talk about her selfishness, but the bigger threat right now is your inability to control yourself in the midst of all this pain and anger.

 

MM4, it is really imperative that you get a grip on your emotions and on your behavior.

 

You said:

This is HIS life. This is MY life that is being affected by this irrational person. She is as crazy as the day is long. I have NO idea how to put a positive spin on all this. I'm at a complete loss.

 

You can't find a positive because you have nothing positive going on. You are creating or adding to a lot of seriously negative emotion and behaving towards the mother of your child like an a$$. You are like a tornado of emotion, hurt, anger, pain, and it is extremely destructive.

 

If you keep on this same path, the road ahead for you only gets worse. You will feel like a jerk, because you'll still be acting like one.

 

Soon, as your son gets older, your wife won't be the only one seeing a major contrast between the angry, hurtful, name-calling, punishing ex and the "step-dad". You do not want to be on the crap side of that comparison!

 

I am really sorry for all the hurt you are experiencing. You are, in fact, helpless as to what your ex does with her life. You are not at all helpless in determing the next steps for your own life.

 

Right now, the best steps you can take would be to work towards acceptance.

 

Accept that your life is now different.

 

Accept that your ex-wife has moved on, and reduce your interactions with her to an absolute minimum, and they should be only about your child.

 

Think about how you want your new life to be. Think where you want to be in two years- do you want to be in a new career? Financially more stable? Healthier? Any new hobbies- learn to play the guitar? Run in a 5 k?

 

Or, in two years, do you still want to be angry, sad, thinking of your ex and picking fights with her?

 

Do you want your son to see you as a man who was crippled by the divorce and never recovered? Or do you want him to see you as a man who was hurt very badly, but rebuilt his life, recovered, and thrived despite it.

 

What happened to you totally sucks. You do have every right to your emotions. It leveled your entire life. Now you get to decide whether you want to keep rummaging around in the ruins of it, or if you want to rebuild a new and different life.

 

Good luck to you.

[marqueemoon4]

You're right on a lot of your points. And I would say the same thing if someone else was going through this. Honestly, since she is pregnant with this guys kid, whether she is validated or not is no longer my concern. I've jumped through hoops and done the right thing regarding my son over and over and over AND done favors for her in good faith and for the right reason. I know her games and how she polarizes people, I know because she slagged her exes to death and I was the great, sweet, understanding guy who she would never hurt. Well, I'm on the outside looking in, and thats fine, but as a HUMAN BEING yea I'm shocked that she is so ridiculously careless in getting pregnant that quickly. Yea, thats HER life, but that affects my son as well.

 

And yea, on sunday if me not answering stressed her out and made her feel like ****, well... thats been every day of my life the last 1.5yrs. I dropped my son off right on time, and was even early. F her. You think if I somehow knew her in some other capacity I would do anything other than think, geez what wtf is she thinking (like any RATIONAL human being would think), and that'd be it. This is human nature, unfortunately. What she is doing is NOT normal and not rational.

 

Think what I would like my life to be? Well, I can tell you it would never in a million years involve seeing my son every other weekend, having to see his preg mother twice a week, knowing that ever involving myself with her was without question, the worst decision of my life. So I can start from there I guess.

Edited January 4, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[andyg99]

Before my son left we had talked about chatting on the phone during the week. He said he wanted to and would ask his mother again. .

 

please, please don't let your son handle something like that - even if he suggested it you should take charge and let him know it's something you'll talk to his mom about... he's 4 for god's sake!

 

knitwit gave you some great advice, take it

 

his mom having another child is not a bad thing, let your son be excited about it, you don't have to be happy about it but pretty soon his little sister will be all he may want to talk about, you need to let him... his visits with you should lead to a lifetime father/son relationship that is healthy for both of you, that hurt/angry guy needs to go away forever...

[marqueemoon4]

that hurt/angry guy needs to go away forever...

 

thats the trick isn't it? hm... I'm drawing a blank.

[Lexygirl]

thats the trick isn't it? hm... I'm drawing a blank.

 

I totally agree with Andy on his post.

 

Trick? It's not a trick. It's a moment by moment choice. Baby steps in the right direction.

 

MM4, you are human and with that comes human emotions. Understandable.

Thing is... you are stuck. Why? Possibly because something inside of you believes that somehow you can control her life still. If you can't have her back, you want to inflict pain on her so that she feels how hurt you have been feeling. The truth is..

You can only control yourself AND she will never feel what you want her to feel no matter how long you go around and around and around.

Stop the cycle... Do something different tomorrow... make yourself think a different way. When you have the urge to feel vendictive, change your thoughts to something like how relieved you are that you are out of that bad situation with her and then think about what you can do at that moment that you wouldn't be able to do if she was there being a negative force in your life. THAT is how you start to put a positive spin on it all... Little by little, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.

[andyg99]

thats the trick isn't it? hm... I'm drawing a blank.

 

like lexy said it isn't a trick... if you are drawing a blank on how to move forward just read through this thread again... there a dozens and dozens of posts here, many have given you some great advice on what to do and how to move forward... maybe at the time you didn't want to hear them - so re-read them again and you won't have any excuses about not knowing what to do...

 

BE THE BEST DAD YOU CAN BE!!!!!

[marqueemoon4]

Hmmm.. so yea I don't agree with what was said about I want to control her or that if I can't have her I want to make her life miserable... thats so far from the truth. She made countless promises, she broke all of them, because of that my son lives an alternate bs life with this new guy. Because of this I'm effectively out of his life. Because of this I'm stuck in this area which I'd been planning on leaving. All this "move forward" stuff is nonsense.

 

Gosh I should think its swell that she went and got preg less than a year after leaving. Nothing wrong with that, right? Well, if you can't see thats absurd and irresponsible then you're as bad as her. She's just "moving forward" right? Maybe if I can run out and impregnate someone and try to front like we're are some family, I can move forward too. And yea I want to be civil to the person who is trying to remove me as his father and replace me with some dude she doesn't know. Why would I feel animosity towards her? Or him? I wonder.

Edited January 5, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[worldgonewrong]

I totally get your deep resentment, mm4.

I feel it too, in my situation.

 

But here's the thing:

 

she's moving along.

your boy is also, in his own child-like way, moving along.

 

You're stuck in gear awestruck at the devastation. (I am too, to a degree.)

They've moved from the rubble, and you're standing in it.

 

The point is: at what point do you step away from it?

 

And at what point do you do things that you don't regret (i.e. the text-exchanges that give her the upper hand)?

 

I apply these questions to myself as well, every day.

It's tougher than f_ck, I know.

[marqueemoon4]

Hi MM4,

 

 

 

For your own sake, you need to get a handle on your hurt- you are lashing out and reacting very badly. Reduce the pain so that you can have more control on your behavior.

 

Look at your recent interactions:

 

 

 

There is no "probably"- this was an ahole move. This only shows your ex that you're able to be an a-hole towards her.

 

Every time you do this kind of stuff, you are only VALIDATING her decision to leave you.

 

Let's look at the next interaction:

 

 

Calling her names and trying to degrade her only show her that you act like an a$$ towards her, and once again validates her decision.

 

Do you think her new guy picks fights, ignores her, degrades her, or calls her names? Unless he is serious tool, you are making him look good.

 

Whatever it is you think these kinds of outbursts and conversations are suposed to show her- it is nothing that can work in your favor. If you are trying to hurt her or punish her, then all are you doing is showing her that you're a jerk who is willing to hurt and punish her.

 

Why would she want to be with someone who would hurt and punish her? You are only showing her that she made a good decision to leave you.

 

 

 

Good luck to you.

 

I want to thank you for taking your time to post some great advice, its appreciated. So, saying you're a class act is calling her names? I'm punishing HER? Last time I checked I'm the one whose entire existence has been razed and she "couldn't be happier". And how exactly did she get to this happiness? By scheming, lying and cheating her way to it. By taking no responsibility for her actions at all. By blaming everything on me so she doesn't have to feel guilt. By latching onto to some guy she couldn't possible know after a year or so. By trying to control me by using my son against me. The worst thing she could've done to me she has done. She took away my family, and gave it to someone else. I was raised to believe a real family is a mother/father/child(ren). Not this dysfunctional, mess this has all become. I guess thats outdated but its what I believe. And now bringing another child into this? Thats insanity. Of course it was easy for her to "accept" all this. SHE MADE THE DECISION. The decision was forced on me, I had no say. Did I see all this coming? Hell no I didn't. Do I wish I had done things differently, omg absolutely. Do I deserve this? Not at all. Is she punishing me? Maybe not on purpose but how could anyone not be gutted by something like this? Keep in mind she told me "for my actions you lose your family". She is GLAD my life has gone to ****. She takes pleasure in that. I'm sorry, but thats awful.

 

I needed help back in April/May 2010 because things were going bad. I had no idea what to do.. I had no idea what she was capable of. I had no idea she was cheating.. I had no idea she was in my sons room texting people who were helping to forumulate a plan to leave. I simply didn't know. And when someone is trying to push your buttons and get the worst out of you to use against you, thats just plain evil.

Edited January 5, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[LifesontheUp]

April/May 2010 - things were going wrong. It'll be April 2012 in a few months MM4. Do you think its time to move on and let things go for YOU and YOUR son.

 

It isn't healthy to stay as you are surely? So I'll say it again, what about counselling?

[andyg99]

All this "move forward" stuff is nonsense.

 

.

 

it's not nonsense - it's the best thing you can do for yourself and your son... so some plans you made (like leaving the state) have changed?... welcome to the club, I bet everyone here has had to make adjustments because of a divorce... I know a 12 year old girl whose mother took off and her dad can't afford to raise her, you know what? she doesn't complain and makes the best out of her situation... you need to let it go...

[marqueemoon4]

April/May 2010 - things were going wrong. It'll be April 2012 in a few months MM4. Do you think its time to move on and let things go for YOU and YOUR son.

 

It isn't healthy to stay as you are surely? So I'll say it again, what about counselling?

 

I have seen two different counselors since this whole ordeal began. Both very nice, had a good rapport with them. It didn't do much if anything. Since I now have insurance through my new job I am going to look again. I'm pretty sure they'll tell me the exact same things said on here ad nauseum. Thats not to say I don't appreciate people taking time out of their lives to try and help, thats amazing. But at the end of the day, I feel how I feel. I'll never be happy being some bs every other weekend father. Sorry to say, I just know.

Edited January 5, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[LifesontheUp]

I know its hard, been there done it, thought my life was over etc etc. But it really does come down to choice, its your life MM4 and its in your hands.

 

The article below hit home to a friend of mine. Not sure if you have seen it so:

Life after Divorce

 

 

Divorce is a major life change that can leave a person reeling. Suddenly being on your own to deal with issues such as money, children, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem overwhelming.

 

If you're having trouble letting go:

 

 

• There is life after this marriage
  As hard as it is to believe right now, one day this marriage will just be something you did once. You'll go on and you'll have what you create.
  
• Get out of denial
  Ask yourself: Do you really want this marriage, or are you hanging onto it out of fear? If being alone is a scarier thought than staying in a broken marriage, you're letting fear make your decisions. Are you mourning the loss of what your marriage was, or what you thought marriage would be?
  
• Don't burn daylight
  Grieving doesn't have a time frame on it, but life does. Whether you realize it or not, life is marching on. There comes a time when you have to accept the fact and say, "I've got to get on with my life, I've got to get on with raising my children, I've got to get on with putting things together where I can be a happy, meaningful, productive member of society." Find a way to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
  
• Take the catastrophic language out of your mind
  "My life is over," "I've lost everything," and "Things are horrible" are labels that can have a powerful impact on how you feel. Recognize that it's factually not true. Your life isn't over, it's just a new beginning for you. Changing the negative tapes that run in your head can change how you physically feel.
  
• Don't waste time with regret
  At some point you have to say, "It is what it is." You can't do anything about what you did before; but you can do a lot about what you're doing now.
  
• Be an example for your children
  What kind of mom/dad do you think your kids are experiencing when you're sitting around and crying and looking over your shoulder at what was instead of what is?
  

 

 

You've accepted it. Now it's time to jumpstart your life!

 

 

• Define a new relationship with your ex for your children
  Your old relationship was husband and wife, your new relationship is as common allies of your children.
  
• Talk to your kids
  Divorce can create emotional wounds in children. Talk to them about what's going on, what they're feeling, and how things will get better. Involve them. If they know there are things they can do to help this transition, it will give them a feeling of power.
  
• Make a plan
  Assess your situation financially, look at your resources to see what your options are in terms of housing, job and finances.
  
• Create a support squad
  Ask for help. People appreciate being asked for help. It's a gift to them to allow them to be there for you. Create a support squad of your closest friends who won't mind providing you with emotional support, professional guidance and ongoing inspiration. Realize that you're not the first person to go through this.
  
• Get your resources and assets around you
  Do everything you can to program yourself for success. Find out what your strengths and skills are and focus on them to help move you in a new and positive direction. Everybody has a personal truth " what you believe about yourself when nobody's watching. Remember that you will create the results in life that you believe you deserve.
  
• Make time for yourself
  Make a priority to be a little selfish and do something just for yourself. The most important gift you can give your children is to take care of their parents. Try a new class, start exercising, or reconnect with an old hobby you've forgotten about.
  
• Make your dream home
  It's not the end of the world if you have to change houses. Know that you and your kids are going to create memories there and that's what makes it a dream home.
  
• Find your authentic self
  Although you may no longer be one half of a couple, you are still 100 percent the person who you are. Find that person again.
  
• Find your passion
  What is it that will make you excited to get out of bed every day? Make a list of what you can do to reach your goals.
  
• Have some joy with your kids
  Choose to live with some fun in your new life. Create new memories with your children that will carry them into the future with self-esteem, confidence and happiness.
  
• Protect yourself in the future
  It's important to always look at a relationship and ask yourself, "What's it costing me to be in this relationship?" If you totally lose yourself in it, then the cost is too high.
  

 

You have a new job, look on it as a new beginning. Get rid of the negatives and look to the positives of what you have. It could be worse, a friend of mine is dying of cancer, he will be lucky to see his two beautiful kids next year.

 

I wish you luck MM4.

[marqueemoon4]

Thank you Lifesontheup for posting that.

 

Last week my exW said:

 

You can't get over the past. You're the one who needs help, not me.

 

I'm not one to live in the past, in fact I used to feel very confident and excited for the future.

 

Due to this divorce, and how horribly it was handled on BOTH sides, I am struggling to move forward. I'm not angry anymore.. I'm broken, alone and lost. The woman I loved is long gone and is living with and having a child with someone else she barely knows. Our divorce was final in July 2011. This will affect my son, who is everything to me. She is replacing me with this person and is "happier than she has ever been". I am a complete wreck, emotionally, financially, and socially for that matter.

 

I made some big mistakes, but I do not deserve to be abandoned, labeled as a monster, and cast off like a leper. But, as everyone on LS knows you can only control yourself. She will never take any responsibility for any of the horrible things she did to me, though my life is destroyed because of what I did wrong. This is all because this person doesn't care. Doesn't care if I see my son, doesn't care about the destruction her choices have caused. There is 0 empathy, understanding, or respect or even human decency for that matter. Not caring or taking responsibility and jumping right into another "relationship" is this persons coping mechanism, and my son and I pay for it. 2002-2010 never happened, apparently.

 

I've never felt more alone, judged, unloved and disrespected in my entire existence. I have no choice to accept something so horrible that was forced on me with no say whatsoever. And now I'm so emotionally jacked up that everything else is going wrong too. I will start seeing a therapist soon. Its incredibly hard to stay positive when every single day its something else negative this has all caused. I never knew what real pain was until this nightmare.

[silic0ntoad]

Wow man, I read through this whole thing. Honestly, your ex W is a total C**T - BUT - you need to knock your bull**** off. For real.

 

It's got to be all business my friend. No more of these games. It's all business. Go to your lawyer and demand he earn his money and get you rights to contact your son nightly, and if she doesn't comply, let the lawyer know.

 

There are all sorts of agreements to be made. If she wants to have a patchwork family, so be it; she is a major source of unstability in his life, and you need to be the rock.

 

Agree to nothing that isn't put in stone by lawyers. Give no inch but ask for none in return. I'd fight for 50/50 custody, but you gotta man up bro - stop seeking revenge and start being proactive.

[debtman]

.. I'm broken, alone and lost. The woman I loved is long gone and is living with and having a child with someone else she barely knows... This will affect my son, who is everything to me... I am a complete wreck, emotionally, financially, and socially for that matter....I've never felt more alone, judged, unloved and disrespected in my entire existence. I have no choice to accept something so horrible that was forced on me with no say whatsoever... I never knew what real pain was until this nightmare.

 

I know how hard it is to see any positive in this. But, you have to start. You have an opportunity here. You have the chance to focus on yourself, to pursue what makes YOU happy, to build yourself into the best role-model you can be for your son. I didn't want a D. I didn't want my family to be broken up. I didn't want to miss out on half of my kids lives. BUT IT WASN'T MY DECISION. The same way it wasn't yours.

 

Grab this opportunity. In many ways, I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm active in my life again. I've found new hobbies, am pursuing old ones that I loved passionately before getting married that I gave up. I have a better relationship with my kids than ever because, when we're together, it's just us and I focus entirely on them. I have more opportunities with women than I ever have. Just started dating a much younger woman who is fabulous.

 

It does get better. You can (and will) survive this.

 

Go talk with the counselor, excellent idea.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[marqueemoon4]

If nothing else the fact she is preg keeps me from ever trying to talk to her again. Ever. Unless there is an emergency with my son.

 

I also realize of the stupid things I said and did in 2010, nothing comes close to the level of betrayal, hurt, and pain she has inflicted on me. Not even close.

Edited January 10, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[worldgonewrong]

If you think about it, her own stupidity/selfishness may have actually set you free. It might not hit you now, but it should later.

[andyg99]

Last week my exW said:

 

You can't get over the past. You're the one who needs help, not me.

 

.

 

that's a big part of the problem right there... you don't need to have ANY conversations with your ex where she is given an opportunity to say these things to you... I'm glad you are gonna go to counseling again...

[LifesontheUp]

that's a big part of the problem right there... you don't need to have ANY conversations with your ex where she is given an opportunity to say these things to you... I'm glad you are gonna go to counseling again...

 

^^^^ agreed.

 

Everytime she says things to you it picks open that healing wound you have. It will never heal this way, its like pick pick pick. Don't allow her to do it, don't engage her. It should be strictly talk about your son and that is it.

 

You can do it MM4. Just believe in yourself again.