Surfer203 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Well, if not then she is too stupid herself to realize this or to realize what kind of person she is for doing all of this to you and her child. Then she has proven her real value as a human being, slim to none. Sorry, I am in a crappy mood today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 No contact with exW since I dropped off son on friday evening.. this morning I get a txt from her saying can you please call xxxxx Behavioral Health Center about the cobra insurance I'm on now, she got a bill for $200. I asked when was the last time he was there, as I was under the impression it was well before 7/31/11 when my coverage from my old job ended.. when a Dr. there diagnosed our son with ADHD. She said he was there 8/17/11. I asked why. She said she is taking him there for his "behavior" and constant anxiety. I said, hm I've noticed no behavioral issues when he is under my supervision, in fact everyone who has met him (including my sister who is an MD and my sisters MIL who is a pediatrician) thinks he is a polite, well behaved 4yr old (which he is). I stated that if he is acting out when with you, its most likely because he doesn't like the situation/environment he is in. She said K call the place and give them your insurance info. I said it would have been nice to know you had been taking him. Her (ignorant) response: "Well if you don't agree why do you care if I take him?" My response (all via txt): I care about everything that has to do with him and affects him. And if you're taking him places that are going to file claims to my insurance, I have a right to know. Pretty obvious. her: well I'm taking him. me: I'd like to go, the therapist should know why he acts out when with you. I would guess you left that part out. her: Fine. me: ok what time. her: 1pm Apparently this is the first time she is taking him. The therapist is an LPC who specializes in under kids under 5. I plan on attending, and keeping the focus completely on my son. I feel its important she (the therapist) knows both sides to understand the situation. Start vent: Its clear that my son does not like the environment she has put him in. And again, having him live with this BF of hers didn't happen after the divorce was final, she was having him stay overnight with this person and committing adultery around the 6mo mark of separation, if not earlier. Gee, I wonder why he is confused and acting out? I wonder why he cries and doesn't want to go when I hand him off to her? This woman is so incredibly selfish.. like well this is what I WANT and oh well if it hurts our son. I'll get him help. ITS ALL ABOUT HER. And I have 0 confidence that she would relay any information about the situation in an objective manner, she's incapable of doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I would worry too about what your wife/ex wife (whatever) would say or NOT say to the therapist. I fear my wife does the same thing with her therapist. I think these evil women that are clearly in the wrong leave out aspects of their lives and details that paint them in a bad light. There is no doubt that yours would do the same thing especially considering her history of lying out of her a**. Good for you asserting yourself it is really important that you get in there and be there for the therapist session with your son. Clearly you are doing the right things, the way she is living her life is hindering your sons development and behavior. She sucks ba**s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) One of her favorite games is withholding the truth, as if that's ok and isn't dishonest. Unfortunately it totally is. Again I'm dealing with someone who was raised wrong and has no capacity for honesty, compassion, or objectivity. People like this will always make your life miserable if you have the misfortune of letting them in . What a mistake. Edited September 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Start vent: Its clear that my son does not like the environment she has put him in. And again, having him live with this BF of hers didn't happen after the divorce was final, she was having him stay overnight with this person and committing adultery around the 6mo mark of separation, if not earlier. Gee, I wonder why he is confused and acting out? I wonder why he cries and doesn't want to go when I hand him off to her? This woman is so incredibly selfish.. like well this is what I WANT and oh well if it hurts our son. I'll get him help. ITS ALL ABOUT HER. And I have 0 confidence that she would relay any information about the situation in an objective manner, she's incapable of doing so. good for you and good job with sticking to the subject with your ex... as far as yor boy is concened just see what the therapist has to say, in the end I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine - in fact since you have never seen this behavior he shows with his mom who knows, it could be nothing... Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 You aren't in this alone my friend. My wife is a compulsive liar too. Withholds truths and details on purpose. I hate it. I just saw a picture of her smoking a cigarette at a party. What a f'ing numb skull. Sorry for the TJ.. just really pissed off today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 its kool man.. I understand. for the record I showed up at the appt with the therapist. she was already there.. I walked in, she was sitting there reading People magazine, my son saw me and said "mommy mommy look who is here". She looked up and said great, and went back to reading. the session was very calm and there was no hostility whatsoever. we both seem to be on the same page with the LPC that our son does not have ADHD, but he does have some developmental issues that need to be addressed. I stayed focused on our son the entire time.. we both shared our feelings on him, and he is going to meet with her again. its still very hard for me to get used to being treated like a stranger by this person. I guess it will get better. September 22nd would be our 4yr wedding anniv. that day means nothing now. i'm very alone and not feeling well. i rarely get sick but when I do its bad.. its rough being by myself with no one to care for me. we had huge thunderstorms in our area this evening, unfortunately those remind me of her as she loves them. i pray things get better... Link to post Share on other sites
itllgetbetter Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Glad to hear you were able to focus on your son during the session. It's rough feeling alone with no one to care for you. Hope you're feeling better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 mm4: Glad to hear you guys were able to focus on what is important during that session. Your child is #1! I bet it must be incredibly strange to act like strangers with your ex. As if all of the good times, memories and love are just nothing - never existed. It's strange to pretend. Things will get better and you know it man. Give me a shout if you ever want to talk about this. We are all here to help. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 mm4, great job being there for your son and staying on top of the situation so that you can keep up with what's going on with him. It's a good idea to let everyone who is involved in your son's life (school, caregivers, etc.) what is going on to make sure that they keep you updated on anything that comes up. Your son is lucky to have a dad like you. Your W is an idiot and it's only a matter of time before her new BF gets tired of her and things start to fade there. By that time, hopefully you will have switched gears and realized that you're better off without her. Realize that your son will be much happier spending time with you, or, once you get into a healthy, loving relationship, happier spending time around a happy family. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 thanks guys for the support.. it helps alot. another thing I remember from the therapist appt yesterday.. I was at the counter trying to sort out the insurance issue, my son and ex were about 10ft away and I heard my son say "does this mean we're all gonna be together now?" I didn't hear her response. its funny.. I would guess that everyone on her side thinks she got off a sinking ship, when in reality she torpedoed the ship with her sneaking around and deceptiveness. I never went outside the marriage and engaged anyone to get out. i never reached out to other women. I have nothing to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 its funny.. I would guess that everyone on her side thinks she got off a sinking ship, when in reality she torpedoed the ship with her sneaking around and deceptiveness. I never went outside the marriage and engaged anyone to get out. i never reached out to other women. I have nothing to hide. from what you have told us about her you should be grateful for that torpedo... nobody is perfect, you even admitted that, you should be proud of the way you are conducting yourself now - you have nothing to hide because you did NOTHING wrong! believe it or not but you are moving forward my friend! and guess what? she didn't torpedo your ship, it's still moving!! Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Hopefully the therapy will help your son come to the understanding that things are the way they are...my daughter got into a program at school for children of divorce, adoption, etc. and it was AMAZING. She would come home and say things like, "I would really like you and mommy to live together again, but, I know there's nothing I can do to make that happen and, if it doesn't, everything will work out fine." Unbelievable for a 6-year old... Yes, andy is right, you are lucky to be off that ship...keep your head above water for now until you find that tropical island to pull yourself up on and re-build... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) thats great to hear debtman.. you continue to be an inspiration on how to handle this lousy situation. its funny, I was watching Ni Hao Kailan with my son last night.. the lesson was to give your friends a choice in things and how that makes them happy. alot of this pain boils down to the fact I had no say in any of this. i am stuck living a life I didn't ask for and really don't like. also, we had MANY discussions about how we would NEVER put the other person in a position where they had no say and no opportunity to right things. when she decided on her own and started reaching out to other people (her new "friends" and her family) I was completely out of the equation, unbeknownst to me. at the end of the day, is there anything more disrespectful you can do to a man/father than leave and have your child live with an OM? short of severing my testicles in my sleep I can't think of a bigger F YOU. Edited September 16, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 MM4: I can see how, day by day, you're managing to strike a balance between dealing with the hurt/resentment and your own growth. You're doing a good job, bro. Just take it one step at a time. It's all unchartered territory, but you're gonna be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 i am stuck living a life I didn't ask for and really don't like. Nuff said...now, you need to go out and MAKE the life you want to live. You DON'T want to live your life with a cheater and a liar. Your wife did you a favor by showing you how you really rate. The OM did you a favor and has provided her with a distraction while you make your life into what you want without her. You will find someone else, but, first, do what your W should have done. What all our wives should have done...figure out what it takes to make YOU happy. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 my luck has completely run out. I'm never getting out of this hole, its just keeps getting worse and worse. nothing is going to change. my life, ruined because I procreated with the wrong person. Link to post Share on other sites
itllgetbetter Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) marqueemoon4: What happened? How's it getting worse? Is it the job situation? If it's the W situation, I'd encourage you to read my last very lengthy post in my thread - If I can feel better, ANYONE can. Seriously. Even earlier this evening I was crying over my situation (and it's been about 4 months since my H left), then I came across his profile on match.com and have this feeling of "I couldn't care less". I apologize if this is considered a "threadjack" but, it's meant to just let you know that it DOES/CAN get better, even when things look REALLY bleak!!! Moreover, if you've got your health, you're lucky - seriously. I know that might sound like a cliche, but, it's true. And as far as your life being ruined because you procreated with the wrong person - isn't it great that you have a child? Edited September 20, 2011 by itllgetbetter Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, its not her. Its my financial situation, the fact I can't find a job, and really having a child is great, but not under these circumstances. What man wants a child living with some OM? Who wants to see their child 30% of the time? Who wants to see their child in pain all the time due to their mothers selfish decisions? Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, its not her. Its my financial situation, the fact I can't find a job, and really having a child is great, but not under these circumstances. What man wants a child living with some OM? Who wants to see their child 30% of the time? Who wants to see their child in pain all the time due to their mothers selfish decisions? You're right, no one WANTS that. But, life deals you different challenges and what makes you who you are is how you deal with them. I know, it's not as easy as putting on a happy face. Believe me, I know. I've been more financially strapped in the past 9 months than ever before in my life. Sucks having the kids ask if we can go do something or if they can buy something and saying no. But, I can always suggest something that's free and we ALWAYS have fun together and try to get the most out of every moment...and I do the same thing when I'm by myself. You're healthy, you've got your kids, you've got more than 90% of the people in the world. Keep looking for job opportunities. Try to find SOMETHING to get by for now until you find something better. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 mm4: You are bumming me out. I don't have much to add regarding this, you know we are all rooting for you and know you can turn things around. A job WILL come, don't give up. Thinking about you my friend, take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm sorry.. that was a post I made in a moment of weakness, lying in bed in my empty condo, unable to sleep at 3am with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I realize that mentality is self defeating. I will dig out of this, thanks to everyone on here for the continued support and positivity. I will overcome Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 It's okay... we all have these weak moments. They go away though, they come and go. Sounds like you have your head on straight now, happy to see that. Think about this way, people have dealt with much worse and lived to tell the story. Not to down play your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, its not her. Its my financial situation, the fact I can't find a job, and really having a child is great, but not under these circumstances. What man wants a child living with some OM? Who wants to see their child 30% of the time? Who wants to see their child in pain all the time due to their mothers selfish decisions? if you do the right things in that 70% of the time you are not with your son then the 30% of you time that you are with him will be amazing! every second you waste dwelling on what is wrong (no job, ex, her new guy, not seeing your boy) is time wasted... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) Good point Andy. I just got back from my sons swim lessons.. I wasn't going to go anymore but he asked me to go over the weekend and there is no way I'm going to disappoint him. His mom looked annoyed when I arrived and acted like I was invisible. Her parents showed up and were classy enough to acknowledge my presence and said a quick hello. I smiled and said hi. Is it me or is it not healthy for my son to have the two most important people in his life act as if they don't know each other? This kind of cold, dysfunctional behavior is completely foreign to me and I don't like it, more importantly its hard on my son. Edited September 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
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