Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Remember this: you, sir, are an honorable man. Stay consistent with that. You have a moral compass, and don't let some jerk - even for a moment - remove you from that. If you take the high road, I guarantee you will feel better about yourself. yea, I'm above it. and will continue to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 There is no point man, but if I saw him it is a distinct possibility that I would lose it and do something stupid. Chances of me seeing him ever are very slim. He lives in NYC, a city of 9 million. I live out in the burbs in another state. Not likely but you never know. Take the high road right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 There is no point man, but if I saw him it is a distinct possibility that I would lose it and do something stupid. Chances of me seeing him ever are very slim. He lives in NYC, a city of 9 million. I live out in the burbs in another state. Not likely but you never know. Take the high road right? well.. you don't have kid(s) and they're not living with the POS. His mother has horrible taste and awful judgement. the OM is a pathetic loser who got with a chick who was a few months separated with a kid with the husband less than 10 miles away. what kind of dip**** would put himself in that position? believe me, she's not all that. he's prob just using her as a rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 in other news.. met some chicks at a bar last night.. they came back to my place. it was obvious one of them wanted to ****. ended up railing her and she left at around 1am. i'm looking at this as a slump buster... i don't know if I'd hang out with her again. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 When i first found out i wanted to go and kill him, but he was ex directory and i ended up at someone elses house who had the same name. By the time i found out his real address, I just didn't care enough to do it. Plus my solicitor told me not do anything and, considering everything the stbxw has put me through, i am really glad i didnt now. The stbxw had a g at me once about it, she said "if you cared about me you would have gone to his house and beaten him up!" I agreed with her and I think that says it all really. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 in other news.. met some chicks at a bar last night.. they came back to my place. it was obvious one of them wanted to ****. ended up railing her and she left at around 1am. i'm looking at this as a slump buster... i don't know if I'd hang out with her again. WOW! Good for you! How do you feel now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 When i first found out i wanted to go and kill him, but he was ex directory and i ended up at someone elses house who had the same name. By the time i found out his real address, I just didn't care enough to do it. Plus my solicitor told me not do anything and, considering everything the stbxw has put me through, i am really glad i didnt now. The stbxw had a g at me once about it, she said "if you cared about me you would have gone to his house and beaten him up!" I agreed with her and I think that says it all really. yea when I pieced it all together I was furious (months ago).. drove to the OMs house (after I looked it up on White Pages). knocked on the door and stepped off his property. here comes my exes stepfather rolling up.. he has seen me drive into the OMs neighborhood on his way home from work. OM wasn't home, and I knew she wasn't there, she was at work. I was like hey you here to see the adulterer too? and he's like no she's staying with us. I laughed.. I felt the need to tell OM in person that if he ever does anything to hurt my son and I find out about I'll break his ****in neck. her stepfather defends the piece of trash and was like oh you're threatening him?? I'll call the police myself! I was like go for it.. my God your whole family is nothing but professional victims who love to blow **** out of proportion. Needless to say it was a horrible move on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 mm4: Good work my friend!!!!!! That is huge, that's gotta change your perception of things quite a bit! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 WOW! Good for you! How do you feel now? hm.. i dunno. i'm glad i got laid and all, but obvioulsy it was empty. pretty much a confidence builder.. not really my type and she had plenty of baggage of her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 mm4: It's not about it feeling like something. Just fulfilling your needs. That has gotta boost your ego a bit. You shouldn't expect it to be anything more than what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 hm.. i dunno. i'm glad i got laid and all, but obvioulsy it was empty. pretty much a confidence builder.. not really my type and she had plenty of baggage of her own. I think it's good thing, i had to face my STBXW in a car with my daughters and the OM last night! ( That Sucked !) But half a bottle of red wine later and i was fine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 I think it's good thing, i had to face my STBXW in a car with my daughters and the OM last night! ( That Sucked !) But half a bottle of red wine later and i was fine! dude it just kills me... ALL OF THIS DRAMA.. all caused because our ****ed up "wives" decided they wanted to be with someone else. over a year of hell, finances burned to the ground, 10s of thousands of dollars wasted, so much mental anguish, therapy, confusion for my son, ALL SO SHE COULD BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. what a dishrag. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 dude it just kills me... ALL OF THIS DRAMA.. all caused because our ****ed up "wives" decided they wanted to be with someone else. over a year of hell, finances burned to the ground, 10s of thousands of dollars wasted, so much mental anguish, therapy, confusion for my son, ALL SO SHE COULD BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. what a dishrag. MM4 I'm in the same boat and it kills, yep all the money down the drain the drama it's ****! All i want now is to be left alone, but she won't do that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 MM4 I'm in the same boat and it kills, yep all the money down the drain the drama it's ****! All i want now is to be left alone, but she won't do that! I'm telling you.. its this bitch thing.. whatever YOU want, she is gonna make damn sure you don't get it. pure evil, my exW is the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I'm telling you.. its this bitch thing.. whatever YOU want, she is gonna make damn sure you don't get it. pure evil, my exW is the same way. Well she is somone else's problem now! Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Don't get me started on finances.. there was a time when I had $0 credit card balance and debt... absolutely nothing. After all this s*** went down we are in $13K+ debt. It has pushed me so far out of my normal world, in terms of finances. So much has changed, I have no money. I am beyond pay check to check at this point, starting to get a little behind. I am praying that my wife sticks around and works s*** out with me and keeps this new job. She starts next Monday! mm4: I feel the anger you do some times, just WTF IS WITH YOU WOMAN!?!? So selfish, I could never act in such a self indulging, childish manner. Some times the anger she flashes.. goes away quickly but randomly it hits me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) Don't get me started on finances.. there was a time when I had $0 credit card balance and debt... absolutely nothing. After all this s*** went down we are in $13K+ debt. It has pushed me so far out of my normal world, in terms of finances. So much has changed, I have no money. I am beyond pay check to check at this point, starting to get a little behind. I am praying that my wife sticks around and works s*** out with me and keeps this new job. She starts next Monday! mm4: I feel the anger you do some times, just WTF IS WITH YOU WOMAN!?!? So selfish, I could never act in such a self indulging, childish manner. Some times the anger she flashes.. goes away quickly but randomly it hits me. exactly.. there is NO WAY IN HELL I could ever act like this.. not even if I met the girl of my dreams would I be such a cold hearted, vindictive prick. I would still show her respect because is the mother of my son, if nothing else. Our 8yrs together means alot to me as well, obviously not to her though. Edited July 25, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 mm4: You are a better man than I. If I ever saw OM, even now.. even after all of this has dissolved.. still, I would break his f'ing jaw. No question about it. I know that makes me seem like a caveman idiot. I don't advocate violence, I am into yoga, spirituality and peace - yet I would destroy this dude. for those of us who had or have hate for an OM I think it's fairly obvious that the hate we feel is really for our ex's or soon to be ex's... I'm not in a thousand years saying that these are good men by any means but we have to realize that our wives were the ones who made the decision to cheat. The relationship they started was most very likely based on lies and half-truths. The ex's will never admit to what they told these guys, imagine how bad she must have painted us in order to look good to the new guy, imagine that and I bet her lies were even worse that what we could conjure up in our minds. Surf - you have called the OM in your situation bi-polar and an alcoholic based on what your ex told you, yet you never met him. I wonder if she told him the same about you? When my ex left me 16 years ago I wondered what she must have told the new guy? Hell, we are not perfect but these women can take an inperfection and turn it into a mountain - about 8 months before we broke up we bought a new house, my commute went from 20 minutes a day to almost 3 hours. I was tired a lot and was adjusting to my new schedule. Can you imagine how that can be twisted when talking to an OM? "He never gives me any attention, all he cares about is work. When I want to do something he's going to bed at 9:30. I'm lonely". See how easy that can be turned around? So the OM who may be a nice guy or just someone looking for the opportunity to take advantage of a messed up lady might say "wow - you have it so bad, how can anyone not give a beautiful woman like you attention.. he must be such a prick" So now guess who is the worst guy on the planet to your ex? it's not the OM. Guys - it's ok to have these "I want to kick his ass" fantasies as long as they stay fantasies and they fade in a few months. The other guys may be pricks or not. Some of us with young kids will HAVE to get to know them and GET ALONG if they should stay in the picture. Remember it's our ex's who threw us away, the OM's did not take our ex's from us.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 damn you and your logic andy! Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 i agree with a lot of what andy said. it goes both ways, in terms of affairs or presenting reality to someone of the opposite sex, but he's pretty right. people spin their own version of reality. we all do it. but, something made the person who left feel the need to talk to someone outside the marriage about what was going on INSIDE the marriage...... the best thing i heard in a long time was on saturday night. i was mentioning all these men that have been left by their wives. in general, no specifics. and one of the people i was with happened to be a man that was left by his wife. he said that she may have left, but he wasn't faultless in her leaving either. it wasn't all her fault that she went somewhere else. he had played a roll too. none of us is perfect. not a single one of us. and while being left is utterly and completely crappy, we all played a roll in it too. we can sit here and think how it was them and not us, but the reality is that we ALL played our part too. we were NOT what our partner needed for them to stay. whatever it was they needed, WE are missing it!!! and they were missing what we needed as well. it goes both ways. and for someone else, we WILL be what they need. or we will LEARN to be what they need. i know i was too willing to accept blame, to give up what i wanted, not stand up for myself. i don't ask for help and i don't like accepting help either. all of these things, and more, i have been working on solidly for the past two years. again, i'm not even close to being perfect, but i'm much better prepared when i need to be those things, even just in daily life. i no longer apologize for everything. i no longer defer to people because i'm afraid of what they would think about MY choice. i ask for help and i willingly accept it, on occassion ;-), and i stand up for myself and do what *I* want now!! i looked at MM4 red flag list and i have several of the things on his list. so, to him i would be a risk not worth taking, but to someone else, they might actually LIKE some of those things....... we aren't supposed to be perfect. but, we very well might find we are perfect to a person that is perfect for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 i looked at MM4 red flag list and i have several of the things on his list. so, to him i would be a risk not worth taking, but to someone else, they might actually LIKE some of those things....... we aren't supposed to be perfect. but, we very well might find we are perfect to a person that is perfect for us. yea no one is perfect.. i have my own red flags.. but my God my list is much shorter than hers. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 For the most part I agree with most of what you said - see comments in BOLD i agree with a lot of what andy said. it goes both ways, in terms of affairs or presenting reality to someone of the opposite sex, but he's pretty right. people spin their own version of reality. we all do it. but, something made the person who left feel the need to talk to someone outside the marriage about what was going on INSIDE the marriage...... common and sense and decency should dictate who we choose to talk to about our marriage - yes we need to vent and get opinions, sometimes we need help in making a decision on whether to end it or not. But we make the choice who to talk to, it could be a friend of the same sex, a sibling, parent, clergy member, therapist, parent - but when we speak with someone of the oposite sex we open ourselves to affairs, especially if that person is single - now we are not getting an unbiased opinion. That person may base their advice on "I'm lonely too and I want to be with you" or simply "I want to f you" the best thing i heard in a long time was on saturday night. i was mentioning all these men that have been left by their wives. in general, no specifics. and one of the people i was with happened to be a man that was left by his wife. he said that she may have left, but he wasn't faultless in her leaving either. it wasn't all her fault that she went somewhere else. he had played a roll too. Of course we are all at fault. No marriage ends because of one person. none of us is perfect. not a single one of us. and while being left is utterly and completely crappy, we all played a roll in it too. we can sit here and think how it was them and not us, but the reality is that we ALL played our part too. we were NOT what our partner needed for them to stay. whatever it was they needed, WE are missing it!!! and they were missing what we needed as well. it goes both ways. and for someone else, we WILL be what they need. or we will LEARN to be what they need. that's the problem when a marriage ends with an affair - the party being cheated on often never looks at themselves because it's easier to play the victim "hey they cheated on me, that's why my marriage ended" if the divorce goes through with no third party involved I think it gives both sides the opportunity to heal on their own. Cheaters are weak and needy, the ones being cheated on may develop deep issues because of it. I hate when i hear of friends divorcing but when I see that they broke up with no affairs involved I have a better feeling that both will be ok. i know i was too willing to accept blame, to give up what i wanted, not stand up for myself. i don't ask for help and i don't like accepting help either. all of these things, and more, i have been working on solidly for the past two years. again, i'm not even close to being perfect, but i'm much better prepared when i need to be those things, even just in daily life. i no longer apologize for everything. i no longer defer to people because i'm afraid of what they would think about MY choice. i ask for help and i willingly accept it, on occassion ;-), and i stand up for myself and do what *I* want now!! Good for you! moving forward is a process and you seem to get it... i looked at MM4 red flag list and i have several of the things on his list. so, to him i would be a risk not worth taking, but to someone else, they might actually LIKE some of those things....... we aren't supposed to be perfect. but, we very well might find we are perfect to a person that is perfect for us. what?? we're not supposed to be perfect? then I better work on being less perfect! LOL... Take care and thanks for your input... Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 it's not so much about the length or severity of the list, as much as that someone else out there might actually find some of those things attractive in a person. not as red flags. that's all i'm saying. what is a red flag to you, isn't necessarily a red flag to other people. yeah, i'm sure there are some that are UNIVERSAL ;-) too! yea no one is perfect.. i have my own red flags.. but my God my list is much shorter than hers. oh andy, i completely agree about WHO you should take your marital issues to. however, most people are not like that. and the people don't have to be single for it to be an issue. i only know of ONE couple that actively avoids any situation where the husband is alone with a woman and vice versa ( the wife alone with a man) they have a rule in their marriage and they both respect it. but, i have friends who are married and their husbands have seen their girl friends naked, etc. or there are very open and explict talks of sex, etc. if there is an physical or emotional connection missing in a marriage it sets up an nice platform for someone going outside the marriage to complain about what is going on INSIDE. and the complainer might not really care WHO they are complaining to....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 got a txt from exW last night about needing my work hours/work addr for preschool ppwk. responded back with the info about an hour later. i was tipsy and thought I'd throw this out there.. (duh) me: hopefully we can clear the air in the not too distant future. what do you think? her: thats not gonna happen so, the cheater, liar, adulterer, etc etc etc has no interest in clearing the air. she doesn't even know I know she was cheating on me before and after she left. what a pathetic excuse for a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Her reply is all about CONTROL. My wife would say the same thing if I had proposed that. Link to post Share on other sites
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