...been doing NC....long story

[Lone]

also what should if i run into her...or him? i know who he is and he knows who i am...? just be smiley and happy and firendly and act like nothing has happened?

[Lone]

what should i do guys? im really struggling...keep wishing for a magic lamp

[Lone]

K so just looked at her fb for the first time in awhile. Fee comments from her new boy. Meh. I dunno anymore. A part of me just wants to delete her off fb. What would that mean? I haven't heard from her for while now.

[Lone]

The only thing stopping me is that it would really feel like the final nail in the coffin. After that I would never hear from her again. No chance of reconcilliation.

I know that if she did want to get in touch with me she always would probably be able to but yea this is just a step that scares me.

 

Especially after I first told her I couldn't be friends nemore and started NC she deleted me then added me again a few weeks later... Icant see her adding me again. Especially if I was to delete her...

[Lone]

advice anyone....?I still love her deep down. Shes with someone else. I shouldnt have accepted her friend request after only a few days i shouldve waited far longer. I dont know what to do now. we havent spoken for awhile... maybe should just delete her to see if i hear anything? or just leave it completely? and just take my time and see if she gets in touch? so so confused...and hurting

[Nsweet]

Low, calm your mind.

You are freaking out over situations of "what if", when you should be focusing on yourself. You have the power to feel any way you choose to feel. Give her NC space and wish her well with her new relationship. Show that this doesn't phase you at all and that you really are a good guy.

 

Sooner or later she'll be contacting you complaining over her new relationship. When that happens you don't want to be her guy-chick friend or a shoulder to cry on. That's why you must use complete NC NOW.

 

Ignor he friend requests.

Ignore her calls/texts/emails.

If you se her in person be friendly but distant ("hi", then leave")

 

Wait for her contact you because she misses you, really any "check up" contact means this (ex. "hi, how are you?","what are you up to?"). You contact her at that point but be a little distant and mysterious. The goals and achievements you complete for yourself will seriously help when you talk to her again.

 

Go work on your appearance, get a haircut or highlights, workout more. Work on your personality by being more sociable, taking anger management classes or dating classes. Work on your life style by bringing yourself out if your comfort zone and get involved in activities you enjoy that help others. Join a martial arts class, or a hiking group, help feed the poor, work with habitat for humanities.

 

Anything you can do to improve yourself and get you mind off of her will help work wonders.

[Lone]

thanks for your reply NSweet.I already accepted her freidn request awhile ago and have been doing really well up until looked at her page few days ago...obviously i still want her. and i told her awhile ago we couldnt be friends because id always want more...she has told me the same thing a million times... that there will always be more than friendship. We havent seen each other in over a month and havent spoken for ages aswell. I guess my question is whether i should delete her off fb or just let it be and like u said pretend im completely content and happy? ... and just not look at her page anymore...ive hidden all her friends so i dont see any random info about her or anything like that. just a hard situation for me...

[Nsweet]

This is the very reason I hate Facebook and believe it to be one of the biggest blunders of our generation. You can see too much information and misconstrued coments that create hurt feelings and jealousy.

 

Party of NC means NO FACEBOOK CONTACT! You don't want to give her that comfort that she can click a few buttons or type something insignificant and instantly get your attention. Delete her or severly limit just her to show her you are unavailable to all form of non personal comunication,except phone calls when you're ready. Don't stalk her and don't care about her. Let her wonder what this mysterious past love is up to, get it now?

 

What you can do now is to upgrade yourself and your profile information. Take a few attempts to rework your page to show how fascinating you are with you new hobbies, which means you better get new hobbies so don't lie on FB! Lying breaks down value and integrity. If she's wise she will just "select>captions" on google and see just your info that way, but you want to really aim for her to want to meet you in person sometime probably after 1-2 months of NC.

 

Let me know if I can help you any further.

[Lone]

I really appreciate ur help.

 

So u think I should just limit the amount of info she can see on my wall? I know how to do that. I'm not gonna care anymore. I'm going to stop looking at her page. Everything.

 

My only concern is just that I will never hear from her again. Like I said I havent heard from her for awhile now. I am under whether she checks up on me on fb. Probably not.

 

If u really think limiting what she can see on my page will do anything then I will do it. I've been so good with NC. I didn't realize I shouldn't let her b friends on fb though. In the last month or so she has deleted me and added me again.

 

I'm just scared if I delete her now that will be it. Have u read the past posts? She's with someone else. Her best friends boyfriends best friend.

[Nsweet]

Who's she's with.... Does not matter. He is Mr. Quick-Fling and there in her life only to comfort her to get over this breakup. 90% chance she will dump him as soon as she feels better. Get it?

 

Eliminate her from FaceBook! She doesn't deserve to ready your daily BS ramblings, or see your pics. The good news is that she isn't sure about you. That's why she deleted you and re-friended you. Odd are she misses you just as much as you do her but pride or control is keeping her from showing this. By showing her she can't have you she will start to wonder about you. That's half the magic of NC.

 

Go out and get yourself a rebound! I have had two since my divorce papers and I swear it helped more than any amour of talking ever would. You don't have to have sex or even kiss if you don't want to but going out with someone who appreciates you and wants to know more is healing. What do you have to lose except heartache?

[Frank13]

 

I'm just scared if I delete her now that will be it. Have u read the past posts? She's with someone else. Her best friends boyfriends best friend.

 

It should be it! She is with someone else. You told her you don't want to be just friends. She wants to have her cake and eat it too and you keep wanting to give it to her. You are doing great with NC.

 

You already know you don't want to be just friends but she isn't willing to give you more. Then let it end. You can move on and heal and she will either not give a sh*t, or will regret it and come begging.

 

She never said anything about getting back together with you. She wants you as a chump to have coffee with to relieve her guilt and to keep you in her life to relieve her feelings of missing you. That's all she wants.

 

This will work great for her and horribly for you. Let her go. She is already gone. Agreeing to be her friend will also make you look pathetic to her. You don't want her in your life. Having her as a friend will be constant pain.

Edited August 19, 2011 by Frank13

[D-Lish]

For crying out loud delete her and forget about her. Do guys actually accept this sort of BS from a woman?

 

All you are getting are breadcrumbs, and that's all you'll ever get from a woman like this.

 

She wants to keep you around to boost her ego and as long as you accept this, you're saying you're okay with being her back burner guy.

 

You know why she's probably stuck on the guy she's with? Because he won't put up with her BS.

[Lone]

Hey guys been awhile since i updated this thing. Basically haven't contacted her for almost two months now. It's getting much easier I don't think about her as much but deep down I know I still care.

 

She emailed me about 3 weeks ago saying that she was thinking of me and asking how I have been. She was wondering if I'm still working were I am and f I'm still planning on moving overseas and that I need to say good bye before I go.

 

I haven't replied. A part of me wants to a part doesn't. Its a toughy because I don't want to completely lose basic contact with her and fear that if I just move to another country without a goodbye well thats pretty **** of me I guess. I mean we did have our good times atleast. But then there's another part of me that even though I ache to speak to her thinks I shouldn't. Ibdot completely understand why I am feeling his though.

 

A bit of advice would be good. I know most people r just gonna jump on my back and say I shouldn't email her at all but I dunno I'm looking for alternative views aswell. I don't know what the best case scenario could even be anymore...

[MisterB]

I wouldn't answer her. There is no reason too. Like someone said above let her beg for you , then if it ever gets to that point you can think about what you want. My ex would text me every couple of weeks , and it would get me angry because it would set me back for a week , I would continue to think about her and get false hope. Now that I look back , I would have never answered her. She know were I live and my number , she can show me how bad she wants me back.

 

I know it's possible to control the urge to talk to her. Because I did with my ex , so it's time you find someone else to talk to , to comfort you. Whenever you feel like contacting her , just write things down on a piece of paper. That helped me in the beginning stages of my breakup. I'm going to be honest if you answer that email , it will bring more pain than good. So I wouldn't do it , why go through pain again after two months of healing.