Arlia Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hi guys I'm new to this forum and I would like to ask for some help/guidance. As many of you have already experienced, I was dumped by my gf 4 months ago. We've been in a LDR for 4.5 years and the last year was difficult for us - not much communication going, fed up of each other, no efforts made to solve issues. We both felt unhappy at some point, and she started to develop feelings for this dude where she was studying. After a whole year of not seeing each other, we finally met but we both felt we lost the connection so she tried to break up, which opened my eyes and made me realize how great she is and how much I love her. But her feelings were almost gone so a month later, she finally dumped me. I went to her country 2 months later to look for a job and I tried to reconnect with her, but her feelings didn't change so there is no hope at this point for a 2nd chance. We did, however, hang out a few times and we always had a great time, we feel comfortable with each other, but she cannot picture herself with me because the feelings are not strong enough. Now I'm trying to deal with the situation. I love her to death, I realize she's amazing - cute, interesting, smart, and she loved me - so I feel terrible about not giving my best for the relationship, for forgetting how great she was and for losing such an amazing woman. We like each other's personalities, there was no cheating or anything. It's just that she doesn't love me anymore in a romantic way, so there is no hope for a relationship for now. I'd like to know if it's possible to let go of someone I love very much and who I think is almost perfect. I know I'll never meet such a great person who will love me as I am, but somehow I have to kill my feelings for her and accept the fact that she's gone. This is tough. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 "I know I'll never meet such a great person who will love me as I am" You're only saying this now because you still love her, you're still emotionally attached to her. Once those feelings are gone, you WILL meet someone just as good, if not better, but in a different way. I posted on here about New Feelings when I too felt this way about my ex, but then met someone that had the same personality, excitement etc and it made me realise that there are other girls out there just as good, just as amazing. It made me realise I can take my ex off the pedestal I've put her on. You can't force these feelings to go, they go on their own time. You just have to concentrate on other things, keep busy so you don't have those quiet times when your mind will wander. Eventually you will heal, but you have to just stick with NC and see it through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arlia Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I told her that I love her, that I think she's an amazing girl and that I realized what she meant to me. But for her it doesn't mean anything anymore because her romantic feelings for me are almost gone. I really want a second chance, she knows that. I miss her and she misses me, she wants to stay friends because I'm like family to her, but I don't want that...it will hurt me too much. She's my first gf and I never met someone in my whole life (I'm 26) who could even compare to her, not to mention single and interested in me. Bottom line is, I really want her back but I don't know if she can regain her feelings for me one day. Probably not, so I'm trying hard not to think about her and expect something. I want to move on asap. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I really want a second chance, she knows that. I miss her and she misses me, she wants to stay friends because I'm like family to her, but I don't want that...it will hurt me too much. She's my first gf and I never met someone in my whole life (I'm 26) who could even compare to her, not to mention single and interested in me. You said you dont want to be friends with her so exit her life. People want what they can't have. Ok this is your first relationship. Why not try another and see if you are right or wrong. Then try another then try another. Why not look for a relationship that is not a long distance relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arlia Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 I guess I have no choice but to exit her life yes. I want to be part of her life as her bf. Being a friend would work wonder for her, but for me, on the long run, it's only going to hurt me. We now have the means to live in the same place. In fact, I just landed a job in her country. The sad thing is now that we finally live in the same place, we are no longer together. As you said, I have to let go and try to date other people. For now I'll work on myself and 'expose' me to other people, something I've been neglecting for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arlia Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Wow, one week since I posted this, and 9 days of NC. I feel like I'm getting better. The panick attacks I get when thinking about her are somewhat less painful, although from time to time I sitll break down and cry because of what I've lost. It's really frustrating because we get along well, we match and there was no abuse in any way...just that her love faded away. It's hard to let go huh. Sorry i'm just ranting today. Link to post Share on other sites
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