Memphis Raines Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I would also have used the opportuntiy for my own purposes as well, as I would have also asked her some questions. such as? curious as to what questions an OW would have for the wife. and also if you think the wife would feel obligated to tell you anything. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 such as? curious as to what questions an OW would have for the wife. and also if you think the wife would feel obligated to tell you anything. I was the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? If she had asked me to meet, I would have. I knew that he was lying to both of us, and I was curious to get her side. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? I didn't have anything to lose by it. I very badly wanted information, to fill in gaps in my own history that I didn't understand because I had been told so many lies about what had actually been going on. My exH made it clear that he was never going to provide that information - he had told so many lies by then that they had consumed him. I was never going to get the truth out of him. So, it would have been nice to at least find out what she could tell me and add it to the package. But I don't think she wanted to talk to me either. I called her, once, out of frustration because I had been trying to reach him for a week about some paperwork and he was refusing to call me back. So I called her and left a message - she didn't answer the phone - saying I needed to talk to him. He called back within a minute. He said she was afraid to talk to me. But, considering the source, who knows if that was true. Why would she be? I had met her in person already (before I knew what was going on.) Even in my phone call I was just icily polite. *shrug* 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? I would totally answer the questions honestly. Does that necessarily preclude using the opportunity for my own purposes, though? I wouldn't have made anything up but I'd still have met with her for my own reasons, rather than out of the goodness of my heart. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? Huh. No, I don't think so. I don't think him being there would have promoted honest communication. It might have been amusing to watch him writhe, but...no, I was more interested in information than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I was the wife. oh, LOL. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 As an xow who did talk with the BS, I had plenty of questions, just as she had many questions for me. Is that a surprise? no, but that wasn't my question. what questions does an OW have for the BS? and does the OW think the BS is obligated to answer her questions? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 oh, LOL. sorry no worries - too many stories to keep them all straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 No she wasn't obligated but she did answer my questions and I answered hers. We both wanted and deserved the truth and he wasn't giving it. what questions did you ask of her? Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 ok, what were some of the questions? or more to the point, what is it you wanted to know from her? Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? No. I would never want to talk to BW in person or on phone. MM once warned me that his W might have my number and may call me. It totally freaked me out. Would the views of your MP influence this decision? Yes, I’d do/say whatever MM told me to. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? Before I thought I would’ve been okay to handle it, but now I’d be really anxious and ashamed. What do you say to wife after knowingly having an A with her H? Sorry I f*cked your H. I didn’t mean to break up or hurt your family. How do you react or prepare for that? How do you predict the course that the meeting would take? I don’t know. I just so wouldn’t want to have to face that. 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? I’d say to her whatever MM told me to say which would be a complete lie even though I feel guilty that I would. I would have to stay loyal as he was to me. But I’m not sure I’d answer the same if the A ended. If it ended amicably, I’d probably not answer her questions at all and just refer her to her H. If I was vengeful, I’d probably answer her honestly, but only because it would be a detriment to him. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Yes. Why? I’d feel more at ease like I could look at him for direction or intervention. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 As my husband still works with her, I meet her a lot whether i want to or not. I have gotten a plethora of emails, calls etc. from her ( won't go into that here), but I have never actually spoken to her, which suits me just fine. From what a mutual friend told me, she is afraid of me, which I don't understand...what does she think I am going to do to her? FS, I may be being cynical but do you think she's saying that to curry favour with mutual acquaintances? To garner a little support? (Big bad wolf wifey...) Or maybe she's afraid of having to face things given that it sounds as though she's not been terribly mature post Dday. Link to post Share on other sites
fellhard4u Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? I offered to meet with her after Dday, she refused. My former MP's views did not influence me. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? I offered to meet with her so we could each hear each other's truths. Both of us had been lied to by MP. 3) If you met the BW, would you:a) answer her questions honestly Yes b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers?4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? When I extended the offer to meet with her, I told her that I would personally like the MP to be present. It would have been interesting to see how he would have reacted when faced with the 2 people he deceived and hurt so much. But since the meeting didn't take place, I will never know how he would have reacted. ********************************************************** I did write to her and apologized for my role in helping to deceive her and for participating in hurting her. Link to post Share on other sites
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