so confused, i don't know what i should do :(

[Spredn311luv]

I don't know what to do...i've been up like half the night..here's the story...

 

well me and my best friend that lives in maryland (i live in virginia, 3 hours away) have been talking for 2 years...last summer he asks me to be his girlfriend, and i said yes...we went out for like 4 months in a long distance relationship...everything was really good, we had a few bumps along the road, but it was all really good...i fell in love i believe...

 

but of course, everything came to an end, and we broke up becuz he said he couldn't handle his friends and family talking about us anymore becuz a lot of his friends and family up there are racist...so yeah, i got mad at this and told him off, becuz he said that he loved me, but if he really did, he wouldn't care, and all this and we fought...so then i decided that we shouldn't talk anymore...but this only lasted for like a week, and then he called me back, but we never said anything about what happened and then ended up getting into a bigger fight later on about something else and everythign came up...this time we didn't talk for like a month...during this time, i started to see somebody else kind of..but i don't nkow, all i could think about was justin...but i waas like this is good for me, he couldn't get in touch with me cuz my cell phone was cut off...but then, he said he called up informatino and got my house phone number and called me back...and we started talking to eachother again, and he apologized for everything that he did and told me that he cared about me a lot and that i was his best friend...and he is, hes the best friend i've ever had, and i never want to lose him..

 

well that was about 2 months ago, and about 3 weeks ago, i realized that i still had feelings for him...very strong ones, but i wasn't going to act on them...i told myself, he needs to grow up and until then, nothing serious could happen between us...we're only 19, and we should just go out and have fun...i love being his friend, and i really do...but then this weekend, he started talking to this girl he used to go out with and i couldn't take it...at first i was like, get over it, i'm being a hypocrite becuz i have gone out with 3 guys sinec we have been broken up...but last night he called me at about midnight and said that he thinks he likes her again, and i was like go for it, ask her out......but then his friend called and i was thinking to myself what am i doing, i've got to tell him how i feel...so i was going to but i kept putting it off and i was like well i'll just tell him tomorrow...then, of course, the other girl calls, and he was like i'll call you back...so 10 minutes or so pass, and i clal him, and i'm like, u're still on the phone with her?? and he was like yeah, i'll call you back, and i was like okay, well don't forget cuz i have something important i need to tell you...so another hour passes, and i call him back, and i'm like you're still on the phone?? and he was like yeah, but he was like, just tell me whats up so you can go back to sleep...so i told him...and he was like oohh, well okay, lets just talk about this later...so he calls me back like and hes like angie, i care about you alot, but u live like 3 hours away, plus you know how my family would act and stuff...and i was like i know, but ican't help it...i thought that i was over u but i wasn't...and when i go out with other guys its just not the same...i can't imagine having what i have with you with them...i try, but it doesn't work...i can't hold at least an hour convo with them every night like we do, when i kiss them, it doesn't feel the same as when i kiss you...its just not the same..i can't connect with them like i do you...and he was like, i konw i can't either and thats why i think that we should just stay friends, i don't want to ruin that...and then he says, me and that girl are going out now..i'm sorry...and i was like, now things are going to change...and hes like no they're not, i don't want them to change so they're not...i was like you may not want them too, but it will...and he was just like, trust me, they're not going to change, so i was just like ok...and we just started talking like we usually do...

 

i mean i know that this isn't going to be that serious..i hope not...but i don't know...i've never felt so strongly for anyone...and this morning he was like, well you know me, this prolly won't evne last that long..and then he was like you should have told me, when you told me that you still liked me i had already asked her out...and he was like, i'm sorry, i didn't know...i didn't know...and i was like i know, i wanted to tell u sooner but i thought i could handle it..but i don't know..does that mean that he still may have feelings for me? or should i just give up on him and move on? don't even suggest not talking to him, cuz i can't do it...the whole time before we didn't talk, all i thought about was him...and it just makes it worse...what should i do?? is this a lost cause, or should i just wait it out..we're only 19, we have plenty of time...what does this sound liek to you? please help me

[Red Flag Rick]

sweetie, you are about to get your hair blown back from a gay man, so hang on. this is for your own good.

 

i know you are hurting and i understand that you are confused - at your age, your hormones are screaming and boys look so cute and your parents don't understand and you want that new (insert the newest item you crave here) so bad you think life will be over if you don't get it.

 

but i want you to stop for a minute and pay attention to me, because i truly know things that will, if accepted by you, save you a lifetime of pain and frustration. And if you "get it" at your age, you will be ahead of so many young folks who desperately need to hear the truth.

 

first, understand that you are focusing on the wrong person if you are focusing on anyone other than yourself. and sweetie, you are. so get it together and take care of you before you try to nab a guy. you don't have what it takes to find a good guy, and you better start the process of learning how to nab one.

 

i have reviewed every word of your post, including the incessant use of the word, "like", which you need to drop from your vocabulary immediately. you actually wrote this:

 

"and i'm like you're still on the phone?? and he was like yeah, but he was like, just tell me whats up so you can go back to sleep...so i told him...and he was like oohh, well okay, lets just talk about this later...so he calls me back like and hes like angie, i care about you alot, but u live like 3 hours away, plus you know how my family would act and stuff...and i was like i know, but ican't help it"

 

cutie, this screams of a girl who doesn't get it. no quality guy is going to want to date someone who sounds like a broken Olsen Twins record. You are pushing 20 so act like it. Clean up your act in every sense of the word - it has everything to do with what guy you attract. and you deserve the best quality guy out there, so start acting, sounding, and looking like you do.

 

communicating like this makes you sound like a bimbo. a ditz. an uneducated common babe. and babes who don't "get it" are easy targets for boys who want to jump your bones. and that's what boys want to do when they look at you, and you need to be prepared for the male sharks that are lurking in the waters as you date... so don't even begin to think that you know how to navigate the relationship waters right now. your post tells me that you need education about relationships and i am so glad i caught you early.

 

you are so worried about boys right now. i have not seen anything that lets me know you are concerned about your inner growth so that you will learn how to make the right choices in relationships.

 

do you think love is so simple? do you think all you have to do is love a guy and then you will live happily ever after? sure sounds like you do, cause you are already on the hunt.... and i bet you spend more time thinking about other guys than you spend thinking about what it takes to find a quality guy who will treat you as you should be treated.

 

sweetie, there is a path that, if you do not take it, will lead you to one crappy guy after the next, and you will look up one day years from now to find that after many failed relationships and broken hearts, you are one big mess.

 

and you can either choose that path or listen to someone who has lots of straight female friends older than you and they have told me everything about their relationships with men over the years. so get it together and trust me - you better start learning about reality or you better get ready for some dysfunction.

 

here's your first reality check -

 

females are built to be smarter than males. and they are built that way for a reason, because the female needs to possess the power to see what males are doing at all times... especially when they are circling your bod... see, you want a great guy who will love you and care for you and treat you like a princess... and you want to live with him forever. how sweet.

 

here's your next reality check -

 

guys want to get into your pants. they go through all the dating crap because they want to get into your pants. they look at you and drool, you look at them and melt because he's so cute and sweet and will make a great boyfriend.

 

sweetie, do you see the difference in girls and guys and how they view each other? there's lots more, but i am giving you a primer, then i want you to look up my other posts and read every word i have written on this board, because you will know more after reading my posts than any of your friends, and you will hopefully see the incredible importance of you "getting it" right now, before you screw up your life.

 

as a female, you have the power to skip all of the drama (that you are already in, by the way) that girls think they have to go through as they search for their perfect boyfriend. but first there are some things you must learn and do so that you will have the internal strength and tools necessary to keep the crappy boys away from you and find one worth your time.

 

and there is a path to that power, and it starts with you, not a boy.

 

so erase everything you think you know about boys and listen to me.

 

what value do you place on yourself?

 

think about it for a minute... kinda hard to answer, isn't it? i know you can't answer it because your post lets me know loud and clear that you don't.

 

defining this value is your first step to unlock your girl power inside you so you can have the tools you need... see, we are not taught to think this way - especially girls... all girls want is to find their dream date and set up their perfect Barbie Dream World... and live happily ever after...

 

and thinking this way as you try to date will sink your girlie ship.

 

you better decide what you are worth before you start dating, because after you decide what you are worth, that will dictate how you behave and it will affect the quality of guy you attract. and right now, you have no idea what you are doing, so i am sure the level of guys around you could be better. and guys love girls with little or no power because they are easy targets, and guys are lazy lazy lazy, so get with it and become a mighty dating machine.

 

guys need to work work work to get you, and any girl who doesn't make a guy work for her affection is an idiot.

 

and here's an inside tip straight from my straight guy friends...

 

they date a girl and she sleeps with him the first few dates, she's a slut and there is no way they would date her long term.

 

so girls that give it up are reaping exactly what they sow, and they get what they deserve. so keep those clothes on for a long long time, girls - guys are picking the sluts off and having a ball using easy women.

 

and baby, these are the women who do not have this knowledge that i am giving to you. these are the girls who will end up in one failed relationship after the next.

 

so take a different path because you deserve a better life.

 

decide how much you are worth - it relates to your self-esteem, and most girls your age are so insecure, i assume you need to build up your self-esteem... and you have no idea how important a good, healthy self-esteem is and how it directly affects your life and your relationships with men.

 

so how you feel about yourself... what are your insecurities? how do they make you act? how do they make you act around guys? what are your strengths? do you even know your strengths? are you using them correctly and to your best advantage? what are your weaknesses? do you see them clearly? what is your description of the man you want? not outside, but inside? what do you expect from a guy? are you seeking that guy based on your expectations, or do you just meet guys and think they are cute and want to date them?

 

sweetie, these are just a few of the things that you must know first, so that you will know who you are. and you must know who you are. do you know who you are and what you want? not only in guys, but in life?

 

i know you want a boyfriend. but its just not enough to want a boyfriend. you need to learn how to nab the best boy out there, and i hope you see how important this is... and every guy you think about dating should pass your test of what you want in a life partner real fast, or you are wasting your precious time. when you discover your own self worth, it builds your self-esteem and you become powerful. and then you decide that you are awesome and you want this and this and this in a guy... and you become aware of the traits that you do not want in a guy and how to spot those negative traits a mile away - before they get close to you.

 

and since you are a chick, you do this growth thing right and you will become more powerful than you can ever imagine. see, lots of girls don't know they are built to outsmart guys... and since they start dating and never do all this that i am talking about, they get used and abused and treated like crap.

 

and it all has to do with their perception of themselves and the value that they place on themselves. if you havent done this, your value is at rock bottom. and you act in a way that lets a guy know you are a needy, desperate easy target. but the guy will make you think he really cares about dating you, but remember your reality check i said earlier about what guys really want. and in your weak, needy state, he will do whatever he has to do and say whatever he has to say to get what he wants...

 

and from your post, i would classify you right now as someone with no idea of her value, and therefore i predict that you are acting like a weak, needy babe who is an excellent target to be used by a male.

 

and honey, i have seen more girls like you than i care to over the years. so i think you need to realize you deserve to be the best that you can be, and therefore, you deserve the best quality guy out there.

 

you need to present yourself to guys and know beyond a doubt what your value is and know exactly what you want in a guy. this way, when you see a guy trying to run game on you, you can spot the game right then and make a decision to move on down the road... its a necessary tool called "looking for red flags..."

 

i will bet you anything i own - if you do not know how to look for red flags as you date, you will not be equipped to handle the dating scene and guys will rip you to shreds and throw you to the curb. do you know how to look for red flags, sweetie? from your post, it looks like you are interested in anything other than that.

 

so i want you to read my posts and read the poster's message that i am responding to - it will open your eyes and you will see things in a different light. and i promise you, you better get your act together and learn about how to define your own self worth and value and learn how to spot red flags in guys, or you will absolutely positively get hurt over and over again.

 

and you are so much better than that, so don't ever settle for second class.

 

i used to have the screen name "scottbsl" so look at those posts, too.

 

and find yourself a quality gay man and become his best friend. he knows more about guys than you do, and from what i read, you need all the knowledge you can get right now.

 

start the process of paying attention to yourself first, before you pay attention to guys - they will always be out there and when you have the tools to navigate the relationship waters, you will save yourself alot of grief because you will be able to spot a loser from a mile away - before he slips up on you and steals your heart.