ImageofLove Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hi all, Well, after 1 1/2 -2 years of discussing marriage and fighting because my partner seemed to be all talk and no action when it came to proposing he took me shopping to look at rings (but I can't help but feel it was because I mentioned he still had never taken me shopping to look at engagement rings). His reasons for not proposing yet are very vague, such as "I don't know why I haven't", "I was probably a bit scared", "worried about his contract work". Now I don't believe this scared bs because we have been living together for nearly 3 years and together for 5 years. He will be 39 in a couple of months and I am 32. He has always SAID that he is ready for marriage and wants to spend his life with me but I am now getting quite bored of the waiting. A friend of mine said it well - that we have been cruising along for too long now and there is no excitement or future to officially look forward to. I had decided not to compare myself or our relationship with other people but today I found out a girl from work is engaged. She has told me that her bf is always talk, doesn't have much ambition or money but he has still managed to make the effort to propose to her. I thought I was feeling better about it but I now feel hurt again that my partner hasn't bothered to propose of his own accord. My partner earns a great wage but is on a contract, which he says worries him even though he has been IT contracting for 5 years now! I'm really fed up and don't know if I even want to marry him anymore! I feel that I am at a funny age and that people are stepping over me. My younger friends are travelling and have no responsibilities - I have done this. The friends my age are getting married and having children and I'm clearly not there yet. I guess I just feel a bit lost! I have lots of goals and I have always taken action to achieve them but atm I feel that I can't bring myself to pursue anything until the relationship situation is sorted. Has anyone felt this frustration before? What did you do? Thanks for reading! Link to post Share on other sites
LilyBart Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 If you want to get married so badly, get pregnant. You will not believe how many people I know (personally and through others) who have pulled this - accidentally, wink, wink. Some were dating for over a decade, others just a year. And sure enough - they ALL got married. Word of warning though: every single one of the H's ended up in an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 If you want to get married so badly, get pregnant. You will not believe how many people I know (personally and through others) who have pulled this - accidentally, wink, wink. Some were dating for over a decade, others just a year. And sure enough - they ALL got married. Word of warning though: every single one of the H's ended up in an affair. LOL. Is that why you are still an Other Woman?Listen both of you. If these men wanted to be with your properly, they would. Period, no excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I'm sorry but I don't think this guy is ever planning on marrying you. You have been together for 5 years, living together for 3, and he is 39 years old. If he hasn't popped the question yet -- on his own accord, NOT because you keep nagging him about it -- it's for a reason. I think you need to face the facts, as hard as that may be. You are wasting your time with this guy. When a guy wants to marry the girl he is with, he doesn't have to be nagged, prodded, etc. He takes the initiative to make it happen because he WANTS it to happen. I think you need to end this relationship & move on, because it's clear that you're not going to get what you want from him. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 If these men wanted to be with your properly, they would. Period, no excuses. Exactly! It kills me to see women believing the excuses their guys feed them and just waiting around, wasting YEARS of their lives on men who have NO intention of ever marrying them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa_H Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Maybe some pre-commitment coaching would help. There is a reason he is not asking you and it could be several things. It may have nothing to do with you at all, or he may never have the intention of marrying you. You won't know for sure, until he can be completely open and honest with you. You will have to make a decision about whether or not you want to stay with him knowing he may never ask. What is your relationship like other than the marriage issue? There are people that stay together for years and never get married and do just fine. Personally, I would see if he will talk to someone or at the very least you talk to a relationship coach and let them guide you through what the problem could be and how to work past it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImageofLove Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Thanks for your responses. I have stayed with him because he has told me for 1 1/2 years that he wants to spend his life with me and marry me. I was also only ready to discuss marriage 2 years ago and I'm now feeling ready for marriage in the next 1-2 years. We had a LDR for the first 2 years of our relationship so I was a bit commitment phobic for a while. I have hassled him for a while now to give me a reason of why he hasn't proposed so that I could work out whether I should move on. He always says there is no reason but I agree with all of you that there is a reason he won't propose. So far it seems there are lots of reasons - our fighting about marriage so he backs off, his work contract ending soon etc. He said he felt a bit pressured because I often brought the topic of marriage up and his work contract is finishing soon. I just felt frustrated because I didn't know what to do! It's hard when you suggest reasons and he denys everything. "No I do want to marry you, I love you, there is no reason I haven't proposed, I am enthusiastic about marrying you" blah blah blah! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImageofLove Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Our relationship is great when we don't fight about him not proposing. We have lived together for a while, enjoy each others company and we compromise. He feels that he committed to me when he asked me to move in with him and he says that he bought our house by the beach for me. It irritates me when he says 'our' house because it is not my house. We are not officially committed so he shouldn't assume that things are 'ours'!!! I have my own properties as my investments so everything is very separate for convenience and tax reasons. Thanks again for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
bigmomma1974 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 This is 2011 ask him. why wait for him to ask you. Corner his ass by asking him if he turns ya down or makes excusses. Leave and move on and find someone who will give you what you want in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImageofLove Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 I know he would say yes but I think he should make the effort and show me that he truly wants this with me after all of our discussions. If I propose then he will probably just go along with it and then the next struggle would be getting him to get married. He needs to be ready and he's clearly not. Well, not for me anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 If you want to get married so badly, get pregnant. ya, thats real good advice:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
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