DiorAddict Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 My parents are getting retired together and I'm thrilled, but I'm also sad that I won't be able to see them because my dad wants to freakin' travel the whole world and take my mother with him....I know it's time for me to break my ties with my parents, but I'm an only child and I talk to my mom everyday, go to the movies and lunch with my dad every weekend (almost) and I love them soooo much. I mean, they're great parents and I had an awesome childhood thanks to them. The sad thing is, I have no one to start my own family with, which sucks. I'm going to NYU for grad school next fall, so maybe I will meet someone there, but there's no guarantee. I might be alone while my parents are in Thailand and Italy and Spain and Australia and France and Brazil...etc. etc... I'm totally bummed. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 time to get out there and make some friends!! you'll be fine, don't worry. folks will send you letters from abroad. be happy for them that they have all this free time and $ to travel the world. and congrats on going to grad school in NYU! don't worry abt looking for a r/s just because you feel a lil lonely - don't rush things. just make some friends, get out more, learn to be OK on your own. best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiorAddict Posted April 25, 2004 Author Share Posted April 25, 2004 Thanks "yes" =) You're right. I just have to DO IT! Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 Awww, you don't think it'll be just as hard for them to be away from you? But you'll both adjust real quick, for the most part. I'm kind of ashamed to say, but I live over 3,000 away from my parents and haven't called... since... well never mind. Thing that I don't think is exclusive to me but may not apply to you is: once away from parents a LOT of people seem to go through this phase where they realize all the inadequacies in their parents parenting skills and get bitter for a month or so for not being nurtured perfectly. Maybe you'll manage to avoid that, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiorAddict Posted April 25, 2004 Author Share Posted April 25, 2004 There are things I know my parents could have done better, and that probably will intensify once I've been away from the nest a significant amount of time. It's like another break up!! I can't handle all this at once! lol Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 sounds familiar. i went through a bitter stage mentioned by magda even while still living with them! but now i've accepted that they're human, they've made their mistakes, and although i'll try not to repeat them, it's no disaster - i've survived when that bitter stage began, i too felt like i just broke up with someone! so trust me, a lot of us go through it - it's just more of a big deal for the only-children or anybody who's close to their folks. it's a matter of learning to balance seeing them as the fallible humans as we all are (and not like semi-gods that they were to you while you were growing up), and still loving them and being close to them. good luck, you'll be fine, don't worry. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 It sounds to me that you need to become comfortable being alone, not worrying about meeting someone when you go to grad school to start a family with. Be comfortable on your own. No one is a perfect parent. Besides, if you are upset about them leaving you must not hold all that much against them. Learning to be independent of the company of others, or ones family, is a very good lesson. Of course, it's bad to live your life completely alone, but it sounds that you depend perhaps too much at times on having others around you. The only person who is going to take care of you for the rest of your life is... you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiorAddict Posted April 25, 2004 Author Share Posted April 25, 2004 True, true, true. Gosh, I tell ya, some members on here should be awarded a PhD! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I'm an only too, so i can understand how hard it can be sometimes, and how close those ties can be! I've been anxious too, only lately my problem has sort of been the reverse of yours. I am planning to travel, and I am worried how my mum is going to cope (perhaps read my thread in this section). You'll be fine. Speaking from my current position, I would say, be happy your parents are happy and independent! Frankly, I'd miss my mum if she took off overseas too, a lot, but more than that, I'dbe thrilled for her! It would make her so happy. You have lots ahead of you too. And being alone can be great! Before I met my current guy, I lived alone for years, and honestly, I enjoyed it. Sure, sometimes I was lonely, but I could do what I wanted, and it was a good period of personal growth. Good luck. You'll adjust to this in time. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 DiorAddict and Thinkalot, I am a parent of an only child and I regret not having had a second child, but my child insists that they do not want a sibling, so I haven't pushed it too hard. However, I think that when I am old and die, it would be nice for my child to have some other family in the world close to them. So what I am asking is, did either of you always want a sibling and never got one, or do you find that now, later in life, having a sibling has become very important for you? Thanks (and you can pm me if you feel better with more privacy) Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Hi A.G. Most of my life, I never much thought about wanting a sibling. Sometimes as a youngster I wished I had a brother or sister to play with, or whatnot...but I had so much love in my life from my mum especially, that i would say overall I was very happy and content. My parents divorced when I was only 4. So having a brother or sister was never really something I could ask for! There are advantages and disadvantages either way you go. For example, only kids often mature early and converse well with adults. They also often become high achievers, leaders and comfortable with their own company (these are stereotypes of course!). Also, there is lots of love which does not have to be shared...so theyreceive an abundance of support and attention, and often develop close family ties. On the flip side, it can be lonely, and as you say, in later life, can mean small family circle. The close ties you develop with family can also have a negative side too, with overdeveloped sense of responsibility or obligation...and also, simply being the only one for the family to focus on can sometimes be quite a lot to take on. I have no cousins or aunties or uncles either, so we are a tiny family, which is wonderful, but also sometimes I wish there were more of us. Plus, I am sensitive and not very tough when it comes to fighting, or joking around with people...I didnt ever have siblings to toughen me up! Based on my own experiences, I would not worry about having only one child myself. There are good and bad sides to both choices. An only child loved and nurtured will still be a happy child, and happy adult, maybe even happier than if they have to fight with siblings. Of course, more family as you age, is nice. But I have close family friends whom I grew up with, and they are like 'cousins' to me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I'm an only and wish I wasn't. I've adopted myself a 'family' of sorts along the way, made of friends but of course, in the end they have their own families. There are benefits to being an only but I think I would have enjoyed having more people around. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Thanks Thinkalot I think it's a bit too late (my chilld is 10 already) but it is interesting how you say you were "sensitive and not very tough" because my child is too. Anyway, hopefully they will develop an "extended" family as you did Cheers A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 A.G., My boyfriend actually jokes with me, that I'm not very good at taking a joke, or a bit of teasing. He'll cuddle me when I get a bit upset over a goodnatured joke, and say "My little only child...you just aren't used to teasing are you?". And I'll say (in small voice), "well, no, I'm not!". Hee hee..I'm getting better though, and these days I tease him too. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 Originally posted by average guy I think it's a bit too late (my chilld is 10 already) A.G. if your not sterile ...its never too late. my youngest half- brother was born when i was 19. he is 15 now. its awesome though, i get to live the childhood i never had, though him. Link to post Share on other sites
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