Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[youaremysunshine]

And as an aside, I have a boyfriend and am just at the pub to see my girlfriends.

 

I'm ussualy there in my liberal arts nightmare uniform of cardigan, jeans and no make up.

 

I think the pub we go to has a lot of older clientele as its near a lot of offices... I don't want to have to change our regular watering hole.

[Mascara]

As an aside, I've seen older guys hit on younger women, in various settings. They're rarely as polite as they think they are. And when they justifiably get the rude knock back, they seem surprised and angry.

 

As an impartial observer, I wish they could also witness how they come across.

[123321]

When anyone with authority over me hits on me it would be uncomfortable, and workplace harassment.

 

I'm not rude to anyone but I have no duty to engage stangers beyond a friendly acknowledgement. No one has the right to demand my time and attention and get but hurt when I won't flirt with them.

 

See now that's fair and not impolite IMO. If they can't interest you that's not your fault, just as long as we all stay civil.

 

 

Maybe it's just cause older guys have been around the block a few times or they are just sex starved but they tend to come on WAY TOO STRONG. Like never taking no thank you for answer, no shame about my obvious lack of interest in them. Maybe younger guys are a little more timid but they usaualy back off when you give them a polite I'm ghere with my friends

 

No idea. I don't hit on women for the most part anyway, I'm more a relationship person so the number of 'cold approaches' I make is typically low. Maybe the wannabe players are just in a hurry.

 

 

Older guys will not quit, they read the pick up artist manual and they are sticking to it!! I even had a guy call me a beetch for declining a drink!

 

And women can't park.

 

Let's take it easy with the stereotypes.

[zebracolors]

Im a 38 y/o woman and I can give my own experience in "dating" guys around 10 years younger. In all the interactions I've had in the last year with 20something men, which has been either dating or for intimacy, I've often wondered if they really have the mindset, or are ready for the emotional responsibility that being in an exclusive relationship needs, or indeed to understand the mindset of a late 30s woman who may have had more experience, encountered all kinds of men, etc. Im sure this can work both ways(older men, younger women)

 

I think many people that age, both men and women, are still trying to get their life in order, their careers started, etc. So maybe for many, the last thing they are thinking about is a committed relationship, but maybe its something they want after 30.

 

There is one 27 year old guy I am casually dating, and I like him a lot but on my end, Im not sure yet if any kind of relationship can come from this. Given his age, I kind of feel I don't want to tie him down when he could still experience lots of other things that go along with dating, even as much as I like him and wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with him. But whatever happens with this, if he tells me down the road "this is what I want" and we're both prepared to prove it, then perhaps it will become a "relationship".

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

When anyone with authority over me hits on me it would be uncomfortable, and workplace harassment.

 

I'm not rude to anyone but I have no duty to engage stangers beyond a friendly acknowledgement. No one has the right to demand my time and attention and get but hurt when I won't flirt with them.

 

Maybe it's just cause older guys have been around the block a few times or they are just sex starved but they tend to come on WAY TOO STRONG. Like never taking no thank you for answer, no shame about my obvious lack of interest in them. Maybe younger guys are a little more timid but they usaualy back off when you give them a polite I'm ghere with my friends

 

Older guys will not quit, they read the pick up artist manual and they are sticking to it!! I even had a guy call me a beetch for declining a drink!

 

I've hung out with some significantly older men that chased younger women at bars. They are either one of two types:

 

1) Extremely overworked and just looking to relieve stress (and, thus, don't care about how they come off). These guys are usually awesome and successful with tons of wisdom and great life experience. These guys exist, but are rare.

 

2) Guys that got married young and divorced and never really knew how to talk to women (more common). These guys tend to be very awkward and represent the PUA stereotypes (though actual PUA guys differ greatly).

 

As a young guy with lots of experience hitting on girls, I've found that it's generally better to move on after a rejection (both for the girl and for myself). Even if she comes around, I won't feel the same way about her.

 

But many of these old guys don't have the level of experience that I have. You make the common mistake of associating age with experience and wisdom, which is definitely not always the case these days.

[youaremysunshine]

I understand that older men who cold approach young women are not a homogenous group. But I'm not one to respond well to cold approaches at all, I prefer to bond with people in my social circle over common interests and see where it goes. I'm currently in a relationship.

 

I know these guys are stressed out and chasing young girls is their idea of fun, but I get stressed out too and I just want to have a pint with my girls. Helping these guys relax is not my responsibility.

 

I'm not really interested in the wisdom and life advice of these guys. I have a hard time how it could apply to me because our lives and times are so different. Also I feel like a man seeking out a woman who is not on an equal reveals a level of immaturity.

[gaius]

There is one 27 year old guy I am casually dating, and I like him a lot but on my end, Im not sure yet if any kind of relationship can come from this. Given his age, I kind of feel I don't want to tie him down when he could still experience lots of other things that go along with dating, even as much as I like him and wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with him. But whatever happens with this, if he tells me down the road "this is what I want" and we're both prepared to prove it, then perhaps it will become a "relationship".

I hate how a lot of women are given this feeling. That if they date younger, they're somehow holding the guy back from other things. That they aren't really worth his full time and commitment since he's so much younger. Which isn't true at all.

[camillalev]

As an aside, I've seen older guys hit on younger women, in various settings. They're rarely as polite as they think they are. And when they justifiably get the rude knock back, they seem surprised and angry.

 

As an impartial observer, I wish they could also witness how they come across.

 

I wish they did too. They rarely ever know

[camillalev]

I'm gonna have to call bullshit on this one. OK, sure, you MIGHT be the one in a million who REALLY wouldn't stammer out a yes as fast as she could if Hugh Grant, John Stamos, Jim Carey, Jason Bateman, James Denton, Johnny Depp, Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Perry, Will Smith, Edward Norton, Ralph Fiennes, Guy Pearce, Cuba Gooding Jr., Clive Owen, or whoever asked you out, but (1) I doubt it and (2) you'd be a rare exception.

 

The real issue isn't that a "guy twice one's age" has viewed you as a sex object, the real issue is that the offer was made and the overall package wasn't to your liking, but rather than be honest about that and say:

 

- He wasn't famous enough

- He didn't make enough money

- He didn't look good enough

 

You and those like you come up with "he was too old" because that's not going to get you labelled as shallow and will garner virtual high fives from other women and some men, while allowing you to bask in the moment of being oh so desirable and attention worthy.

 

Here's a fact; You probably ARE desirable and attention worthy.

 

Here's another: You would date the right older man, if he walked into your life.

 

 

The only guy I would date in that group is mark ruffalo Sigh. However he's also the type of guy I find attractive regardless, it has nothing to do with his money or fame. If he were a random guy on the street I would find it attractive.

 

Please stop trying to attribute womens lack of interest in older men to anything besides a lack of interest in older men.

 

Bleach blonde bimbos who have no real-life talents, however, might marry a guy just for a his money. Most regular women(like the ones on this board) will not.

[camillalev]

I'm a young woman in her 20's, the disconcerning thing to me about the OPs post(before it was consolidated) is that hes not simply looking for an amazing, or multiple amazing women to date and have fun with. He's only focused on the young, early 20's-ish age range. Its almost fetishistic and has nothing to do with who they are.

[zebracolors]

I hate how a lot of women are given this feeling. That if they date younger, they're somehow holding the guy back from other things. That they aren't really worth his full time and commitment since he's so much younger. Which isn't true at all.

 

Fair point Gaius. I shouldn't think Im not worth a guy's time. I should remind myself that if I am interesting, and my life seems interesting, to a guy, he probably does want to be part of it or at least wants to get to know me more. Though, that presumes he is being honest with himself, as well as with me, that that's what he really wants.

[Shashasha]

Never thought age matters! My ex was 38, I am 22 and thr guy i am currently seeing is 39! I love older man - you can do anything you want to them and they teach very well

[Mascara]

Wait till you're my age. That "older man" is then 60 and falling asleep after a heavy meal.

[theothersully]

Fair point Gaius. I shouldn't think Im not worth a guy's time. I should remind myself that if I am interesting, and my life seems interesting, to a guy, he probably does want to be part of it or at least wants to get to know me more. Though, that presumes he is being honest with himself, as well as with me, that that's what he really wants.

 

This is true. Having been on both sides of the equation, I remember dating a super hot executive assistant in my first job out of college. She was like 28? I was 21 or 22. Best looking woman I'd ever seen at that point in my life. I certainly didn't feel held back in any way. Loved every second of it. She was much more skilled in bed then anyone I'd ever been with and i'd pretty much be begging to come over, even on work nights. ha ha ha

 

She was great in all ways. We did mature things. Dinners, etc...

 

5'0", 100 lbs, long brown hair, deep brown eyes, perfect hair and makeup, french manicure, squeaky little voice, sexy business type outfits she would get out of at either of our places. Physically, everything I could ever want in a woman. Exactly my style AND would use sex against you, which was hot in it's own way. I'd be cheerfully scrubbing dishes or moving damn pianos or something knowing what was coming... My god... what an experience! lolol

 

Sorry. You brought back some good memories.

Edited October 23, 2013 by theothersully

[123321]

The only guy I would date in that group is mark ruffalo Sigh. However he's also the type of guy I find attractive regardless ...

 

As i said, it's the overall package, age is an excuse that is socially acceptable. Thanks for the confirmation.

[123321]

I'm a young woman in her 20's, the disconcerning thing to me about the OPs post(before it was consolidated) is that hes not simply looking for an amazing, or multiple amazing women to date and have fun with. He's only focused on the young, early 20's-ish age range. Its almost fetishistic and has nothing to do with who they are.

 

It's the whole package for me too, but being in the "bloom of youth" is attractive and generally a plus.

[youaremysunshine]

123321 I would agree, I am attracted to men in their bloom of youth as well. I'll date old guys when I'm old.

 

 

As for all those actors you listed... Of course going on a date with a rich and famous guy would be fun but I doubt we have much in common or that I could have a viable relationship with someone like that.

 

Most guys would hit Jennifer Anniston

[Nicgianni1]

I dated a lady 11 years older than me in my twenties. It worked out well although she could not have kids due to a hysterectomy and I definitely wanted them. This was the cause of our break up.

Aside from that, we had a great time and the age difference was an interesting added feature to our relationship. We both saw things from different perspectives which was something I did not thing would happen. But, it made life much more interesting from that perspective. (Yes, sex was good too. )

[123321]

Most guys would hit Jennifer Anniston

 

I wouldn't have used her as an example but sure, it's the whole package. Salma Hayek.

[Titania22]

On the subject of age gap, one of my gamer guy friends has been showing romantic interest in me for the past couple of weeks. He is 23 and we have been friends for about a months before this change. Also he lives on the other side of the world, so it's not like he could be looking for easy sex.

 

I really have no idea if he has or could have a serious interest in me, or if this is like a boredom thing on his part. I am trying to restrain from judging and waiting to see how things unfold.

[kmarks]

The idea of younger women dating older men is a timeless concept. But why? Why do younger women like dating older men, and why has this convention been practiced for so long? The age-old question has been pondered by anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists, behavioral scientists, talk show hosts, high school girls at slumber parties, and younger men walking home alone after closing time.

 

Is it an innate evolutionary tactic for the woman to find the strongest, most confident man who can financially support her and provide her (if she so chooses, thank you very much) with genetically superior children?

If so, older men come out on top every time. After all, what’s more attractive? Is it an eager, younger guy, fresh out of college, who’s selfish in bed and who has nothing but hope to cling to, or an older, wiser, outgoing, more mature man with a great job, who also happens to be experienced and selfless in bed?

 

 

Evolutionarily, it’s the perfect match. Younger women like men who can provide emotionally and financially. And, luckily for those women, older men are visual creatures.

[felicity1]

Older men are not in the same "head space" as younger women. In this day and age one would expect young women with "dad issues" or insecure "gold-diggers" to have the emotional need for an older man as a partner,. Furthermore, these days women in general are less repressed and can have financial independance.

Edited December 6, 2013 by felicity1

[ConstantVoyager]

I'm not exactly a young woman, being 38, but my boyfriend is 64. I've never dated anyone that much older than me before, but I date him because I'm attracted to him physically and I'm also attracted to the wealth of experience, interests and knowledge he's accumulated. We trade off paying for dates and things, so I have no financial incentive for dating him.

 

In short, I date him because I like him.

[Babolat]

I am 47 and recently "kind of" dated a girl 29. I assumed she was in her mid 30s when we met. I say kind of as it was a lot of sex, mixed in with a friendship, mixed in with emotions/feelings developing, then we both stopped.

 

Turns out she just likes older men, even she does not know why. She loved my grey edges in my hair (not sure what this is called). I never saw her as 29, I saw her as her, someone I liked, and the age (her being younger) was not a turn on/attractiuon for me, as some thought it was.

[RedRobin]

Personally, I haven't found older men to be any better partners or lovers than younger men.. in either 'relative' terms or in absolute terms. Hate to say it, but I'm a little tired of trying to date men even close to my own age.

 

Sex isn't exactly off the wall fabulous (some of them are already popping the blue pills and making excuses for their lagging libido) and they are just as commitment phobic or worse than their younger counterparts... combine that with health issues and I'm pretty 'meh'. The last two guys I dated aren't even old and they are already complaining about all their little aches and pains. One was five years younger and the other is same age. Such is life in a po-dunk town... Slim pickins.

 

Why do younger women go for older men? Big mystery to me. I can only assume she hasn't much going for her, desperate, or has daddy issues. My time on LS has only solidified my viewpoint on this after learning more about most of the people who go in for this kind of thing.

 

As for me... I don't screw older men that I like... I make them my friends. I'm not attracted to my dad. Why would I date someone even close to my dad's age? I won't date a guy who has a history of dating much younger women either. Speaks to a dynamic that indicates he's likely got control issues or needs to be the 'dad' in a relationship. Since I'm looking for an equal, it doesn't work for me.

Edited December 6, 2013 by RedRobin