Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[RedRobin]

Then the patriarchy has blamed you into selling your youth away to some pervert. I have no proof but they tell me so so it is true.

 

I am being sarcastic.

 

Don't make this another one of your rants about 'feminism'.

 

As far as proof goes... any trip to Thailand, the Phillipines and lots of other places where sex tourism is popular would be sufficient.

 

I guess for the men who partake in that... the young American women just aren't pliable enough. Whaa!

[Woggle]

Don't make this another one of your rants about 'feminism'.

 

As far as proof goes... any trip to Thailand, the Phillipines and lots of other places where sex tourism is popular would be sufficient.

 

I guess for the men who partake in that... the young American women just aren't pliable enough. Whaa!

 

I was making fun of the people who make an issue out of what consenting adults do. Sex tourism is an entirely different issue.

[paigej91]

The idea of younger women dating older men is a timeless concept. But why? Why do younger women like dating older men, and why has this convention been practiced for so long? The age-old question has been pondered by anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists, behavioral scientists, talk show hosts, high school girls at slumber parties, and younger men walking home alone after closing time.

 

Is it an innate evolutionary tactic for the woman to find the strongest, most confident man who can financially support her and provide her (if she so chooses, thank you very much) with genetically superior children?

If so, older men come out on top every time. After all, what’s more attractive? Is it an eager, younger guy, fresh out of college, who’s selfish in bed and who has nothing but hope to cling to, or an older, wiser, outgoing, more mature man with a great job, who also happens to be experienced and selfless in bed?

 

 

Evolutionarily, it’s the perfect match. Younger women like men who can provide emotionally and financially. And, luckily for those women, older men are visual creatures.

 

In no way is it EVOLUTIONARY for a woman to find a man who can financially support her- that's just socialized gender constructs.

 

For me, I like older men because they're more mature and easy to relate to. At my age (22) men are acting like college bros.

[RedRobin]

I was making fun of the people who make an issue out of what consenting adults do. Sex tourism is an entirely different issue.

 

No, Woggle... It starts somewhere. It starts when people wanna be all cool and trendy and say 'whatever floats your boat'... Instead of acknowledging reality.

 

The fact is... it's mostly much older men 'preying' (yes, that's what I said) on younger women.

 

There is no talking to the guys who do this... They just want what they want and don't give a shyte.

 

It's the women I'm more concerned with. They don't realize what they are throwing away. Most of them figure it out later... albeit, for many of them, when it is too late to do anything about it.

 

But in the meantime, we still have all these people happy to sell them off and not cluing them in.... women at least deserve that so they can make an informed choice... or at least try to live an examined life.

[Woggle]

No, Woggle... It starts somewhere. It starts when people wanna be all cool and trendy and say 'whatever floats your boat'... Instead of acknowledging reality.

 

The fact is... it's mostly much older men 'preying' (yes, that's what I said) on younger women.

 

There is no talking to the guys who do this... They just want what they want and don't give a shyte.

 

It's the women I'm more concerned with. They don't realize what they are throwing away. Most of them figure it out later... albeit, for many of them, when it is too late to do anything about it.

 

But in the meantime, we still have all these people happy to sell them off and not cluing them in.... women at least deserve that so they can make an informed choice... or at least try to live an examined life.

 

There are younger men that go to Thailand as well and that I find disgusting since much of it is sexual slavery. I have no room at all for men who do that. A 25 year old consenting adult however who chooses to date a 40 year old man is their business. After 21 people are entrusted to do everything except one for president so can't we trust them to make their own dating choices?

[reflex]

No idea, but I see no problem unless she is only interested in older men. That is a red flag in my book. Otherwise, I just think that -thankfully- every individual is different. So basically, it would be a mistake to make generalizations about personal choices.

[confident]

I guess some women are ok selling off their youth for some guy's benefit *shrug*

 

I just never thought the pro's outweighed the cons. Even if any of the above were true... I'm just against it on principle...

 

Why should that guy benefit from my youth or what remains of it? For what? A few bucks and conversation?

 

It's not like there is a shortage of interesting people in the world. I don't have to eff them all or make them my BF. Maybe I'd feel differently if I didn't have plenty of interesting friends of both genders... but I doubt it.

 

If you have personal preferences, you should stick with them. But when you generalize that all younger women make a mistake when they date older men, its taking it a bit too far. As an adult, each girl has a right to decide what is good for them. It is nobody else's business on what an adult decides to do with their life.

 

And its laughable that people quote and generalize "Daddy Issues".

[StanMusial]

Why do some women like taller men? Why do some women like successful men? Why do some women like the leader of the pack? They just do, that's why.

[regine_phalange]

Ugh, let me tell you, I'm tired of older men. They seem to really like me though. My two last relationships were with people 10 years older than me. And they had the same thing in common; acted like younger women are easier to handle or manipulate (which is not true by the way, me is a tough cookie and gave a hard time to both of them).

 

So, I'd pick a younger guy anytime... Or someone my age.

edit; I mean, even when I walk in the street, I always notice the more youthful ones first. I guess I will be a cougar someday.

Edited December 7, 2013 by regine_phalange
addition

[StanMusial]

My two last relationships were with people 10 years older than me.

 

Can you give some insight into why you had those relationships? (See title of thread.)

[SmartDude]

OK, regarding the posts that an "older man will steal a women's youth"...That is very one sided.

 

Youth is not always an asset you know, often it is a liability. Young women can be downright dangerous on an emotional/moral level sometimes. The have their "love experiments" that can blow up in your face. They think they f'ing know it all and they don't.

 

A woman's youthful energy and relative inexperience complement the wisdom, empathy and experience of an older man. It really is a fair trade off.

[regine_phalange]

Can you give some insight into why you had those relationships? (See title of thread.)

 

Sure!

 

Just happened.

 

Actually the first one looked younger than he actually was (was 32 at the time but I thought he was 25-26. I was 22). He was not the typical stable 30 year old person, he was a starving artist, travelling a lot. I also wonder why I had a relationship with this person. I guess his bohemian lifestyle was interesting to me back then. Then he became the worst relationship of my life. I know for sure that I will not have such a bad relationship in the future, because that was as bad as one can get in a lifetime. This person has been a turning point in my life; not because he was mature and respectable, but because he was so disordered.

 

The second one, we had a lot of interests in common, had really a lot to talk about. He was 35 when I met him and I was 24. Many women in my circle used to look up to him because he was successful, educated, good looking and very-very smooth, had his way with words. I never looked up to him.. But I got addicted in talking and spending time with him. He was also very addicted. I think we had a very addictive relationship. Again, I think the age didnt have much to do with it.

 

(And the funny thing is that someone would expect me to actually prefer older men over younger; I lost my dad when I was very little.)

[GG3]

I find it disappointing so many assume the woman has daddy issues.

 

Sometimes we just like what we like. I have tended to date older men because I connect with them better. I was an only child and always felt older inside. We took turns paying for things and actually a few of them took advantage of my money. Not the other way around as some people might assume.

 

Sometimes we just like what we like.

[RedRobin]

OK, regarding the posts that an "older man will steal a women's youth"...That is very one sided.

 

Youth is not always an asset you know, often it is a liability. Young women can be downright dangerous on an emotional/moral level sometimes. The have their "love experiments" that can blow up in your face. They think they f'ing know it all and they don't.

 

A woman's youthful energy and relative inexperience complement the wisdom, empathy and experience of an older man. It really is a fair trade off.

 

I haven't witnessed older men having more empathy. If anything, they have less.

 

If they really had any empathy, they wouldn't imagine trying to latch onto a much younger woman as a romantic prospect. Same goes for 'wisdom' and 'experience'.

 

If these guys had any, they'd appreciate the same in women their own age, but they don't. They use their so-called wisdom and experience to manipulate younger women to feed their ego (at best) or prop them up in old age (at worst).

[RedRobin]

There are younger men that go to Thailand as well and that I find disgusting since much of it is sexual slavery. I have no room at all for men who do that. A 25 year old consenting adult however who chooses to date a 40 year old man is their business. After 21 people are entrusted to do everything except one for president so can't we trust them to make their own dating choices?

 

Sure, but lets fill them in on all the facts... not just the ones the older guys want to weasel past them so they can get/keep a young piece of *ss or feed his ego. Shall we?

 

Seriously, if you had a 21 year old daughter, would you want her dating or marrying 40+ man? I doubt it.

[crederer]

I've known a handful of people in this situation. Reasons I have observed are:

-daddy/self esteem issues.

-younger O/W and it made her feel extra wanted that someone preferred her over the person he married (I guess that could fall under the first point. also never left his wife despite claiming he would. I guess she finally realized she wasn't prefferred but his side piece).

-Shallow and they enjoy that the older person is making peak earnings rather than dating someone right out of college who is making $12 an hour.

-I've heard the claim that they like a guy that is more emotionally mature, yet every single person I know who was dating significantly older guys, were dating guys that had VERY low maturity levels compared to others in their age range. I mean they still acted like frat boys or something, so I never understood the "more mature" aspect of it, in any of the circumstances I've witnessed.

 

Not saying these are the only reasons. But these are the general trends I've seen.

 

Of course no one on this board who is currently dating an older person would fall under this category, would you?

[GG3]

-I've heard the claim that they like a guy that is more emotionally mature, yet every single person I know who was dating significantly older guys, were dating guys that had VERY low maturity levels compared to others in their age range. I mean they still acted like frat boys or something, so I never understood the "more mature" aspect of it, in any of the circumstances I've witnessed.

 

Of course no one on this board who is currently dating an older person would fall under this category, would you?

 

I will say while I have always connected with the "maturity" aspect of older men, it is true that most that I dated were not EMOTIONALLY mature. They had a life experience maturity but as I got to know them I realized they were emotionally immature.

 

[StanMusial]

Sure!

 

Just happened.

 

Actually the first one looked younger than he actually was (was 32 at the time but I thought he was 25-26. I was 22). He was not the typical stable 30 year old person, he was a starving artist, travelling a lot. I also wonder why I had a relationship with this person. I guess his bohemian lifestyle was interesting to me back then. Then he became the worst relationship of my life. I know for sure that I will not have such a bad relationship in the future, because that was as bad as one can get in a lifetime. This person has been a turning point in my life; not because he was mature and respectable, but because he was so disordered.

 

The second one, we had a lot of interests in common, had really a lot to talk about. He was 35 when I met him and I was 24. Many women in my circle used to look up to him because he was successful, educated, good looking and very-very smooth, had his way with words. I never looked up to him.. But I got addicted in talking and spending time with him. He was also very addicted. I think we had a very addictive relationship. Again, I think the age didnt have much to do with it.

 

I agree in the first case. In the second case, his life experience probably contributed to his being successful, educated, smooth, and well-spoken. I don't really understand the "addictive" part, but that's not important to the topic at hand.

 

(And the funny thing is that someone would expect me to actually prefer older men over younger; I lost my dad when I was very little.)

 

I don't know why. Then again, I'm not big on pop psychology and whatnot.

[Weezy1973]

We're actually living in a strange time where any kind of relationship rules are really being thrown out the window. People get into relationships with different age ranges, different races, from different cultures, same sex, different education levels etc. Anything goes - however it seems that similarities tend to predict better outcomes relationship-wise than do differences.

 

And, not surprisingly, the average age difference in marriages is only 3.5 years. There really are not a lot of men looking for significantly younger women, nor young women looking for significantly older men. I'm sure it happens, but it is clearly the exception, not the rule.

[daisydook]

The last guy I dated was 9 years older than I am. We went out for a bit. I just ended it. The guy before that was a month older. I found the guy who was my age was a better fit all around, was more down to earth, wanted to have a family, and was just a more attentive man. We have stayed in contact over the last few years, but I am not sure if it will go anywhere. The older guy just didn't do it for me. He was the man who had everything, but was single at 38 for a reason. He said he wanted to settle down but he wasn't willing to actually share his life. So I wasn't willing to share mine.

 

I like men who are a few years older. 38 was a little too old for me. Intellectually, it was great. Sexually, he couldn't keep up. I know I am being VERY general though as this is only ONE man.

[hotpotato]

My first boyfriend was much older than me. When we met, I was 20, and he was 36 or 37. We met online. i didn't focus much on his age, but I did like that he was my type (geeky). We were together 3 years.

 

It was nice having a man more financially stable. Some things happened with us that would have been financially difficult if he had been a guy my age.

 

His mom and dad were 18 years apart, so it wasn't a big deal to him.

[mario_C]

I heard on NPR about a recent stage production of "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner", which as some of you know was a hugely controversial play from the 60s about race relations and interracial dating - a huge no-no of the time. The recent Washington DC production stars Malcolm Jamal-Warner (you know, Theo from "The Cosby Show" ) who is now in his 40s. The original play and movie were actually banned from certain parts of the country at the time because audiences could not deal with the co-stars, a black man and white woman, expressing their love.

But what, according to the star, surprised audiences in 2013, made them uncomfortable and offended them a little? Seeing a man in his 40s with a younger woman.

[FitChick]

I heard on NPR about a recent stage production of "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner"

But what, according to the star, surprised audiences in 2013, made them uncomfortable and offended them a little? Seeing a man in his 40s with a younger woman.

It would have been so much better and garnered much more publicity if the man was much younger than the woman. A modern twist to an old story.

[Anela]

Wayne Dyer's ex-wife apparently left him, when she was 60 years old, for a man thirty years her junior.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them