Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[BradJacobs]

Where I live our doors are not automatically locked remotely by Big Brother, preventing us from going outside. Even if they were, I'd be exercising inside. Only YOU put food in your mouth unless there is a gang of Feeders throwing thin people on the ground and force feeding them. You make choices so you have to take responsibility for those choices.

It's a personal choice which used to be ridiculed more.

 

When I was growing up two and three decades ago we didn't call it "fat shaming" it was called motivation. Now it's PC to accept everyone's faults even by their own design.

[RedRobin]

So, ES... do you have a particular guy in mind with this question? Or were you just thinking about a guy you've known in the past?

 

 

I think there might have been a time in the past I would have considered an older man (10+), but not anymore. Not for practical reasons and also just based on principal.

 

 

I just can't get around the feeling that he's getting something for nothing from me... Really don't see any benefits to it at all.

 

 

If he's that fabulous and likes me so much, we can be friends.

[Tayken]

I just can't get around the feeling that he's getting something for nothing from me...

 

He might feel the same if he is RICH Just saying

 

Personally...I am in my 40s, never dated younger (ex was 4yrs older), and don't plan to anytime soon...even though I get mistaken all the time for being in my 30s. Nice physique, tight a$$, nice smile, above average looks, athletic, no gut, smart dresser (always bought my own clothes), and smells good

[Got it]

The problem is that society shames middle aged men for taking care of themselves...Im dead serious..Its nuts..

 

If a woman thats 60 lbs overweight loses 5 pounds or gets a boob job, her friends are high fiving, carrying on with the "you go girl" nonsense, and throw her a party..

 

Heaven forbid if a poor guy wants to fight his receding hairline by getting a transplant, he is ridiculed...Its generally accepted among men that guys who undergo surgical procedures for appearance sake are either gay or just full of themselves..

 

I have seen this first hand..I was never more than 10 lbs overweight my whole life, but when I decided to take my training and fitness level and crank it up all I got was "whats the matter with you, man?" "Come out and have beer and pizza with us fat guys"..."Why the hell do you want a great body?, whats the purpose?"...The dumbest part of this is that while I do have an exceptional body for a guy of any age, I didnt even go into it with that purpose...I just like to obsessively weight train and the end result was that I wound up with a great physique...Not one of my friends ever said a positive thing about it...I really dont care, I do what I do for me..

 

But now you know why most older men dont care or make it a priority...

I will agree that maybe they should...It would greatly enhance their lives..

 

TFY

 

Ummm, it sounds like an issue with the company you keep. Maybe you were making them feel threatened so they were tearing you down. I doubt any of the women were saying "oh no, please don't get in shape so I can't ogle your body. Please walk into middle age fat and flabby and belching".

 

My husband's friends are big on fitness and so they push each other every year about being in shape. They have run Tough Mudder twice, have a competition every year and get together and and a "fat bastard" award for the guy who put on the most weight. It is completely the opposite of your situation and these guys have been friends since high school.

 

Dude it's your friends.

[Tayken]

My husband's friends are big on fitness and so they push each other every year about being in shape. They have run Tough Mudder twice, have a competition every year and get together and and a "fat bastard" award for the guy who put on the most weight. It is completely the opposite of your situation and these guys have been friends since high school.

 

Not knocking it, but just want to point out that "Tough Mudder" is not exactly a time race like a marathon or ultra marathon that some of partake in......TM is more of a fun camaraderie usually done in groups, and there is Beer at the end. Fat bastard is self explanatory...so won't appeal to everyone

 

Keeping weight in check and losing weight is simple.......adopt a lifestyle as opposed to a "diet". Contrary to popular belief, Carbs don't make you gain weight, it's the amount of calories that you put in that makes you gain weigh, especially if you are not burning the Glycogen that was converted from glucose

 

So....depending on your height and weight, you should only really be consuming a certain amount of calories a day (yes count calories) i.e. everything in moderation.

 

Personally, my calorie count is 2,516 calories/ day and most of the time I don't even max it out. You also have to include Cardio workout 2-3 /week.

 

Threadmill....most people don't realize that to burn fat, you have to be on the machine for at least 45-60mins. This is the point where fat burning takes place. If you only get off after minimum 30mins, all you've done is work on your VO2

 

A high protein, low calorie, low fat diet with lots of veggies, eggs (low in calorie), fruits (careful with the ones that contain a lot of sugar) and herbal caffeine free tea.

[Emilia]

Not knocking it, but just want to point out that "Tough Mudder" is not exactly a time race like a marathon or ultra marathon that some of partake in......

I don't think you know how hard it is. Marathon/ultra marathon is endurance. Tough Mudder is a combination of mental and physical strength AND endurance. Some of those guys can do a marathon as well as pull themselves over hurdles demonstrating great upper body strength - something that long distance runners often don't have.

[Tayken]

I don't think you know how hard it is. Marathon/ultra marathon is endurance. Tough Mudder is a combination of mental and physical strength AND endurance. Some of those guys can do a marathon as well as pull themselves over hurdles demonstrating great upper body strength - something that long distance runners often don't have.

 

 

I know because I have ran to date over 90 marathons and ultra marathons, I bungee jump, hike, skydive...run 10km+ every lunch time...yes everyday like yesterday and today

 

I have also done a few tough mudders and found it to be a walk in the park really. Then again, I am not walking around with a gut or drink beer / smoke

 

So yes I know what am talking about

[RedRobin]

I don't think you know how hard it is. Marathon/ultra marathon is endurance. Tough Mudder is a combination of mental and physical strength AND endurance. Some of those guys can do a marathon as well as pull themselves over hurdles demonstrating great upper body strength - something that long distance runners often don't have.

 

 

Agree. Tough mudders and lots of those obstacle type races are also done on uncertain terrain. That's a lot tougher than running on a paved road.

 

 

I run trails in the summer almost exclusively just for that reason. Am doing my first snowshoe race next weekend. That will be interesting. It's only a 5K, but I ran a mile in my snowshoes last week.... felt more like THREE miles. I anticipate walking a lot through this one

 

 

... and as always... on the lookout for a nice, relationship oriented single guy close to my age at one of these

[Negative Nancy]

Not me. I have good genes

 

 

...and botox.

 

 

I agree with you that menopausal women taking bioidentical hormones which increase their sex drive definitely need a much younger man. Men their age cannot keep up (or keep it up) unless they are in exceptionally good shape.

 

that's because they can't get it up with the old hags anymore....trust me, they'd have no problem getting it up for a 20 year old. Men's "midlife crisis" is due to the age (and its accompanying visual signs) of their wives...not because of the men themselves.

[escafeld]

No. They are no different. Just more likely to need Viagra or have other health issues sooner than the young ins.

 

Interesting point, whilst I agree we 'oldies' might not be in the first flush of vigorous youth, I've only come to appreciate the benefits of self awareness and emotional learning in the last 10 years, this I believe has very positive relationship benefits, as well as those in the bedroom!

[thefooloftheyear]

Agree. Tough mudders and lots of those obstacle type races are also done on uncertain terrain. That's a lot tougher than running on a paved road.

 

 

I run trails in the summer almost exclusively just for that reason. Am doing my first snowshoe race next weekend. That will be interesting. It's only a 5K, but I ran a mile in my snowshoes last week.... felt more like THREE miles. I anticipate walking a lot through this one

 

 

... and as always... on the lookout for a nice, relationship oriented single guy close to my age at one of these

 

I did a Tough Mudder...once...never again..

 

I work harder than that just doing my job every day.-and no I am not kidding....Quite frankly it was kind of a joke..Bunch of out of shape accountants that think they are badasses because they played in the mud...

 

 

TFY

[escafeld]

I agree with you that menopausal women taking bioidentical hormones which increase their sex drive definitely need a much younger man. Men their age cannot keep up (or keep it up) unless they are in exceptionally good shape.

 

GOSH, you must have a very one dimensional view of the art of lovemaking!

[thefooloftheyear]

Ummm, it sounds like an issue with the company you keep. Maybe you were making them feel threatened so they were tearing you down. I doubt any of the women were saying "oh no, please don't get in shape so I can't ogle your body. Please walk into middle age fat and flabby and belching".

 

My husband's friends are big on fitness and so they push each other every year about being in shape. They have run Tough Mudder twice, have a competition every year and get together and and a "fat bastard" award for the guy who put on the most weight. It is completely the opposite of your situation and these guys have been friends since high school.

 

Dude it's your friends.

 

 

Like I said earlier, I dont give a rats ass what people think(man or woman)about what I do..I take care of myself for me..If women appreciate it, great. If my friends think I am an idiot, then thats their right.-I wont alienate them over it...Most of them are hard working business owners and great providers, that put in 80 hour weeks and its not a priority in their lives.

 

 

But you missed the point...

 

 

Have your husband get a hair transplant, wear eye liner, or get a facelift and his buddies WILL rip him apart and call him a fag..I dont care what you say, I bet anything they would because thats what men do...Its not manly to make dramatic changes in physical appearance at middle age..No different than if he got a red Corvette convertible...He buys it, hes having a mid life crisis...You buy it and its "great for you-you look great in that!"...

 

TFY

[escafeld]

What a shame that the focus on this thread seems to be someone's physical attributes rather than what they've got going on in their brain?!

[Emilia]

What a shame that the focus on this thread seems to be someone's physical attributes rather than what they've got going on in their brain?!

Physical attraction is very important but as for the brain: I tend to find younger men more flexible and resilient. Older men tend to get too conservative. I'm 42 this year but can't imagine dating a 50 year-old. I'm sure there are some gorgeous, fun, active ones out there! It's just that I don't meet any.

[GorillaTheater]

Physical attraction is very important but as for the brain: I tend to find younger men more flexible and resilient. Older men tend to get too conservative. I'm 42 this year but can't imagine dating a 50 year-old. I'm sure there are some gorgeous, fun, active ones out there! It's just that I don't meet any.

 

It's not my fault. Plane fare is pretty damn high these days.

[Emilia]

It's not my fault. Plane fare is pretty damn high these days.

I know I don't have to explain to you how rare you are

[escafeld]

Physical attraction is very important but as for the brain: I tend to find younger men more flexible and resilient. Older men tend to get too conservative. I'm 42 this year but can't imagine dating a 50 year-old. I'm sure there are some gorgeous, fun, active ones out there! It's just that I don't meet any.

 

Obviously I cant deride your experiences or preferences as they're unique to you, but personally I've found that relationships are about people and often I've had the most fulfilling (friendship and relationship wise) with individuals who've challenged the prejudices I might have had about them.

[Emilia]

Obviously I cant deride your experiences or preferences as they're unique to you, but personally I've found that relationships are about people and often I've had the most fulfilling (friendship and relationship wise) with individuals who've challenged the prejudices I might have had about them.

Not sure I agree with the bolded, that's sounds more like 'pleasantly disappointed' or 'things turning out better than anticipated'.

 

For the age thing: it's not prejudice as I know a lot of men my age or older. I just don't tend to like them because they let themselves go - and not only physically. I mean I don't even have a television at home, not in the habit of putting my feet up with a cup of tea complaining about how my back is hurting or 'young people nowdays' or whatever it is that older folk do. (Except Gorilla Theatre, he is probably building something or shooting something or fishing or taking someone to court, taking care of his million kids some very young, etc)

[iris219]

For the age thing: it's not prejudice as I know a lot of men my age or older. I just don't tend to like them because they let themselves go - and not only physically. I mean I don't even have a television at home, not in the habit of putting my feet up with a cup of tea complaining about how my back is hurting or 'young people nowdays' or whatever it is that older folk do. (Except Gorilla Theatre, he is probably building something or shooting something or fishing or taking someone to court, taking care of his million kids some very young, etc)

 

I've actually found it to be the opposite.

 

I don't date much younger but my job requires me to be in daily contact with people in their 20s. They seem like kids to me and they are obsessed with certain TV shows and social media. Many of them eat fast food for nearly every meal. Most aren't into fitness and many of them smoke. (I had never met so many smokers in one demographic before starting my current job).

[escafeld]

Not sure I agree with the bolded, that's sounds more like 'pleasantly disappointed' or 'things turning out better than anticipated'.

Actually it's pleasantly surprised and things did turn out better than anticipated!

For the age thing: it's not prejudice as I know a lot of men my age or older. I just don't tend to like them because they let themselves go - and not only physically. I mean I don't even have a television at home, not in the habit of putting my feet up with a cup of tea complaining about how my back is hurting or 'young people nowdays' or whatever it is that older folk do. (Except Gorilla Theatre, he is probably building something or shooting something or fishing or taking someone to court, taking care of his million kids some very young, etc)

 

LOL, dont you see that's absolutely prejudice, as you're 'pre-judging' what older men are like and they don't all moan about back ache, young people or who's next putting the kettle on! I know indolent youngsters and fabulous, emotionally intelligent ones, just the same as with older people..it's taken me a very long time to appreciate that.

 

When I mentioned my own prejudices I was really referring to pre-judging individuals rather than groups or communities of people and Im pleased to say that prejudice is proved wrong sufficiently often for me to appreciate that it shouldn't apply at all

[Under The Radar]

Not sure I agree with the bolded, that's sounds more like 'pleasantly disappointed' or 'things turning out better than anticipated'.

 

For the age thing: it's not prejudice as I know a lot of men my age or older. I just don't tend to like them because they let themselves go - and not only physically. I mean I don't even have a television at home, not in the habit of putting my feet up with a cup of tea complaining about how my back is hurting or 'young people nowdays' or whatever it is that older folk do. (Except Gorilla Theatre, he is probably building something or shooting something or fishing or taking someone to court, taking care of his million kids some very young, etc)

 

 

Jesus, no TV?

 

I have no idea what I would do if mine left me:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/362019-having-sex-my-brand-new-Samsung-51-inch-plasma-screen-tv

[Emilia]

LOL, dont you see that's absolutely prejudice, as you're 'pre-judging' what older men are like and they don't all moan about back ache, young people or who's next putting the kettle on! I know indolent youngsters and fabulous, emotionally intelligent ones, just the same as with older people..it's taken me a very long time to appreciate that.

But how can that be pre-judging when it's people I work with who tell me about their weekend? Or I hear about them through friends or whatever? It's people I meet in life, not read about in the newspaper.

 

Of course there are exceptions, I mentioned one in my previous post. People become less active as they get older as a rule, not sure what's surprising about that.

When I mentioned my own prejudices I was really referring to pre-judging individuals rather than groups or communities of people and Im pleased to say that prejudice is proved wrong sufficiently often for me to appreciate that it shouldn't apply at all

Guess depends on how much time you have on your hands. Instead of testing out the 10 million 50-somethings the UK has, I just go and train with 30 somethings in the boxing gym. Now, IF they come down to the gym and meet them there, that's great. However I'd say the men in my gym are roughly 21-45. Same for the powerlifters gym I used to go to and the ordinary one. There are probably 5-10% that are over 45.

[Emilia]

Jesus, no TV?

 

I have no idea what I would do if mine left me:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/362019-having-sex-my-brand-new-Samsung-51-inch-plasma-screen-tv

Haven't watched one (except for sport in sports bars, obviously ) since July 2011.

[Emilia]

I've actually found it to be the opposite.

 

I don't date much younger but my job requires me to be in daily contact with people in their 20s. They seem like kids to me and they are obsessed with certain TV shows and social media. Many of them eat fast food for nearly every meal. Most aren't into fitness and many of them smoke. (I had never met so many smokers in one demographic before starting my current job).

For sure. 20s tend to be young - though I know exceptions of course. My prefered age (as an almost 42) is 30-45 roughly. Depending on the person, you meet exceptions, etc etc. The usual cavaet.