Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[thefooloftheyear]

I think he looks like a fit "old" guy. Too old for me (I'm 40), although I'm sure a fitness minded woman in her 50s would consider him a catch!

 

Ideally, most fit women would prefer a fit guy her own age. Best of both worlds.

 

 

Hmmm...

 

You must have pretty high standards...Calling that guy "fit" is kinda like calling the Atlantic Ocean a kiddie pool...There isnt a 25 year old guy that wouldnt give a testicle for a body half as good as that....but who's counting..

 

And while I would agree he doesnt look like a kid, Ill show you plenty of thritysomethings that look WAY older in their facial features than this guy...

 

Just sayin'

 

TFY

[xxoo]

Hmmm...

 

You must have pretty high standards...Calling that guy "fit" is kinda like calling the Atlantic Ocean a kiddie pool...There isnt a 25 year old guy that wouldnt give a testicle for a body half as good as that....but who's counting..

 

And while I would agree he doesnt look like a kid, Ill show you plenty of thritysomethings that look WAY older in their facial features than this guy...

 

Just sayin'

 

TFY

 

He's beyond fit, sure, but that isn't necessary in the "plus" column. Maybe other men envy a body like that, but as a woman with a fit partner my own age, I don't view his body builder form as better, and certainly not sexier.

 

And yes, there are 30 year olds who look older facially. But there are also 30 and 40 year olds who look younger. If I take care of myself and look healthy and fit at 40, I can easily attract the same. And that is what I prefer.

[Babolat]

I have worked around more men in my life than you have ( likely) and seen sides you haven't. I know all about how it is done... .

It all makes sense now, now we know why you are the expert, because you have worked around so many men, gotcha And they get to spin you around, touch you, have real deep "guy" talk with you, right? That makes you, an expert, in all "men" subjects? Men who perform ballet, are the best, sampling, the best source for all male matters? I will have to start talking more to my male ballet friend it seems.

 

Do you even know, what I do for work and who I work with? Just sayin....

 

As much as I would like to take credit for being able to groom a 29 year old, well, I did not. Thank you for the, compliment though. And yes, it was two different women, and yes, they both made their own choice to show an interest in me, first.

 

And yes, 2 years older, is two years older. Prior I would not have considered dating a woman even a year older than me. That was my point. We are not dating, still getting to know her.

[Babolat]

You are absolutely right. I have passed on opportunities with younger men because I am looking for a committed relationship with the possibility of marriage.

 

If I toss out that one requirement... It would be easy as pie.

 

I won't be swimming with older men because I don't have to either. It is not like they are any more commitment minded.

 

I don't have kids.. Tubes are tied. Physically I look like the woman in my avatar.

 

*shrug*

And yet we all still wonder, why you are single being such a great catch

 

*shrug*

 

You know I love you RR!

[Babolat]

OK, this all might be true, you might indeed be in so much better shape than men your age or even men younger than you.

 

But you know what? For me personally this bragging by older guys that they are still in great shape, that they look and act so much younger than they are, etc... IT IS SO BORING!!!

 

I find it so narcissistic and a huge turnoff for a woman who has a spine and selfconfidence. I've received so many of these mails on dating site: I am so much better, younger, healthier than the average man of my age. YAWN... It's all about them: look at me I am so great, good looking, fit, etc...

 

What I care about is that someone can show some genuine interest in me and care about me, and that the relationship is not about me eternally applauding him and his oh so youthful looks and attitude.

 

I had this 10 year older guy who kept mailing me on a dating site despite me explaining that I was not interested; he was too old and he was not good looking. Instead of accepting it, he kept summing up how many marathons he had run over the last years, and other sporty performance which honestly only made me even less interested in him.

 

I just want a regular bloke my age, someone who takes good care of himself, does a bit of sport, nothing extreme. Who has a decent enough job to lead a comfortable life together. Someone who feels good about himself and does not necessarily needs a younger woman on his arm to feel that he has any value.

 

I don't see him as bragging, and I know I am not with my comments.

 

We are addressing your "old guy" comments related to health, activity level, fitness, being able to keep up, etc.

 

My dad is 77, still plays tennis 3 times a week, works out, rides a bike, does his own yard work, his wife is 67. They both retired this year and are having a blast. They both could have retired 20 years ago.

 

I think the point he is making, and I know I am making, is to each his own. Don't assume an older man like me is trying to lure in a younger woman with BS. Prior to being involved with the 29 year old, every woman I have dated post divorce has been 1 - 5 years younger than me (with the exception of the 34 year old, and I initially thought she was older). And yes, that IS my preference. It's a preference, not a requirement.

[Under The Radar]

At least we can all express a deep sigh of relief knowing that gender stereotypes are alive and well on LS

 

 

...... isn't that grand ?

[Babolat]

Exactly.... Also goes back to the idea about mentoring... Older men shouldn't be misinterpreting or exploiting the fascination some ( misguided) and... No doubt lonely... Or maybe just curious... Attention of those women.

 

Totally agree on the fact that these men are also abandoning younger men who need their wisdom... Or supposed wisdom. The only real coaching I see amongst most men here is not relationship oriented at all. Older men have abandoned younger men out of their own insecurities with aging and need to appear perpetually young. Pretty pathetic.

 

So... What we have now is a generation of women who are basically told to be ok being some young guys eff buddy through her twenties... Or sell herself off to the highest older bidder. And what do the guys get?

 

A lot of them THINK they will be one of the guys playing that card in their 40's... But in reality... They have missed out on a sizeable chunk of their own lives... Are still no better in terms of relationships than they were when they were in their twenties... And OOPs... The most desirable women their own age don't want them either in the race to the bottom (in age) ... And it is a pretty good bet that the younger women they MIGHT be able to attract come with a whole host of issues that their similar age peers didn't have WHEN they had the chance to attract one.

 

Older men now suck too, they owe young men mentoring/coaching, all men are players, except the ones that perform ballet of course, men owe other men this and that, men should not do this to women..Geez. At what point do people, women, take responsibility for their own choices and stop labeling others?

 

Maybe older men have abaondoned younger men, because, I dunno, they have nothing in common? I have older male friends and younger ones and some my own age. I certainly do not study and analyze "why?". They are simply, my friends.

[Babolat]

Good for you, Sounds like you know what you want...

 

Understand....I am not advocating "robbing the cradle"...You are certainly entitled to your opinion and I do understand...

 

All I am doing here, is dispelling some of the crap some posters are saying about how men that attract attention from younger women are all "predators"...I am in great shape, but I am neither pretentious or cocky...If anything, I am way more humble than the chicken legged jackasses that think they are hot crap because they have 13" arms.....yawn..

 

 

Are there guys that are predators? Sure...And there are predatory females as well..>But to call every guy this, just because he attracts attention from younger women is just naive and judgemental..

 

TFY

 

Well said. And RR, I'm glad you have made 2 new female friends on here!

[Babolat]

Hmmm...

 

You must have pretty high standards...Calling that guy "fit" is kinda like calling the Atlantic Ocean a kiddie pool...There isnt a 25 year old guy that wouldnt give a testicle for a body half as good as that....but who's counting..

 

And while I would agree he doesnt look like a kid, Ill show you plenty of thritysomethings that look WAY older in their facial features than this guy...

 

Just sayin'

 

TFY

 

I like you on here man, but that guy looks sick. Too many steroids. He is not fit, IMHO. He knows how to pump iron and stick a needle in his butt, that's about it.

 

I see these types in my gym and chuckle under my breath at them. Where will all the muscle be in their 60's..ask Arnold The Terminator, where. he looks awful now.

[RedRobin]

 

And yes, 2 years older, is two years older. Prior I would not have considered dating a woman even a year older than me. That was my point. We are not dating, still getting to know her.

 

Oooo! Really stepping out on a limb aren't ya?

 

If she were closer to 29... You would have stated her age 10 times by now...

 

Whatever, Mr. "Age is just a number"

 

Thing is... Like pink in the limo says... Some of you guys don't realize how sad and grasping you sound (especially online).

 

I chatted with a guy a couple of weeks ago who I had a lot in common with... He couldn't be bothered to include women his own age. When he asked to meet me I said no... And told him I don't agree to meet men with his preferences... But it has been fun chatting with him. And it was. But I would never date him.

 

Yep I am single. Not settling for older men or guys who think they are too good for women their own age. That's a lot of guys and that is ok... Because the world needs me for other things... Not effing some guy who has ego and aging problems.

[Under The Radar]

My age range, for dating purposes, is five years either way. So, at 40, that's 35 -45 year old women. I'm more interested in substance, maturity, experience, honesty, and kindness than youth.

 

 

Of course, physical attraction is essential, but common ground is no less important to me. A thirty year old woman, no matter how beautiful, is less likely to share my personal attitude and perspective on relationships, due to the age difference.

 

 

Nevertheless, I know there will be exceptions to that mindset when it comes to others. Chemistry and compatibility are not as simple to quantify as numbers.

 

 

To each their own .

[Babolat]

Oooo! Really stepping out on a limb aren't ya?.

 

Actually, yes. This was a block for me prior and I am glad I am getting to know her and not filtering her out by age alone. And I knew her age immediately, and decided to not let that stop me from moving forward. I say +1 to me, you chose to poke fun and judge, once again.

 

 

(especially online).

 

Bingo, you and many others are quiuck to draw conclusion based on black text on a screen

 

(I chatted with a guy a couple of weeks ago who I had a lot in common with... He couldn't be bothered to include women his own age. When he asked to meet me I said no... And told him I don't agree to meet men with his preferences... But it has been fun chatting with him. And it was. But I would never date him.

 

Stop the presses! Why did YOU of all the LSers, mislead him by chatting, knowing his age preferences? I assume OLD; Did you reach out to him, or him to you? This can't be the RR we all know and love saying this?!

 

I don't think anyone should settle, at all. I also think people should have thier filters. And, as I get older and learn more about myself I am finding my filter are growing & improving, too. And you and anyone else are free and welcome to filter out potential mates on their age, and your other 27 "must never have done in their life" items.

 

Now, off to the gym to add another pack to my six pack so I can reel in a 27 year old tonight!

Edited April 15, 2014 by Babolat

[Babolat]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

Back on topic, then I'm out, getting bored of the attacks, again.

 

ES, who knows! I'm 47, who knows if I act 47, what is 47, anyway, what is 37, anyway? How am I supposed to act at 47 (no comments please RR). I'm told all the time I look 40 and I don't do the things a "normal" 47 year old does, like, uh, sit on the couch, fart and drink beer, I guess.

 

I say experiment and see what works, for you.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ill say it again....

 

In an overwhelming majority of cases, its about competitiion...Im not saying this is true of any of the posters on here, but women hate younger women who prefer older guys, because they are likely going to draw attention from attractive older guys and they may feel like they may not have what that guy is physically looking for-so it shrinks their pool...And they dont want those nubile little girlies to muscle in on their turf...

 

Its the same reason why women hate strip clubs and go go joints...If their guy is ogling some size 2 young thing in a G string....she might then feel inadequate....Its completely understandable...

 

And just to be fair, I have seen this same attitude among average middle aged guys that see older women with younger attractive guys...They'll shame these women and call them dirty old whores and such....

 

Its all about competition....

 

TFY

[xxoo]

My age range, for dating purposes, is five years either way. So, at 40, that's 35 -45 year old women. I'm more interested in substance, maturity, experience, honesty, and kindness than youth.

 

 

Of course, physical attraction is essential, but common ground is no less important to me. A thirty year old woman, no matter how beautiful, is less likely to share my personal attitude and perspective on relationships, due to the age difference.

 

 

Nevertheless, I know there will be exceptions to that mindset when it comes to others. Chemistry and compatibility are not as simple to quantify as numbers.

 

 

To each their own .

 

I agree with all of this, from a woman's perspective.

 

I consider a partner my own age as the ideal, and a strong preference. I could get past an age difference with the right person, but I wouldn't consider it a selling point.

[Under The Radar]

I agree with all of this, from a woman's perspective.

 

I consider a partner my own age as the ideal, and a strong preference. I could get past an age difference with the right person, but I wouldn't consider it a selling point.

 

 

 

You forgot to mention the bonus points you give guys for liking Looney Tunes ...... especially Bugs Bunny ...... just sayin .

[xxoo]

You forgot to mention the bonus points you give guys for liking Looney Tunes ...... especially Bugs Bunny ...... just sayin .

 

Perfect example! I really do value having someone to share those childhood era memories with

[Babolat]

Ill say it again....

 

In an overwhelming majority of cases, its about competitiion...Im not saying this is true of any of the posters on here, but women hate younger women who prefer older guys, because they are likely going to draw attention from attractive older guys and they may feel like they may not have what that guy is physically looking for-so it shrinks their pool...And they dont want those nubile little girlies to muscle in on their turf...

 

Its the same reason why women hate strip clubs and go go joints...If their guy is ogling some size 2 young thing in a G string....she might then feel inadequate....Its completely understandable...

 

And just to be fair, I have seen this same attitude among average middle aged guys that see older women with younger attractive guys...They'll shame these women and call them dirty old whores and such....

 

Its all about competition....

 

TFY

 

One of my good female friends is 46, petite, 5'4", I am 6'3" and we somehow got on a conversation about preferred height this weekend.

 

She told me one of her taller female single friends tells her all the time "stop talking to and dating the taller men; it's not fair!". Supply & Demand, right?

[KathyM]

Ill say it again....

 

In an overwhelming majority of cases, its about competitiion...Im not saying this is true of any of the posters on here, but women hate younger women who prefer older guys, because they are likely going to draw attention from attractive older guys and they may feel like they may not have what that guy is physically looking for-so it shrinks their pool...And they dont want those nubile little girlies to muscle in on their turf...

 

Its the same reason why women hate strip clubs and go go joints...If their guy is ogling some size 2 young thing in a G string....she might then feel inadequate....Its completely understandable...

 

And just to be fair, I have seen this same attitude among average middle aged guys that see older women with younger attractive guys...They'll shame these women and call them dirty old whores and such....

 

Its all about competition....

 

TFY

Meh. I've got my solid relationship, and I'm not in competition with younger women for my husband. My husband is 6 years older than me and gets complimented frequently about his young looking wife, so I have no worries in that department. I'm merely stating a principle: that older men who pursue much younger women either can't relate to women their own age because of their own immaturity, or they feel the need to feed their ego by going after much younger women, or they feel they can control a much younger woman. Unfortunately, when men abandon their same age female peers, where does that leave women that are 30+? With much older dudes than them, which they are not compatible with. No wonder women are frustrated. Some men refuse to grow up, and don't value women their own age. Can you really blame women for feeling frustrated about this? The middle aged men who want to deny their aging go after much younger women, and that leaves the 30+ women with much older dudes that are not compatible with them. Women get the short end of the stick on this.

[PinkInTheLimo]

In an overwhelming majority of cases, its about competitiion...Im not saying this is true of any of the posters on here, but women hate younger women who prefer older guys, because they are likely going to draw attention from attractive older guys and they may feel like they may not have what that guy is physically looking for-so it shrinks their pool...And they dont want those nubile little girlies to muscle in on their turf...

 

I don't think it is necessarily about competition. When I see an older guy with a younger woman I am more bothered by the fact that the guy did not go for a woman his age more than that the younger woman snatched him away from the market. I don't see this as the younger women taking away the older guys, I see this as the older guys looking down on women their age.

 

I don't see the younger women as competition. I have little reason for that. People often think that I am considerably younger than I am for starters and if I look at women who are younger I find few of them attractive. Lots of chubby girls among them for starters. Add to that the fact that for me as a member of Generation X these women in their twenties and thirties are so spoilt, maybe because they are the kids of the already spoilt baby boomers.

No honestly, when I see these kiddos at work for example, they feel so bloody entitled, they think they are it but it's all hot air. What will they do if there ever happens something really bad to them, it's going to kill them... I'm really glad that my childhood was a bit tough in that respect, no sugarcoating. If we got reprimanded by the teacher, no way our parents would go and complain to him/her. My parents only went to school until they were 14 so they made it clear to us that we were lucky to be able to study longer and they wanted us to do our best.

 

When I see a man on a dating site with age preferences which are far below my own age, it is a turn off. Gives me the feeling that he has not accepted his own age and is stuck in the mind frame of "women age faster than men". Sometimes these guys still contacted me but I am suspicious about such a guy. You wonder if he only is interested because he did not manage to find a younger woman. I would not want to be a guy who settles for an "old hag" and keeps fantasizing about a younger woman.

 

I have to say that I have always found men my own age the most attractive. That was the case in my twenties, in my thirties and still is the case in my late forties. Nothing sexy than a guy whose wear and tear is more or less at the same level as mine. Way more sexy than some 20 year younger hunk.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I think a difference between men and women is that if a much younger person is showing some interest in them, the men will be flattered and consider it while the women will be much more aware of the age difference.

 

I'm not blind. I have seen younger guys look at me in an interested way and giving me compliments which went further than just being friendly. I've never done anything with that, I am suspicious of that kind of interest, I would always be afraid that the fantasy of the "sexually mature" woman is their motivation.

It does also not really flatter me. I prefer feeling that a man my age is interested in me, because with such a guy I have the impression that he sees me more like I am really am.

[joystickd]

Women! Why even assume why these guys like younger women or even worry about these guys liking younger women? It's all you all have is these negative reasons why these men like younger women. Have you ever thought maybe they just happen to meet these women got to know them and never cared about their age? Attraction is not a choice. We can't help what we are attracted too. It comes off as being insecure. Hell any concerns men have on here that is the first thing you will scream we are insecure. Well this time I think you all are insecure. No matter what their is always someone younger, better looking, smarter or whatever. DEAL WITH IT!!!!!

 

That is what you would tell the men on here:D

[PinkInTheLimo]

Women! Why even assume why these guys like younger women or even worry about these guys liking younger women? It's all you all have is these negative reasons why these men like younger women. Have you ever thought maybe they just happen to meet these women got to know them and never cared about their age? Attraction is not a choice. We can't help what we are attracted too. It comes off as being insecure. Hell any concerns men have on here that is the first thing you will scream we are insecure. Well this time I think you all are insecure. No matter what their is always someone younger, better looking, smarter or whatever. DEAL WITH IT!!!!!

 

That is what you would tell the men on here:D

 

And these men looking for a younger woman are not insecure? I don't think too many of these meetings happen by chance, if they meet via the internet for example the older man and the younger woman are well aware of the age difference.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I like his article: 'Age-Shaming' Men Who Only Want Younger Women Is Justified | The Stir

[joystickd]

And these men looking for a younger woman are not insecure? I don't think too many of these meetings happen by chance, if they meet via the internet for example the older man and the younger woman are well aware of the age difference.

How do you know? All you have is assumptions. I'm not saying all of them are like that but you don't know if all of them are just insecure and want younger because of that either. I get on LS and see this subject and women get out talking about it. It makes one question whether these women are projecting their own insecurity on to these men. I've seen threads that had younger women in the post and you all come out like piranha talking all this stuff about men and younger women.