Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[KathyM]

What does it take to be a male "predator" in your opinion? Nevermind, I really don't care what you think. I just think it is funny that you actually advise people professionally with how closed minded you seem to be. And when I say funny, I mean sad. I think you are doing these people a dis-service. It's a ****ed up world, yes. The warped minded leading the blind.

I gave several examples of male predators that preyed on young women in my own family. Redrobin gave many examples herself of much older men who tried to prey on her (her professors, her doctors, etc.) THAT is what is sad. You have no clue about what my clients are going through and how I help them, so kindly refrain from making comments about my relationship with them. They are all very pleased with my work with them. Why you are trying to make a personal attack against me for being disgusted with the behavior of some men who take advantage of young women is rather odd. I must have hit a nerve with you.

[KathyM]

You're anti-male in the worst possible way.

Nonsense. I have the utmost respect for men who are not predators of young women. Men who are role models for young men. Men who are protectors of women. Not predators of young women.

[pickflicker]

Nonsense. I have the utmost respect for men who are not predators of young women. Men who are role models for young men. Men who are protectors of women. Not predators of young women.

 

Older men who date younger women are not predators. Yet you have been quick to vilify other members on here who have mentioned that they are in relationships with older men, mocking them and their choices.

 

A man can be all of those things, and date someone much younger than himself. So long as both parties are legal, I cannot see why you're being so rude about it.

[KathyM]

Older men who date younger women are not predators.

Some older men who date younger women are predators. Are you going to tell me that the 32 year old married man who manipulated and took advantage of my 17 year old sister is not a predator? Are you going to tell me that the much older professors who told Redrobin they would increase her grade if she had sex with them are not predators?

Yet you have been quick to vilify other members on here who have mentioned that they are in relationships with older men, mocking them and their choices.

I haven't mocked or vilified any women on here who are dating older men. Now you're just making things up to fuel your argument. I'm done arguing with you. I suggest you address your comments to the topic at hand, rather than making personal attacks against me. The topic is the pros and cons of dating older men, and refrain from making personal attacks against me.

[oz-missy]

OMFG!!!!! She is such a predertor! Preying on that poor innocent child. Has she no shame?

 

Or is it different somehow here?

 

I'm hoping this comment was made tongue in cheek in response to my post...

[oz-missy]

Some older men who date younger women are predators. Are you going to tell me that the 32 year old married man who manipulated and took advantage of my 17 year old sister is not a predator?

 

So your issue with older men stems from one incident involving your sister?

 

Having a sister taken advantage of is horrible, but then making this assumption about about older men as people who take advantage of others is beyond the pale. The person, not the age is the driving force behind someone manipulating someone.

[oz-missy]

I'm merely stating a principle: that older men who pursue much younger women either can't relate to women their own age because of their own immaturity, or they feel the need to feed their ego by going after much younger women, or they feel they can control a much younger woman.

 

Ok as someone who is dating someone who is 20 years her senior, let me answer your so called principle:

 

• can't relate to women their own age because of their own immaturity
  

My partner is not immature. He is just like most other 50 year old. He is a father. He works. He enjoys his time with friends.

• feel the need to feed their ego by going after much younger women
  

He has dated women from a broad spectrum of ages. He does not find the age to be the attraction. It's the person he is attracted to.

• they feel they can control a much younger woman
  

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I am an independent woman. He does not control me. We are equals. If he tried to "control" me it'd be bye bye from me.

[KathyM]

So your issue with older men stems from one incident involving your sister?

 

Having a sister taken advantage of is horrible, but then making this assumption about about older men as people who take advantage of others is beyond the pale. The person, not the age is the driving force behind someone manipulating someone.

I've seen and experienced many incidents of older men preying on younger women. The much older MM preying on my sister. The much older man preying on my niece. The much older man preying on me - a trusted teacher who took advantage of my vulnerability. The other much older man who tried to assault my older sister. The various older men who pursued me and caused distress, propositioning me, hitting on me knowing that I was married, even crashing into my car to get my attention. Redrobin has just as many horror stories of much older men taking advantage of their position (her doctor, her professors, her bosses, etc.) Even my son's girlfriends have horror stories of much older men hitting on them and giving them unwanted attention, many of them being married older men. My clients have been manipulated and taken advantage of by much older men as well. Some older men, many older men, are like this. Fortunately, many or most are not. Instead of older men being role models for younger men on how to treat women with respect, and instead of older men being protectors of women, they end up being users/manipulators/predators of younger women. Some older men, many older men, are like this. I just get a little disgusted by it sometimes.

Edited April 16, 2014 by KathyM

[Babolat]

If two consenting adults want to date each other it is their business. I don't see why others feel the need to poke into their lives.

 

These poor, weak, helpless, emotionally effed up young woman, forced, persued, tricked to date an older man..such, a shame.

 

Did anyone think to consier, wait, the younger woman is attracted to an older man, for good, healthy reasons? Noooooo, then we would not have 10+ pages on here for us older men to get bashed, again. We are either players, we persue younger woman, or both. And I even briefly read on this post that we are not mentoring & coaching the young men...wow. I feel like such a failure now.......

[Babolat]

So, if I read the tea leaves here, basically it is about competition....using yourself as an example is irrelevant...You are technically "off the market"..

 

And again...You keep using "catch phrases"(see bolded) that implies that men are the predators, the purveyors, the pursuers, the controllers...etc...You fail to ever recognize that the woman may be the pursuer and the guy is just accepting what is being handed to him...Shame on him?? *shrug*

 

And here I thought that all women of these days are empowered...You have them all as naive fools that get bamboozled...

 

Thanks for making my point!!

 

TFY

 

Thank You! Well said.

[Babolat]

A friend that I work with has been married for more than a decade to a woman who is 19 years his senior.

 

But, did he, persue her in her weakend vulnerable state?

[joystickd]

Yeah, well, I'm tired of my young and vulnerable female clients being preyed on by much older men who are taking advantage of their psychological dysfunction. Yeah, I don't have a lot of empathy for male predators preying on vulnerable young women.

It's funny how women can capitalize on male sexuality being seen as predatory and make it seem like these men just seek out younger women. Newsflash! These women also have to want to seek this out too. You can't prey on the willing. These women know what they are getting into and if you as a counselor see the negative all the time in these relationships it's a shame. No one sees the great fulfilling, loving relationships these few older men have with younger women. I have seen the ageism on here with you LS women. You all can rationalize it all you want as men being predatory, insecure or whatever the hell you want. The truth is women like you and several others on here hate the younger woman. I work at a job where I am one of the few men and I see the reactions when younger women come on the job or even better looking. I see the reactions when the few guys talk about certain women just complementing on how beautiful she is. I have seen where the mere mention of these women's names evokes a visceral reaction when the conversation is just work related. This very thread and this subject other than another subject will be the most solidarity you women will ever have.

[Babolat]

Yeah, well, I'm tired of my young and vulnerable female clients being preyed on by much older men who are taking advantage of their psychological dysfunction. Yeah, I don't have a lot of empathy for male predators preying on vulnerable young women.

 

Your message is loud and clear, and yes, it's a shame men, woman, anyone does this. However, once again, you and other LSers like to generlize your experiences to "all men"; and any hint of a male poster that get's close to your believe, you jump all over them.

 

A predator is a predator, male, female (ever heard of a Cougar? Are they predators?), old, young, black, white, whatever. I think we can all, agree to that. Knowlingly, cousciously, taking advantage of anyones psychological dysfunction, yes, I have a problem with that, too. I personally have never done this in my entire life. As I have gotten older, learned more about myself and the relationships I've been in, I can see dysfunction on both sides. I have never taken advantage of that dysfunction, though. And, just because someone has a dysfunction does not mean they are "off the market". Your clients, have a choice, too. They chose to see you for help; good for them, I applaud that. But, they also chose to date. Should they stop dating until they are no longer dysfunctional? If that was the case OLD sites would go out of business.

 

We all come to LS to help where we can. When we feel attacked, well, it causes us to defend, and in my case disappear for a while sometimes, which is a shame as I woudl like to think some of my comments actually help people. Probably the same way you feel about your career. If everytime you tried to help a patient, you were attacked, well, my guess is at some point, you might reconsider your career.

[MidwestUSA]

Some older men who date younger women are predators. Are you going to tell me that the 32 year old married man who manipulated and took advantage of my 17 year old sister is not a predator? Are you going to tell me that the much older professors who told Redrobin they would increase her grade if she had sex with them are not predators?

I haven't mocked or vilified any women on here who are dating older men.

 

 

 

 

You certainly have mocked people, one in this thread alone.

 

 

Your *winks* don't excuse you, or make you witty. You come across as extremely bitter. I feel sorry for any men in your life, regardless of their age.

 

 

If I worked with rape victims, and came on this forum hating all men, I hope I could refrain from sounding like you. It astounds me that you counsel people, it really does. It's surely not some thing you went to school for or get paid to do? If it was, you'd be more open minded.

 

(No, I take that back, you wouldn't)

Edited April 16, 2014 by MidwestUSA

[RedRobin]

Yeah, well, I'm tired of my young and vulnerable female clients being preyed on by much older men who are taking advantage of their psychological dysfunction. Yeah, I don't have a lot of empathy for male predators preying on vulnerable young women.

Exactly... Even if those same young women don't realize until much later how they were betrayed...

 

I am lucky... I had strong role models and people who looked out for me when faced with that attention. Not everyone does.

 

Interesting that some of these men really are so deluded to think our opinions come from insecurity on our part... Instead of experience, wisdom, and a desire to help women.... And men too. If those same men had an ounce of real self awareness and a sense of responsibility that is..

 

That is the real problem. Why men are raised to think this is ok.

[Anela]

It's funny how women can capitalize on male sexuality being seen as predatory and make it seem like these men just seek out younger women. Newsflash! These women also have to want to seek this out too. You can't prey on the willing. These women know what they are getting into and if you as a counselor see the negative all the time in these relationships it's a shame. No one sees the great fulfilling, loving relationships these few older men have with younger women. I have seen the ageism on here with you LS women. You all can rationalize it all you want as men being predatory, insecure or whatever the hell you want. The truth is women like you and several others on here hate the younger woman. I work at a job where I am one of the few men and I see the reactions when younger women come on the job or even better looking. I see the reactions when the few guys talk about certain women just complementing on how beautiful she is. I have seen where the mere mention of these women's names evokes a visceral reaction when the conversation is just work related. This very thread and this subject other than another subject will be the most solidarity you women will ever have.

 

When men go on and on about younger women being so much better, more attractive, and so on, they are the ones who sound bitter and spiteful.

 

I've never been beautiful - I'm not a woman who makes men swoon, and you're wrong about women: more often than not, they've been the ones to tell me how I'm beautiful. We see more in each other than a lot of men seem to see in us.

[joystickd]

It's funny how women can capitalize on male sexuality being seen as predatory and make it seem like these men just seek out younger women. Newsflash! These women also have to want to seek this out too. You can't prey on the willing. These women know what they are getting into and if you as a counselor see the negative all the time in these relationships it's a shame. No one sees the great fulfilling, loving relationships these few older men have with younger women. I have seen the ageism on here with you LS women. You all can rationalize it all you want as men being predatory, insecure or whatever the hell you want. The truth is women like you and several others on here hate the younger woman. I work at a job where I am one of the few men and I see the reactions when younger women come on the job or even better looking. I see the reactions when the few guys talk about certain women just complementing on how beautiful she is. I have seen where the mere mention of these women's names evokes a visceral reaction when the conversation is just work related. This very thread and this subject other than another subject will be the most solidarity you women will ever have.

I will reiterate this point for the women on here. You all are not helping younger women. Don't try to convince us on that. You are only trying to convince yourself. I have spent enough times to see how you women operate. On some level women are more competitive than men especially in terms of dating/relationships. You all have a scarcity mentality when it comes to men. That is why friends sleep with each others men and conflicts arise. Men are like " I wish I could find a woman like that" and women are like "I want her man". This is why the younger woman issue brings a visceral reaction. I will admit there are some men that are predatory but most just want love and a fulfilling relationship and that is their choice if it's with a younger woman

[Anela]

I will reiterate this point for the women on here. You all are not helping younger women. Don't try to convince us on that. You are only trying to convince yourself. I have spent enough times to see how you women operate. On some level women are more competitive than men especially in terms of dating/relationships. You all have a scarcity mentality when it comes to men. That is why friends sleep with each others men and conflicts arise. Men are like " I wish I could find a woman like that" and women are like "I want her man". This is why the younger woman issue brings a visceral reaction. I will admit there are some men that are predatory but most just want love and a fulfilling relationship and that is their choice if it's with a younger woman

 

I have never wanted another woman's man. Ever. I've had other women's men hit on me, and smother me in compliments, but it didn't get them anywhere.

[Anela]

(Ugh, in these threads, I feel a hundred years old, just being described as "older". I'm not even close to that!)

[joystickd]

We see more in each other than a lot of men seem to see in us.

LOL!!! You can think that and there lies the problem. Women like you will never know the motives of why men may choose younger women unless you ask each individual man. I have a preference for older women. The recent woman I was with was 25 first younger woman I ever really dated. That ended because she had so much going on but that is another story. My experiences with older women I understand on some level why some men gravitate towards younger women. It's the same reason older women gravitate towards younger men. Excitement! Younger people are not a jaded and less baggage. They are not focused on if and when is the other person is trying to f**k them over.

[joystickd]

I have never wanted another woman's man. Ever. I've had other women's men hit on me, and smother me in compliments, but it didn't get them anywhere.

It may not be you but there are quite a few that do.

[thefooloftheyear]

When men go on and on about younger women being so much better, more attractive, and so on, they are the ones who sound bitter and spiteful.

 

I've never been beautiful - I'm not a woman who makes men swoon, and you're wrong about women: more often than not, they've been the ones to tell me how I'm beautiful. We see more in each other than a lot of men seem to see in us.

 

If what you are saying is true..Id be willing to bet all they are doing is falsely patronizing you...Women are notorious for this...Makes them feel better about their own limitations. These are the same women that will see someone on social media post a picture of a kid that is obviously unattractive and go on and on about how adorable the kid is, then go and hug their own kid and say "Thank God"

 

Dont be so hard on yourself...Beauty comes in many forms..

 

TFY

[joystickd]

(Ugh, in these threads, I feel a hundred years old, just being described as "older". I'm not even close to that!)

You make yourself feel that way when you whine about younger women. It says a lot when you give someone else the power to make you feel inferior when you whine about younger women. That is their right and choice to have and love who they want. No one rants to you about your choices in love. You should be the same with them, but that is too hard you women have to "warn" younger women. You only hurting yourself

[xxoo]

When men go on and on about younger women being so much better, more attractive, and so on, they are the ones who sound bitter and spiteful.

 

I've never been beautiful - I'm not a woman who makes men swoon, and you're wrong about women: more often than not, they've been the ones to tell me how I'm beautiful. We see more in each other than a lot of men seem to see in us.

 

You are beautiful, inside and out

 

Women are beautiful at all ages. Lots of men see that. Focus on them.

 

You don't have to possess the kind of beauty that makes lots of men swoon to be very beautiful to the man who loves you. Luckily, neither do I

[ThaWholigan]

You make yourself feel that way when you whine about younger women. It says a lot when you give someone else the power to make you feel inferior when you whine about younger women. That is their right and choice to have and love who they want. No one rants to you about your choices in love. You should be the same with them, but that is too hard you women have to "warn" younger women. You only hurting yourself

1. Anela has never "whined" about younger women.

 

2. She is referring to fringe of usually frequently banned but often returning male posters who espouse the theory of women being washed up by 30 or other such epithets about 30+ women while extolling the virtues of younger women.

 

3. It is often in these threads where it is apparent that both sides seem to be on some kind of oneupmanship game of insults whereby the women say "you only date younger women, therefore you're insecure", and the men say "No, they are hotter than you and we can get them, so you're the ones who are insecure"

"No, you are!

"No, YOU are!"

"Yeah, well, you're a predator! Ner-ner"

"Well, you're a bitter old woman! Hah!"