Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[GorillaTheater]

I've just turned 39, and am doing my best to not let this stuff hurt me anymore. I've earned and lived through every one of those years, and I'm not going to let anyone tell me that I've lived past my "expiration date".

 

39? You're way too young for me.

 

Sorry Anela.

[Babolat]

I've just turned 39, and am doing my best to not let this stuff hurt me anymore. I've earned and lived through every one of those years, and I'm not going to let anyone tell me that I've lived past my "expiration date".

Only, 39?! You are just hitting your stride, your prime...trust me on that one!

[Babolat]

...and today I am thinking... Ok... Where is the fine print? What is the catch? Attractive, intelligent, hardworking guy who likes to talk about cars and motorcycles with me... Wants to step up his workouts with me. Brings me flowers. Thinks I am hot. Oh, and acts like a gentleman too. So far so good.

 

 

Yeah, he must be enabling players, is one and/or is giving licenses to the predators, users, and manipulators. He probably dated a woman much younger than him at one point, had sex without a condom, has a male friend who once had a FWB, too. I'd dump him now if I were you.

[pickflicker]

I think she is pretty clear.

 

It is you folks who are unclear On a few things...You don't realize that with your live and let live policy you give license to the predators, users, and manipulators.

 

No, it's not. She said some, then she said most.

 

It's only clear to you because you hold the same prejudices.

Edited April 16, 2014 by pickflicker

[Woggle]

The ones like RR are more insulting to women than many men are. They act like an adult woman in her 20s or 30s who we trust to make every other decision in life is not capable of choosing whether or not she wants to date a man who is older than her. Don't you think some of these women know exactly what they are doing? It sounds very patronizing the way you act like they are stupid and naive victims.

[RedRobin]

Yeah, he must be enabling players, is one and/or is giving licenses to the predators, users, and manipulators. He probably dated a woman much younger than him at one point, had sex without a condom, has a male friend who once had a FWB, too. I'd dump him now if I were you.

 

I don't think so. He has a daughter he cares for very much. I don't detect even one iota of hypocrisy that way.

 

Not sure about the sex without a condom. We haven't talked about that. Also don't think he is the FWB type. I can spot those from a mile away now... Thanks to those guys last year and LS.

 

Although three dates is just that. The guy who tried to weasel me into a FWB type arrangement last year under the guise of looking for a relationship seemed pretty nice in the beginning. Yep.

[joystickd]

Occasionally. Not often. I've had a lot of laughs here on these forums, with great people. I was talking about your whining.

 

I've tried to help a few of the men on here who struggle, only to be reminded that I'm apparently over the hill and not wanted by any man, unless they're desperate. Why? Because I'm not 25 anymore. Why do you hone in on me so much? Wholigan was right: I don't whine about younger women. I have no respect for men who overlook women their own age, and expect to be taken seriously by college students.

 

Why does someone else here, insist on being nasty concerning older women, and go on and on about his beautiful temporary girlfriend, who he's paying to stick around? She attracts the attention of other beautiful young women, and it's a total ego thing. And those of us who are considered to be chopped liver, are supposed to be happy for him, or be called bitter and hateful. Why?

Actually i hone in on a few people here. Its fun.

[RedRobin]

The ones like RR are more insulting to women than many men are. They act like an adult woman in her 20s or 30s who we trust to make every other decision in life is not capable of choosing whether or not she wants to date a man who is older than her. Don't you think some of these women know exactly what they are doing? It sounds very patronizing the way you act like they are stupid and naive victims.

 

Older than her... Or much older than her? Trust her? I dunno... Who should we trust? Older guys who pitch fairytales about their own inflated value?

 

Can't really trust society to fill her in on what she is really giving up.... What with all that backslapping you guys are doing....

 

Hey... As long as she gets all the facts and goes in with her eyes open... Fine. Most of the time I don't see that happening. I see more that women are railroaded into going along with or face being alone... Or that is the premise anyway.

 

*I* don't believe it. And just like Kathy said at the beginning of the thread... 93% of other women don't either.

[Woggle]

Older than her... Or much older than her? Trust her? I dunno... Who should we trust? Older guys who pitch fairytales about their own inflated value?

 

Can't really trust society to fill her in on what she is really giving up.... What with all that backslapping you guys are doing....

 

Hey... As long as she gets all the facts and goes in with her eyes open... Fine. Most of the time I don't see that happening. I see more that women are railroaded into going along with or face being alone... Or that is the premise anyway.

 

*I* don't believe it. And just like Kathy said at the beginning of the thread... 93% of other women don't either.

 

Do you really think women are that stupid and naive? You don't give your gender enough credit.

[xxoo]

Or maybe only 7% fell in love with someone much older/younger. I'd consider it a drawback, but not a deal breaker with a very special individual. I wouldn't walk away from a great connection due to age difference unless there were other significant incompatibities. But my age is definitely ideal! Not everyone gets the ideal.

[joystickd]

Older than her... Or much older than her? Trust her? I dunno... Who should we trust? Older guys who pitch fairytales about their own inflated value?

 

Can't really trust society to fill her in on what she is really giving up.... What with all that backslapping you guys are doing....

 

Hey... As long as she gets all the facts and goes in with her eyes open... Fine. Most of the time I don't see that happening. I see more that women are railroaded into going along with or face being alone... Or that is the premise anyway.

 

*I* don't believe it. And just like Kathy said at the beginning of the thread... 93% of other women don't either.

^

This is why I hone in on certain users. You are not giving all the facts you are just passing on negativity. Are you truly concerned about what she is giving up? That is one problem with dating now men talk to successful men and women hear and take in advice from women that have no relationship and full of negativity. It's a damn shame.

[joystickd]

You're doing it right now! You've been in more than one thread, saying the same things, and arguing with me and others. I remember sympathizing with YOU, when you had family and girl troubles. So don't make me out to be some bitter person who never has anything nice to say. I'm NOT that person.

 

I'm not big on the constant negativity towards men and the one sided depictions of these interactions you and Red Robin talk about. There are two people in a relationship not a puppet master and a puppet. These ladies choose to be with that man. You both insult your own gender. Plus I like to bust balls of people with negativity against men.

 

Still waiting on actual proof this don't count

[Anela]

Only, 39?! You are just hitting your stride, your prime...trust me on that one!

 

Thank you!

 

Ever since I've been here, the majority of posts have been of the nature that women over 35 my as well be in a nursing home. With that, and things happening offline/things I've had drummed into me, it's been difficult to remain in a positive state of mind regarding anything.

[MidwestUSA]

Thank you!

 

Ever since I've been here, the majority of posts have been of the nature that women over 35 my as well be in a nursing home. With that, and things happening offline/things I've had drummed into me, it's been difficult to remain in a positive state of mind regarding anything.

 

 

 

Girl, I'm 52. I don't let anything said here get to you. We'll talk later.

[joystickd]

Thank you!

 

Ever since I've been here, the majority of posts have been of the nature that women over 35 my as well be in a nursing home. With that, and things happening offline/things I've had drummed into me, it's been difficult to remain in a positive state of mind regarding anything.

Nice moment here. 35 isn't old. You just hitting your prime. Another thing that bothers me (which I usually wont say on here) is how you women on here take this issue to heart. If you know what you have to offer to a potential man the fact they want a younger woman shouldn't bother you. It's their loss not yours. You give the fact that some men like younger men too much power.

[oz-missy]

You don't realize that with your live and let live policy you give license to the predators, users, and manipulators.

 

Ah....how?

 

How does live and let live give licence to all that you have stated above?

 

Again as someone who is in a long term relationship with someone who is 20 years her senior, you and every other woman on here who harp on about these relationships being bad...stop trying to make every younger woman who is in these sorts of relationships (or conversely younger man) sound like an idiot or a victim. People with varying ages can and do exist in relationships - without manipulation, without being used, without being preyed on. Total shock horror right? Oh and FYI I am a feminist. I always fight for women's rights and equality - which also respects a woman's choice in her decisions. So respect other people's decisions without lambasting them for not adhering to your strict view on what is right.

[thefooloftheyear]

Occasionally. Not often. I've had a lot of laughs here on these forums, with great people. I was talking about your whining.

 

I've tried to help a few of the men on here who struggle, only to be reminded that I'm apparently over the hill and not wanted by any man, unless they're desperate. Why? Because I'm not 25 anymore. Why do you hone in on me so much? Wholigan was right: I don't whine about younger women. I have no respect for men who overlook women their own age, and expect to be taken seriously by college students.

 

Why does someone else here, insist on being nasty concerning older women, and go on and on about his beautiful temporary girlfriend, who he's paying to stick around? She attracts the attention of other beautiful young women, and it's a total ego thing. And those of us who are considered to be chopped liver, are supposed to be happy for him, or be called bitter and hateful. Why?

 

Its just one guy...

 

I think the rest of the guys are just trying to defend themselves from being called users/abusers if they dare talk to an attractive/younger woman ...Thats the story...

 

Im not saying this of you as I do not know you, but I think many women that reach middle age are just "cry in their beer" types...Maybe they put on a couple of pounds or theyve had a rough patch...Its far better(and way more attractive) to embrace your years, maybe get into an exercise routine or make a career change(or a location change...er...)to feel better about themselves... No sense in the constant "Charlie Brown" nonsense...

 

TFY

[hasaquestion]

Nice moment here. 35 isn't old. You just hitting your prime. Another thing that bothers me (which I usually wont say on here) is how you women on here take this issue to heart. If you know what you have to offer to a potential man the fact they want a younger woman shouldn't bother you. It's their loss not yours. You give the fact that some men like younger men too much power.

 

Now this is getting really interesting.

[joystickd]

 

I think the rest of the guys are just trying to defend themselves from being called users/abusers if they dare talk to an attractive/younger woman ...Thats the story...

 

This is it right here other than challenging the negativity this is another reason I hone in on some of the women on here. Why even expend the energy? People like what they like.

[Under The Radar]

Now this is getting really interesting.

 

 

 

Yeah, I laughed when I saw that ......

 

 

...... talk about cheerleading for your gender .

[joystickd]

Yeah, I laughed when I saw that ......

 

 

...... talk about cheerleading for your gender .

I am a cheerleader for my gender but you have to have some moments when you put the pom poms down lol.

[Under The Radar]

If your seatbelts weren't fastened earlier ...... buckle up ...... **** just got real in here.

 

 

Gotta love how comforting this thread has become - LOL.

[KathyM]

Exactly... Even if those same young women don't realize until much later how they were betrayed...

 

I am lucky... I had strong role models and people who looked out for me when faced with that attention. Not everyone does.

 

Interesting that some of these men really are so deluded to think our opinions come from insecurity on our part... Instead of experience, wisdom, and a desire to help women.... And men too. If those same men had an ounce of real self awareness and a sense of responsibility that is..

 

That is the real problem. Why men are raised to think this is ok.

You were lucky to have good role models growing up who protected you and instilled good values in you. My parents were good people with good values, but were conflict avoidant and did not protect my sister when the much older MM pursued her. I had to take matters into my own hands as a child to protect her. Maybe that's one reason why I feel compelled to protect women and children who are preyed on by others and have become a women's advocate and therapist.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Nice moment here. 35 isn't old. You just hitting your prime. Another thing that bothers me (which I usually wont say on here) is how you women on here take this issue to heart. If you know what you have to offer to a potential man the fact they want a younger woman shouldn't bother you. It's their loss not yours. You give the fact that some men like younger men too much power.

 

It is easy to say that you should not take this issue to heart if you are bombarded everywhere with the message that as a midlife/older woman your "shelf life has expired" as is sometimes said. The fact alone that someone came up with the word "shelf life", you never hear that word used about men.

 

Apart from this negative message spread around in media and on the internet, there is the simple fact that when you try OLD you are overlooked by a significant part of the men your age (maybe even a majority) while you get at the same time a lot of messages from men who you simply consider too old to see them as relationship material.

It's one of the reasons why I stopped OLD, for me as a sensitive person it was too painful to get the impression that as a women in her late forties, my only chance for a relationship was getting together with a man in his late fifties or even in his sixties.

And this comes from a slim, attractive woman who could easily pass for a 40 year old.

 

It's easy to call us bitter when you have never experienced yourself how it feels to be constantly rejected and floaded with negative messages because of your age, as if your age is the only defining characteristic.

 

The thing is that even though we express our frustration most of the older/midlife women who are single give proof of a strong zest for life. They are very active in their jobs, do sports, travel and in general try new things out. We are told that we are jaded but for jaded folks we still lead a very active live.

 

Last weekend I went to Paris for 3 days. On my own. Last summer I went windsurfing in Sardinia. On my own. Each time I had a fantastic time. Nothing bitter about that.

But you know what? When I tell people about this, there are some who say "Did you do this on your own?" And when I say "Yes" they give me this weird look. So am I supposed to not only be rejected because I am a woman of a certain age but on top of that stay miserably at home?

I have promised myself that despite being single (against my will) I will my life to the fullest which means that I will do all the things that I want to do.

 

I am sure of one thing: love does wonders. Give these older/midlife single women a partner of her age who she loves and who loves her, and there will not be a lot of bitterness left.

No one can make abstraction of the world that surrounds you. If that world is repeatly telling you that you have no value it is difficult to stay indifferent to that. I mean, I am sure that Syrian refugees are also not feeling their happiest right now...

[PinkInTheLimo]

Same with my dad and mom...

 

If it makes you feel better Anela.... I just had a third date with the man who is three years older than me. He brought me flowers on my first date. Has told me more than once that he finds me beautiful without makeup.

 

He is in pretty good shape now.. But told me yesterday without prompting that he could be in better shape... That he is dating a hot woman that he wants to keep up with!!

 

...and today I am thinking... Ok... Where is the fine print? What is the catch? Attractive, intelligent, hardworking guy who likes to talk about cars and motorcycles with me... Wants to step up his workouts with me. Brings me flowers. Thinks I am hot. Oh, and acts like a gentleman too. So far so good.

 

Great to hear that so far this one is going well, RedRobin, I hope it remains a good story.