Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Under The Radar]

Dad? Lol! Ive had men old enough to be my grandfather message me on OLD.

 

 

 

Yep ......

 

 

So old, when god said let there be light, he hit the switch *Ba-Dum-Bum-Ching*

 

 

...... I'll be around all week ladies and gentleman - LOL.

[RonaldS]

14-18 year olds are girls, and not women.

 

A 21 year old is "old" compared to a toddler, but how is this relevant to dating?

 

Huh?

 

As a teacher, I'm surrounded by 14-18 year old females all day (I said females, not women). My point was, perspectives are relative. When you're surrounded by people of that age all day, every day, a 27 or 28 year old woman doesn't really seem that young anymore. Get it?

 

People talk about the difference in life experiences between, say, a 40 year old guy and a 25 year old woman. There definitely are some. But when you spend your days in a classroom and see these kids in action, and hear their conversations, and see them spazzing out or losing it over the dumbest crap ever, all of a sudden, that date with a 25 year old is remarkably refreshing in that she's a, you know, mature adult (by comparison).

 

It's relative.

[William]

Moderation received a report suggesting perhaps this thread on a specific member's question regarding dating older men had gone off-topic and should be closed and I did a quick review, noted that we had deleted around 50 posts over the course of the thread due to various issues, mainly meta-discussions and, since the thread starter apparently left the building and the thread became a more general discussion, decided to merge it with our consolidated discussion on this topic and open it up to more general discussion regarding old/young age gap dating.

[RonaldS]

Well your almost mathematical approach of how many women in a certain age bracket are a match for you certainly does not convey a lot of warmth. I am also only calling out what is thrown at me.

You don't sound like a guy I would recommend to any girlfriend of mine. I would wish them someone kind.

 

How about you just admit that you don't know a single thing about me?

 

I love it when people psychoanalyze a person based on a couple of message board posts. This isn't a dating site, so I'm not trying to convey warmth. Impressing people here is not a priority for me.

 

As for my 'mathematical approach' to dating....I don't have an approach to dating. I really don't even date. All I did was relay the numbers from the matches I have on Tinder. The discussion had been that women don't like men who are 6+ years older than them. All I did was take 10 minutes to go through my Tinder matches and count the number of women of various ages that I matched with. It was something like 70+% of my matches were 6+ years younger than me. That's not a dating approach. That was just counting and doing 6 seconds worth of calculations.

 

What does that have to do with a dating approach? I barely even talk to anybody I match with on Tinder.

 

I was just refuting what RR said about women liking somebody 10 years or more older than them to be 'very few and far between' and 'none that are any good'. That was an interesting position to me, given that I could personally produce HUNDREDS of examples just in my immediate vicinity that did like men, or at least 1 man, that was older than them.

[RedRobin]

Hundreds that use tinder... Hardly an arbiter of good taste, RonaldS.

 

Tell that to your next GF... If or when you decide to have one. If she is worth a damn, she won't be too thrilled you spent so much time trolling hookup sites.

Edited April 24, 2014 by RedRobin

[RonaldS]

Hundreds that use tinder... Hardly an arbiter of good taste, RonaldS.

 

Tell that to your next GF... If or when you decide to have one. If she is worth a damn, she won't be too thrilled you spent so much time trolling hookup sites.

 

What's the big deal about having Tinder matches? I already stated numerous times that I barely ever even meet up with any women on Tinder. However, those that I have met were attractive, educated professionals. It's not like I'm trolling trailer parks or White Castle parking lots.

 

But you have to admit...hundreds (HUNDREDS) of women picking a guy who is anywhere from 6-15 years older is not an insignificant statistic, nor is it an accident. Again, socio-economically, these are successful, educated professional women, not Tuesday afternoon shifters at Pole Katz.

 

And if I ever decide to have another GF, I will take steps to find one who isn't put off by a single guy having a profile on a dating site that 2/3 of the population of the developed world is on. If that's a deal breaker for a woman, oh well. Wasn't meant to be, was it?

[RedRobin]

What's the big deal about having Tinder matches? I already stated numerous times that I barely ever even meet up with any women on Tinder. However, those that I have met were attractive, educated professionals. It's not like I'm trolling trailer parks or White Castle parking lots.

 

But you have to admit...hundreds (HUNDREDS) of women picking a guy who is anywhere from 6-15 years older is not an insignificant statistic, nor is it an accident. Again, socio-economically, these are successful, educated professional women, not Tuesday afternoon shifters at Pole Katz.

 

And if I ever decide to have another GF, I will take steps to find one who isn't put off by a single guy having a profile on a dating site that 2/3 of the population of the developed world is on. If that's a deal breaker for a woman, oh well. Wasn't meant to be, was it?

 

 

Yes, if she is desperate enough to be with a guy that much older than her, she probably will be desperate enough to overlook your Tinder trolling, lol.

 

 

... I love it when guys like to associate diplomas with class. There is one poster here who pats himself on the back for being a player for years, who goes on and on about the credentials of the women he slept with... as if that makes him special.

 

 

It doesn't. No more than it makes women special who sleep with lots of guys who have credentials.

 

 

If you are ok being in a relationship with a woman who sleeps with lots of guys on Tinder, then get back to me. I won't be holding my breath. That said, I AM glad that site exists... Keeps those guys out of the regular dating population, I'm betting... and gives them another outlet rather than on legitimate dating sites where they feel obliged to lie about what they are looking for in order to get sex. I'd prefer not to run across those myself. Let them beat off to Tinder all day and the rest of their lives for all I care.

Edited April 24, 2014 by RedRobin

[man_in_the_box]

For some, 39/2 + 7 works, so 19.5+7 = 26.5. 26.5>24 so too young!

 

Let me see how it worked for my uncle: 26/2 + 7 = 20. Nope, aunt was 16 when they met, 18 when they married. Too young too! 54 years wasted! I hope they didn't realize it!

 

Oh, I thought it was x/7 + 2. It all makes sense to me now.

[RonaldS]

Yes, if she is desperate enough to be with a guy that much older than her, she probably will be desperate enough to overlook your Tinder trolling, lol.

 

 

... I love it when guys like to associate diplomas with class. There is one poster here who pats himself on the back for being a player for years, who goes on and on about the credentials of the women he slept with... as if that makes him special.

 

 

It doesn't. No more than it makes women special who sleep with lots of guys who have credentials.

 

 

If you are ok being in a relationship with a woman who sleeps with lots of guys on Tinder, then get back to me. I won't be holding my breath. That said, I AM glad that site exists... Keeps those guys out of the regular dating population, I'm betting... and gives them another outlet rather than on legitimate dating sites where they feel obliged to lie about what they are looking for in order to get sex. I'd prefer not to run across those myself. Let them beat off to Tinder all day and the rest of their lives for all I care.

You're hilarious.

 

Let's not turn this into a Tinder v 'legitimate dating sites'....whatever that means. It's fine if you want to be presumptuous about it, but I think you might be buying the hype re: Tinder as a hook-up site. I've never just hooked up off Tinder, nor have the women I've met through there been of the nature to be out hooking up. All of the women I've met through Tinder have actually been a lot like the women I met from OKC....except more attractive and less desperate. And I have bad news: chances are, if a guy has a Tinder account, he probably has an OKC account as well as PoF. Maybe even a Christian Mingle account. So, it's not removing them from your pool.

 

But let's stick to the issue at bar....

 

What makes you assume that a woman that is interested in an older man is desperate?

 

Let's take me, for instance. If a 28 year old goes out with me (and I'm 3 months shy of 40), why does that make her desperate? That's a nearly 12 year age difference. The biggest difference between me and a 28 year old woman, in my experience, is that I have already had the life they're still shooting for. That's the downside for a younger woman dating an older man.....is that man going to want to jump back into marriage, having more kids, and so on? That seems to be the limiting factor in having a relationship. However, in terms of general compatibility...being able to hang out, have a good time, have good conversations, share experiences, connect....there's just not that big of a difference.

 

Believe it or not...and I know that you won't...there are older guys that are actually deemed desirable. Not just in their own age bracket, but really all age brackets. Some of those guys are intelligent, successful, engaging, interesting, attractive, stylish, educated, worldly, etc etc etc. If you ran into one of these men in public, chances are you would not know that they were as old as they are.

 

However, somebody like you just wants to lock into the mass mental image of 'older man'. When you think 40 year old guy, you probably envision typical 40 year old men. Bald or balding, pudgy and out of shape, beer-belly and flat, flabby ass, frumpy, a posture that suggests they've given up, bad style with Kirkland jeans from Costco and standard plaid shirt tucked in, generic style-less olive green jacket and 'hiking shoes', stressed out, defeated, trying to recapture a youth that they either lost or never had in the first place, creepy, pervy, lame and boring.

 

It's ok to make that association. After all, there's are zillions of 40 year old men out there just like that.

 

But there are also those that just don't really age. The only give-away with me is some gray hair. Some people eat right, don't drink a ton, don't smoke, exercise regularly, know how to be stylish w/o it looking like they're trying to be stylish....youthful. There are older guys out there like that. And they appeal to 22 year olds, 32 year olds, 42 year olds, 52 year olds.

 

If you saw me out with a 28 year old woman, I highly doubt that you would suspect that I was more than a couple if years older than her. She also wouldn't feel like she's out with an older man. I know this because that's the feedback I've gotten.

 

Now, if you want to talk about 50 year old men with 22 year old women, yeah....that's a different story. My mothers business partner is a 53 year old guy who just had a kid with a 24 year old. Yeah....eeek.

 

But 40 w/26 or 28, or 30....meh. No big deal. If you don't like older guys, that's cool. Whatever blows your hair back, sweets. But nobody understands the point in you being pissy about other women dating older guys. Why do you even care? It's almost like you're mad that you can't compete.

[iiiii]

Oh, I thought it was x/7 + 2. It all makes sense to me now.

 

Phew, luckily I'm legit. I was beginning to worry.

[123321]

What makes you assume that a woman that is interested in an older man is desperate?

 

Makes women who are uncomfortable with their declining attractiveness on the dating market feel a little better to say stuff like that.

[FitChick]

Of course young women like sexy older men. It's those hot, sexy bodies the guys have. Who wouldn't want to bang them? This couple is a perfect example. Be sure to read the comments. They are hilarious.

[123321]

Of course young women like sexy older men. It's those hot, sexy bodies the guys have.

 

Nice of you to say but I'm pretty sure that's not it in all cases, certainly not mine. The GF does say "you're so handsome" periodically but I just tell her I'm glad to be with a blind girl.

 

I think it goes deeper than just looks, and no, it's obviously not for everyone but then what is?

[RedRobin]

Makes women who are uncomfortable with their declining attractiveness on the dating market feel a little better to say stuff like that.

Nope. Not at all. The more I listen to you guys, the more I think I shouldn't waste my time with same age or older guys at all. You don't look better. I don't need your money. And frankly... Most single men past a certain age are emotionally incompetent and prefer to stay that way apparently...

 

So can't count on them for that either.

 

Here all this time I was focusing on real compatibility. I should just focus on superficial shyte like you do.

 

*shrug*

[RonaldS]

Nope. Not at all. The more I listen to you guys, the more I think I shouldn't waste my time with same age or older guys at all. You don't look better. I don't need your money. And frankly... Most single men past a certain age are emotionally incompetent and prefer to stay that way apparently...

 

So can't count on them for that either.

 

Here all this time I was focusing on real compatibility. I should just focus on superficial shyte like you do.

 

*shrug*

 

I will agree with you that if a man has not been married (or at least in a long committed relationship) by a certain age, he's probably not somebody that you are going to want to double down on.

 

Not saying that having been married and having kids is any guarantee of emotional competence, but you definitely have much higher odds.

 

But, it sounds to me, after reading your posts for over a year, that nobody younger, older or the same age as you is good enough.

[hotpotato]

Of course young women like sexy older men. It's those hot, sexy bodies the guys have. Who wouldn't want to bang them? This couple is a perfect example. Be sure to read the comments. They are hilarious.

 

That moment when you wish your bf would die and leave you $$$$$$$.

Solid Anna Nicole tactic

[RedRobin]

I will agree with you that if a man has not been married (or at least in a long committed relationship) by a certain age, he's probably not somebody that you are going to want to double down on.

 

Not saying that having been married and having kids is any guarantee of emotional competence, but you definitely have much higher odds.

 

But, it sounds to me, after reading your posts for over a year, that nobody younger, older or the same age as you is good enough.

 

You are right. No one around here is good enough. I am taking a road trip to Seattle this summer. Might make a stop through Denver and maybe Portland, OR.

 

All three have man heavy demographics. Heck, I may even set up three different match profiles... One in each location. Date my way across the US. Lol

 

Now that would be a fun summer!

 

Edited: I haven't tried the younger guys. The youngest I have been in a relationship with is two years. Was married to him. I consider that same age... So yea... Same age and older suck. Congrats. You convinced me lol

Edited April 24, 2014 by RedRobin

[RonaldS]

You are right. No one around here is good enough. I am taking a road trip to Seattle this summer. Might make a stop through Denver and maybe Portland, OR.

 

Where do you live?

 

All three have man heavy demographics. Heck, I may even set up three different match profiles... One in each location. Date my way across the US. Lol

Pro tip: just go on Tinder.

 

And make sure you swing through Chicago on your way and say 'hey'. Oh wait....whoops! I'm too old. Nevermind.

[RedRobin]

Won't be going on tinder. Not looking for hookups. Hookups with potential psychos at that.

 

Might be good for coffee date filler. On second thought, no. I hate coffee dates.

[thefooloftheyear]

Still really not sure why people give a crap who the other dates/enters a relationship with...I mean, really....who cares?

 

And lets leave out the predators and creeps...We all know they exist...and they arent all male or female..

 

I think unless anyone was a total shut in, most people have acquaintances/friends that would fit the "unconventional" in terms of outward "compatibility" ...They may be a younger guy with an older woman.or vice versa, or an obese woman with a fit guy, a bi racial couple...whatever...And these relationships are usually no different than any other...except for the obvious outward differences..

 

Its got nothing to do with any inherent weakness or mental limitation of the individual...Its just perhaps what "fits" them...

 

We keep hearing the parrotted "93% of marriages are between like age people"....like if those that follow that guideline are somehow guaranteed a perfect match.....yeah...righhhhttt.......Get out the coin and flip it, thats about the likelyhood that its going to work out...

 

To put people in "little boxes" is just dumb...It doesnt work...

 

If you use me as an example(again, Im not in the game...)..but lets just assume it for the sake of this discussion...Im almost 50 years old..And I am not some waste that spent his life never growing up, but an accomplished businessman/entrepeneur, a father, etc..

 

My idea of a fun outing is a 12 mile hike up in the mountains- or getting on a dirtbike and tearing up the trails...or surfing.....Most women who are my contemporaries are likely to want to cuddle on the couch, take a slow walk on a beach or something along those lines...Nothing wrong with those things, they are nice...but its not really my thing...I am also a very seriously fit guy-probably in an overkill sort of way....Ill freely admit that...Its not what most people(either gender) are really going to relate to at almost 50 years old...It just isnt..

 

I also actually enjoy things that are usually associated with much younger folks...I attend events (because many of my clients are into this)that are loud music, bikini contests, motorsports..etc...Its basically crap that 20 something guys do...Im never seen as "who is that old guy there?"....In fact, most of these guys are thrilled if I show up...I fit in great..They see me as a peer with a lot of experience...Nothing more or less...

 

Its not about ego...If I was in a dating situation, and limited myself to the average 50 year old woman....quite frankly I wouldn't find too many takers...The idea of 50 year old "fit" is "out of shape" in my world...Or maybe some might bite, thinking it would be cool..until they are worn out after a single weekend..And trust me....Im not that superficial about appearance...it would be more important that the person shares my level of enthusiasm for the physical aspects of living ones life..

 

Id have no desire to pursue any young kids...Thats silly....But it'd be hideously difficult to find a like aged partner that shares the same interests....Maybe its for the best that im not looking....

 

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

 

TFY

[123321]

The more I listen to you guys, the more I think I shouldn't waste my time with same age or older guys at all. You don't look better. I don't need your money. And frankly... Most single men past a certain age are emotionally incompetent and prefer to stay that way apparently...

 

So can't count on them for that either.

 

Here all this time I was focusing on real compatibility. I should just focus on superficial shyte like you do.

 

*shrug*

 

Well thank god you're not bitter at least.

[RonaldS]

Still really not sure why people give a crap who the other dates/enters a relationship with...I mean, really....who cares?

 

And lets leave out the predators and creeps...We all know they exist...and they arent all male or female..

 

I think unless anyone was a total shut in, most people have acquaintances/friends that would fit the "unconventional" in terms of outward "compatibility" ...They may be a younger guy with an older woman.or vice versa, or an obese woman with a fit guy, a bi racial couple...whatever...And these relationships are usually no different than any other...except for the obvious outward differences..

 

Its got nothing to do with any inherent weakness or mental limitation of the individual...Its just perhaps what "fits" them...

 

We keep hearing the parrotted "93% of marriages are between like age people"....like if those that follow that guideline are somehow guaranteed a perfect match.....yeah...righhhhttt.......Get out the coin and flip it, thats about the likelyhood that its going to work out...

 

To put people in "little boxes" is just dumb...It doesnt work...

 

If you use me as an example(again, Im not in the game...)..but lets just assume it for the sake of this discussion...Im almost 50 years old..And I am not some waste that spent his life never growing up, but an accomplished businessman/entrepeneur, a father, etc..

 

My idea of a fun outing is a 12 mile hike up in the mountains- or getting on a dirtbike and tearing up the trails...or surfing.....Most women who are my contemporaries are likely to want to cuddle on the couch, take a slow walk on a beach or something along those lines...Nothing wrong with those things, they are nice...but its not really my thing...I am also a very seriously fit guy-probably in an overkill sort of way....Ill freely admit that...Its not what most people(either gender) are really going to relate to at almost 50 years old...It just isnt..

 

I also actually enjoy things that are usually associated with much younger folks...I attend events (because many of my clients are into this)that are loud music, bikini contests, motorsports..etc...Its basically crap that 20 something guys do...Im never seen as "who is that old guy there?"....In fact, most of these guys are thrilled if I show up...I fit in great..They see me as a peer with a lot of experience...Nothing more or less...

 

Its not about ego...If I was in a dating situation, and limited myself to the average 50 year old woman....quite frankly I wouldn't find too many takers...The idea of 50 year old "fit" is "out of shape" in my world...Or maybe some might bite, thinking it would be cool..until they are worn out after a single weekend..And trust me....Im not that superficial about appearance...it would be more important that the person shares my level of enthusiasm for the physical aspects of living ones life..

 

Id have no desire to pursue any young kids...Thats silly....But it'd be hideously difficult to find a like aged partner that shares the same interests....Maybe its for the best that im not looking....

 

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

 

TFY

 

This is an excellent post and sums up very nicely how a lot of us 'old' guys feel.

 

My XW is 3 years younger than me....but she is way 'older'. She never had a tremendous sense of adventure, but once she turned 30, it was gone. Conversely, I have always been an active, energetic, transient person. I've spent my life outdoors, playing sports, snowboarding, skating (when I was younger), always doing something nuts, always anti-establishment. Always 'young' and still identify very well with young people.

 

You do see a lot of old guys who try to be cool again, but they're obvious and obviously fraudulent. Poseurs was the nomenclature of my youth, and I believe it's a term still widely in circulation. I am not one of those jags. It's not that I'm trying to be young again....it's that I've stayed young. But intellectually, emotionally, socially, financially, etc, I've grown and am more refined.

 

When I hang out with women my age or older, most of them just seem boring and, to TFY's point, content with dinner at a nice restaurant as their 'adventure'. Cool...we can do that. But if that's the peak, then see you around.

[RedRobin]

Well thank god you're not bitter at least.

 

You don't want women your own age. That must mean you are bitter too, lol.

[Keenly]

You don't want women your own age. That must mean you are bitter too, lol.

 

How does that make him bitter?

 

RR if you start dating younger guys, how exactly will you be ANY different then the men you bash daily...

 

 

You just said the men your age or older are not good enough so...............

 

 

Pot meet kettle?

 

I really want you to meet some one so that we can see happy posts instead of venomous posts coning from your direction.

[GorillaTheater]

Well, I'm a middle aged woman who likes to ski, hike, ride motorcycles across the country, rollerblade along the beach, ride horses in the mountains, play basketball, ice skate, dance, etc. And I know other women my age who are also active like I am. Some are single/divorced. Some are married. That active lifestyle is something I've always had. My point being that men are just as likely to be couch potatoes at middle age than women are. And there are middle aged women who live a more active lifestyle. There are also young people (both men and women) who are couch potatoes. In fact, being active is not about age. There are plenty of young people who are inactive and who grew up with hobbies like video games, social media, and inactive pastimes. So you really can't claim that young women are so much more physically active than middle aged women. I don't believe that's true.

 

It sure is nice to agree on SOMETHING once in a while.