Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[hotpotato]

:laugh:

 

Are you kidding???

 

I have had my ass grabbed more than a hundred times in my life(yes, I am serious)...I hav had my arms felt, my shoulders, back.....just about everything you can think of...Mostly by dope women when I was working in(and occasionally going to)clubs ...Its not as prevalent as it was now that I am older...but let me say this of the older(40 and up) crowd...

 

These women will say some of the nastiest, most sexually explicit stuff to guys...Especially now that we are in the era of texting...And they will send photos,(without being requested)...I dont know why they do it, and I really cant explain it...If I said some of this stuff....Its unreal..

 

And the thing is that when women do this stuff, its considered cute and flirty...When men do it...Its creepy and predatory...And to take it a step further, what do you think a cop would say if I went to the station to file a complaint because a woman in a bar grabbed my crotch.?? Hed probably call me a fag and tell me to go home and get over it...It happens to a woman, then there is an APB for immediate arrest ofa sexual predator..Its the grossest form of a double standard that exists...

 

As I say this, I NEVER would dare touch a woman that I didnt know...Grab her ass? Are you kidding?? In fact, not only have I not touched anyone, I have never even told a strange woman that she looked nice, or her hair looked good...I am not that type, and quite frankly Id be afraid of being accused of something improper...Who needs that??

 

And after all that, I still dont look unfavorably upon women...Some are a little salty and some are proper...

 

TFY

 

Did you like all that attention?

[gaius]

Anela, you should date younger men to get experience. You have more in common with them than with men your own age.

I always thought Anela was younger than I was, even after she had a pic of herself posted, until I peeked at her profile one day.

 

I've had good physical chemistry with some younger women but it usually turns into a disaster when we start talking. What are you supposed to bring up, one direction? Most of them don't seem to have well developed opinions or personalities. It's like viewing a house that isn't finished. There's just something missing.

 

With the rare exception of my first girlfriend who was special, every woman I've dated has been a few years older or way older. It's hard enough finding someone my age who knows how to handle me and is intellectually stimulating. Let alone a girl who's been around 5 years less.

[RonaldS]

It's kind of hard to just deal with it when it's stalking...

 

Did you like those advances? Did you like it?

 

They were not the interaction I would have preferred, but I was able to deal with them without being traumatized for life. In the bar and some older woman that I'm not into grabs my ass, it's just like 'Whatever'. I mean, why the hell would I even care?

 

Somebody was stalking you? Oh no! Join the friggin club. I have news for you.....stalking happens across all ages, genders, sexualities, socio-economic statuses and pant sizes. Stalking and older men dating younger women are mutually exclusive. It's a logical fallacy to correlate somebody's age with stalking tendencies. I've been stalked tons of times. It happens.

[thefooloftheyear]

Did you like all that attention?

 

 

Nope....do you??

 

Amd if a hundred different guys grabbed your ass, what would you do???

 

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

I don't think men should be subjected to that kind of behavior either.... which is why I don't do it nor would I be friends with women who do that.

 

 

... when it comes to men in my target age range... I don't really care who they date. Of course they are allowed to date whoever they want.

 

 

However, if I find out they have dated much younger, it just gives me some insight into their preferences and I weed them out. Same way I would weed out a guy if I found out they smoked, had a DUI, or did drugs, were promiscuous, or had some other habit I found unappealing. Online, they are especially easy to sift through...

 

 

IRL, it isn't that tough either, because they tend to brag about it... much like they brag about their promiscuity.

[RonaldS]

She is doing herself a disservice by allowing it.

 

Please.

 

First of all, I'm always being led to believe that women aren't shallow and superficial and don't make determinations of feelings based on looks. I'm confused. Please help me understand how the above is true, but a woman dating a man 10 or 15 years older is doing herself a disservice because of something as artificial as looks.

 

Hey, I can't control what blows women's hair back. So, I'm 40. For whatever reason, a lot of women who are a lot younger than me think I'm super sexy. Enough 20 or 22 or 24 or 26 year olds have sweated me post-35 that I'm inclined to start believing that I'm attractive enough to even that age group as to NOT be doing younger women any sort of disservice (FTR, I would never hang out with a woman younger than 25 unless there was a really compelling reason to do so). And if a younger woman is attracted to me and we have fun and we have good chemistry and we have mutual attraction, I guess I'm not really sure how she would be doing herself a disservice. If she's attracted, then she's probably getting what she (not you) wants for herself.

[hotpotato]

They were not the interaction I would have preferred, but I was able to deal with them without being traumatized for life. In the bar and some older woman that I'm not into grabs my ass, it's just like 'Whatever'. I mean, why the hell would I even care?

 

Somebody was stalking you? Oh no! Join the friggin club. I have news for you.....stalking happens across all ages, genders, sexualities, socio-economic statuses and pant sizes. Stalking and older men dating younger women are mutually exclusive. It's a logical fallacy to correlate somebody's age with stalking tendencies. I've been stalked tons of times. It happens.

 

If you didnt like it, don't expect anyone else to like it.

 

I wonder if men are more relaxed about being sexually harassed. That would explain a lot.

 

I never said that only older men stalked. In fact, I said in this thread that I had one who was younger, but he wasn't as aggressive.

[RonaldS]

I don't think men should be subjected to that kind of behavior either.... which is why I don't do it nor would I be friends with women who do that.

 

 

... when it comes to men in my target age range... I don't really care who they date. Of course they are allowed to date whoever they want.

 

 

However, if I find out they have dated much younger, it just gives me some insight into their preferences and I weed them out. Same way I would weed out a guy if I found out they smoked, had a DUI, or did drugs, were promiscuous, or had some other habit I found unappealing. Online, they are especially easy to sift through...

From the sounds of it, you're not weeding out.....you're just pouring buckets of bleach on your lawn and then lighting it on fire.

[hotpotato]

Nope....do you??

 

Amd if a hundred different guys grabbed your ass, what would you do???

 

 

TFY

 

Ok, then you should understand that maybe women dont like it either.

 

I dont hang around men unless I want to have sex with them. That would never happen nowadays. Froteurism is a good reason I dont like going to nightclubs or any kind of environment.

[RonaldS]

If you didnt like it, don't expect anyone else to like it.

 

How in the world did I even infer that I expect other people to like it??? Where do guys come up with some of this sh*t?

 

What I said was that I dealt with it and wasn't traumatized for life by it. Nor did I use those experiences as a basis for forming judgemental generalizations of entire age groups within a gender.

[RedRobin]

Please.

 

First of all, I'm always being led to believe that women aren't shallow and superficial and don't make determinations of feelings based on looks. I'm confused. Please help me understand how the above is true, but a woman dating a man 10 or 15 years older is doing herself a disservice because of something as artificial as looks.

 

Hey, I can't control what blows women's hair back. So, I'm 40. For whatever reason, a lot of women who are a lot younger than me think I'm super sexy. Enough 20 or 22 or 24 or 26 year olds have sweated me post-35 that I'm inclined to start believing that I'm attractive enough to even that age group as to NOT be doing younger women any sort of disservice (FTR, I would never hang out with a woman younger than 25 unless there was a really compelling reason to do so). And if a younger woman is attracted to me and we have fun and we have good chemistry and we have mutual attraction, I guess I'm not really sure how she would be doing herself a disservice. If she's attracted, then she's probably getting what she (not you) wants for herself.

 

 

I've always felt that women are doing themselves a disservice when they offer something of value to a man they aren't getting in return.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ok, then you should understand that maybe women dont like it either.

 

I dont hang around men unless I want to have sex with them. That would never happen nowadays. Froteurism is a good reason I dont like going to nightclubs or any kind of environment.

 

Men are taught to "put up with it" , because it certainly wouldn't be very "manly" to complain about it..For women, its another story entirely...

 

I suppose it has something to do with the fact that an average woman isnt going to forcibly overpower even an average man, but women do get raped so.......

 

Its still not right though....and it happens to guys....more frequently than you might think...

 

Im still kinda shocked at some of the stuff that comes from the mouths of salty middle aged women....Im no prude, and I know its just playful shyt, but holy Jesus...they dont hold back one bit...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

From the sounds of it, you're not weeding out.....you're just pouring buckets of bleach on your lawn and then lighting it on fire.

 

 

Are you saying that all single men past a certain age have done drugs, are promiscuous, are smokers, have DUI's, and date a lot younger??

 

 

A lot do, sure. Maybe torching the lawn is a great idea if it were that full of weeds.

[RonaldS]

I've always felt that women are doing themselves a disservice when they offer something of value to a man they aren't getting in return.

 

*sigh*

 

All currencies are not identical. But they can still have equal value.

 

A younger woman might not receive an equivalently young face from an older man, which by your logic (or absence thereof) means she is not being adequately compensated. But what if that currency doesn't have as much value to her as, say, a man who has much more life experience? Or is far more professionally established? Or is just more interesting than younger men? Or has unique perspectives, entertaining wit, functioning intellect, or any of the other million reasons other than looks that attract people to others? What if he is thoughtful, compassionate, understanding and offers tremendous support? What if he has (and this is a big one...get ready for it) actually figured some things out about how to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship?

 

Nah. None of that matters. He's got some grey hair. Hahaha!

[RedRobin]

*sigh*

 

All currencies are not identical. But they can still have equal value.

 

A younger woman might not receive an equivalently young face from an older man, which by your logic (or absence thereof) means she is not being adequately compensated. But what if that currency doesn't have as much value to her as, say, a man who has much more life experience? Or is far more professionally established? Or is just more interesting than younger men? Or has unique perspectives, entertaining wit, functioning intellect, or any of the other million reasons other than looks that attract people to others? What if he is thoughtful, compassionate, understanding and offers tremendous support? What if he has (and this is a big one...get ready for it) actually figured some things out about how to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship?

 

Nah. None of that matters. He's got some grey hair. Hahaha!

 

That is the problem... Lots of women likely don't recognize how much 'currency' her youth has... If to no one else but herself.

 

Time is something an older man can never give her.

 

All of your reasoning about how wonderful you are due to your own age is every reason why a thoughtful, not effed in the head man, wants someone his own age... A peer... Not someone much younger. Because your same age peers have those same qualities. But none of that matters because they look like you, lol.

 

Nor do all of those things, even if true, compel you to to sexualize that interaction with a younger woman.. Unless... Wait for it... You are taking something from her she can't get back... Since you are older you know exactly how valuable her time is... Even if she might not. And you seek to take that away from her for your own selfish needs.

 

That is why she is doing herself a disservice wasting her youth on an older man. We all know what's in it for you... And that is why I won't date men who have dated much younger for any length of time. Ok, fine if they tried it out just to see what it is about... But if they make a habit of it? Naha.. Something is off upstairs in my opinion.

Edited April 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory statement

[PinkInTheLimo]

But what if that currency doesn't have as much value to her as, say, a man who has much more life experience? Or is far more professionally established? Or is just more interesting than younger men? Or has unique perspectives, entertaining wit, functioning intellect, or any of the other million reasons other than looks that attract people to others? What if he is thoughtful, compassionate, understanding and offers tremendous support? What if he has (and this is a big one...get ready for it) actually figured some things out about how to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship?

 

This sounds very nice in theory but the reality is that age has nothing to do with maturity. Older men are not necessarily more interesting, more witty, more intellectual, more understanding, etc... than younger men.

Having been around the block for more years is one thing but it does not mean a thing if one has not actually learnt something from having been around the block.

 

People either have values and integrity or they haven't . People engage in introspection or they don't. A jerk at 20 will most probably be a jerk at 40 or 60 unless he has taken a good look at himself and worked on himself.

 

I've already said this elsewhere. My theory is that with age people either improve or become worse. Look at how many nasty old people there are; it seems they don't feel the need any longer to apply at least some self censorship.

 

The older guys who contact me on OLD are children in the body of an old man: selfish, entitled, immature,... You cannot have a partner relationshp with such a man. All you can do is stroke his ego and care for him like a mother. Excuse me, I have better things to do.

 

You think you are mature but a lot of what you write here is simply foolish. The bragging about all the young women who are attracted to you, the bragging about how mature you are (as if...), about how much more you have to offer, etc...

Older women see right through this nonsense and find you very unattractive for it.

 

If you will get in a relationship with a young woman who is a bit smart, she will soon tire of all this and dump you.

 

The thing is: if you are so succesful, then why are you still single?

[thefooloftheyear]

This sounds very nice in theory but the reality is that age has nothing to do with maturity. Older men are not necessarily more interesting, more witty, more intellectual, more understanding, etc... than younger men.

Having been around the block for more years is one thing but it does not mean a thing if one has not actually learnt something from having been around the block.

 

People either have values and integrity or they haven't . People engage in introspection or they don't. A jerk at 20 will most probably be a jerk at 40 or 60 unless he has taken a good look at himself and worked on himself.

 

I've already said this elsewhere. My theory is that with age people either improve or become worse. Look at how many nasty old people there are; it seems they don't feel the need any longer to apply at least some self censorship.

 

The older guys who contact me on OLD are children in the body of an old man: selfish, entitled, immature,... You cannot have a partner relationshp with such a man. All you can do is stroke his ego and care for him like a mother. Excuse me, I have better things to do.

 

You think you are mature but a lot of what you write here is simply foolish. The bragging about all the young women who are attracted to you, the bragging about how mature you are (as if...), about how much more you have to offer, etc...

Older women see right through this nonsense and find you very unattractive for it.

 

If you will get in a relationship with a young woman who is a bit smart, she will soon tire of all this and dump you.

 

The thing is: if you are so succesful, then why are you still single?

 

 

Its been pretty well documented that OLD is not a good indicator of how people are(both men and women)...No matter what the age range...

 

I think a lot of women that keep referencing men on OLD need to stop making judgements about the nature of men from that venue...Id never do OLD, but looking at it from afar, I can easily see how guys will use that as a cheap and easy way to "fish" for an easy piece of ass..Women do some edually shady shyt as well...

 

Just an observation...

 

TFY

[PinkInTheLimo]

Its been pretty well documented that OLD is not a good indicator of how people are(both men and women)...No matter what the age range...

 

I think a lot of women that keep referencing men on OLD need to stop making judgements about the nature of men from that venue...Id never do OLD, but looking at it from afar, I can easily see how guys will use that as a cheap and easy way to "fish" for an easy piece of ass..Women do some edually shady shyt as well...

 

Just an observation...

 

TFY

 

On OLD you find exactly the same people as you find in real life. I was OLD for a couple of years, currently I am not doing it. I am still the same person.

 

I would not know where on earth I could meet a man without OLD (not that I found a lot of decent men there). In my job all the men are coupled/married. In my evening course most of the other students are women, the few guys are a lot younger/coupled.

 

Apart from that, with the crazy combination studies/work my life consists of working, studying, eating, sleeping, a bit of sports. I have no social life, very few friends. I'd like to have more friends but I am an introvert and highly sensitive and a lot of people are very draining.

 

I am playing with the idea of a matrimonial agency because I don't mind paying some money if this can help me meet guys who are 100% available. The leading agency in my country does however explicitly say that it is very hard for them to find men who want a woman +45, esp. one with a higher education (that makes me so sad, that being accomplished is apparently a bad thing). So I am afraid that if I would want to subscribe, the only men they would introduce me to would be 10 years or more older. Than my money would be wasted because I'd rather be single than be with a much older guy. It would really feel like second choice.

[hotpotato]

Its been pretty well documented that OLD is not a good indicator of how people are(both men and women)...No matter what the age range...

 

I think a lot of women that keep referencing men on OLD need to stop making judgements about the nature of men from that venue...Id never do OLD, but looking at it from afar, I can easily see how guys will use that as a cheap and easy way to "fish" for an easy piece of ass..Women do some edually shady shyt as well...

 

Just an observation...

 

TFY

Does this also go for bookstores and walking tracks? I also get older and elderly men coming at me in those places...

 

I do think that maybe they believe I'm desperate. I usually do these alone so I must be so hard up and soooo undesirable that I want to ride a 70 year old man.

[hotpotato]

How in the world did I even infer that I expect other people to like it??? Where do guys come up with some of this sh*t?

 

What I said was that I dealt with it and wasn't traumatized for life by it. Nor did I use those experiences as a basis for forming judgemental generalizations of entire age groups within a gender.

 

You talk like women should just shut up and take it. Most women arent going to operate like that.

 

You may not like it, but ive found it to be true. To be fair old ones and young ones aren't that different, older ones are just very delusional about how attractive they are. Older guys are also more aggressive. Old and elderly dudes should know better.

 

A lot of guys here will say men prefer younger women, but heaven forbid women point at that even elderly men are fixated on young poon.

[MidwestUSA]

On OLD you find exactly the same people as you find in real life.

 

Of course you will. If you're hanging out at the bottom of the barrel.

 

For example, I can log on there today, and find guys I went on one date with eight years ago. They're still there because they are incapable of getting into or maintaining a relationship.

 

The 'good guys' eventually found someone and were taken off the market.

 

Can you say 'picked over'?

[RonaldS]

You talk like women should just shut up and take it. Most women arent going to operate like that.

 

You may not like it, but ive found it to be true. To be fair old ones and young ones aren't that different, older ones are just very delusional about how attractive they are. Older guys are also more aggressive. Old and elderly dudes should know better.

 

A lot of guys here will say men prefer younger women, but heaven forbid women point at that even elderly men are fixated on young poon.

 

I don't talk like that at all. I pointed out that it goes both ways but doesn't traumatize me. I didn't say anything about how anybody else should handle it.

 

Yes, some older guys are aggressive and pervy. Nobody would ever argue that. But in the black-and-white line of thinking on display in this thread, some = all.

 

The point that I, TFY et al have been trying to make is that a portion of a population does not equal the entire population, or even close. Some of the women here sound like my idiot Tea Party relatives who post crap on Facebook all day about how stupid liberals are, yet nearly every sentence they post is filled with spelling and grammatical errors....not to mention just being dumb and lacking logic in general.

 

Generalizing is a shortcut to thinking, to paraphrase Jim Morrison. This thread is full of generalizations and terrible assumptions.

[RonaldS]

That is the problem... Lots of women likely don't recognize how much 'currency' her youth has... If to no one else but herself.

 

Time is something an older man can never give her.

 

All of your reasoning about how wonderful you are due to your own age is every reason why a thoughtful, not effed in the head man, wants someone his own age... A peer... Not someone much younger. Because your same age peers have those same qualities. But none of that matters because they look like you, lol.

 

Nor do all of those things, even if true, compel you to to sexualize that interaction with a younger woman.. Unless... Wait for it... You are taking something from her she can't get back... Since you are older you know exactly how valuable her time is... Even if she might not. And you seek to take that away from her for your own selfish needs.

 

That is why she is doing herself a disservice wasting her youth on an older man. We all know what's in it for you... And that is why I won't date men who have dated much younger for any length of time. Ok, fine if they tried it out just to see what it is about... But if they make a habit of it? Naha.. Something is off upstairs in my opinion.

 

And this is the part of the show where you get smacked in the head by your own attempt at reasoning.

 

If a woman has any qualities beyond looks, then youth isn't really any super valuable currency. You state that a man with the aforementioned qualities should be with somebody their own age, because those women also have those same great qualities. So, those seem to endure the test of time, if not get better with age...in both men and women, correct?

 

Ok, so what exactly is the you get woman being robbed of? You are heavily, heavily equating the value of a person with their physical appearance. But, by your own admission, men should value older women based on qualities other than physical.

 

In other words, you're not making much sense.

[RonaldS]

Nobody....not men, not women, not hot people, not ugly people, not smart people, not dumb people....nobody can get time back.

 

What matters is recognizing that time is a very finite resource and what matters is making the most of how you spend it. Life is a giant collection of moments, not an ultimate goal that you spend most, if not all, of your life working toward....only to probably not even come close to attaining it but missing out on a lot along the way because you are too focused on our goal.

 

There are also no guarantees in life. You can't guarantee that a younger women will have a bad relationship experience any more than you can guarantee that the same woman will have a good relationship with somebody her own age. ALL relationships are a crapshoot.

 

It's pretty shallow thinking to assume that the relationship a 27 year old woman gets into with somebody roughly her age is automatically going to be better than one she gets into with somebody who is 40. She could get into a relationship with somebody who is 28 and turns out to be a totally selfish prick, and doesn't value her as a person. 3 years later she figures it out and leaves. Or she could get into a relationship with a 40 year old who is a much more balanced, giving person, but 3 years later, it ends up not working out for whatever reason.

 

Either way, she can't get those 3 years back. So, what friggin difference does it make?

Edited April 28, 2014 by RonaldS

[hotpotato]

Of course you will. If you're hanging out at the bottom of the barrel.

 

For example, I can log on there today, and find guys I went on one date with eight years ago. They're still there because they are incapable of getting into or maintaining a relationship.

 

The 'good guys' eventually found someone and were taken off the market.

 

Can you say 'picked over'?

 

Like Barnes and Noble?

 

These guys are everywhere. Bookstores, oarks, Walmart etc. They are by no means confined to the internet.