Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[thefooloftheyear]

Other than not being very gentlemanly, pretty much every guy that I know these days wont even tell a woman she looks nice...The unwritten rules and sexual harassment laws are so stringent these days, most guys have gotten so gun shy about even complimenting a woman that the thought of outright harassment seems so foreign to me...ANd I say good...No need for that garbage..

 

Understand, I am not calling anyone out here, I suppose things may differ in some locales compared to others...Around here, that kinda stuff is completely off limits....Even the construction worker catcalls, which are tame in comparison to what some women are reporting here, according to what I have been told, has pretty much gone the way of the public telephone...

 

Im surprised its as common as reported here...thats all...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Befriending or trying to gain the trust of a much younger woman with the intention of drawing her into a sexual liason or relationship also falls into the arena of predators and perverts... not just blatant groping and requests by strangers.

 

 

That is what I find especially creepy from much older guys. Older guys who try to be my friend or mentor, who really have some other agenda and think they can weasel their way into my pants. Most of the old guys who tried to push their luck with me fell into that category.

 

 

It is called grooming.

 

 

See the Catholic Church for recent examples. Maybe have a chat with your sb sometime how she was lured into the 'business' for another. I'd be curious to know what her first john was like and how she chose her line of work.

 

 

I've mentioned it elsewhere, and I'll mention it again here... I've dated someone who was chief investigator for the regional district attorney. He told me one night very explicitly how pimps lure vulnerable young women into the business... and how drug dealers and gang leaders lure both young men and women into the business.

 

 

Same process.

 

 

That is how I personally link 'creeps, perverts, sickos' with age gap 'dating'. To me, the number of non-creeps involved with much younger women is so ridiculously small as to make it irrelevant... most fall into the predator category by default... at least in this day and age.

 

 

This is especially true given social media and the ever greater access those men have to young women. Once upon a time, they had to navigate through the social network and pass all the filters. Not so much anymore.

 

 

As for me, I'd like to think I can interact professionally and personally with older men at work, school, or wherever, without thinking that every tame conversation is going to be misconstrued by a deluded old fool that I find him sexually attractive.

[gaius]

I missed the part where he did something wrong?

 

She willingly participated .

There is something very creepy and predatory about an older guy who runs around talking about every character on every stupid show 14 year old girls watch. Or whatever other interest he knows girls of that age like. I've run into that guy before and he gives me douche chills. He's the next evolution of the dude who would ride around in an ice cream truck because he likes children and that's a good way to attract them.

 

Not that it's not the woman's fault for falling for it. But it's still skeevy and they should be made fun of and discouraged.

[William]

It looks like Robert stemmed the bloodbath and closed the thread but there's always really good information in chaos and I'll look forward to sifting through it.

 

Fear not, the review will only go back as far as this post where moderation politely reminded members of the topic and our guidelines. Thanks and have a great evening!

 

OK, minor tweak and got rid of two members so let's see how it goes!

Edited April 30, 2014 by William

[123321]

Befriending or trying to gain the trust of a much younger woman with the intention of drawing her into a sexual liason or relationship also falls into the arena of predators and perverts.

 

Why is the above true and the below false?

 

 

"Befriending or trying to gain the trust of someone with the intention of drawing them into a sexual liaison or relationship also falls into the arena of predators and perverts."

 

 

 

For me they are equally true.

[FitChick]

I've had men of all ages approach me and it's obvious they are trying to start up a conversation. I am usually not interested so, for example, if one says he likes my hat, I thank him, smile and keep walking. I walk very fast. If someone can't take a hint, I freeze him out. I've been told that I can be rather intimidating and aloof at times so that is my protective shell. I am also very intuitive and know who might be a problem. There are a lot of crazies out there.

 

Some women on here who seem to have persistent, unwanted attention are sending out mixed signals as a result of being the good girl who is nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It's cultural conditioning. I say be polite but nothing more and keep moving.

 

I'm wondering why a thread on age gap dating is only about older men. Susan Sarandon and her 30+ years younger boyfriend are still going strong after four years together.

 

I am still waiting for someone to post the definition of "aging gracefully" though.

[KathyM]

I've had men of all ages approach me and it's obvious they are trying to start up a conversation. I am usually not interested so, for example, if one says he likes my hat, I thank him, smile and keep walking. I walk very fast. If someone can't take a hint, I freeze him out. I've been told that I can be rather intimidating and aloof at times so that is my protective shell. I am also very intuitive and know who might be a problem. There are a lot of crazies out there.

 

Some women on here who seem to have persistent, unwanted attention are sending out mixed signals as a result of being the good girl who is nice and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It's cultural conditioning. I say be polite but nothing more and keep moving.

 

I'm wondering why a thread on age gap dating is only about older men. Susan Sarandon and her 30+ years younger boyfriend are still going strong after four years together.

Four years isn't much time together. When she's 80 and he's 50, I wonder if he'll feel quite so enamoured or attracted.

I am still waiting for someone to post the definition of "aging gracefully" though.

 

Oh, and while I think of it, upthread Carhill mentioned Clint Eastwood's last wife. She left him for her high school sweetheart. They should have a very nice life together when she gets her divorce settlement.

Yep, one of the drawbacks of marrying a much younger woman. Eventually, they leave you for someone closer to their own age.

[RonaldS]

For the record, as it pertains to any dates I might have with a younger woman....it's worth noting to Red Robin and her 'predator classification' that I have never approached a woman or asked a woman out; older, younger or same.

 

The assumption always seems to be that if an older man goes out with a younger woman, he stalked her down. While I'm sure that happens a majority of the time, but those older guys that typically do well with younger women probably are not too predatory.

[Iguanna]

How about if he's park next to you, has figured out your schedule, literally chases you?I would turn around, ignore him, but he would literally chase me. It was to the point where he was accusing me of doing things to him which were impossible. I'm surprised he never tried to follow me home.

 

Have you ever thought that the bad behavior you describe has to do with the person and not his age? Aren't there young people who do this stalking?

 

You say that every man you talk to and smile to suggests sex with you. I don't understand this. I'm not the best looking woman but I assure you I got my way to keep annoying morons away from me. I can be polite but also keep my distance. It's the way a woman acts in my opinion that keeps this kind of people away.

[KathyM]

Well, I have never shown interest in a much older man. Never made eye contact prior to being approached. Never wore provocative clothing when approached. Gave very minimal answers and showed disinterest. So I certainly didn't do anything to entice them. The one guy at the grocery store, I merely stood in the deli line waiting to be served. I made no effort to be friendly to him. The older dudes who crashed into my car because they wanted an excuse to meet me - I never laid eyes on them prior to the crash. That was just weird and uncalled for.

 

 

It doesn't sound like Redrobin or Anela or Serialmuse did anything to entice these older men, yet people want to blame the victim somehow, instead of these guys who are acting like creeps.

[sillyanswer]

Befriending or trying to gain the trust of a much younger woman with the intention of drawing her into a sexual liason or relationship also falls into the arena of predators and perverts... not just blatant groping and requests by strangers.

 

 

That is what I find especially creepy from much older guys. Older guys who try to be my friend or mentor, who really have some other agenda and think they can weasel their way into my pants. Most of the old guys who tried to push their luck with me fell into that category.

 

 

It is called grooming.

 

No, it isn't. That's a word used when adults are inappropriately befriending children, not when adults are interacting with other adults.

 

I appreciate that you don't want to date a much older guy, and if they are trying to be your friend with an ulterior motive of getting into your pants then that's deceptive but it isn't grooming. Thankfully you're an adult and are able to make rational decisions and say 'no' to guys who wish to date you who fall outside what what you find appropriate or attractive. You're not being groomed.

 

 

See the Catholic Church for recent examples.

 

I can only recall issues of child abuse (including grooming), not of age-gap dating, but perhaps I missed some news.

[RedRobin]

No, it isn't. That's a word used when adults are inappropriately befriending children, not when adults are interacting with other adults.

 

I appreciate that you don't want to date a much older guy, and if they are trying to be your friend with an ulterior motive of getting into your pants then that's deceptive but it isn't grooming. Thankfully you're an adult and are able to make rational decisions and say 'no' to guys who wish to date you who fall outside what what you find appropriate or attractive. You're not being groomed.

 

 

I can only recall issues of child abuse (including grooming), not of age-gap dating, but perhaps I missed some news.

 

 

It is the same process.

 

 

Older men especially target young women in the same way that clergy in the Catholic Church sought to engage youth there.

 

 

The example Kathy provided of the much older guy hanging out in chat rooms and social media where teens and 20's hang out is a perfect example.

 

 

There is a 40 something guy I used to work with who did the same with a young woman... just barely 18... in the same kind of environment. He befriended her online and later took her across state lines to a hotel to consummate their 'friendship'. Had she been two days younger, he would have been thrown in jail, since her mom was worried about her and tracked her down via her cell phone. The police showed up and obliged her to show her ID.

 

 

As it turns out, this same guy was married with children... He has a daughter aged 10... not all that much younger than the source of his affections. So he not only was preying on young girls, he was cheating. When he later dumped the girl, she tried to commit suicide. A very troubled young woman. Who was 'groomed' by a much older man.

 

 

Oh... and this story?? This guy was BRAGGING to me about it over coffee. Told me how funny it was. Insisted I hear the whole story.

 

 

Of course, I told him he was sick, needed therapy, and that he was not allowed to discuss any more of his personal life with me. I also asked him how he would feel if a man tried that with his daughter... from the look on his face, the thought apparently never occurred to him.

 

 

It is that same utter lack of self-awareness paired with the complete lack of any real consideration for the younger person's well being that I routinely observe with men who pursue younger women. Any consideration that is offered is strictly manipulated and superficial if you ask me.

 

 

Yes, I have no expectation whatsoever that most of those guys are going to stop what they are doing or change their 'preferences'... I do believe that women AND men who care about their own emotional health and those of younger people... both men and women... will NOT be swayed into thinking that most of these arrangements are 'dating' at all... as much as some people would like to believe it is.

 

 

So, call it 'age gap dating' all you want... when I view the dynamic, it is almost always sick as h*ll... and very bad for the woman in the long term... no matter when it happens.

[Keenly]

Well, I have never shown interest in a much older man. Never made eye contact prior to being approached. Never wore provocative clothing when approached. Gave very minimal answers and showed disinterest. So I certainly didn't do anything to entice them. The one guy at the grocery store, I merely stood in the deli line waiting to be served. I made no effort to be friendly to him. The older dudes who crashed into my car because they wanted an excuse to meet me - I never laid eyes on them prior to the crash. That was just weird and uncalled for.

 

 

It doesn't sound like Redrobin or Anela or Serialmuse did anything to entice these older men, yet people want to blame the victim somehow, instead of these guys who are acting like creeps.

 

You are not an victim when you get hit on. I don't care how young, old, smooth, or weird the guy is, but stop using the word victim. Its dramatic and woe is me.

 

You are basically arguing against society, as men of all ages approach women of all ages. Eventually this means older men will approach younger women.

 

Just .... say.... no.....I don't understand what's so hard about this. Why everyone is making a big deal and over dramatacising it.

Really? We are equating them to pedophiles now?

 

Get over yourselves. You aren't the arbiters of what men are allowed to do.

 

 

Just say no thanks, and move on with your life.

[hotpotato]

Have you ever thought that the bad behavior you describe has to do with the person and not his age? Aren't there young people who do this stalking?

 

You say that every man you talk to and smile to suggests sex with you. I don't understand this. I'm not the best looking woman but I assure you I got my way to keep annoying morons away from me. I can be polite but also keep my distance. It's the way a woman acts in my opinion that keeps this kind of people away.

 

You must not have read my previous posts...

 

Here we go, blame the victim again

[hotpotato]

NO woman should put up with genuine harassment but there is a difference between that and approaching and talking to a woman. There have been a number of women on here saying it is a man's job to approach because we are the hunters and some have sort of criticized men for not going up to a woman and talking to her. If most of the approaching is up to us then we can't magically guess whether or not a woman will be interested.

 

I disagree. It's pretty obvious that a 20 something isn't interested in dating a man 50,60,70 unless maybe he's rich or unusually attractive. The problem is older guys think they are hot because they can kinda sorta have sex.

 

Only on ls is it controversial that a 20 something woman doesn't want to date the run of the mill older or elderly man.

 

Heck, my stalker even said it was silly of him to chase me, but he did.

[Imported]

Well, I have never shown interest in a much older man. Never made eye contact prior to being approached. Never wore provocative clothing when approached. Gave very minimal answers and showed disinterest. So I certainly didn't do anything to entice them. The one guy at the grocery store, I merely stood in the deli line waiting to be served. I made no effort to be friendly to him. The older dudes who crashed into my car because they wanted an excuse to meet me - I never laid eyes on them prior to the crash. That was just weird and uncalled for.

 

 

It doesn't sound like Redrobin or Anela or Serialmuse did anything to entice these older men, yet people want to blame the victim somehow, instead of these guys who are acting like creeps.

 

 

What these guys do, come up to you and talk to you? Maybe complimented you? What a "victim".

 

They are just guys you are not interested in. Tell them you have no interest and for them to get lost. But I guess you'd rather play the victim.

 

I had fat girls come up to me. I had girls with dumpy ass bodies offer themselves up. I have absolutely zero interest in such women, not even for easy sex. I politely declined them and moved on with life. I never even considered that I could have looked at it as me being a victim of their attempts.

[serial muse]

If a woman said that every time she went in public all the older men walked up to her and raped her, I would also be inclined to believe (1: most likely) she is well, let's call a spade a spade, she's lying, or (2: less likely) something is making her experience while walking in public unique and therefore I would question what that is.

 

This is completely different from blaming a victim of a random act, in that the "every time" aspect makes this not random. I would not blame a guy who slipped, fell and was injured in a grocery store for his injury. If it happened multiple times every time he went into the store, I (and the police and the insurance company) would tend to think he was causing his own problems.

 

So no, the phrases "think of the children", "blame the victim" and so on are not win buttons. Sorry.

 

Thanks for the fake "sorry" but you've entirely missed my point. I'm not interested in your petty "win" buttons, which are childish and irrelevant to what I said.

 

I don't know the story of hotpotato, but it's also not relevant to my point. My point is this: you are participating in and escalating the hyperbole if you go from one person's story to a general statement such as "I would examine my behavior if I was repeatedly getting harassed".

 

Get it right before you disagree. If what you want is a win button then seriously you're on the wrong track; first you have to understand what I'm saying.

 

If it helps, you can think of the children while you try. Ugh.

Edited April 30, 2014 by serial muse

[Woggle]

I disagree. It's pretty obvious that a 20 something isn't interested in dating a man 50,60,70 unless maybe he's rich or unusually attractive. The problem is older guys think they are hot because they can kinda sorta have sex.

 

Only on ls is it controversial that a 20 something woman doesn't want to date the run of the mill older or elderly man.

 

Heck, my stalker even said it was silly of him to chase me, but he did.

 

You clearly have a stalker which is entirely different than a man talking to a woman. If we are to consider a man approaching a woman and talking to her to be harassment then why do we have so many posts on here with women complaining that men don't approach anymore? What you have experienced clearly is harassment and stalking but I don't believe this is what most men on here are talking about.

[hotpotato]

There are women who have romantic or sexual relationships with men who are 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years older than them.

 

It is impossible for a man to know if a woman is interested in him unless he hits on her or asks her out.

 

Yes, and they were most likely dating rich men or men who were unusually attractive. There are a lot of ifs and buts in there. I dated a man who was about 17 years older, but he made decent money, had done ok for himellf, looked relatively young, wasn't portly, and was my type.

 

That's exactly what the problem is. They see George Clooney or Donald Stirling score hot young thangs and think it's in the cards for them,too.

 

The elderly man who married Anna Nicole was rich. He died and left her a lot of money. Edwin Edwards has a wife 50 years younger, but he's rich and has a lot of clout.

 

Rupert Murdoch was married to a woman 40 years younger, but he was rich.

 

Hugh Hefner can get hot young thangs because he' rich and gives them exposure.

 

The guys here act as if 20 something women routinely date older and elderly men.

 

He saw an attractive woman he want to pursue for a romantic or physical relationship with and he hit on you. He tried several times which is very common and can work. I commend him for him trying.

 

I have had women do the same thing and there is nothing wrong with it.

 

I do not commend him for trying to dump his older girlfriend for a young thang. I do not commend older men who try to pretend to be my friend to date me or get in my pants. Younger guys may not know better, but older ones should.

Edited April 30, 2014 by hotpotato

[WasOtherWoman]

Yes, and they were most likely dating rich men or men who were unusually attractive. There are a lot of ifs and buts in there. I dated a man who was about 17 years older, but he made decent money, had done ok for himellf, looked relatively young, wasn't portly, and was my type.

 

 

.

 

WAIT.. I get it now. If a man is rich and/or unusually attractive, despite his age it is ok for him to approach you. If not.. then he is a stalker.

 

I mean really...... Quite ridiculous.

[KathyM]

One of the drawbacks of getting married to a man your own age is he will eventually leave you for a younger woman.

Most men are not so superficial that they would dump a same age spouse whom they love, and break up their family, because she is aging right along with him. Although, certainly some men do. Not the same as a substantially younger woman who finds herself married to an old man who she no longer feels connected with because of the large age gap, or who may have married him for the money and now feels she can leave with half the money and still find romance with a man her own age.

 

I wonder how loyal those women are going to be for the long haul, who marry a much older man for his money. Probably not too loyal. Or the women who marry a much older man because she's looking for a daddy figure. At some point, she'll realize she doesn't need a father at her age, she needs a peer who is compatible with her.

 

That's not to say that all May-September or May-December marriages happen for money or security or because the woman is looking for a father figure to make up for what she didn't have as a child, but I venture to say that the majority of such marriages probably fall within those three categories. I mean, supposedly the big draw of marrying a much older man is his money and the security he provides, so it would stand to reason that these guys would attract the golddiggers who are not going to be too big on loyalty.

Edited April 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MidwestUSA]

Yes, and they were most likely dating rich men or men who were unusually attractive. There are a lot of ifs and buts in there. I dated a man who was about 17 years older, but he made decent money, had done ok for himellf, looked relatively young, wasn't portly, and was my type.

 

.

 

So, you're the second woman in this thread who was OKAY WITH 'age gap dating' when it was working in your favor.

 

SMH at the hypocrisy.

[hotpotato]

Other than not being very gentlemanly, pretty much every guy that I know these days wont even tell a woman she looks nice...The unwritten rules and sexual harassment laws are so stringent these days, most guys have gotten so gun shy about even complimenting a woman that the thought of outright harassment seems so foreign to me...ANd I say good...No need for that garbage..

 

Understand, I am not calling anyone out here, I suppose things may differ in some locales compared to others...Around here, that kinda stuff is completely off limits....Even the construction worker catcalls, which are tame in comparison to what some women are reporting here, according to what I have been told, has pretty much gone the way of the public telephone...

 

Im surprised its as common as reported here...thats all...

 

TFY

 

IMO it's all in the delivery. There's a big difference between "You like nice, can I take you to a move?" and "You got some nice teddies, wanna come to my place and watch a movie/cuddle (sex)?"

[hotpotato]

WAIT.. I get it now. If a man is rich and/or unusually attractive, despite his age it is ok for him to approach you. If not.. then he is a stalker.

 

I mean really...... Quite ridiculous.

 

I never said a man was a stalker just for approaching someone. If you go back and read what I wrote about that man in particular, he really was a stalker.

 

People may not like it but a lot of times when someone can date someone else substantially older, there is usually something special about them.

 

This goes for men AND women.

 

Susan Surandon can get a hot young thang because she's rich. Rena Mero and Elsa Pataky are married to men about 10 years younger, and they are very popular, very attracrive. and probably not hard up on attracting men on any age bracket.

 

For some reason on Ls this is controversial, in the real world, it's not....

[thefooloftheyear]

IMO it's all in the delivery. There's a big difference between "You like nice, can I take you to a move?" and "You got some nice teddies, wanna come to my place and watch a movie/cuddle (sex)?"

 

 

No thanks....

 

Ill continue to keep to myself...as will alot of other guys(actually about 98% of the male poplulation)...None of us want our intentions to be misconstrued or to be labeled as sexual predators...then all you ladies can piss and moan about how no good men want to approach you all....

 

That being said, I really feel bad for the good guys that dont get any attention from women..It must be a truly lonely existense..

 

TFY