Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[hotpotato]

Since the dawn of time.

 

Hot Potato didn't seem to be aware of that so I was just educating her.

 

From what she has said, she is often times surprised when a man tells her that he is interested in her, propositioned for sex, guys touch her inappropriately, etc.

 

If she is accepting dates, going to movies with these guys, going to dinners and letting them buy her things and think these men are doing it "just because" with no hope in a romantic or physical relationship in in mind... I think that naive.

 

If this is the case, am I the only one is surprised she is experiencing what she is?

 

Oh lawd. Now I dont know what dating is.

Of course, if I go on a dae with someone, there is something romantic involved. Im not sure wha you are talking about really. Have I complained anywhere that I guy I was dating wanted a relationship or wanted o be romantic? As for my stalker I maybe said 200 words to him, mostly ignored him, but yet he still thought I wanted him.

Men ought to have more sense than to touch a woman inappropriately. I can be a surprisewhen a guy has set himself up as a friend then next he is grabbing her ass.

Nowadays I dont have that issue because I dont associate with men im not interested in, not even on a friendly level.

A lo of guys will take a woman on a date which isn dating. Thats gambling and prostitution, but thats another thread.

[RonaldS]

Actually, all men tend to see themselves as being more attractive than in fact.

 

I don't think that's true at all. I don't see myself as being all that attractive. I feel like I'm OK looking, insofar as I know there are men out there who are less attractive than me. But I often see other men with other features and think to myself that it would be nice to look like that.

 

But the reaction I consistently evoke from women, attractive women in all age groups, and a lot of them, seems to suggest that I may be undervaluing my looks. I don't know.

 

I don't run around thinking I'm hot sh*t. But, at 40, I can still get 22 year old as easily as I can get 42 year olds, so there must be something they like.

[iiiii]

Additionally if she managed to have a kid or two she might utter that date killing phrase "my kids will always come first". Well **** that. It's not healthy for the kid(s), the relationship, and I won't put up with it, check please.

 

Maybe I am misunderstanding what you are saying, because I would think poorly of someone with kids who didn't put their children first.

 

On the whole I'd prefer to date a guy who didn't have children, but if he does have them, then him being a crappy or irresponsible dad would be a big turn off to me.

 

Of course, I expect to come a very close second.

[123321]

So, your PLAN was to run through as many women as you could in your 20's and 30's until your finances and career were in order. I see.

 

No I kept it zipped up and developed my career.

 

 

Thank you for validating my prior statement. "men with these preferences do plenty to create the damage they despise when witnessed"

 

See above.

 

 

No, I haven't missed any points.

 

You stated that I would accept the younger version of an older woman I would reject. This is incorrect. The type of young woman I date(d) don't become older single woman, they become wives.

 

 

Seriously? Why do you think most people date and marry people around the same age?

 

Most people are not married to someone a similar age. About half the people are married, and of those 10-15 percent are married with significant age gaps. Also, the trend to age gaps is growing, not shrinking.

 

 

Maybe I am misunderstanding what you are saying, because I would think poorly of someone with kids who didn't put their children first.

 

Not first in the marriage.

 

We're talking about forming a new family here, and while kids are an important part of the family they are not the core, nor are they the most important part. They are very important, and loving and caring for them is crucial, but they should not come first.

 

Raising them that way is doing no one a favor.

[KathyM]

 

 

Most people are not married to someone a similar age. About half the people are married, and of those 10-15 percent are married with significant age gaps. Also, the trend to age gaps is growing, not shrinking.

It's 7% of marriages are large age gaps, not 10 to 15%.

 

while kids are an important part of the family they are not the core, nor are they the most important part. They are very important, and loving and caring for them is crucial, but they should not come first.

 

Raising them that way is doing no one a favor.

I would agree that the marriage is the foundation of the family, and investing in its upkeep should be a primary concern. Without a healthy marriage, the whole family suffers. I would also agree that it is healthy for kids to see that a parent values and prioritizes their spouse and their marriage. Of course, kids have needs and there will be times when their needs must come first (such as when the baby needs to be fed or changed), but kids should not be put on a pedestal or given the priority over a spouse's needs, except at times when it is absolutely necessary. A lot of marriages suffer and end when a parent puts all of their time and attention for the kids, and starts neglecting their spouse and their marriage, or makes their whole relationship with their spouse to revolve around the kids. Wise parents realize how important it is to nurture, protect, and invest time and attention into the relationship with their spouse, in order to keep the relationship and the family healthy. It does kids no good to make them think that they are more important to you than your spouse.

[RonaldS]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guy....

 

I don't think you're fully understanding the concept of putting one's kids first. It doesn't mean that the world revolves around them and they are the center of everything.

 

Not even close.

 

It means that all decisions are made first with the children's best interest. So, you're not going to be going out making a bunch of selfish decisions that could preclude your kids from having the love, support and resources they need to have a good life.

 

An example....if I'm dating a woman, and I have time obligations with my kids, I am not going to skip out on those obligations to my kids to go spend time with that woman. Most women are understanding of that, but I've hung out with a couple who felt like...because I take parenting the three people I love more than myself very seriously...my kids were interfering with us spending time together and take it personally.

 

One woman told me, after I had to make a couple of emergency trips to the state my kids live in, that she didn't feel like I was making her a 'priority' and then said, 'it seems like your kids are more important to you than I am.'

 

Yeah...no f*cking sh*t, lady. They're my kids. You're a woman I met 3 months ago. Kids come first. Sorry.

 

(now, let's get back to our regularly scheduled diatribe about how young women don't like older men and older men steal the youth and souls of younger women)

[123321]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guy....

 

I don't think you're fully understanding the concept of putting one's kids first. It doesn't mean that the world revolves around them and they are the center of everything.

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say. "My kids will always come first" is pretty clear, and pretty common. If that's not what they mean, they shouldn't say it.

[123321]

It's 7% of marriages are large age gaps, not 10 to 15%.

 

Depends on the source, the definition of "significant" or "large" and so on, plus makes no difference to the actual point being made. If half the people are married and fewer than of those 100% are married to someone their "own age", then fewer than half are married to someone their "own age", which is the point.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Some of you all are really pretty tough on the older ladies...Not too many 20 somethings look as good as this 47 year old, and I cant say for sure but after seeing the lapdance scene in "The Wrestler" looks all natural to me...*shrug*

 

 

TFY

 

 

Well I can tell you that at almost 50 I have the same kind of figure. European size 36, height 1,69 m and 55 kg. Plus a nice face.

And... everything is natural.

 

So not yet tempted to go for a 60 year old guy...

[KathyM]

Depends on the source, the definition of "significant" or "large" and so on, plus makes no difference to the actual point being made. If half the people are married and fewer than of those 100% are married to someone their "own age", then fewer than half are married to someone their "own age", which is the point.

So if half of all people are married (if we use your figures - I have read it is 59%) that would mean that 3.5% of the population is in a large age gap marriage (10+ years difference). I'm not sure what point you are trying to make here. 3.5% of the population is a pretty small percentage.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well I can tell you that at almost 50 I have the same kind of figure. European size 36, height 1,69 m and 55 kg. Plus a nice face.

And... everything is natural.

 

So not yet tempted to go for a 60 year old guy...

 

Check out the lapdance scene....If you look like that darling, you wouldnt be wasting your time arguing with a bunch of idiots on this site, thats for sure...

 

TFY

[PinkInTheLimo]

Check out the lapdance scene....If you look like that darling, you wouldnt be wasting your time arguing with a bunch of idiots on this site, thats for sure...

 

TFY

 

There are plenty of women in their 40ies and 50ies looking like that but they have a real job so feel no need to look for one in the sex industry.

 

Unfortunately these women are often overlooked by men their age because these men want at all costs a woman 15-20 years younger...

[thefooloftheyear]

There are plenty of women in their 40ies and 50ies looking like that but they have a real job so feel no need to look for one in the sex industry.

 

Unfortunately these women are often overlooked by men their age because these men want at all costs a woman 15-20 years younger...

 

 

What I meant is watch the movie "The Wrestler" and check out the first part where Marisa Tomei is performing a lapdance for Mickey Rourke...

 

Then tell me there are "plenty "of women who are 47(and up) that look like that...Some?..maybe......a few?....probably.....but plenty?.....ehhhhhhhhh....

 

 

TFY

[William]

We'll give this thread the weekend off. Thanks everyone for your excellent input!

[MrNate 2.0]

Obviously, regardless of age, they can all be beautiful.

 

Which one do you prefer?

 

And any reason why?

 

 

Right now, I'm leaning older

 

 

What say you?

[JohnM]

I've always dated younger, though would like someone closer to my age. Helps in terms of life goals and career advancement as well as the maturity that comes with that.

 

Youthfulness is fun though, I like to teach!

[somedude81]

I got a feeling this thread is going to make plenty of women over 30 feel pretty bad.

[BetrayedH]

Younger

 

When you contrast a 25 year old against a 30 something women...

 

The 25 year old world class hottie smokes them in every way (looks, personality, body, mind and soul) and you don't have to deal with any "baggage" (kids, divorces, ex-husbands, etc.)

 

I mean no offense here but I couldn't disagree more. There's really quite something about a woman who has shed the immature hang-ups of youth.

 

Many younger women haven't yet learned how to handle relationships or how to embrace their sexuality (because they're still trying to be the 'good girl' to catch a good husband). Many divorced women are much wiser about how not to screw up a relationship and have embraced the concept of being sexual.

 

I would put many divorced women up against your 25 yo hottie (in every category you mentioned). And I have no fear of their 'baggage' because I am now also a mature man that understands that those things come with life. I have two kids; my GF has two kids. I like all of them. And our former spouses are just that - former. Big deal. Conversely, I bet I could find five things wrong with the 25 yo world-class hottie in about 5 minutes.

[martaldn]

I got a feeling this thread is going to make plenty of women over 30 feel pretty bad.

 

haha! me the first! i have always dated younger guys so I was looking for some reassurances from some dude !

[martaldn]

Younger

 

When you contrast a 25 year old against a 30 something women...

 

The 25 year old world class hottie smokes them in every way (looks, personality, body, mind and soul) and you don't have to deal with any "baggage" (kids, divorces, ex-husbands, etc.)

 

 

what about 30 something class hottie?!

[thefooloftheyear]

Ding.!!!....

 

Round 2 begins.....

 

TFY

[central]

At my age, there are few older women who are attractive, and the vast majority of women are younger than me. By default, I'll have to choose younger, except for the few who are truly exceptional near my age or older. Dating anyone younger than 30 at this point would make me feel like a pedophile, though, so I'd put 30 as my lower age limit!

[Robert Z]

I mean no offense here but I couldn't disagree more. There's really quite something about a woman who has shed the immature hang-ups of youth.

 

Many younger women haven't yet learned how to handle relationships or how to embrace their sexuality (because they're still trying to be the 'good girl' to catch a good husband). Many divorced women are much wiser about how not to screw up a relationship and have embraced the concept of being sexual.

 

I would put many divorced women up against your 25 yo hottie (in every category you mentioned). And I have no fear of their 'baggage' because I am now also a mature man that understands that those things come with life. I have two kids; my GF has two kids. I like all of them. And our former spouses are just that - former. Big deal. Conversely, I bet I could find five things wrong with the 25 yo world-class hottie in about 5 minutes.

 

 

 

I would put my 23 year old up against any woman. But she really is exceptional. Two young women about the same age moved in next door and they seem like kids compared to her.

 

 

I am fine with baggage to a point but it depends on what kind of baggage. If a woman has a bunch of sexual hangups, judges men, blames men at every turn, has a sense of entitlement, is manipulative, or most of all, is a control freak, then forget it.

 

 

I will never forget one women I took out who was 30. We had three dates. I never put any moves on her or pressured her in any way. I had been a total gentleman. And then, on the third date, as we were finishing our dinner, out of the blue she said "If you want to have sex with me you are going to have to earn it!"

 

 

Really?!?!?! Luckily I had paid the bill already so I just got up and left.

[MidwestUSA]

I got a feeling this thread is going to make plenty of women over 30 feel pretty bad.

 

Nah. Giggly; pretty far from bad.

[Robert Z]

We had a funny moment the other day. I commented that she is gaining a maturity in her face that I hadn't seen before. [When I started seeing her she was 21]. She totally freaked out! In an almost frantic tone she objected: What do you mean?

 

 

Well, I said, don't feel too badly. 23 is almost 25, which is as good as 30, at which point you might as well be 50. Nooooooooooo!!!! she screamed.