Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Untouched]

and yet men seem to be quite logical and single minded in their reasons for pursuing younger women.

 

 

Maybe it's because they are attracted and like a woman who is younger?

 

I think that an older man with a very young wife has more to worry about than she does, anyway. If I ended up marrying this man I am dating, yes, maybe I would have to take care of an old man when I am not old myself. But there are plenty of women who marry old men and do whatever they want while the man sits around by himself being old. who has it worse.

[Keenly]

I'm still not understanding the strong and direct focus on interfering with some ones life. and injecting the personal opinion that it's wrong.

 

 

I've said it once and I'll probably have to say it a million times. If you don't like it, don't do it. But don't tell other people not to do it just because you don't like it.

[RedRobin]

What's happening right now

 

 

I'm not letting older men convince me to settle for them out of fear of dying alone. So no... not letting my emotions or fears get away from me.

 

I think that an older man with a very young wife has more to worry about than she does, anyway. If I ended up marrying this man I am dating, yes, maybe I would have to take care of an old man when I am not old myself. But there are plenty of women who marry old men and do whatever they want while the man sits around by himself being old. who has it worse.

 

 

Good point. Except that your value (and time) is still diminished by being with him. Time that could be spent doing a million other things.

 

 

His perceived 'value' increases no matter how you decide to spend your time when not with him. Look at Hugh Hefner. He still gets bonus points for marrying a 20 something even if she never sleeps with him. What does she get?

 

Unfortunately, lots of men know this. It seems that lots of women don't, for some bizarre reason.

 

 

 

Do you have friends (male or female)? Why would you need to date an older guy? Are you afraid men won't like you or spend time with you unless you sleep with them?

[Bruce Leigh]

Look at Hugh Hefner. He still gets bonus points for marrying a 20 something even if she never sleeps with him. What does she get?

 

Money and status. Very little else though.

Hefner getting bonus points for marrying a 20 something?

Ridiculed is more like it.

I remember rolling my eyes when Anna Nicole Smith married that 90 yr old billionaire.

Same reaction.

[xxoo]

Why is the choice for women so often put as "settle for the older man so you can have a few good years with someone/anyone" Otherwise, your choice is to die a bitter old spinster.

 

 

With THOSE options, I might as well head down to the gun shop right now so I can blow my brains out.

 

 

Why aren't some of you telling these younger men that? The ones who are having a hard time finding partners? What is the assumption there? keep working on themselves and they can attract the young'ins. That's the advice people give men. Why is that?

 

The only people who can define your options are the people you wish to date. Either they want to date you, it they dont. If the men you want don't want yo date you, that is their choice to make.

 

I doubt that older women want the young men that have trouble finding relationships, anyway. But I think there's a well established tradition of younger men seeking an experienced older woman for sex, no?

 

Mrs Robinson, anyone?

[ASG]

 

Do you have friends (male or female)? Why would you need to date an older guy? Are you afraid men won't like you or spend time with you unless you sleep with them?

 

Honestly... why do you think women are "settling" for older men?!?!? They're not! They are CHOOSING older men. Often actually rejecting men closer to their age. I know I'VE done it.

 

It's not about being afraid of being alone! How can you not understand that it has nothing to do with that?

 

Your line of thought makes absolutely no sense!

[RedRobin]

The only people who can define your options are the people you wish to date. Either they want to date you, it they dont. If the men you want don't want yo date you, that is their choice to make.

 

I doubt that older women want the young men that have trouble finding relationships, anyway. But I think there's a well established tradition of younger men seeking an experienced older woman for sex, no?

 

Mrs Robinson, anyone?

 

 

Well, you've done a good job rolling out the stereotypes.

 

 

I seem to recall that advice given to men is more something along the lines of their personal confidence and persistence being the only thing that defines their 'options'... and keep trying until they get what they want. Right?

 

 

I advise women to do the same. Don't settle for an older man just because he might be the only one around.

 

 

Just work harder to find same age or younger guys who aren't jerks... and if you are having a hard time finding someone to settle down with... it is fine to be single.

 

 

If men can do that, so can women.

[Keenly]

Well, you've done a good job rolling out the stereotypes.

 

 

I seem to recall that advice given to men is more something along the lines of their personal confidence and persistence being the only thing that defines their 'options'... and keep trying until they get what they want. Right?

 

 

I advise women to do the same. Don't settle for an older man just because he might be the only one around.

 

 

Just work harder to find same age or younger guys who aren't jerks... and if you are having a hard time finding someone to settle down with... it is fine to be single.

 

 

If men can do that, so can women.

 

So what happens when they realise they feel like they are settling with same age guys, nut they really enjoy older guys?

 

Are you just going to sweep that one under the rug? Oh wait, they are mentally unhealthy right ?

[RedRobin]

So what happens when they realise they feel like they are settling with same age guys, nut they really enjoy older guys?

 

Are you just going to sweep that one under the rug? Oh wait, they are mentally unhealthy right ?

 

 

Those women can 'enjoy' older men without committing to them or even having sex with them. Just like the guys do with older women.

 

 

Then use that experience to attract a higher quality, more age appropriate guy.

[Keenly]

Those women can 'enjoy' older men without committing to them or even having sex with them. Just like the guys do with older women.

 

 

Then use that experience to attract a higher quality, more age appropriate guy.

 

As you see fit?

 

 

So its okay for people to make their own choices, as long as you agree with them

That's what I'm gathering.

 

 

 

Does your horse have enough oxygen way up there?

[Bruce Leigh]

Pretty sure some younger people do use older people and then discard them as if they were nothing. And vice versa.

Depends on the couple involved and how aware they are of what could happen.

[KathyM]

Pretty sure some younger people do use older people and then discard them as if they were nothing. And vice versa.

Depends on the couple involved and how aware they are of what could happen.

True, the golddiggers certainly use older men for their money and then discard them as soon as something better comes along, or the guy becomes too high maintenance or she tires of him, or she takes him to the cleaners and leaves with half or more of his money. Younger women with daddy issues or a dependent personality are more likely to stay for longer, since they are there for the sense of being taken care of by a parental figure. Of course, when the roles are reversed and the much older person now is the one needing to be taken care of in his old age, it's not likely the younger one who craves being dependent and taken care of is going to want to step up to the plate.

[xxoo]

Well, you've done a good job rolling out the stereotypes.

 

 

I seem to recall that advice given to men is more something along the lines of their personal confidence and persistence being the only thing that defines their 'options'... and keep trying until they get what they want. Right?

 

 

I advise women to do the same. Don't settle for an older man just because he might be the only one around.

 

 

Just work harder to find same age or younger guys who aren't jerks... and if you are having a hard time finding someone to settle down with... it is fine to be single.

 

 

If men can do that, so can women.

 

I really don't see much beyond stereotypes in this thread: stereotypes of older men, older women, younger men, younger women.

 

I advise NO ONE to settle. Find someone you want with all your heart. And if a man wants a younger woman, and a woman wants an older man, and two souls find love together, who are we to tell them they're doing it wrong? It seems like arrogance to me.

[sillyanswer]

I advise women to do the same. Don't settle for an older man just because he might be the only one around.

 

 

Just work harder to find same age or younger guys who aren't jerks... and if you are having a hard time finding someone to settle down with... it is fine to be single.

 

 

If men can do that, so can women.

 

Women and men should date whoever they want to (noting, of course, that dating is a mutual thing). It's not settling if that's who someone wants to date.

 

Being single is fine, too, I agree, but if someone wants to date someone of a different age, and that other person agrees, I don't see that it's anyone else's business.

[sillyanswer]

and yet men seem to be quite logical and single minded in their reasons for pursuing younger women.

 

That's a rather sweeping statement. Do you mean in this thread, or in general? In the former case, I think men who like dating younger women were probably invited to offer reasons for such behaviour in the course of the discussion and I think we've seen a range of views both logical and emotional (and both and neither). In the latter case I think you're overgeneralising.

[Untouched]

Good point. Except that your value (and time) is still diminished by being with him. Time that could be spent doing a million other things.

My value is not diminishing by dating him! Who are YOU to determine MY value anyway? Or anybody's value, for that matter?

 

Sure my time could be spent doing a million other things, just like yours can. And, I am choosing what I spend my time doing. Just like you are.

 

 

His perceived 'value' increases no matter how you decide to spend your time when not with him. Look at Hugh Hefner. He still gets bonus points for marrying a 20 something even if she never sleeps with him. What does she get?

Wow. You really seem to be hung up on age and how people lose "value" when we get older. It must be awful to be middle aged with that kind of attitude. I hope I am fine with my own age and anybody elses for my whole life.

 

 

Do you have friends (male or female)? Why would you need to date an older guy? Are you afraid men won't like you or spend time with you unless you sleep with them?

 

If you are interested in my situation, I have a thread about it. Of course I have friends and I have a lot of fun with them! And a close family, though we have a parting of the ways when it comes to religion.

 

Why are you saying I "NEED" to date an older guy? Lots of guys ask me out. It's actually kind of a problem for me. THIS one I happen to like the most out of all of them so far. As I said, we have just dated once though.

 

And NO! I don't think men won't like me if I sleep with them! I am DYING to have sex with a person I feel good about doing it with. Really.

 

Why are you reading all this weird stuff into what I am writing here? None of it has ANYTHING to do with who I am or what I am doing.

[Untouched]

Money and status. Very little else though.

Hefner getting bonus points for marrying a 20 something?

Ridiculed is more like it.

I remember rolling my eyes when Anna Nicole Smith married that 90 yr old billionaire.

Same reaction.

 

Everybody I know thinks that the young women are just using the old guys. Not that the old guys are taking unfair advantage.

[RedRobin]

My value is not diminishing by dating him! Who are YOU to determine MY value anyway? Or anybody's value, for that matter?

 

Sure my time could be spent doing a million other things, just like yours can. And, I am choosing what I spend my time doing. Just like you are.

 

 

Wow. You really seem to be hung up on age and how people lose "value" when we get older. It must be awful to be middle aged with that kind of attitude. I hope I am fine with my own age and anybody elses for my whole life.

 

 

If you are interested in my situation, I have a thread about it. Of course I have friends and I have a lot of fun with them! And a close family, though we have a parting of the ways when it comes to religion.

 

Why are you saying I "NEED" to date an older guy? Lots of guys ask me out. It's actually kind of a problem for me. THIS one I happen to like the most out of all of them so far. As I said, we have just dated once though.

 

And NO! I don't think men won't like me if I sleep with them! I am DYING to have sex with a person I feel good about doing it with. Really.

 

Why are you reading all this weird stuff into what I am writing here? None of it has ANYTHING to do with who I am or what I am doing.

 

 

I'm not middle aged.

 

 

I'm just someone who thinks older men get more out of dating/marrying you than you will ever get out of being with them in the long run.

 

 

Most young women don't value their own youth half as much as those older men who are pursuing them. Her loss. Too bad you can't see it.

Edited May 13, 2014 by RedRobin

[suladas]

Why is the choice for women so often put as "settle for the older man so you can have a few good years with someone/anyone" Otherwise, your choice is to die a bitter old spinster.

 

 

With THOSE options, I might as well head down to the gun shop right now so I can blow my brains out.

 

 

Why aren't some of you telling these younger men that? The ones who are having a hard time finding partners? What is the assumption there? keep working on themselves and they can attract the young'ins. That's the advice people give men. Why is that?

 

No dying a bitter old person was intended for only one example.

[RedRobin]

I read your other thread, Untouched. I'm not the only one who thinks you are with this older man because you miss the paternalistic aspects of your religion. Unlike the other poster though, I'm not going to help grease the skids for this guy.

 

 

About him being a predator or not... There are lots of websites that coach older men on how to win over younger women.

 

 

Here's one.

Dating younger women - AskMen

 

 

Here's another...

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/02/07/top-two-rules-for-dating-younger-women/

 

They all advise men to earn their trust, don't push, blah blah. You went on one date and you are already making out? Is that what I read in your other thread??

 

 

Interesting.

[RedRobin]

No dying a bitter old person was intended for only one example.

 

 

I'm still not sure I'm following you.

 

 

I'm a woman, so I'm supposed to settle for some old guy or risk dying alone. Check.

 

 

If I were a man, people would be telling me the world is my oyster, I just need to build up my confidence and go after what I want. They'd tell me how great it is to be single and screw as many women as I want, for as long as I want, that I have forever to find my younger, hopefully less experienced dream woman who will be at my beck and call because I'm so much better than men her own age.

 

 

People would sit on their hands as I spouted all kinds of nonsense about women my own age, and they would call it my 'preference'. I'd be patted on the back for concocting whatever stories I needed to concoct to get what I want. People would call that 'success'. If I were a man.

 

 

Why the disparity in advice? Why am I 'bitter' for pointing out other people's hypocrisy?

Edited May 14, 2014 by RedRobin

[Untouched]

 

About him being a predator or not... There are lots of websites that coach older men on how to win over younger women.

 

There are lots of websites that coach women on how to get men to like us, too. I liked this one: Google

 

There are a lot more. I read some before I even posted here, since I actually AM looking for advice on how to have relationships with men.

 

Am I a predator?

 

 

You went on one date and you are already making out? Is that what I read in your other thread??

 

YES!! And it was AWESOME! I can hardly wait to do it again. Like I said, it was the best experience of making out I have had - though there has not been much to compare it with!

 

Do you think that making out and sex in general are bad? No offense, but I need to avoid people who think like that like the plague. It has been a big challenge for me to move away from that kind of thinking; I was brought up with it bigtime.

 

Look. I am into taking charge of my own life here. I was not raised to do it. If you want to have other people tell you who you should or shouldn't date, I hope you have people like that in your life. I don't.

 

How old are you? I am sure I read that you are middle aged ...

[RedRobin]

There are lots of websites that coach women on how to get men to like us, too. I liked this one: Google

 

There are a lot more. I read some before I even posted here, since I actually AM looking for advice on how to have relationships with men.

 

Am I a predator?

 

 

 

 

YES!! And it was AWESOME! I can hardly wait to do it again. Like I said, it was the best experience of making out I have had - though there has not been much to compare it with!

 

Do you think that making out and sex in general are bad? No offense, but I need to avoid people who think like that like the plague. It has been a big challenge for me to move away from that kind of thinking; I was brought up with it bigtime.

 

Look. I am into taking charge of my own life here. I was not raised to do it. If you want to have other people tell you who you should or shouldn't date, I hope you have people like that in your life. I don't.

 

How old are you? I am sure I read that you are middle aged ...

 

I am not middle aged. That was someone else's speculation. Regarding your specific situation, it is probably best to comment in your other thread, which is what I will do.

[Candy_Pants]

My husband and I were born three hours apart. I think it's appalling for others to date beyond three hours older or three hours younger.

 

[Untouched]

My husband and I were born three hours apart. I think it's appalling for others to date beyond three hours older or three hours younger.

 

 

whichever one of you is older is a perverted predator!