Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Guyouthere]

I personally like younger women. I am very active, fit, and I enjoy a lot of the same exact things I did when I was younger.

 

If the woman is mature, and can handle it without the stigma that others might throw at her, I say both should go for it.

 

The woman must be sincere, not a cheater, liar, and not afraid of commitment.

 

Yes it does matter to me too about physical appearance. I personally wouldn't go for a larger overweight woman because right then and there I know I won't have the physical attraction or (more importantly) the lifestyle that she will have (which is often lazier). That only invites serious issues down the road, because I will be out doing the physical things and I need someone who can and will keep up with me on that.

 

Sex,,,,, well, I'm older and it is important, but thats not the number reason I like younger women.

 

A good relationship will have good sex, but that comes in time too, the meaningful sex.

 

I have never, nor will I ever, lead a woman on, use her in any way.

 

For me, commitment and a relationship are serious, and I don't play games.

 

It comes down to compatibility and stability.

 

Numbers don't mean crap.

Edited September 23, 2015 by Guyouthere

[No Limit]

While I don't think it's something "bad" for people to look for partners of different ages, I think that criteria such as "18 - x" show that he or she isn't interested in something serious but instead is looking for some fun. You should be grateful, not all people are that honest about their intentions.

[Guyouthere]

While I don't think it's something "bad" for people to look for partners of different ages, I think that criteria such as "18 - x" show that he or she isn't interested in something serious but instead is looking for some fun. You should be grateful, not all people are that honest about their intentions.

 

No, not always.

 

If I was on a dating site, I would choose a younger age bracket, specifically because of what I stated above in my last post here.

 

Its compatibility.

 

Simply put, I need a younger women because I live that way. I am very active for my age, very fit, and my mind is also sharp and I am more compatible with a woman who is the same.

 

And to be honest, thats why younger women do it for me.

 

Ses is sex, older or younger, that doesn't come into play.

[lollipopspot]

Simply put, I need a younger women because I live that way. I am very active for my age, very fit, and my mind is also sharp and I am more compatible with a woman who is the same.

 

Um, how old are you such that you're worried about someone your same age not having a sharp mind? 80?

[blackcat777]

Dating is work, period.

 

Serious age gap dating is even more work, in some ways, because there are a lot of odds stacked against you, biology and social mores.

 

If people can find happiness despite that, good for them! Good for anyone who can find happiness.

 

If people want to specifically seek out that set of challenges... again, good for them.

 

No man or woman of real, internal value, with self-respect or depth, will ever be "replaced" by a truly worthwhile partner for a younger model. This is an irrational fear. And anyone who would dump a great partner solely for the narcissistic "trade-up" (again, this comes back to perception and core values) isn't worth their salt.

 

You're still your best investment, and if you respect yourself, you'll attract a respectable mate.

[shet]

I'm 31, single and looking. I'm not going to artificially limit myself from the beginning. There are mature younger women and immature older ones. I'll date them and figure them out on their merits as I go. Where do you get off telling someone who they can and can't date?

 

Women from late twenties on usually have a load of baggage and requirements. First crack out the box they'll be telling you how they take no ****, won't be used, know what they want, don't need a ball and chain, et cetera. It's tiring and frankly inappropriate for early dates. Younger women just like a good time, it's refreshing and easy. Of course they're also more callous and unthinking and will vanish for no reason or say stupid things or date 4 guys and a couple girls at once. It's swings and roundabouts.

 

I've had more success with younger women as 30 something than I ever did when a younger man. Don't know why, I was never handsome and I'm not handsome with less hair now, but I'm not going to question it. If I married a 22yo, in 8 years she'll be 30 and I'll be 39, and you wouldn't question that.

[MoreAmore]

I've dated from one year younger than me to eighteen years older. My parents had a significant age difference so I never thought much of it. If the guy only dated or sought much younger women, I would be skeeved out and not date him. One guy was 12 years older and I got the impression I was one of the older he has dated and threw him back. The guy that was 18 years older had dated from 5 years younger to 5 years older other than me. It was not his thing.

 

My current guy is 9 years older, and still gets IDed even though I never do. He has dated from 15 years younger to 10 years older.

I don't care about age differences, but I would refuse to be an object/fetish.

 

If the guys age range is from half his age to max his age I would not contact.

[Nikki Sahagin]

To be honest I don't mind age differences between men or women so long as the relationship isn't exploitative, as at times they can be. An older person in a relationship who perhaps has more wealth, life experience and 'game' can exploit a younger person who perhaps hasn't set there morals, values or boundaries yet. I know at 18, I had terrible boundaries. Now my boundaries are pretty fixed. As well as the sex appeal of youth, many are drawn to someone they can mould to a point.

 

I know one man who is 32 (a very immature 32) and his wife is 21. His wife is rather plain and normal...not exactly a Lolita. But he said he was attracted to her age because he could 'make her his ideal woman.' She cooks, cleans, stays home, has no hobbies. For him the youth factor was largely embedded in being able to control and influence a young, insecure and under-confident woman.

 

For other people it's just a genuine sincere attraction with the right intentions. Personally, I'd be reluctant to date a much older man.

[Robert Z]

I'm in my fifties and am on my second sugar baby, who is 21.

 

You know, I have spent most of my life listening to men being slammed for who we are, while women talk about equal rights and acceptance. A lot of men like women young and hot. It is in our biology. Deal with it. I am soooo sick of women judging us for our biology.

 

Maybe that's why I like them young - they haven't been ruined by all of the attitude problems towards men. In fact, I hadn't even put it into words until I met with a younger man and were talking about dating younger women. I was dancing around this thought and couldn't quite put it into words. He actually completed the thought for me. He knew EXACTLY what I was talking about.

 

It came up again yesterday with another business friend who is in his forties. He also knew exactly what I was talking about.

Edited September 24, 2015 by Robert Z

[RedRobin]

If I were 21, I wouldn't date a much older man unless he paid me. ALOT.

 

 

I'm not 21 now... and I still wouldn't date a much older man unless he paid me. ALOT.

 

 

Oh wait a minute. I have my own money. Never mind.

 

 

I like how some men claim it's in their biology to have sex with women young enough to be their daughters or granddaughters. I don't really think so. Lots of men are repulsed by the idea. Especially the ones who have daughters or granddaughters of their own.

 

 

It's only society that tells men it's ok to exploit or use women for whatever they are worth. And since our laws state that people can do whatever they want after 18, then some women will take them up on it. Can't be helped. Just like it can't be helped that some will be addicted to drugs, or drink too much, or drive cars while sh*tfaced. After one is 18, they are free to do lots of things that are bad for them... that includes wasting their life with a much older man. *shrug*

[RedRobin]

You assume my age range was skewed towards younger ladies when it was not. I had no age range listed on my OLD profile.

 

 

I've never seen an OLD site that didn't list a dating range. It was somewhere...

[RedRobin]

No, not always.

 

If I was on a dating site, I would choose a younger age bracket, specifically because of what I stated above in my last post here.

 

Its compatibility.

 

Simply put, I need a younger women because I live that way. I am very active for my age, very fit, and my mind is also sharp and I am more compatible with a woman who is the same.

 

And to be honest, thats why younger women do it for me.

 

Ses is sex, older or younger, that doesn't come into play.

 

 

Said every older guy who tried to get me to go on a date with him while I was doing OLD.

 

 

All I could think of when I saw their profile was, "no you are not".

 

 

I got it that they perceived themselves that way, but the reality is, they weren't. I knew they would age... are aging... just like everyone else (likely sooner, rather than later), and insisting that they needed to go younger because they are so, whatever, was terribly unattractive.

 

 

The fact is, I know plenty of women close their age who are just as active, sharp, whatever... but guys with this mentality have it in their brains that they need a young trophy. Not because they really are compatible, but because they like bragging to their friends. It really is the height of insecurity, if you ask me. To be so unsettled with their own age that they need to latch onto someone younger to prove to themselves and to the world how great and special they are. To me, it shows just the opposite.

 

 

OMG, I can't tell you how many profiles I read from guys claiming to be "young at heart", with these crazy skewed age ranges. It was about as sad as looking at pictures of women with overdone plastic surgery.

[RedRobin]

That is a huge issue, and a very valid reason why many men like younger women. Jaded, man-hating women go not make good relationship partners.

 

 

We could say the same for jaded, women-hating men who need to date younger women they can manipulate.

 

 

I can't speak for every man, but at 36, the same 18 year old girls that inspired my erections all the time back when I was 18, still continue to do so today. Pretty basic biology.

 

 

You don't have daughters. If you did, you likely wouldn't be too keen on them getting hit on by guys old enough to be their dad.

 

In what twisted bizzaro world do you live in where society is telling men that it is OK to exploit women?

 

 

Oh, the same world where some guys say it's ok to use some women for sex and FWB and others for relationships? The same world where some guys brag about pumping and dumping women? That world. Sound familiar?

 

All one has to do is make the range from 18-99. That's what I always did online.

 

 

Never fooled me when a guy put that age range down. I knew darned well he wasn't going to be dating any 99 year olds, lol. It's just a form of subterfuge. Guess the woman in question wasn't fooled either. Oh wait! I bet she was older than 18. She must be a jaded older woman, lol.

[RedRobin]

Again, you make the assertion that men are just out to manipulate women. That is the attitude to which I am referring to. You refuse to admit that sometimes people just get together, nothing nefarious has to be happening. The fact that you always assume men are these manipulators says quite a bit about you.

 

 

I believe men (or women) who need to date much younger are motivated by a need to control the other. Yep.

 

How does a guy use a woman for sex? The sex is mutual. Again, you show your opinion of men.

 

 

My opinion of some men who treat women like orifices. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

Your pattern is clear, you don't like men. We get it. By the way, I never dated anyone age 18 when using OLD, either. I did, however, have a couple dates with a 19 year old. In case you are wondering, she messaged me.

 

 

My pattern is clear alright... I don't like 'men' (or anyone really) who hides behind their gender to explain away their behavior. I personally don't believe it is in 'men's nature' to go after relative children, or mentally bin someone into 'just good for sex' or 'good for a relationship' while keeping that info to themselves as long as they can get away with it. Or heck, advising others to go after someone 'just under your criteria for a relationship' so that they can justify using them for whatever. It just looks and feels slimy.

 

 

The fact that some men, maybe you, think that is in men's nature, at least to me, means you don't really have such a high opinion of men. I happen to know lots of good men who wouldn't dream of dating someone who could be their daughter's friend... who would never and have never had a FWB.... or if they did... they sure weren't sneaky about it. But maybe those guys don't exist in your world. Beats me.

[RedRobin]

I like how you make every single thread I post in about me, personally. There is a thread on here now asking if women can be creepy. I think this qualifies.

 

 

How is this about you? This thread and my comments are about people who need to date people much younger than them...

 

 

If that feels like it is about you personally, that's not my problem. Not all men behave in ways I describe... and thank goodness for that! So for them, I guess it's not a problem *shrug*.

 

 

I don't personally know any women who go after much younger men... and if I had a son, relative, or male friend who felt like they were having to fend off advances from much older women in their workplace, school, or while trying to meet those close to their own age on a dating website, I'm sure I'd have as much sympathy for him as I do for women who have or had to put up with that from some men. And I'd question that woman's motives/fetish whatever just as much as I question the motives of men with those 'preferences'. It's not a gender thing.

 

 

The title of the thread is "The real truth of age difference". The real truth of age difference if you ask me, is it became solidified in our culture during a time when women had no choices and were obliged to marry any available man or risk her very survival. In many parts of the world, that tradition still exists. I sincerely doubt it is about biology at all. Most people don't find their children sexually attractive, even when those children are fully grown adults. The need to sexualize those much younger is all about power and control, not 'fertility' or anything else. Most women are fertile well into their 30's and some into their forties and beyond. Hell, my mom didn't even start going through menopause until she was 55. Believe it or not. Two of my aunts conceived well into their late 30's without a single miscarriage or birth defect.

 

 

So what do I think? I think if seeing a woman their daughter's age or granddaughter's age makes a man's d*ck hard, well, I think that's a problem.

[Els]

I don't think the 36 yo wanting someone who's 25-36 is that bad, but a 40 yo with a 18 yo does squick me a bit.

 

That being said this is OLD. I'm sure there are also 5' women there who have profiles requiring men to be above 6'. So... meh. If you go into the most shallow of places looking for shallow people I'm sure you are bound to find plenty.

 

From my observation IRL, while older men-younger women couples are still more common than vice versa, they are very rarely 18 and 40, more like 28 and 35 or something. I also know a few women who specifically look for men who are older (7-10 yrs older seems to be their sweet spot) because they want a rich man who's very established in his career while they've only just graduated. Are they right or are they wrong? It's hard to say, I wouldn't advise it and I don't know how things will end up for them, but as long as it's all consensual whatever goes I guess.

[loveflower]

The title of the thread is "The real truth of age difference". The real truth of age difference if you ask me, is it became solidified in our culture during a time when women had no choices and were obliged to marry any available man or risk her very survival.

 

I totally agree with you that men who want someone his daughter's age are creepy.

 

The age criteria of men is almost always not older than him. It could be much younger than him and he sees no problem. some decent and/or trying to nice will allow the woman to be a few year younger and do not want too young a woman.

 

Have you ever seen a late 30 woman stated age her criteria is someone not older than her and younger to age 18?

 

I think the truth is: Gender huge inequality in age difference.

[RedRobin]

I totally agree with you that men who want someone his daughter's age are creepy.

 

The age criteria of men is almost always not older than him. It could be much younger than him and he sees no problem. some decent and/or trying to nice will allow the woman to be a few year younger and do not want too young a woman.

 

Have you ever seen a late 30 woman stated age her criteria is someone not older than her and younger to age 18?

 

I think the truth is: Gender huge inequality in age difference.

 

When I was doing OLD, I actively screened out guys with skewed age ranges (or bogus ones) and declined offers from older men. i went after the men I wanted and got very picky about who I agreed to meet. The quality of the guys I met went way up after that. My current BF is exactly my age, is super fit, educated, etc... His age range was +/- 5 years.

 

I wouldn't get too upset, and I wouldn't necessarily chalk it up to a gender thing. Since you date men, you are only seeing the men's profiles. There are plenty of women these days who dont want to date men who are a lot older than them. I doubt they are going as young as their children's age... But I bet a lot of them are sticking to maybe 10 years or so younger.

 

I'm sure it is disappointing to see someone close to your own age with that skewed criteria, but just do like another poster suggested. Take it as a blessing. He is showing his true colors. Work harder to meet men doing things you enjoy doing and don't focus so much on OLD.

Edited September 26, 2015 by RedRobin

[hellohellohello]

I'm not against age difference, per se, although I may be biased (I'm in my late 20s and have been attracted to someone in his early 20s--someone I previously would've dismissed as a kid).

 

BUT, I think there's a difference between meeting someone you get along with who happens to be younger than you thought... and specifically trying to meet 18-year-olds just because you can have sex with them and not get in legal troubles over it.

 

I don't have a dating profile, but if I did I'd list 25 as the minimum age in my ideal age range.

 

I'm in my fifties and am on my second sugar baby, who is 21.

 

You know, I have spent most of my life listening to men being slammed for who we are, while women talk about equal rights and acceptance. A lot of men like women young and hot. It is in our biology. Deal with it. I am soooo sick of women judging us for our biology.

 

This version of biology also justifies male-on-female rape, murder of people with various forms of disabilities, and maybe even just plain murder. Do you also have a problem with us judging these things and trying to put a stop to them, or do you have a problem only when it means you have to reevaluate the way you think?

Edited September 27, 2015 by hellohellohello

[anduina]

Because on sight you could tell exactly his age :? The physical difference between a 27 yr old and a 36 yr old is almost non-existent and the dimness of someone that thinks so makes them undateable anyway.

Which would be fine by me.

 

That's your choice, and that's fine, but also pretty irrelevant to the situation. If a guy is looking to, or at least open to dating a much younger woman, a girl that finds the idea creepy isn't really an option. I am 36, and while ladies like you might be put off by my age, I have no issues attracting younger women. School just started up and I already have a 20 year old girl from one of my classes trying to hang around me.

 

So many ladies are so incredibly sensitive about age that it's funny. A guy can date an older, thinner, shorter, fatter, uglier, prettier, smarter, dumber, or richer woman, but he better not date a younger one, or you girls will give him what for!

It wouldn't bother me if an 18 year old guy considered me too old for him which I am. He'd be considered a normal, healthy 18 year old without any issues.

[lollipopspot]

I am 36... School just started up and I already have a 20 year old girl from one of my classes trying to hang around me.

 

If people are in the same stage of life and career, going to school together and such, then they naturally run into each other and probably have some things in common. For someone 36 who was farther along in their career to be looking for 20 year old in college seems like more of an imbalance.

[Els]

 

This version of biology also justifies male-on-female rape, murder of people with various forms of disabilities, and maybe even just plain murder. Do you also have a problem with us judging these things and trying to put a stop to them, or do you have a problem only when it means you have to reevaluate the way you think?

 

Right. It also justifies male-on-male rape, often of little boys (as an expression of subjugation and power), as well as the fact that anyone can kill you and take your possessions (including your woma/en and children) without repercussion, as well as the fact that if you might be enslaved to work for a more powerful nation all your life.

 

Not that any of those are comparable to an age-gap R, just that it's ridiculous for people to use the 'biology' argument as and when it suits them. If we all just did whatever 'biology' compels us to, it'd be a tough life for everyone except the few most powerful ones.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Elswyth

[anduina]

I don't think the 36 yo wanting someone who's 25-36 is that bad, but a 40 yo with a 18 yo does squick me a bit.

Yes, it's not bad but a 36 year old is too old for my normal dating range of within five years. But I'd make an exception for Tom Hiddleston who's 34 and only because there's no one like him.

[anduina]

But what if that 18 year old actually wanted to date you? When I was 27 or so I dated a 44 year old. I found nothing out of the ordinary about it.

An 18 year old pimply faced, gangly, awkward high schooler isn't my idea of hot so I wouldn't date him or blame him for not wanting to date me.

[anduina]

I doubt women are lining up to date any pimply faced, gangly, awkward guys of any age. That has nothing to do with it.

 

I was 17 when I graduated high school, and everyone here hangs out at the beach when school is out. I often had women in their 20's and 30's hitting on me. That's why I find it funny when every woman on here acts like it's gross, but in the real world, people of all ages get together.

May I ask why your life experiences are valid but the life experiences of the ladies aren't valid?