Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[xxoo]

 

I think that's when they start seeing the guy in his 40's+. thats in good shape, has a good career and money, maybe a house as a viable option...I mean, even if a guy, say is 47 and gets together with a 30 year old woman, as long as the guy takes care of himself, he can keep up as they age together.....

 

TFY

 

As a 40-something woman, I'd talk to her about how she's going to feel when she's 40 and he's 57. How important is sex to her? That's my concern for women who marry much older men. There's a precious 30 years or so of really good sex to be had in life, and if the two spouses are misaligned in their 30 years, it could be shortened

[thefooloftheyear]

As a 40-something woman, I'd talk to her about how she's going to feel when she's 40 and he's 57. How important is sex to her? That's my concern for women who marry much older men. There's a precious 30 years or so of really good sex to be had in life, and if the two spouses are misaligned in their 30 years, it could be shortened

 

 

And she may have put on 60 lbs, and he may be functional and not want to touch her then ...Or heaven forbid she develop some condition like MS or some other condition that makes sex difficult for her..??...

 

.we can all play the "ifs and buts" game if we want

 

 

Just sayin...

 

 

TFY

Edited October 15, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[xxoo]

And she can be as big as a house by then....and he may be functional and not want to touch her...we can all play the "ifs and buts game if we want

 

 

Just sayin...

 

 

TFY

 

Sure. I'm thinking from my own POV, as a frisky, fit 40 year old FINALLY having time and freedom for more sex now that the kids are bigger. Damn but it would suck if H were pushing 60 and telling me he's too tired or no longer interested.

[madjac74]

Damn but it would suck if H were pushing 60 and telling me he's too tired or no longer interested.

 

And of course his lack of interest in you would be because he's 60 and not because he's banging a frisky fit 27 yr old

[autumnnight]

I think it's odd when anyone rejects their own age group, whether that is men or women or younger or older.

 

Wherever you go, there you are. If you can't find a decent partner in your age group, what are the chances that you'll find one in a different age group? Maybe the problem is you.

 

This is what I don't get....

 

If someone is dating outside their age group, why is it assumed that they have "rejected" their age group. Maybe they just happen to like and connect with that person?

 

I find this aura of age gap=entitlement and perversity, and if you don't agree you are damaged more disturbing than any age difference, TBH

[thefooloftheyear]

This is what I don't get....

 

If someone is dating outside their age group, why is it assumed that they have "rejected" their age group. Maybe they just happen to like and connect with that person?

 

I find this aura of age gap=entitlement and perversity, and if you don't agree you are damaged more disturbing than any age difference, TBH

 

 

Right,,,

 

I mean, its not as though one is rejecting the whole group, but if they have had some bad experiences it may just be an issue of human nature to seek an alternative, whatever that may be...

 

TFY

[xxoo]

This is what I don't get....

 

If someone is dating outside their age group, why is it assumed that they have "rejected" their age group. Maybe they just happen to like and connect with that person?

 

I find this aura of age gap=entitlement and perversity, and if you don't agree you are damaged more disturbing than any age difference, TBH

 

I don't assume that. I was responding to the posts saying that is the reason some people are dating older/younger.

 

If people organically meet and fall in love in an age gap relationship, I see no issue with that. If someone only seeks to date younger or older, and states it is because [reason] is wrong with people their own age, I think the problem is probably them.

[lollipopspot]

If people organically meet and fall in love in an age gap relationship, I see no issue with that. If someone only seeks to date younger or older, and states it is because [reason] is wrong with people their own age, I think the problem is probably them.

 

I agree with this. The only issue I see is when I have occasionally browsed on line dating forums that it is -most usual- to find men list desired ages that are younger than they are. If they list an age range, it often starts about 15 years younger and end a year or two below their age, or if there is a span that encompasses their age, it will stop right there but still pick up the 15 years younger.

[lollipopspot]

Lolli...

 

ALL men are motivated heavily by looks..ALL men place a heavy emphasis on looks...If they dont they are lying...period...Even ugly ones..The only difference is that men are pragmatic enough to know what league they need to play in to get in the game...

 

Think about it this way...

 

Its very rare to see a good looking man with an unattractive mate, whereas the other way around (good looking woman-unattractive man( is actually quite common..

 

TFY

 

To the extent that I "know" you on here, I haven't thought of you as someone who is especially concerned with appearance. I would have imagined that you would base your choice of a partner much more heavily on similar interests and values.

 

I'm curious - how do your thoughts about this influence how you teach your daughter? Are you concerned with her getting fat and "undatable," or conversely being "too attractive" so that she's at risk? Are you concerned with her placing too much emphasis on the physical, since that's what men want?

[jphcbpa]

IMO, the + and - should be equal in both directions. I am 43 and think 7 years + AND - is a good range. When you see an online profile out of balance (age range), you know that person is out of balance.

[joseb]

I think it's odd when anyone rejects their own age group, whether that is men or women or younger or older.

 

Wherever you go, there you are. If you can't find a decent partner in your age group, what are the chances that you'll find one in a different age group? Maybe the problem is you.

 

Maybe.

 

Or maybe you live a lifestyle that differs greatly from the majority of the opposite sex in your age bracket.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think there is a big difference between a relationship between a 50 yr old and a 30 yr old... as opposed to a 50 year old who only dates 30 year olds.

 

I understand this thread to be about the latter. I imagine most would agree that age shouldn't be the single biggest determining factor in a relationship and if they met their soul mate with a big age difference they would make an exception to whatever normal "rules" they may have.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Maybe.

 

Or maybe you live a lifestyle that differs greatly from the majority of the opposite sex in your age bracket.

 

Yeah right. As if. I read this all the time in dating profiles. "I feel much younger than my age.", "I get along better with younger people." "I look younger than my age."

 

I met a guy like that. 6 years older than me. He told me he could not run anymore because his knees hurt too much. So he only walked a lot. Fine with me. But then don't give me that BS about "I feel so much younger than my age."

 

I think that a great deal of the guys "who feel so much younger than they are" spend their evenings lifting beer in front of the telly .

[joseb]

Yeah right. As if. I read this all the time in dating profiles. "I feel much younger than my age.", "I get along better with younger people." "I look younger than my age."

 

I met a guy like that. 6 years older than me. He told me he could not run anymore because his knees hurt too much. So he only walked a lot. Fine with me. But then don't give me that BS about "I feel so much younger than my age."

 

I think that a great deal of the guys "who feel so much younger than they are" spend their evenings lifting beer in front of the telly .

 

I can only give you my perspective.

I'm 45. I did an Ironman in march. If you don't know what that is, it's a 2.6 mile swim, followed by 112 miles bike and a full Marathon (26 miles) run.

 

I did it with a bunch of mates mostly 10 years or more younger, and finished ahead of them all. And I'm not genetically gifted or anything, in my 20s I did a half marathon and didn't do very well.

 

If I go out with work colleagues I'm usually the last to leave the bar/club. I love socialising. I enjoy a drink but rarely to excess.

I eat well, most of the time. Even when not training I exercise most days.

I bike an hour to work and back.

 

So yeah, I do feel much younger then I am.

[Timshel]

I agree with this. The only issue I see is when I have occasionally browsed on line dating forums that it is -most usual- to find men list desired ages that are younger than they are. If they list an age range, it often starts about 15 years younger and end a year or two below their age, or if there is a span that encompasses their age, it will stop right there but still pick up the 15 years younger.

 

This is the problem/crux of it. On Line Dating is ridiculous, creating havoc and the bane of dating. All of these very confused people.

OLD is such a bundle of B.S., a person looking in can see very plainly.

[RedRobin]

I can only give you my perspective.

I'm 45. I did an Ironman in march. If you don't know what that is, it's a 2.6 mile swim, followed by 112 miles bike and a full Marathon (26 miles) run.

 

I did it with a bunch of mates mostly 10 years or more younger, and finished ahead of them all. And I'm not genetically gifted or anything, in my 20s I did a half marathon and didn't do very well.

 

If I go out with work colleagues I'm usually the last to leave the bar/club. I love socialising. I enjoy a drink but rarely to excess.

I eat well, most of the time. Even when not training I exercise most days.

I bike an hour to work and back.

 

So yeah, I do feel much younger then I am.

 

Yea, yea... I started dancing en pointe in ballet when I was double the age of the other young ladies there.

 

I ran a marathon last year. I bike to work. Am training for a triathlon... And you know what? I wouldn't touch a same age or older guy with a 10 foot pole if he claimed that he can only find his peer amongst those much younger than himself. It is a form of arrogance.

[RedRobin]

I think some of it has to do with the fact that a lot of millenial men are sort of emasculated acting. They don't have a masculine kind of energy to them that on a subconcious level even feminist women respond to. I think some of the attraction to bad boys is a misguided desire to have that masculine energy in a man that so lacking in many men these days.

 

That's another common trope spouted by baby boomer and gen x men to justify their behavior. That younger men are lacking. That's not my observation of the younger men I know and work with. I see them being the kind of partners I could only dream about at that age... And still have a hard time finding to this day.

 

If 'emasculated acting' means... In touch with their emotions and not acting like a macho a hole who thinks he is granted head of the household status because he was born with an outtie... Then I would take that any day over the so called 'masculine' men in my generation with their near zero emotional intelligence or semblance of partner hood that extends beyond anything other than a willingness to be the wallet.

[Els]

I wont disagree with most of this...

 

Here is the thing, though....And this is coming from someone who hires predominantly males ages 18-40....And have been for decades..

 

Ive never seen it this bad...No drive...Very little ambition..They work to get out and make enough money to pay the shared rent on the dumpy apartment they co-habitate with a couple of their equally unmotivated buddies...

 

Most seem quite content to let their 20/30 something gf's carry the mail...They don't want to settle down, don't see marriage kids/house in their future..The women play along for a while, then when they feel like they are nothing but a sex toy and a paycheck, or they get baby envy, they bail out...and who can blame them?

 

I think that's when they start seeing the guy in his 40's+. thats in good shape, has a good career and money, maybe a house as a viable option...I mean, even if a guy, say is 47 and gets together with a 30 year old woman, as long as the guy takes care of himself, he can keep up as they age together.....

 

TFY

 

To be fair, there are still quite a few guys in their 20s with ambition and with their stuff mostly together - in my social circles at least. Of course they aren't in the same financial position as a guy in his 40s, because it takes a while to pay back your student loans, save up for a house, etc. But personally I would rather be with a guy close to my age who has ambition and is working towards it, than be with a much older man just because he is richer and consequently able to settle down earlier.

 

And yeah, some women choose differently, and that's their prerogative. I know that after I graduated college (back in Asia), as soon as we graduated there was a flurry of weddings among the girls in my class who had significantly older boyfriends. I'm sure it isn't just an interesting coincidence that they all immediately moved into large, brand new houses that the guy had bought or already owned.

 

I do hope things work out for them in the future, but that sort of thing isn't for me.

Edited October 16, 2015 by Elswyth

[autumnnight]

I think there is a big difference between a relationship between a 50 yr old and a 30 yr old... as opposed to a 50 year old who only dates 30 year olds.

 

I understand this thread to be about the latter. I imagine most would agree that age shouldn't be the single biggest determining factor in a relationship and if they met their soul mate with a big age difference they would make an exception to whatever normal "rules" they may have.

 

I think there is something to this. If a 35 year old woman meets a 50 year old man and they click and are attracted and begin dating, that is just organic relationship stuff.

 

When a 50 year old man will ONLY consider 30 year olds (or worse, 20 or 25 year olds).....yeah, that does say something kind of, um, unflattering about him IMO.

[xxoo]

I can only give you my perspective.

I'm 45. I did an Ironman in march. If you don't know what that is, it's a 2.6 mile swim, followed by 112 miles bike and a full Marathon (26 miles) run.

 

I did it with a bunch of mates mostly 10 years or more younger, and finished ahead of them all. And I'm not genetically gifted or anything, in my 20s I did a half marathon and didn't do very well.

 

If I go out with work colleagues I'm usually the last to leave the bar/club. I love socialising. I enjoy a drink but rarely to excess.

I eat well, most of the time. Even when not training I exercise most days.

I bike an hour to work and back.

 

So yeah, I do feel much younger then I am.

 

And there are women your age into the same thing. Seems like you'd attract them, based on this description. If you don't, I don't know what to tell you.

[RedRobin]

I think there is something to this. If a 35 year old woman meets a 50 year old man and they click and are attracted and begin dating, that is just organic relationship stuff.

 

When a 50 year old man will ONLY consider 30 year olds (or worse, 20 or 25 year olds).....yeah, that does say something kind of, um, unflattering about him IMO.

 

That's a nice theory, but the reality is... She has no way of knowing what his real tastes are unless she met him online.

 

I have never come across a guy who 'organically' fell for a woman young enough to be their kid. It is either their preference that goes unstated, or he treads water with women his own age until he can convince a younger woman to give him a try. Men who don't have those values or preferences wouldn't get involved in the first place. Same as women who don't get involved with much younger men.

[RedRobin]

And there are women your age into the same thing. Seems like you'd attract them, based on this description. If you don't, I don't know what to tell you.

I'd know what to tell him... Same thing I have told same age guys who tried to date me claiming similar who acted like they were doing me a big effing favor by deigning to date someone the same age as them. And how lucky I should feel that they picked me instead of someone younger.

 

'No thanks'

[autumnnight]

That's a nice theory, but the reality is... She has no way of knowing what his real tastes are unless she met him online.

 

I have never come across a guy who 'organically' fell for a woman young enough to be their kid. It is either their preference that goes unstated, or he treads water with women his own age until he can convince a younger woman to give him a try. Men who don't have those values or preferences wouldn't get involved in the first place. Same as women who don't get involved with much younger men.

 

So....you can somehow know everyone's motives....

 

I'd be making some serious money if I had that ability.

[RedRobin]

So....you can somehow know everyone's motives....

 

I'd be making some serious money if I had that ability.

 

I just go by people's actions. Not that difficult. I wish I had a dollar for every time a guy told me I was 'different'. Oldest line in the book.

[thefooloftheyear]

To be fair, there are still quite a few guys in their 20s with ambition and with their stuff mostly together - in my social circles at least. Of course they aren't in the same financial position as a guy in his 40s, because it takes a while to pay back your student loans, save up for a house, etc. But personally I would rather be with a guy close to my age who has ambition and is working towards it, than be with a much older man just because he is richer and consequently able to settle down earlier.

 

And yeah, some women choose differently, and that's their prerogative. I know that after I graduated college (back in Asia), as soon as we graduated there was a flurry of weddings among the girls in my class who had significantly older boyfriends. I'm sure it isn't just an interesting coincidence that they all immediately moved into large, brand new houses that the guy had bought or already owned.

 

I do hope things work out for them in the future, but that sort of thing isn't for me.

 

As a woman of Asian descent, with a very level head on her shoulders, living in the East, I would expect you to say that....

 

And while I don't know you, do you really think some 28 year old neckbeard, driving some old hooptie that his uncle gave him because he couldn't get a loan with his 380 FICO score, and who is more concerned with his fantasy football team and the weed he just scored, will make you weak in the knees?

 

I dont think so.....But for some of you other ladies on here who might want a crack, PM me...I got plenty of guys I know that I can turn you on to...

 

TFY