Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[autumnnight]

And yes, of course, there are couples with age gaps that are quite healthy and compatible. They are the exceptions, especially as age gap relationships are rare overall, and successful ones are statistically quite rare.

 

I am very curious about this statement.

[xxoo]

I am very curious about this statement.

 

There's data on marital age gaps How often are married couples very different in age? | Austin Institute

 

8.3 percent of men and only 2.0 percent of women who married since 2000 were over 10 years older than their spouse. Although a bit rare, these cases are hardly extreme. When we look at those who are 20 years apart of more we find that about 1.5 percent of men and just 0.3 percent of women report that they married a spouse at least 20 years younger than they were.

 

So about 10 percent of marriages reported an age gap greater than 10 year (8.3% had an older husband, and 2% had an older wife). And less than 2% reported an age gap greater than 20 years. They are rare overall.

 

And they are less successful, according to the study published by Emory in 2014 and linked earlier in the thread. https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2014/11/10/why-to-marry-someone-your-own-age-it-reduces-divorce

 

3% more likely to divorce with a one-year age gap;

18% more likely to divorce with a five-year age gap;

39% more likely to divorce with an age difference of 10 years;

95% more likely to divorce with an age difference of 20 years;

172% more likely to divorce with an age difference of 30 years.

 

The full study is available here: ?A Diamond is Forever? and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration by Andrew M. Francis, Hugo M. Mialon :: SSRN

 

Overall, age gap relationships are relatively rare and far more likely to lead to divorce.

[Woggle]

I have never seen a woman over 40 who still takes good care of herself and has a good personality that has trouble with relationships. Being a trainwreck or being a nasty, hateful person is unattractive at any age. There are plenty of older women who do just fine and are considered attractive so stop being so threatened by men who for whatever reason are dating a younger woman.

[Timshel]

There's data on marital age gaps How often are married couples very different in age? | Austin Institute

 

 

 

So about 10 percent of marriages reported an age gap greater than 10 year (8.3% had an older husband, and 2% had an older wife). And less than 2% reported an age gap greater than 20 years. They are rare overall.

 

And they are less successful, according to the study published by Emory in 2014 and linked earlier in the thread. https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2014/11/10/why-to-marry-someone-your-own-age-it-reduces-divorce

 

 

 

The full study is available here: ?A Diamond is Forever? and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration by Andrew M. Francis, Hugo M. Mialon :: SSRN

 

Overall, age gap relationships are relatively rare and far more likely to lead to divorce.

 

This doesn't surprise me a bit. Young people can be fairly annoying.

Tongue/cheek.

[xxoo]

I have never seen a woman over 40 who still takes good care of herself and has a good personality that has trouble with relationships. Being a trainwreck or being a nasty, hateful person is unattractive at any age. There are plenty of older women who do just fine and are considered attractive so stop being so threatened by men who for whatever reason are dating a younger woman.

 

I agree, generally. I do think it's easy to blame things like men wanting younger women when running into difficulties with dating, rather than looking at the women over 40 who are doing fine and figuring out what they are doing right that you are not.

[thefooloftheyear]

Sure, the mean girl dynamic exists, but reduce this issue down to competitiveness between women is ridiculous because--

 

A. not all women, and particularly not all women concerned with this topic, engage in such behavior. Some of us are supportive of women overall, including here on LS

 

B. not all women concerned with topic think badly about or feel animosity toward the younger woman. SOme feel genuine care for them.

 

C. Not all women concerned with the topic feel threatened by it, other than worrying about men around our daughters.

 

And yes, of course, there are couples with age gaps that are quite healthy and compatible. They are the exceptions, especially as age gap relationships are rare overall, and successful ones are statistically quite rare.

 

I wouldn't disagree with any of this....I guess the part about "caring" what a total stranger decides to do with their personal life/relationships is kinda head scratching....

 

I think this thought is the same as a lot of the women who vehemently oppose strippers and women in porn or prostitution out of "care"...Heck more guys die and get injured in dangerous jobs than any prostitute or porn actress, but there isn't the same level or any care whatsoever for them......nor should there really be, aside from their own family...I mean if they are adults and they chose it, they accept the risks or pitfalls, no?.

 

IMO, Just go ahead and say you don't like it....Period....It annoys you(not saying you personally) and creates an un-level playing field(competition)...We get it....Lets stop with the phony care for total strangers...I'm sure most don't give a damn anyway what someone who doesn't know them thinks and they aren't breaking any laws doing it, so it really looks disingenuous......

 

TFY

Edited October 18, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[RedRobin]

I would guess it's because they are only getting attention from much older men, while men their age are focusing on younger women.

 

As I've already said, that's not a general truth, but it may be an OLD truth. My advise would be to get off OLD and interact with men IRL.

 

In all fairness, alot of the posts on LS by women... And the one that restarted this conversation did have to do with OLD. I don't know if 'threatened' is the right word for it though. Online I find it just as annoying as when it happens IRL... Ie, an older guy trying to get my attention despite my clear disinterest in someone in his age group.

 

My advice to those women who perceive that they are mostly getting hit in by much older men online who still want to stay online is have the algorithms sort out those men and dump the emails in a separate folder. They can set that up so it happens automatically.

 

That won't stop their same age peers with skewed age ranges from posting to them though... Which is why I made a habit of doing my own searches and simply eliminated those men as well. I always thought that OLD went a long ways toward showing women how those guys really 'are'... That they may not see for quite awhile if they had met them IRL. I am quite happy to know if a guy I might be interested in really believes or prefers that women his own age or even a few years older not contact him... But feels he's fit to be with an 18 year old. That is super useful information that I've used to screen out tons of guys there.

 

It worked very well for me. I have never had a problem attracting similar age men as myself. Even online.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Well...Too bad, I guess we wouldn't be a match, then.....I make no apologies to anyone nor try to impress anyone by taking good care of myself...I like being fit and strong...I like being able to walk a flight of stairs without getting out of breath or having a leg cramp..i like looking down and seeing my dick and my feet..I enjoy a long bike ride with my kid..I like having options in my life, its the only one I have so I want to live it to its fullest..I like that I live clean, take no meds and never been under the knife, while most of my peers are or have been..

 

Its the life that works for me...Hopefully you found what works for you as well..

 

TFY

 

There is something in between being an ultrasporter and have a beer gut... I get the impression that you are obsessed with your looks and being fit.

 

You know what I find the most attractive in a man? His brains! Give me a Bill Gates or an Obama (not that I agree with all of his politics) any time rather than one of the bodybuilding guys from your videos .

I prefer a guy with whom I can have a good conversation above one that starts pumping up his muscles.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I have never seen a woman over 40 who still takes good care of herself and has a good personality that has trouble with relationships. Being a trainwreck or being a nasty, hateful person is unattractive at any age. There are plenty of older women who do just fine and are considered attractive so stop being so threatened by men who for whatever reason are dating a younger woman.

 

I am a woman over 40 who takes good care of herself and has a good personality and I can't say I have been successful with relationships. I work a lot so I don't have much of a social life (and I don't feel like going out with a recently divorced friend who is starving for some male attention and just wants a chaperone) and all my colleagues are in a relationship.

So what is left is on-line dating and I haven't met a good guy that way. For starters, not a lot of reactions even if my profile and picture are good in my opinion. Guys my age seem to want a younger woman and I don't want an older one.

The guys I met this year seemed to be in an incredible hurry which made me feel suffocated.

 

It probably also has to do with the fact that I am rather content on my own and am a bit of a homebody. After a busy week at work I can perfectly amuse myself at home.

I am sure that if I would be married I would be perfectly content with just my hubby and a couple of close friends...

 

Anyway I took away my dating profile after feeling a bit burned out by the whole thing, and I signed up for an activities group. But I haven't participated in any activity so far. Since I work hard the idea of spending an evening with strangers and superficial chatter does not really appeal to me.

[RedRobin]

...Let's stop with the phony care for total strangers.........

 

TFY

 

Well, as someone who has done volunteer work most of her life, and still does considerable pro bono work as a professional, you are going to have a hard time convincing anyone who knows me that my care is phony...but hey, whatever makes you feel better.

 

I will make sure to tell the younger men I tutor and mentor that they don't need to worry about the accuracy of their calculations... Because if someone gets hurt using a product they designed... they don't know them. And besides, it takes more work to actually give a damn. *shrug*. Great message.

 

Here is a scary thought though TFY... Most of the workplace accidents and failure to inspect are because of men's incompetence. Because those are the vast majority of people in those positions. So yea, I do care, and in fact, it's why I chose THIS profession over so many others where I could have made more money. Lots more.

[BlueIris]

Nope. The REAL problem here is that older women have been totally devalued forever and ever....

 

Point taken and I agree to some extent. There is a radical faction that does not devalue us, though- US!

 

Give me a room of over-50 professional women and I am going to have a riot. My favorite crowd to hang with. So many people devalue so many other people, you get to the point that it really truly doesn't matter if some people think we're not cute enough or sexy enough or warm and sweet enough. Pfft. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

 

... and I am sure that some women see old men / young women couples as a threatening manifestation of that.

 

Yes, there are. I think that the majority of those who do are women who rest a great deal of their self-worth on men's opinions of them. If you reach 40, 50, 60, or 70 relying on others to know your value in this world, nothing's going to fix that. Heck, men wanting to have sex with you (the general you) or thinking you're cute never fixed anything.

 

... who knows if I get old and end up single whether I will feel bad seeing my age peers only dating young ladies, or maybe I will want to be with a 25 year old stud muffin!!

 

I'm betting you wouldn't/won't feel bad at all. Have a rich happy life and what others do doesn't matter very much.

[joseb]

I am a woman over 40 who takes good care of herself and has a good personality and I can't say I have been successful with relationships. I work a lot so I don't have much of a social life (and I don't feel like going out with a recently divorced friend who is starving for some male attention and just wants a chaperone) and all my colleagues are in a relationship.

So what is left is on-line dating and I haven't met a good guy that way. For starters, not a lot of reactions even if my profile and picture are good in my opinion. Guys my age seem to want a younger woman and I don't want an older one.

The guys I met this year seemed to be in an incredible hurry which made me feel suffocated.

 

It probably also has to do with the fact that I am rather content on my own and am a bit of a homebody. After a busy week at work I can perfectly amuse myself at home.

I am sure that if I would be married I would be perfectly content with just my hubby and a couple of close friends...

 

Anyway I took away my dating profile after feeling a bit burned out by the whole thing, and I signed up for an activities group. But I haven't participated in any activity so far. Since I work hard the idea of spending an evening with strangers and superficial chatter does not really appeal to me.

 

Online dating sucks in general. Especially if you are older. And it's even worse for guys IMHO. I've stopped using it also.

 

I think it's best to do activities that you are genuinely interested in.

A lot of people try to force this.

And I think you need to be in the mood to participate fully - going after a hard day of work if you really don't feel like it, and cant switch up your mood is not going to make for a fun night.

 

But I still think getting out in the real world like this is far better than OLD.

[RedRobin]

For what it is worth, less than 7 percent of directors in Hollywood are women. 11% are writers. The total for all creative, behind the scenes work differ by film type, but it is less than 25 to 30 percent. About the same number of women in engineering.

 

 

So that might explain why realistic age gaps for relationships will not be found in most Hollywood movies. And why women ought to be skeptical about the 'relationships' that are portrayed there... Even subtly.

[autumnnight]

For what it is worth, less than 7 percent of directors in Hollywood are women. 11% are writers. The total for all creative, behind the scenes work differ by film type, but it is less than 25 to 30 percent. About the same number of women in engineering.

 

 

So that might explain why realistic age gaps for relationships will not be found in most Hollywood movies. And why women ought to be skeptical about the 'relationships' that are portrayed there... Even subtly.

 

I'd have to wonder about the maturity of anyone who actually looked to Hollywood and movies for any kind of realistic relationship model. I mean, that's like taking my view of detectives from Scooby Doo....

[thefooloftheyear]

For what it is worth, less than 7 percent of directors in Hollywood are women. 11% are writers. The total for all creative, behind the scenes work differ by film type, but it is less than 25 to 30 percent. About the same number of women in engineering.

 

 

So that might explain why realistic age gaps for relationships will not be found in most Hollywood movies. And why women ought to be skeptical about the 'relationships' that are portrayed there... Even subtly.

 

 

Nah...

 

They'd sell chimp vs man/woman relationships if people bought it and it put asses in the seats at the box office...

 

TFY

[carhill]

Heh, the arguably most successful female studio head in history has been, yup, married to an 'older guy' (9 years older, roughly) for nearly 25 years. Now that he's 80 maybe she'll trade him in on a younger model. Who knows?

[joseb]

For what it is worth, less than 7 percent of directors in Hollywood are women. 11% are writers. The total for all creative, behind the scenes work differ by film type, but it is less than 25 to 30 percent. About the same number of women in engineering.

 

 

So that might explain why realistic age gaps for relationships will not be found in most Hollywood movies. And why women ought to be skeptical about the 'relationships' that are portrayed there... Even subtly.

 

Finally I kind of agree on something with you:)

Hollywood does create stupid relationship dynamics, but I think it's just as bad for guys who are shown the totally false idea that being the 'nice guy' hopeless romantic always gets the girl in the end. Nice guys finish last.

[RedRobin]

I'd have to wonder about the maturity of anyone who actually looked to Hollywood and movies for any kind of realistic relationship model. I mean, that's like taking my view of detectives from Scooby Doo....

 

 

uh huh.

 

 

Says a person who has a hard time believing statistics that use real science to explain why age gap relationships don't work...

 

 

Maybe too many of you have been drinking the Hollywood/media cool aid.

 

 

Probably believe climate change isn't real either... Just a guess.

 

 

But that's ok... it's really just young people, and young women, who get fed most of this garbage at a time when they are developing their identities... and that is the problem.

 

 

... and why I don't support the movie-making machines that objectify women at every stage of their life...

 

 

movies.... not much different than porn I guess... written by men, for men, apparently. Even with movies or content that claim to be geared towards women.

 

 

Not sure why you feel the need to keep supporting that process, unless you feel bad about the ways you've been duped over the years.

[RedRobin]

Heh, the arguably most successful female studio head in history has been, yup, married to an 'older guy' (9 years older, roughly) for nearly 25 years. Now that he's 80 maybe she'll trade him in on a younger model. Who knows?

 

For women who want to make their own way in that business, I'd like to think they aren't expected to f*ck or marry some old guy.

 

 

If you are talking about Sherry Lansing... she has been married to her current husband since 1991... she is his fourth wife. His previous wives had similar age gaps or larger. Each of those marriages lasted less than 5 years.

 

 

His third wife did dump him for a man close to her own age. *shrug*

Edited October 21, 2015 by RedRobin

[gaius]

Long Term Marriage: Older Woman And Younger Man : I Am Married to a Younger Man Story & Experience

[gaius]

Age Is Just A Number To Younger Men, Who Now Prefer Dating Older Women

A 2008 study published in the journal Psychology of Women Quarterly found women who are 10 or more years older than their partner report more satisfaction and relationship commitment compared to women who are the same age or younger than their partner. The success of these age-gap romantic relationships may be attributed to the vitality the younger man brings into their lives and the maturity and confidence men find in their older counterparts.

[joseb]

Age Is Just A Number To Younger Men, Who Now Prefer Dating Older Women

 

Interesting. Sounds like this contradicts the studies the op refers to.

I've always found that if you want to argue a point it's not hard to get evidence either way on the interweb.

[joseb]

Long Term Marriage: Older Woman And Younger Man : I Am Married to a Younger Man Story & Experience

 

Sounds like they have a better sex life than my same age (1 day older!) gf and I had in our 20s!

[RedRobin]

Interesting. Sounds like this contradicts the studies the op refers to.

I've always found that if you want to argue a point it's not hard to get evidence either way on the interweb.

 

 

Dating isn't marriage. So no. Doesn't contradict the prior study at all.

 

 

Lots of women know that younger men want to date them. I have no problems attracting younger men to date me. But I am looking for a life partner, not a 'lets have fun for a few months or a few years' f*ck buddy.

 

 

So no, I'll pass. For the same reasons I pass on older men.

[Lois_Griffin]

Dating isn't marriage. So no. Doesn't contradict the prior study at all.

 

 

Lots of women know that younger men want to date them. I have no problems attracting younger men to date me. But I am looking for a life partner, not a 'lets have fun for a few months or a few years' f*ck buddy.

 

 

So no, I'll pass. For the same reasons I pass on older men.

LOL. I've had the same problem with youngin's for years. In person as well as when I was online dating.

 

In my dating profile I actually asked 20-somethings to leave me alone because I wasn't interested in being their Mrs. Robinson fantasy. Turns out these youngin's didn't even know who Mrs. Robinson IS (good lord) so I had to change it to, "I have no interest in being your Stiffler's Mother fantasy."

 

It didn't stop the little fools. They'd still write to me and claim, "age is just a number." LOL. Golly, that changes EVERYTHING.

 

Not.

 

I don't play with boys.