Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[No_Go]

Depends on the age group of both. The problems are:

- extremely young people (under 20-25)

- people wanting to have kids (fertility limits)

 

Else I don't see the big deal. If e.g. a 58 year old "girl" (the word girl used for a woman over 24-25 makes me LMAO) is dating 50 year old gentleman, I don't think anyone will even notice.

 

The convention has always been that it's ok for a guy to be a little older than a girl. Used to be much more drastic back in the day but it's still what I see most of the time.

 

But what about the other way? And I'm talking about a sizeable difference here, like 5-10 years apart. Have any of you had a similar experience. Is it weird in any way?

[truth_seeker]

Depends on the age group of both. The problems are:

- extremely young people (under 20-25)

- people wanting to have kids (fertility limits)

 

Else I don't see the big deal. If e.g. a 58 year old "girl" (the word girl used for a woman over 24-25 makes me LMAO) is dating 50 year old gentleman, I don't think anyone will even notice.

 

It's funny... 23 year old woman with a 35 year old guy people will question... yet, a 30 year old woman with a 45 year old guy not even blink an eye.

[Michelle ma Belle]

My last relationship had a 13 year spread and we dated for 3 years. It was the most fulfilling, mature and happy relationship I've had up to that point.

 

I'm currently dating another younger man with a similar spread and once again, amazing connection and chemistry. Wasn't a conscious choice to date younger again but when you meet someone you click with you owe it to both of yourselves to see where it goes.

 

 

In the end, I think it all depends on the person. Not every 20, 30, 40, 50, or 60 year old are the same. I've met and dated men much older than me who behaved like over grown spoiled children and then dated men in their late twenties who were more put together then most men twice their age.

 

You need to take each person on their own merit rather than paint everyone with the same brush stroke.

[GoodOnPaper]

But what about the other way? And I'm talking about a sizeable difference here, like 5-10 years apart. Have any of you had a similar experience. Is it weird in any way?

 

I once dated a woman several years older. I was 21, it was a summer home from college thing. When we got together, I didn't realize she was older but got that sense later on - she never did tell me her exact age. Obviously, the age difference didn't make much of an impression.

 

I've always gotten the sense that LS is kind of Cougar Central - a surprising number of women, at least to me, humblebragging (or sometimes outright bragging) about having relationships with much younger guys. It seems to me that it's largely a physical/virility thing - much like why older high-status men have been drawn to younger women for centuries - but it's probably not fair to brush with strokes that are too broad.

 

I do think that older inexperienced men get a lot of undeserved grief on LS when they express they want a younger woman. I see that as just wanting to be with someone at a similar emotional experience level. No one wants to feel intimidated in a dating situation.

[truth_seeker]

In the end, I think it all depends on the person. Not every 20, 30, 40, 50, or 60 year old are the same. I've met and dated men much older than me who behaved like over grown spoiled children and then dated men in their late twenties who were more put together then most men twice their age.

 

You need to take each person on their own merit rather than paint everyone with the same brush stroke.

 

You make great points. I agree 100%.

[carhill]

The medical journal article findings are based on research, of course, and not anecdote.

 

As the journal article states, modern medical interventions mean that pretty much any man can conceive, but the risks of APA may be more heavily carried by the woman (increased chance of repeated IVF, increased chance of miscarriage) and the child (increased chance of genetic abnormalities, cancers, autism, and psychiatric disorders being some of the known risks).

 

Both older men and older women have greater fertility success with a younger partner. It is the younger partner accepting reduced fertility chances by choosing an older partner.

Of course, and feel free to debate statistics in their own realm. LoveShack.org is an interpersonal relationship forum where individuals, yup, share their personal experiences and anecdotes, like you incessantly do regarding your perfect marriage, so let's leave folks to share their personal experiences and save your statistical debate for another venue, lest we apply the same statistics to your anecdotes about your marriage.

 

Fact is, older men sire children, and have been since long before you were born, and with older women, and they apparently like doing that, as do older women like dating younger men when they want to. Deal with it.

[xxoo]

 

Fact is, older men sire children, and have been since long before you were born, and with older women, and they apparently like doing that, as do older women like dating younger men when they want to. Deal with it.

 

It's not personal for me. I'm happy for people to enjoy parenthood at any age they choose

 

The assertion was that men's fertility is not affected by age. Medical research has revealed that to be a myth, and men as well as women can benefit from that knowledge when planning their families.

[stillafool]

Older man, younger woman works. Why? Women mature faster and the kids factor.

 

Younger man, older woman can work but men tend to go for that young beauty, and want that option to have kids. An older woman might not want kids.

 

Fun Fact: Actor, Hugh Jackman is 13 years younger than his wife.

 

I have a feeling this is one reason women date younger men - Looks! Believe it or not, looks matter to women as well.

[truth_seeker]

I have a feeling this is one reason women date younger men - Looks! Believe it or not, looks matter to women as well.

 

I think it goes like this for everyone:

 

1) Attraction (looks)

2) Personality

3) Security (money)

[Buddhist]

I have a feeling this is one reason women date younger men - Looks! Believe it or not, looks matter to women as well.

 

Well since you mentioned it. I'm midlife, but don't have the typical midlife level of fitness (owing to not being largely sedentary). I'm also basically living the same lifestyle as I did in my early 30's (because I never got married nor had kids). So for me to shack up with a guy my age who has let himself go and also has a tonne of lifestyle restrictions makes little sense.

 

Basically people will date the most physically attractive person they can (assuming personality/lifestyle factors being equal). I agree that it's not incumbent on women to date someone less physically attractive than them just because they are women. The fact is, the man who is a match to me (in terms of physical fitness and lifestyle) is rarely the same age as me. I'd be happy to meet a 40 something guy who is, but I've yet to find one.

[IronZ]

Depends on the age group of both. The problems are:

- extremely young people (under 20-25)

- people wanting to have kids (fertility limits)

 

Else I don't see the big deal. If e.g. a 58 year old "girl" (the word girl used for a woman over 24-25 makes me LMAO) is dating 50 year old gentleman, I don't think anyone will even notice.

 

I would say the late 20s early 30s age group can be different depending on the circumstance. If the people involved are mature they won't see any problems and if they click well it shouldn't matter. The kids thing is not an issue. She wants to eventually have kids as do I, but when that time comes (or if it comes) it will be perfectly fine as we're still on the younger spectrum.

 

Personally for me at first it made no difference at all. I just saw a dynamite girl that was amazing. Then later on I admit it kind of dawned on me that this relationship might be a long term one and I thought about it seriously, about the implications of the age gap. But then I realized that it's just a number and the way we fit together is what matters. It also helps that she looks younger too and has plenty of energy.

[RedRobin]

For the most part, lots of men don't put nearly as much effort into their looks as lots of women do. Even if they exercise, they don't dye their hair, they don't correct bad teeth, or do anything to minimize the appearance of aging.

 

Even fit guys my age... Lots of them have spent too much time in the sun and still refuse to wear sunscreen. It's annoying. So, you see a same age couple and he looks a lot older... Bad maintenance.

 

My current BF is letting his beard grow for the winter... And he has a big grey streak in the middle. When I am putting on sunscreen, he never puts it on with me. ugh.

 

I dunno. Call me shallow, but I take care of myself. So should he. Get some laser or IPL or something. Fix that....

 

Yea, I don't need a guy for money, so his looks and energy level are more important to me.

[123321]

I don't need a guy for money, so his looks and energy level are more important to me.

 

So your BF earns significantly less than you then?

[RedRobin]

So your BF earns significantly less than you then?

 

Almost all of my partners have made less than me and have less education.

[stillafool]

Almost all of my partners have made less than me and have less education.

 

This is why I tell young women to get a good education and career. This way they can chose a man strictly on attraction and character rather than his economic level. This is true independence.

[123321]

Almost all of my partners have made less than me and have less education.

 

So you didn't actually answer the question. For purposes of this discussion let's consider 2/3 to be significantly less.

[Timshel]

So you didn't actually answer the question. For purposes of this discussion let's consider 2/3 to be significantly less.

 

 

Point being?

[ltjg45]

Point being?

 

If RR's boyfriends makes 2/3 less than she does, he can't afford the luxuries that she can acquire.

 

That makes a big difference as to whether or not he can do anything significant with his looks/aging. After all, surgeries of any kind is very draining on the wallet.

 

Unless I make 6 figures a year (and I doubt I care enough to bother), I wouldn't be able to afford it either. Of course, I would look older than those other people that can pay for it.

[Timshel]

For the most part, lots of men don't put nearly as much effort into their looks as lots of women do. Even if they exercise, they don't dye their hair, they don't correct bad teeth, or do anything to minimize the appearance of aging.

 

Even fit guys my age... Lots of them have spent too much time in the sun and still refuse to wear sunscreen. It's annoying. So, you see a same age couple and he looks a lot older... Bad maintenance.

 

My current BF is letting his beard grow for the winter... And he has a big grey streak in the middle. When I am putting on sunscreen, he never puts it on with me. ugh.

 

I dunno. Call me shallow, but I take care of myself. So should he. Get some laser or IPL or something. Fix that....

 

Yea, I don't need a guy for money, so his looks and energy level are more important to me.

 

So you didn't actually answer the question. For purposes of this discussion let's consider 2/3 to be significantly less.

 

If RR's boyfriends makes 2/3 less than she does, he can't afford the luxuries that she can acquire.

 

That makes a big difference as to whether or not he can do anything significant with his looks/aging. After all, surgeries of any kind is very draining on the wallet.

 

Unless I make 6 figures a year (and I doubt I care enough to bother), I wouldn't be able to afford it either. Of course, I would look older than those other people that can pay for it.

 

RR admitted that her standards are shallow. Do not date RR.

 

123 was capitalizing on RR's post instead of addressing the issue and the point that RR was making.....that a woman should be financially independent and that often, there is an expectation for women to maintain a standard of beauty that is not held for men...no matter his financial position.

[123321]

If RR's boyfriends makes 2/3 less than she does, he can't afford the luxuries that she can acquire.

 

That makes a big difference as to whether or not he can do anything significant with his looks/aging.

 

Gonna call BS on this one. Some of the most fit and well maintained guys around here don't really earn much. They spend a disproportionate amount of their time doing stuff that's fun and healthy.

 

This remains true most of the time until you get to "real money", where it flips around.

[123321]

.... there is an expectation for women to maintain a standard of beauty that is not held for men...no matter his financial position.

 

There is a symmetrical expectation for men to achieve a standard of success. Not all guys value looks, not all women value success, but that's the common case.

 

Men are success objects, women are sex objects.

 

 

 

.

[Timshel]

There is a symmetrical expectation for men to achieve a standard of success. Not all guys value looks, not all women value success, but that's the common case.

 

Men are success objects, women are sex objects. .

 

Dude, the first paragraph is right on, for me. The last sentence is nothing I could take seriously.

[123321]

Dude, the first paragraph is right on, for me. The last sentence is nothing I could take seriously.

 

Well, they say the same essential thing unless you're into absolutes in your shorthand. YMMV as they say ....

[ltjg45]

Gonna call BS on this one. Some of the most fit and well maintained guys around here don't really earn much. They spend a disproportionate amount of their time doing stuff that's fun and healthy.

 

This remains true most of the time until you get to "real money", where it flips around.

 

And yet is able to keep up with RR's looks standards? Unless they have been completely avoiding fast food, smoking, and alcohol like a plague in their younger years, they won't be able to match up at the end without some kind of surgery.

 

I don't drink and I definitely don't smoke but I do eat fast food on an average of 1.5 times every 2 days and, as a result, I do have some stomach fat on me. I could be clean for the next 4-5 years and STILL not be completely fit because it will not fix the health damage I did to my body for the past 10 years.

 

I got nothing against women and their standards but this is just another reason why I don't approach women lately. I am just not a match for them physically. I got a good amount of stomach fat for a 5ft 6in 170 pound guy and that will turn off quite a few women.

[joystickd]

There is a symmetrical expectation for men to achieve a standard of success. Not all guys value looks, not all women value success, but that's the common case.

 

Men are success objects, women are sex objects.

 

 

 

.

 

I agree. Any man that is a success wouldn't want a burnout. Trump being prime example. Who wants a burnout that could potentially drag you down and ruin the look of success