Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Timshel]

I have a questions for the girls out there.

 

Which man would you prefer:

 

#1 A man who is about ten years older than you are but very plain looking, for example bald and overweight.

 

#2 A man who is about 25 years older than you are but looks great for his age, athletic, very health conscious, well groomed etc. Additionally he has a higher intelligence and nicer personality.

 

I am not criticizing anyone in anyway, however my impression is that the higher age would be the greater turn off for most women.

 

Thank you for your input.

 

#2, he sounds ridiculously more compatible than #1. Hypothetically, #2 will pass before #1...you left that part out, silly.

[Shanex]

Interesting discussion...

 

I am probably being 32 year old, at the ideal age, because some (many 20s ladies find me still pretty attractive and fun to be around) and the older ladies 35 and more are also usually interested, yet it depends if they want a relationship, or something more casual.

 

I've found myself dating at 30 girls and woman from 19 to 49.

 

However, the 'real', true meaningful relationship happened with women -5 / +10 of me.

 

Overall, I think older women have a better grasp on what they want & need from a relationship. The younger ones are fun, but unpredictable.

Edited October 25, 2016 by Shanex

[newyorker1960]

What I have noticed is that there seems to be a "Is he your father?" taboo.

 

In other words, women and girls I know would rather date someone pretty dumpy but within 10 years of her age rather than date an objectively much cuter, smarter, nicer guy however he is so much older that people might innocently assume that he is her father. "Oh, is he your father?" seems to be a huge deal breaker.

[Timshel]

What I have noticed is that there seems to be a "Is he your father?" taboo.

 

In other words, women and girls I know would rather date someone pretty dumpy but within 10 years of her age rather than date an objectively much cuter, smarter, nicer guy however he is so much older that people might innocently assume that he is her father. "Oh, is he your father?" seems to be a huge deal breaker.

 

Yes, I would agree....because this is creepy. Deal breaker.

 

As far as dating older/younger...dumpy or not, I think it remains a compatibility issue and personal preference.

 

What is your situation Newyorker, what's happening (without thread searching) What is the predicament?

[Aniela]

What I have noticed is that there seems to be a "Is he your father?" taboo.

 

In other words, women and girls I know would rather date someone pretty dumpy but within 10 years of her age rather than date an objectively much cuter, smarter, nicer guy however he is so much older that people might innocently assume that he is her father. "Oh, is he your father?" seems to be a huge deal breaker.

 

It's always bothered me when someone my parents' age hits on me. I'm not keen on men ten years older, either.

 

Why are you aiming to date women/girls so much younger?

[newyorker1960]

I'm a girl and I'm a little confused about the choices people make.

 

Personally, I would go for the objectively hotter guy, however I see that generally women will take almost anybody but not ever put themselves in an "Oh is he your father" situation, unless the guy has some sort of prestigious position (executive, professor, celebrity, etc) which negates the "father" problem.

[Timshel]

I'm a girl and I'm a little confused about the choices people make.

 

Personally, I would go for the objectively hotter guy, however I see that generally women will take almost anybody but not ever put themselves in an "Oh is he your father" situation, unless the guy has some sort of prestigious position (executive, professor, celebrity, etc) which negates the "father" problem.

 

You are a girl? Then you must think of yourself as very young...

 

Objectively hotter? 'Intellectually stimulating and nicer' would surpass any definition of physical 'hotness.'

 

Again, not sure what you are getting at OP. Long term relationships are based on compatibility.

 

Are you a young woman trying to date an older actor? Why so coy?

[newyorker1960]

I'm in college and I'm pretty young.

 

I'm not looking for a husband at the moment; a boyfriend would be good.

 

I see friends dating pretty unattractive guys their own age or a even a decade older and that's fine but if I tell them that some much older guy, who is really pretty good looking, smart, polite, etc is hot, they are going "Eww! Gross!"

 

Is it because girls are so afraid of someone making the mistake that their boyfriend is their father? That's really horrifying?

[Timshel]

I'm in college and I'm pretty young.

 

I'm not looking for a husband at the moment; a boyfriend would be good.

 

I see friends dating pretty unattractive guys their own age or a even a decade older and that's fine but if I tell them that some much older guy, who is really pretty good looking, smart, polite, etc is hot, they are going "Eww! Gross!"

 

Is it because girls are so afraid of someone making the mistake that their boyfriend is their father? That's really horrifying?

 

College age is a time to spread your wings and find out what you are good at. What I mean by this is that you figure out what your contribution is going to be to this world.

It's not set in stone...a template.

 

That's why people are put off with dating too much older. Older people have walked that path, done something. Maybe they shouldn't romantically involve someone who is getting started and finding out how they can move around in the world.

 

If you aren't attracted to people around your age, don't date. Kick butt in academics. It will even out.

[newyorker1960]

I appreciate you're comment, I see what you're saying.

 

However I'm not entering a convent. And I'm not dating someone not really attractive just because it's more socially acceptable and someone is better than no one.

 

What if people do think he's my dad? I'm over 18, he's handsome and smart and respectful.

 

Why is a 25 year difference a huge deal for other girls? That's my question. He is not REALLY your father. If you're having fun, you're having fun.

Edited October 25, 2016 by newyorker1960

[Aniela]

I'm a girl and I'm a little confused about the choices people make.

 

Personally, I would go for the objectively hotter guy, however I see that generally women will take almost anybody but not ever put themselves in an "Oh is he your father" situation, unless the guy has some sort of prestigious position (executive, professor, celebrity, etc) which negates the "father" problem.

 

I wouldn't go for someone that much older, even if they were rich.

[Aniela]

I appreciate you're comment, I see what you're saying.

 

However I'm not entering a convent. And I'm not dating someone not really attractive just because it's more socially acceptable and someone is better than no one.

 

What if people do think he's my dad? I'm over 18, he's handsome and smart and respectful.

 

Why is a 25 year difference a huge deal for other girls? That's my question. He is not REALLY your father. If you're having fun, you're having fun.

 

Are people hassling you over dating an older man?

[Timshel]

I appreciate you're comment, I see what you're saying.

 

However I'm not entering a convent. And I'm not dating someone not really attractive just because it's more socially acceptable and someone is better than no one.

 

What if people do think he's my dad? I'm over 18, he's handsome and smart and respectful.

 

Why is this a big deal for other girls? That's really my question. He is not REALLY my father.

 

I disagree that someone is better than no one. There is a great deal to do without a romantic partner, especially at college age.

I don't know if Peace Corps is still around....or give your best to be a pioneer in your field of interest.

 

This said, I'm going to hand this over.

[newyorker1960]

Well, for example, I see 25 year olds dating 42 year old men and no one bats an eye. But a 30 year old with a 55 year old man - no, gross, impossible.

 

What's the deal with that?

 

"Oh is he your father?"

 

Is that the total deal breaker? I don't really get it. He's not your father, or my father, what's the big issue?

Edited October 25, 2016 by newyorker1960

[Buddhist]

I'm a girl and I'm a little confused about the choices people make.

 

Personally, I would go for the objectively hotter guy, however I see that generally women will take almost anybody but not ever put themselves in an "Oh is he your father" situation, unless the guy has some sort of prestigious position (executive, professor, celebrity, etc) which negates the "father" problem.

 

Not really. It also has to do with the lifespan of a male which is measurably shorter than women. I'm in my 40's so for me to date someone mid 60's pushing 70, how many years will I have with that person before I become his full time carer or before he just keels over? The other consideration is that the older people get the smaller their world gets mentally. They begin to focus on a defined set of things and shutting down possibilities in life. I'm not willing nor ready to be with someone who's entire world is his body, his home and one or two interests.

 

Lets say the woman is in her 20's and he's in his 40's or pushing 50. You will find people of that age to be quite fixed in their opinions which will be frustrating for someone with the mental flexibility of a person in their 20's when the whole world is still full of opportunity. The older of the couple will likely begin shutting that wide eyed optimism down with the 'I've been there' talk. It will become quite boring very quickly. You can't substitute someone else's life experience for your own experience of it.

 

Sorry, but older people always look older, no matter how hot they may be for their age etc. Not every 20 something is going to find a hot 50yr old, hot. I was chatted up by a 50yr old who was an ex model and yes for 50 he was still good looking for his age. But he wasn't the least bit interesting to me in my 30's.

[newyorker1960]

Definitely, on the average 20 year old men look better than 50 year old men, however I think we all have met pretty plain looking 20 year olds and pretty handsome 50 year olds.

 

About personality, being more narrow minded, etc, well it depends on the person. Obviously spending time with a kind, polite person is a lot nicer than spending that same time with a selfish, irritable person and those things are not really tied to age.

 

We do know that people in their 40's and 50's are on the average wiser and more knowledgeable than older or younger people. Look at the average age of Nobel Prize winners or great military leaders and heads of state.

 

About health and aging, how many people do we know who are in a relationship more than 10 years and are still happy? Worrying about happiness several decades into the future seems to be pretty optimistic, whatever the ages.

[stillafool]

Why do some women hate it when a guy who is closer to their own age, falls in love/ dates/ marries a younger woman? The age I'm talking about is when the guy is 45 and above and his lover is max 8 to 10 years younger.

 

When the women who are now 50, were 35 or 40 something, they too attracted the attention of older guys but when they are now 50 above , they don't like the guys who are 50, to fall for a younger one. What gives ?

 

How many guys here have younger gfs? Wives ? Do you feel or get nasty looks or comments ? How do you 'save' your partner from them?

 

Wow, most of the women I know over 50 who are single are dating younger guys. I don't think women really care anymore like they used to.

[no big o]

I"m 53 dating a guy whose 34. We've been together almost 2 years.

 

We have an awesome relationship, he gets me and we enjoy being together.

 

But, I do worry that as I age he'll find me less attractive. So many young, beautiful women out there, it's hard for me to keep my self-esteem up at times. Okay, most times.

 

Where in the beginning I had a problem with 'looking' like we were an OW/YM couple, now I have a problem of feeling insecure around younger women.

 

Honestly, the young ones definitely have me in the body/looks department - but, they can't hold a candle to the love, affection, attention and sexual knowledge I've got I don't care how much porn they've watched.

[ltjg45]

I turned 30 2 months ago. While I could date someone as young as 18 years old, I would have think that I am going too far down in age difference to justify it and would be better off with a woman in their early to mid 20s at the youngest.

 

However, I did get the interest of a woman who has started messaging me a little more than 1 month after she turned 18 and was contacting me constantly since then. Very attractive woman, her personality is just as great. She liked me so much that she contacted me first and, despite I questioned how serious she is into me, she kept writing back to me anyway from December 2015 to now.

 

It is something that does concern me because I don't want to get too much open judgment about it if we do get together (and it looks like she really want to be with me), especially since the bad rap guys get when it comes to pursuit of much younger women.

[LoverofWrestling]

I'm a 35 year old woman, married to a 27 year old man and it works fine for us. We agree that neither of us wants children, we have some stuff in common but not everything and we have our own hobbies as well some that we do together when time or money allows. Before my husband, all my previous partners had been older than me but to me, age is just a number and as long as the partner is above legal age, I wouldn't care if he was even younger than he is.