Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[kiss_andmakeup]

Me too, and I've certainly posted before when it's a topic about older women / younger men. So I'm not quite sure where the idea came from that we somehow find that acceptable but not older men/ younger women.

 

Like I said in my post, I think people just get excited about it because it's a challenge to the norm. It doesn't mean they're actually interested in partaking in the "cougar-ness." Is that a word?

[Mascara]

Well Mascara, you do have a point about a shared past being important.

Or should I say, it can be important.

 

However, I can't help but think that's just like some forty and fifty year old bachelors exclusively date women in their twenties because of a misplaced chase of eternal youth (and chase for younger, firmer bodies).

 

But age will catch up with them regardless, and they'll never be really happy unless they accept their age.

 

The strong dislike against it however, at least in some cases, come from that same place of hesitation to accept that you're not how old you wish you were.

 

And in neither case, is it a healthy or fulfilling reaction.

 

Agreed. I have no issue with (for example) a 45 year old guy looking for women 25 to 50, because he's open to the idea of it being down to the individual. It's when that guy ONLY wants 25 to 35 that we go "wtf"

[RedRobin]

IMO some women just can't openly admit that they want a hot boyfriend and build facade of other excuses, yet funnily enough they get absolutely outraged at the idea of a guy wanting a hot girl. That's extremely hypocritical - you want a hot partner? OK. But then don't bash others who want the same thing.

 

Ok. Whatever. I'll go dig up Mr. Sexy Talk and Mr. Ryan Gosling look-alike from the dust-bin of my little black book.

 

Both of them are objectively 'hot'. Both of them were kicked to the curb for having attitudes similar to the one the OP described here. Their attitudes aren't 'fun'.

[Criticality]

So I'm not quite sure where the idea came from that we somehow find that acceptable but not older men/ younger women.

 

Well I wasn't talking specifically about you two, more in terms of what the general reaction seems to be: Cougars are cool and hip.

 

And the fact that I strongly doubt that the same thread but with the sexes reversed would see such a strong reaction. I didn't see what you posted about older women and younger men, but I doubt that three posters got suspended for it

[kiss_andmakeup]

Well I wasn't talking specifically about you two, more in terms of what the general reaction seems to be: Cougars are cool and hip.

 

And the fact that I strongly doubt that the same thread but with the sexes reversed would see such a strong reaction. I didn't see what you posted about older women and younger men, but I doubt that three posters got suspended for it

 

See my above post. It's hip because it's new, it's a challenge, it's crazy!

 

It's ridiculous to be honest, but it's to be expected. I think people perceive the cougar thing as a "revolution" of sorts.

 

Once it's no longer new and novel for an older woman to date a younger man, the special treatment will wear off.

[RedRobin]

Oh, and for some bizarre reason... Mr. Sexy Talk can't stop contacting me and trying to get something going with me... Mr. Ryan Gosling Look-alike admits to driving past my house everyday.... 'splain that?? These are men my own age who also claim(ed) to be more compatible with much younger women.

 

meh... I think it is time some of you ditch the notion that we are all jealous. It's just not true.

[Mascara]

Well I wasn't talking specifically about you two, more in terms of what the general reaction seems to be: Cougars are cool and hip.

 

And the fact that I strongly doubt that the same thread but with the sexes reversed would see such a strong reaction. I didn't see what you posted about older women and younger men, but I doubt that three posters got suspended for it

 

 

 

Can't remember what thread it was, but my views are the same - much younger is fine for a bit of fun... for both sexes. But if you're looking for a partner, I think it's a mistake.

 

I have gone +/- 10 years in recent dating, and even that feels a bit much.

[Criticality]

There would be just as much outrage if 20 something young men were routinely getting hit on by their 45+ year old doctors, employers, and professors.

 

Yes, thank you I think we're starting to get the picture... Older men have done creepy stuff to you, and you really, really hate it.

 

However, in all fairness, that's not what OP asked about (or what he's doing, according to his initial posts) nor what this thread is about. It's about age gap dating, not "old men doing creepy stuff to young women".

[Criticality]

See my above post. It's hip because it's new, it's a challenge, it's crazy!

 

It's ridiculous to be honest, but it's to be expected. I think people perceive the cougar thing as a "revolution" of sorts.

 

Once it's no longer new and novel for an older woman to date a younger man, the special treatment will wear off.

 

It does also seem to have just a touch of "yay! Girl power!" and misplaced feminism to it as well.

 

And it's probably at least as old as the older man-younger woman-scenario, at least in practice...

[kiss_andmakeup]

It does also seem to have just a touch of "yay! Girl power!" and misplaced feminism to it as well.

 

And it's probably at least as old as the older man-younger woman-scenario, at least in practice...

 

In practice, perhaps, but certainly not in volume or social acceptability.

 

I am of course speaking from an American viewpoint; I can't speak for other international cultures. I'm sure there are countries out there where older women routinely marry younger men. I just don't know of any off-hand.

[TheBladeRunner]

Can't remember what thread it was, but my views are the same - much younger is fine for a bit of fun... for both sexes. But if you're looking for a partner, I think it's a mistake.

 

I have gone +/- 10 years in recent dating, and even that feels a bit much.

 

Agreed, I think it is a mistake as well (If you are looking for a partner). I do the same, 10 years either way, and younger is not really my thing. I am thinking maybe 5 years either way.

 

What can I say, I like woman my own age.

Edited October 18, 2013 by TheBladeRunner
Adding

[RedRobin]

Yes, thank you I think we're starting to get the picture... Older men have done creepy stuff to you, and you really, really hate it.

 

However, in all fairness, that's not what OP asked about (or what he's doing, according to his initial posts) nor what this thread is about. It's about age gap dating, not "old men doing creepy stuff to young women".

 

Well, to be precise, he wants to avoid seeming like a creep when hitting on much younger women...

 

... and I'm still going to insist that it is impossible, because just about any attractive young woman HAS been hit on in inappropriate ways by much older men.

 

Sure, they often don't understand how pervasive it is until they are a bit older... and perhaps the negative reaction isn't as strong and they will just blow the guy off... but it is there nonetheless. Is exactly what this thread is about.

 

.. and yea, I also get it that guys with these preferences want to be seen as different and special... but the fact remains that they aren't. They are just like every other much older dude that has hit on them in the past, present, or future...

 

and no offense, it DOES get old. Just like another poster has mentioned.

 

I'm just more blunt about it.

[man_in_the_box]

Does this phenomenon occur in the LGBT community?

[RedRobin]

and yea, what the OP mentioned IS creepy... things like building trust then moving on to stroking their hair, touching them... Uh, that is the definition of creepy WHEN IT COMES FROM A MAN OLDER THAN YOUR DAD. Sorry, just is.

 

I mean, it is when you are an emotionally well-adjusted woman.

[Criticality]

Well, to be precise, he wants to avoid seeming like a creep when hitting on much younger women...

 

... and I'm still going to insist that it is impossible, because just about any attractive young woman HAS been hit on in inappropriate ways by much older men.

 

Well, in OPs defense, he started out by writing that he had been out on dates with girl in their twenties. So apparently he got past the "eww, stay away creep!" stage...

 

I guess he either has an amazing radar for women that like older men, or came up with a really good and neutral approach. Or maybe they both attract each other, and send out the same, age-inappropriate pheromones or something...

[theothersully]

I can't tell you how many times some random person has said to me, "Oh my god, you're so tiny! You need to eat something!" T."

 

This one really bothers me. My ex wife was 5ft (1.5meters) tall and 100lbs (45kg). She was in absolute peak physical condition. Very strong, good, muscular curves, could walk 5 or 8 miles a day, yoga every day, and ate all the same food as me for 12 years. Yet overweight people would give her a very hard time calling her anorexic, telling her to eat, etc.

 

You could not be in better shape than she was, but she was routinely picked on for not being fat. It really bothered me to hear this happen.

[Criticality]

It does also seem to have just a touch of "yay! Girl power!" and misplaced feminism to it as well.

 

And it's probably at least as old as the older man-younger woman-scenario, at least in practice...

 

Sex and relations between sexes in general don't seem to translate very well between different parts of the world.

 

In Brazil infidelity is pretty common place and almost accepted, whereas in the US people seem to have a somewhat unrealistic relationship to marriage and fidelity. It's less accepted as a possible fact of life and marriage.

 

And what's considered sexual harassment in the US is a common/casual way of flirting or giving attention to the opposite sex in Southern Europe.

[123321]

What can I say, I like woman my own age.

 

I did too, when I was 22. Get back to me when you're 55 or so, if you're still single.

[RedRobin]

Feel free to dig up whoever you want.

 

But if you do, please don't berate others who want to dig up their partners based on the same criteria.

 

Nobody is being berated. Questions have been asked, and I answered them.

 

... and what is the 'criteria' exactly?? Just because the OP finds much younger women 'hot', doesn't give him any right to hit on them.

 

I personally don't believe it is up to women to tolerate it or even be polite about it.

 

And as other women have posted here, the so-called 'friendzone' doesn't exist. It is a polite way to reject you. If you prefer, though, we can be rude and obnoxious about it.

[Anela]

I did too, when I was 22. Get back to me when you're 55 or so, if you're still single.

 

This type of thing is really offensive. Attraction to individuals aside - as in, two people really hitting it off - a 55 year old woman is no worse than a 55 year old man.

[Mascara]

This type of thing is really offensive. Attraction to individuals aside - as in, two people really hitting it off - a 55 year old woman is no worse than a 55 year old man.

 

And those 22 year old women he used to date and fall hard for are still the same people now they're 55.

[123321]

This type of thing is really offensive. Attraction to individuals aside - as in, two people really hitting it off - a 55 year old woman is no worse than a 55 year old man.

 

tl;dr: Sure, fine, so what?

 

The people I worry about offending are not routinely offended by things like this, why should I concern myself with what some random person finds offensive? I'm neither 22 nor 55, but if I'm on the market I know what I prefer, and 55 isn't it, and what age *I* happen to be is of no concern to anyone not in a relationship with me.

 

My current GF just switched from less than half my age to more than half my age last summer, so maybe things are progressing in a direction you will find less offensive after all.

[123321]

And those 22 year old women he used to date and fall hard for are still the same people now they're 55.

 

No, they're angry divorced alcoholic hens with 3 kids and a **** attitude, or (mostly) happily married, which is fine but since they're not married to ME it's of no consequence in the realm of dating.

[FitChick]

It has to do with stage of life.

 

A young woman may want to advance her career by having an affair with someone older and well-established in her field as a way to network and get the inside scoop. Often, as has been mentioned, the women want to be wined, dined and gifted, and travel first class. It's a good way to meet a younger man with higher social status (sons of the older man's friends) for later when she wants marriage and kids.

 

These older men are divorced and just want to play. They've done the marriage-kids thing. The man gets arm candy and bragging rights with people thinking he is a stud when the opposite is often the case.

 

An older woman, divorced after a sexless marriage, wants a young stud. She doesn't take him seriously, she's in control. She already has a house, kids and nice lifestyle courtesy of her ex. Young men don't get the drama or "where is this headed" conversations and learn some new sexual tricks. Win-win.

 

Occasionally there are some true love matches but that is the exception that proves the rule.

 

The older both parties are, the less relevant the same age gap is.

[Mascara]

No, they're angry divorced alcoholic hens with 3 kids and a **** attitude, or (mostly) happily married, which is fine but since they're not married to ME it's of no consequence in the realm of dating.

 

Just like their 55 year old male counterparts then. But somehow a 25 year old girl is supposed to be okay with that and be falling over herself to date him.