Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[RedRobin]

No. They are no different. Just more likely to need Viagra or have other health issues sooner than the young ins.

[morrowrd]

I tend to think older men have gone through enough wild oats to have learned to appreciate certain things that younger men tend to overlook in their zest for fun. Such as, the value of a lady's affection, and the value of working together as a team in a relationship. Finding a "good girl" can be tricky, but doable, because many times older guys get used by women needing life-lines.

 

 

I am currently in a relationship with a girl 15 years younger. And our situation is really what I base my opinion on, on how to do it right. We help each other, I'm 48 and because of my age and time to acquire resources, I have that to offer in addition to the experience of a toxic 23 year loveless marriage. Genuine female affection is good medicine for me, and this little single mom is full of that to give me. She has had bad relationships in the past, so we have that in common regarding appreciation for each other. I treat her with care and respect, love and trust, and she gives me that in return. She tells me she has never enjoyed the level of security she has had since being with me, I tell her I have never been this happy in my entire life. I'm a man who is resistant to change, and live my life around a series of life-systems and routines. This beautiful young girl has opened my world to a whole bunch of new possibilities I never considered. (story in itself). I have brought her into a world of feeling safe, secure, and treasured.

 

 

We've been together 3 years, they have gone by fast.

 

 

So I am going to tell you that while I think younger girls would..or could do well by seeking out older men, not all older men are the same. However, there is a good chance if you are careful and patient, you will find a nice older man who has the experience in life to appreciate what you have to offer.

[the_entertainer1]

Interesting question, Eternal Sunshine. The oldest I've dated is 2-3 years older than me - and I found that he was even less experienced with relationships than I was. I really actually find older men very attractive. Most of the "crushes" I get are on guys who are 10-20 years older than me. In reality though, I'm very unlikely to date a guy that much older than me.

 

When I consider the older men that I know (who are mainly colleagues) - I find that they are more mature and thoughtful than most guys my age (mid-20s). As for whether they are more or less likely to commit - I can't say with any real authority. In my mind, I think they'd be more likely to commit as they might be more likely to want to settle down?

 

As for worrying whether you may be too immature for them? It depends on the guy! I used to worry a lot about the same thing, even in terms of getting along with coworkers. But once you find some common ground, the age gap becomes mostly irrelevant. Having said that - I think I'm pretty mature for my age!

[BikerAccnt]

No. They are no different. Just more likely to need Viagra or have other health issues sooner than the young ins.

 

 

Hey hey!

 

Man, the truth hurts...

[BradJacobs]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

 

Don't date older men unless you're attracted to them. If you are, then best of luck. If you aren't then this is a fool's errand that will end badly.

[SmartDude]

I believe that in *some* situations it can work very well.

 

What a younger guy thinks is annoying, an older guy might find endearing and quite adorable.

 

The fact that she may be inexperienced in certain areas of life is actually a turn-on instead of a deal breaker. Especially if a guy see that she needs some one to love her:)

[xxoo]

I've seen it work out well. Typically, there is a compromise and a payoff. The younger partner compromises having an equally young partner, but gets more adoration. The older partner compromises having an equally maure partner, but gets the young mate.

 

Sometimes I suspect that they each could not attract as highly valued a mate as they would have liked their own age, though.

[Easyguy14]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

 

 

To each their own. Why don't you give it a shot and see what happens? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

[HappyLove]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

 

A lot of times they are even more immature than a 30 year old. A lot of times they play even more games than the younger ones. I don't think dating 10 years older is a big deal. It's all about finding that right match. You just have to do it to see for yourself if he's right for you and try to go in with no expectations.

[zebracolors]

In the last year and half of dating and just interacting with men both younger and older than I, (38 y/o) I've found some of what morrowrd says to be accurate. The older men, in 40s like the one I have a casual thing with now, have been experienced, comfortable in their own skin, and confident both in private and public. A couple of the younger men in 20s were a bit self conscious and shy, while others were also experienced, and confident. So it really just depends on the man. Oddly none of the men have ever been the same age as me, but guess that is just chance.

[carhill]

IMO, there are no generalities which can be applied. That said, most men in their 40's have been married at least once so that can serve as a two-edged sword, depending on the man. One the one side, the man has demonstrated the ability and desire to commit by entering into a marriage. On the other side, he also possesses whatever lessons and/or baggage attended to that marriage.

 

About the only generality I can apply to my age group and demographic is that men my age, and a decade younger, have a lot more life experience than their younger counterparts and that can be a factor in relating to a younger woman, especially much younger. They can view it much like 'seniority' in the workplace. That may not be the case with the men in your demographic but I see it with my contemporaries consistently. That said, by and large, all my friends are married to women their own age and have been for many years. My parents had one of the larger age spreads, with dad being six years older than mom and, additionally, he had been married before. I always got the sense that they viewed each other as equals but no one really knows the inside of a marriage other than the couple themselves.

 

IMO, get to know some older men and see what you think. If the 'fit' works, it does. If not, not.

 

My singular personal anecdote was dating a WHO lawyer who was a decade younger than myself. We got on well and, though our dating experience concluded, she did go on to become a good friend and we kept in touch over the years. I can't speak for her but I viewed her as an equal. Sharp young lady. She was late twenties and I late 30's when we dated.

 

Good luck!

[Under The Radar]

OP, I think you are 35ish? Anyway, there are plenty of intelligent, attractive, loyal, sexually capable, and fun men upwards of 45 in the dating world. I'd keep an open mind and broaden my options.

 

Emotional maturity is rather varied across the spectrum with a lot of men. Some older men ARE actually very immature while there are many who are quite the opposite.

 

I've come across plenty of physically developed and mentally sophisticated OLDER gentleman, in life, that would run circles around most 25 year olds.

Edited February 15, 2014 by Training Revelations

[FitChick]

Age is no guarantee of maturity. The only time age should ever be a concern is if one person wants to have kids. Otherwise I don't think age for either sex really matters. I personally prefer younger men but those men would be over forty anyway. You have nothing to lose by dating someone older if you've never done it before. It's just another experience in dating.

[Weezy1973]

OP - you've made repeated posts about how unappealing you find older men to be physically. Did something happen to change your mind?

 

I would say in general, if you're looking for a relationship, similarities play a much greater role. Similar ages tend to mean more similarities overall. There's a reason why the average age difference in married couples is only 2.5 years.

[KathyM]

I think widening your age range could be a good thing to a point. Certainly a five or six year gap in age is doable, with no large discrepancies in maturity level or life experience, assuming the person is not outside of the norm in those areas. But when you start talking about 10+ years difference in age, there are usually factors that make for a less compatible relationship, such as different life stage, different reference points, different power dynamic, different interests, potentially different energy level, different goals because of life stage. For example, a 40 year old single mom in the middle of trying to parent preteens or teenage kids and needing a life partner who would have the energy and interest in co-parenting at this difficult stage and providing a good income to help support the family would not be a good match for a 60 year old empty nester who is interested in retiring in the next couple of years. Just like a 30 year old woman interested in starting a family would probably not be a good match for a 45 year old with grown children. They are at different life stages, different mentalities, different maturity levels, etc. Some amount of age gap is usually not a problem (7 years or less), but when you are talking about 10+ years' difference, there's usually a difference in life stage, etc., that makes for less compatibility.

[Tayken]

I think widening your age range could be a good thing to a point. Certainly a five or six year gap in age is doable, with no large discrepancies in maturity level or life experience, assuming the person is not outside of the norm in those areas. But when you start talking about 10+ years difference in age, there are usually factors that make for a less compatible relationship, such as different life stage, different reference points, different power dynamic, different interests, potentially different energy level, different goals because of life stage. For example, a 40 year old single mom in the middle of trying to parent preteens or teenage kids and needing a life partner who would have the energy and interest in co-parenting at this difficult stage and providing a good income to help support the family would not be a good match for a 60 year old empty nester who is interested in retiring in the next couple of years. Just like a 30 year old woman interested in starting a family would probably not be a good match for a 45 year old with grown children. They are at different life stages, different mentalities, different maturity levels, etc. Some amount of age gap is usually not a problem (7 years or less), but when you are talking about 10+ years' difference, there's usually a difference in life stage, etc., that makes for less compatibility.

 

Interesting.....stating what has already been known to some of us, that women with kids are just looking for someone to help pay the bills and put a roof over her kids head. Yeah...I went down that route before, can't say I'll ever do it again especially if the "co-parenting" part was taken away from me

 

What is said at the beginning and what happens after, are two different thing. I am going to go out and say this problem lies with women more than men.....i.e. allowing a new partner to have some involvement. Additionally, I'll never want anything to do with someone that has full custody

[Eternal Sunshine]

OP - you've made repeated posts about how unappealing you find older men to be physically. Did something happen to change your mind?

 

I would say in general, if you're looking for a relationship, similarities play a much greater role. Similar ages tend to mean more similarities overall. There's a reason why the average age difference in married couples is only 2.5 years.

 

Depends on the man. There are some that don't let themself go and are still attractive. A man that I had strongest feelings for in my life was/is nearly 10 years older (we never dated, he wasn't that into me bah ).

[KathyM]

Interesting.....stating what has already been known to some of us, that women with kids are just looking for someone to help pay the bills and put a roof over her kids head. Yeah...I went down that route before, can't say I'll ever do it again especially if the "co-parenting" part was taken away from me

 

What is said at the beginning and what happens after, are two different thing. I am going to go out and say this problem lies with women more than men.....i.e. allowing a new partner to have some involvement. Additionally, I'll never want anything to do with someone that has full custody

While it may be true that some women are only looking for a paycheck, most women in today's society also work outside the home in addition to parenting, and as a single mother, they are looking for someone who will be both marriage partner and step parent. Their life is not compartmentalized, where a husband is only going to be a husband to them, and have no role in parenting or family support. When a single mother who is getting child support/alimony from an ex marries a new man, the alimony/child support usually ends at that time. Therefore, she's going to want someone who can help to support the kids. It's a practical issue. The mother and children are a package deal, so to speak. You don't just marry the woman. You take on the role of co-provider for the family, and co-parent. A man in his 60s that is retirement age or close to it, and looking at enjoying the peace and freedom from job responsibilities, but along with that is looking at a substantially reduced income from going into retirement, is probably not going to be a good match for someone deep in the throws of parenting teens or preteens.

[RedRobin]

Depends on the man. There are some that don't let themself go and are still attractive. A man that I had strongest feelings for in my life was/is nearly 10 years older (we never dated, he wasn't that into me bah ).

Except that age difference will kick in sooner or later...

[Imported]

Except that age difference will kick in sooner or later...

 

Sooner for many, later for some. Especially in the western world!

[Tayken]

Depends on the man. There are some that don't let themself go and are still attractive. A man that I had strongest feelings for in my life was/is nearly 10 years older (we never dated, he wasn't that into me bah ).

 

That has got to hurt...did you chase him / let him know you were head over heels? I am in my 40s, and constantly get mistaken for someone in their 30s...annoys me at times, but most times I know it's because of how I treat my body.

 

I have never smoked ANYTHING, and haven't tasted beer at all. However, I did try a non-alcoholic beer in Copenhagen when I did the Carlsberg brewery tour. I hope am still able to carry this into my 60s.

 

I also run Marathons, and can do the 5km in 20mins or less depending on the day and how am feeling

 

 

When a single mother who is getting child support/alimony from an ex marries a new man, the alimony/child support usually ends at that time.

 

KathyM......This is a big falacy, child support the kid(s) DO NOT END when a woman marries another person. I don't know about where you are, but "CS is the right of the child", and will continue until the child is no longer a child of the marriage i.e. they turn 18 (here), no longer in full-time education, marry, withdraw from the household of the parents

 

Just to backup what I have been saying elsewhere

 

Stepchildren

 

This is another important topic, often overlooked by couples. To help clear things up, I have covered this in this chapter.

PAYING REQUIREMENTS

 

To the surprise of most people, stepparents may be required to pay child support for their stepchildren.

This can be true even if the child's biological father is already paying child support. In fact, it is not uncommon for the custodial payer to receive payments from more than one former spouse.

In stepparent cases, courts are given the discretion to decide how much child support should be paid. One commonly applied “rule of thumb” is to calculate how much the stepparent would be required to pay under the Child Support Guidelines, then deduct from that the amount of child support that the biological parent is paying.

If the biological parent is not paying anything (for instance, the biological parent is unemployed, ill or cannot be located), then the stepparent may be on the hook for the full table amount of child support.

A stepparent, then, may be required to pay any amount ranging from a token top-up amount to the full amount called for by the Child Support Guidelines.

 

TWO FATHERS

 

An interesting question asked is if a child can receive child support from two fathers? Yes, provincial legislation and the federal Child Support Guidelines allow for support to be paid by more than one parent, usually a biological parent and a step-parent. However, support may be ordered for two step-parents as well.

There is no need for the payor to be of the opposite sex, either.

 

 

Source: http://www.childsupportlaws.ca/

 

Edited February 15, 2014 by Tayken

[Eternal Sunshine]

No, I didn't chase/tell him because he wasn't single. I'm over it now.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I've seen it work out well. Typically, there is a compromise and a payoff. The younger partner compromises having an equally young partner, but gets more adoration. The older partner compromises having an equally maure partner, but gets the young mate.

 

Sometimes I suspect that they each could not attract as highly valued a mate as they would have liked their own age, though.

 

Wow so you see people as trade cards? Nice.

[thefooloftheyear]

Except that age difference will kick in sooner or later...

 

 

Maybe...

 

But a 35 year old woman could just as likely fall off a cliff in looks and appearance/health, compared to a mid 40's guy that takes good care of himself...

 

TFY

[Eternal Sunshine]

Maybe...

 

But a 35 year old woman could just as likely fall off a cliff in looks and appearance/health, compared to a mid 40's guy that takes good care of himself...

 

TFY

 

Not me. I have good genes