Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Meatballsmom]

My Ex was two years older than me. We divorced 20 years later. A couple of years later, I began a several year relationship with a man 4 years younger than me. When that turned bad a couple of years later, I woke up to the fact that I had had very little dating experience. So to be safe for my first date I chose a man who was 8 years older just to get my dating legs under me. It was supposed to be just fun, and it was, as was the second, and the third and before I knew it, I had given up on dating my other possible candidates. We have now been together 20 years. He is the most understanding man I have ever known. He knows when to just let me be me, when to listen, and went to offer advice. Not only does he do most of the outside work, taking care of my flowers, he also helps around the house. In his younger days he had been a roamer, and does things in the bedroom my Exs never knew about. And as for our age difference, I find it difficult to keep up with him.

[melell]

I was with someone 9 years older than me. We got on brilliantly, they were wonderful, and we clicked on a lot of levels. Everything was perfect EXCEPT I just couldn't take them seriously.

 

It made me act more like a child than I usually would.

[RedRobin]

Maybe...

 

But a 35 year old woman could just as likely fall off a cliff in looks and appearance/health, compared to a mid 40's guy that takes good care of himself...

 

TFY

 

I don't see that happening... Partly because there is way more pressure on women to stay looking good than there is on men.

 

If a woman gets to that age and has a history of always taking care of herself... Then she always will.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't see that happening... Partly because there is way more pressure on women to stay looking good than there is on men.

 

If a woman gets to that age and has a history of always taking care of herself... Then she always will.

 

 

True...

 

But, lets face it. many women over 40 that look good have either had:

 

-boob jobs

-tummy tucks

-liposuction

-botox injections

-face/neck lifts

-varicose vein treatments.

etc, etc....

 

I have no problem with any of it..If you have the $ then do it! Why not!

 

But men dont do any of this stuff(well, a very small minority may have a facelift or a hair transplant). but thats it...

 

And menopause is always looming..

 

Not making this a men vs. women thing...Dont get me wrong. Just that all this talk about 40 something year old guys being fat, bald, limp dicks is just crazy..We arent all like this..

 

 

TFY

[2.50 a gallon]

"Except that age difference will kick in sooner or later"

 

 

You are spot on, when menopause hits in the 40's and 50's and they lose their sex drive, it is time to move on to another 30 something.

 

 

And as for the pressure on a woman to take care of herself Nice thought, but there are darn few who do. And I agree many men by that age develop their beer belly

[MissBee]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

 

There is no general answer to this. It depends on the people. All 40 year old men are not mature neither do they behave in the same ways.

 

Of course there are generational differences between a 40 yr old man and a 20 yr old man but age alone says nothing about willingness to commit, emotional maturity, respect, loyalty, relationship skills etc.

 

There is no "too immature for them" thing, as that implies there is a general 40 year old maturity level, when there really isn't.

 

I am in my twenties and have had 40 year old men and older approach me in real life as well as online and a lot of them behave no differently than the 20 something year olds who do so and more over, they don't have better relationship skills because they are older. There age alone does nothing for those qualities. They either have my desired qualities or they don't like any other man.

 

I am also quite mature, I imagine in comparison to some people my age, I've always been, but especially as an adult, I look at the individual vs. their age. I am not interested in dating anyone who could be my father neither men who are more than a year or two younger, as I'm still at an age where a man being younger hasn't quite evened out yet, but I do try to approach it from an individual perspective versus making assumptions about their age and what that will or won't mean.

Edited February 16, 2014 by MissBee

[RedRobin]

"Except that age difference will kick in sooner or later"

 

 

You are spot on, when menopause hits in the 40's and 50's and they lose their sex drive, it is time to move on to another 30 something.

 

 

And as for the pressure on a woman to take care of herself Nice thought, but there are darn few who do. And I agree many men by that age develop their beer belly

 

 

My mom is nearly 70 and hasn't lost her sex drive. Mutual love and care does amazing things to most women's sex drive

 

 

... but there probably are a lot of women who aren't that into their flabby, emotionally unsupportive husbands who use menopause as an excuse to not have sex with him.

 

 

Perhaps those women need to go out and find themselves their own boy toy... *shrug*

[RedRobin]

True...

 

But, lets face it. many women over 40 that look good have either had:

 

-boob jobs

-tummy tucks

-liposuction

-botox injections

-face/neck lifts

-varicose vein treatments.

etc, etc....

 

I have no problem with any of it..If you have the $ then do it! Why not!

 

But men dont do any of this stuff(well, a very small minority may have a facelift or a hair transplant). but thats it...

And menopause is always looming..

 

Not making this a men vs. women thing...Dont get me wrong. Just that all this talk about 40 something year old guys being fat, bald, limp dicks is just crazy..We arent all like this..

 

 

TFY

 

 

Maybe more should. I went out for awhile with a very nice man who was the same age as me. I'm super fit. Him... not so much.

 

 

He's not even that overweight (maybe 30-50 lbs... not a lot on a 6 ft guy)... but he puts weight on his face. He's relatively young and has a waddle.

 

 

I guarantee he'd attract more women if he just exercised more and maybe got some liposuction/lift for that on his face. As it is, he looks 10 years older than he is.

 

 

Anyway, we know, TFY, that you are a hot specimen of man meat... It's just too bad that more guys don't take care of themselves. More people, actually... obesity is an epidemic for men, women, and children. Not good for anyone. I don't remember people being nearly this fat when I was growing up.

[MrTurk]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me.

 

 

Have you purposely dated as close to your age as possible all your life? Or did it just happen to work out that way?

 

I think this is a big issue for many women. They have "premeditated criteria" when it comes to which guy they date. Too many women limit their chances at potential partners because they narrow the pool down to almost nothing. Its been proven in studies that many women "think" that only a guy that fits neatly into their checksheet can qualify for a date and make them happy. But time and again the guy they eventually fall in love with is a far cry from what they thought they needed.

[FitChick]

when menopause hits in the 40's and 50's and they lose their sex drive, it is time to move on to another 30 something.

I agree with you that menopausal women taking bioidentical hormones which increase their sex drive definitely need a much younger man. Men their age cannot keep up (or keep it up) unless they are in exceptionally good shape.

[MrTurk]

I agree with you that menopausal women taking bioidentical hormones which increase their sex drive definitely need a much younger man. Men their age cannot keep up (or keep it up) unless they are in exceptionally good shape.

 

Thats nice to know that some women out there have the opinion that a 43 yr old man such as myself is completely useless when it comes to the bedroom.

 

Makes you wonder how many more are infected with such crazy assumptions.

Edited February 16, 2014 by MrTurk

[BradJacobs]

I don't remember people being nearly this fat when I was growing up.

 

More processed foods. More two household incomes.

 

Cable used to be something only reserved for upper middle class back in the day so people would be outside add opposed to being sedentary.

 

Our society is to blame. We have made it more difficult to stay healthy and easier and more accepting to be fat.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Thats nice to know that some women out there have the opinion that a 43 yr old man such as myself is completely useless when it comes to the bedroom.

 

Makes you wonder how many more are infected with such crazy assumptions.

 

Having slept with guys from aged 19 to 44 (while in my early twenties) I can actually attest to the fact that the two nearing or just past 40 had significantly less strong erections than the younger dudes...

 

I always thought it was a myth. Didn't bother me in the slightest though or make much difference to our sex lives. Everyone knows it's what you do with your hands and mouth that matters, not your dick.

[MrTurk]

Having slept with guys from aged 19 to 44 (while in my early twenties) I can actually attest to the fact that the two nearing or just past 40 had significantly less strong erections than the younger dudes...

 

I always thought it was a myth. Didn't bother me in the slightest though or make much difference to our sex lives. Everyone knows it's what you do with your hands and mouth that matters, not your dick.

 

LOL so you base your assumption on 2 men? I'm sure there will be women coming out of the woodwork now to "get your back" on here. Thats usually how it works. They all post in situations like this......but when a guy posts a thread "why do women - - - -" he rarely get a response.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I am not extrapolating based on two dudes, no. It has not put me off the idea of dating or sleeping with somebody significantly older, whatsoever. Just saying, in my limited experience that was the case.

[Got it]

True...

 

But, lets face it. many women over 40 that look good have either had:

 

-boob jobs

-tummy tucks

-liposuction

-botox injections

-face/neck lifts

-varicose vein treatments.

etc, etc....

 

I have no problem with any of it..If you have the $ then do it! Why not!

 

But men dont do any of this stuff(well, a very small minority may have a facelift or a hair transplant). but thats it...

 

And menopause is always looming..

 

Not making this a men vs. women thing...Dont get me wrong. Just that all this talk about 40 something year old guys being fat, bald, limp dicks is just crazy..We arent all like this..

 

 

TFY

 

Yeah that doesn't mean they shouldn't. Men would be a lot more attractive, as a whole, if they paid more attention to the physical appearance like women do. Men tend to have a very liberal take on their attractiveness and appeal.

[Woggle]

Nobody should get botox men or women. Having no facial expression just looks creepy on anybody. Looking plastic does not mean a person looks good. The only way for anybody man or woman to really look good in old age is taking care of yourself.

[gaius]

Droopy ballsack.......

[Eternal Sunshine]

Have you purposely dated as close to your age as possible all your life? Or did it just happen to work out that way?

 

I think this is a big issue for many women. They have "premeditated criteria" when it comes to which guy they date. Too many women limit their chances at potential partners because they narrow the pool down to almost nothing. Its been proven in studies that many women "think" that only a guy that fits neatly into their checksheet can qualify for a date and make them happy. But time and again the guy they eventually fall in love with is a far cry from what they thought they needed.

 

No..I never picked younger guys on purpose. It worked out that way that they were the ones that approached me or showed interest. That's why I said maybe I act too immature for my age or something. I am playful but then again, I still think I am mature enough.

[NYWoman]

My first marriage was to a man a dozen years older than me. I couldn't keep up with him. He had a love for life and everything this world had to offer. And if I might add, he was awesome in bed. He was a short skinny guy, I screwed up and got caught cheating with a younger six pack. No man since has come close to him

 

 

Last month for the first time in over 30 years I was within 5 feet of me. At most he has put on 10 pounds, and his girl friend, does not show any extra weight either. I know he is retired and from the food that they ordered he is still a big eater. He never was into exercising, preferring sports, volleyball and softball for his exercise. Due to budget cuts, the city has cut back on night softball. So I can pretty well guess where he is working off his weight. And his GF is a lot younger than him, and she sure looked happily in love.

[thefooloftheyear]

Yeah that doesn't mean they shouldn't. Men would be a lot more attractive, as a whole, if they paid more attention to the physical appearance like women do. Men tend to have a very liberal take on their attractiveness and appeal.

 

 

The problem is that society shames middle aged men for taking care of themselves...Im dead serious..Its nuts..

 

If a woman thats 60 lbs overweight loses 5 pounds or gets a boob job, her friends are high fiving, carrying on with the "you go girl" nonsense, and throw her a party..

 

Heaven forbid if a poor guy wants to fight his receding hairline by getting a transplant, he is ridiculed...Its generally accepted among men that guys who undergo surgical procedures for appearance sake are either gay or just full of themselves..

 

I have seen this first hand..I was never more than 10 lbs overweight my whole life, but when I decided to take my training and fitness level and crank it up all I got was "whats the matter with you, man?" "Come out and have beer and pizza with us fat guys"..."Why the hell do you want a great body?, whats the purpose?"...The dumbest part of this is that while I do have an exceptional body for a guy of any age, I didnt even go into it with that purpose...I just like to obsessively weight train and the end result was that I wound up with a great physique...Not one of my friends ever said a positive thing about it...I really dont care, I do what I do for me..

 

But now you know why most older men dont care or make it a priority...

I will agree that maybe they should...It would greatly enhance their lives..

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

The problem is that society shames middle aged men for taking care of themselves...Im dead serious..Its nuts..

 

If a woman thats 60 lbs overweight loses 5 pounds or gets a boob job, her friends are high fiving, carrying on with the "you go girl" nonsense, and throw her a party..

 

Heaven forbid if a poor guy wants to fight his receding hairline by getting a transplant, he is ridiculed...Its generally accepted among men that guys who undergo surgical procedures for appearance sake are either gay or just full of themselves..

 

I have seen this first hand..I was never more than 10 lbs overweight my whole life, but when I decided to take my training and fitness level and crank it up all I got was "whats the matter with you, man?" "Come out and have beer and pizza with us fat guys"..."Why the hell do you want a great body?, whats the purpose?"...The dumbest part of this is that while I do have an exceptional body for a guy of any age, I didnt even go into it with that purpose...I just like to obsessively weight train and the end result was that I wound up with a great physique...Not one of my friends ever said a positive thing about it...I really dont care, I do what I do for me..

 

But now you know why most older men dont care or make it a priority...

I will agree that maybe they should...It would greatly enhance their lives..

 

TFY

 

 

You make a good point. However, in my circles, women DO need to be discreet. Boob jobs especially are considered tacky. Noone talks about getting Botox. I have two friends who are very out of the closet about it and tell me they know who to talk to when it becomes 'my time' ha ha.

 

 

About the guys... Those fat beer drinking guys just don't want to feel bad about their guts. That's why they shame other guys.

 

 

Heck, my own ballet teacher gave me cr*p because I wanted to stay on pointe at 'my age'.

 

 

So yea, just do what you want to do if it makes you feel good and healthy.

[Emilia]

So yea, just do what you want to do if it makes you feel good and healthy.

I also think people still believe that over the age of 35 you should just give up on your life. I remember when I used to go circuit training my trainer was a very fit guy in his early 50s. I was in my late 30s. I switched to boxing (which I enjoy to this date) and he told me how I would be walking with crutches in a few years because that type of exercise was for the young ones in their 20s. Meanwhile I'm here 3 years later fit and strong. Clearly it must be a miracle

[kiss_andmakeup]

I think the best way to go about dating with a more open mind age-wise, is to just not think about it at all. If you meet a guy, you're attracted, and there's chemistry...then great. If he's your age, fine. If he's 10 years older, fine. I know it's easier said than done, but people are individuals and not defined by their age, so the less you can pay attention to it, the better.

 

Everyone is different. I've seen guys my age (26) who look ancient due to being overweight, out of shape, and not taking care of themselves. Meanwhile my fiancé, who is 7 years older, is honestly the most handsome man I've ever dated. Dating someone older isn't always a compromise (and if you view it as one, chances are it isn't a good match).

[FitChick]

back in the day so people would be outside add opposed to being sedentary. Our society is to blame. We have made it more difficult to stay healthy and easier and more accepting to be fat.

 

Where I live our doors are not automatically locked remotely by Big Brother, preventing us from going outside. Even if they were, I'd be exercising inside. Only YOU put food in your mouth unless there is a gang of Feeders throwing thin people on the ground and force feeding them. You make choices so you have to take responsibility for those choices.