Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[thefooloftheyear]

It now makes all of the sense in the world why some of you ladies are having such a hard time on the dating scene...Everyone knows that men cannot function without at least one remote control in the house...It will cause a instant panic attack....

 

TFY

[Tayken]

Tayken, do you listen to BBC4? I got hooked on David Sedaris' programs when a British friend told me about it. I like to listen online while I am ironing or sewing or doing other boring household chores. When you watch TV you have to stay in one spot. I am too restless for that. One reason I hate the computer but it's a necessary evil.

 

I sure do...I grew up with the Beeb always on in my household. Talk radio is my thing, I can't stand all that pap of continuous playing of the same songs on most of the FM stations......I am sounding like my dad and grand pa

[Got it]

Not knocking it, but just want to point out that "Tough Mudder" is not exactly a time race like a marathon or ultra marathon that some of partake in......TM is more of a fun camaraderie usually done in groups, and there is Beer at the end. Fat bastard is self explanatory...so won't appeal to everyone

 

Keeping weight in check and losing weight is simple.......adopt a lifestyle as opposed to a "diet". Contrary to popular belief, Carbs don't make you gain weight, it's the amount of calories that you put in that makes you gain weigh, especially if you are not burning the Glycogen that was converted from glucose

 

So....depending on your height and weight, you should only really be consuming a certain amount of calories a day (yes count calories) i.e. everything in moderation.

 

Personally, my calorie count is 2,516 calories/ day and most of the time I don't even max it out. You also have to include Cardio workout 2-3 /week.

 

Threadmill....most people don't realize that to burn fat, you have to be on the machine for at least 45-60mins. This is the point where fat burning takes place. If you only get off after minimum 30mins, all you've done is work on your VO2

 

A high protein, low calorie, low fat diet with lots of veggies, eggs (low in calorie), fruits (careful with the ones that contain a lot of sugar) and herbal caffeine free tea.

 

What does comparing Tough Mudder and marathons have to do with my post? I wasn't saying it is harder than a marathon.

 

And you have apparently never run Tough Mudder in Colorado. You do all of that up and down a mountain and tell me it isn't hard.

 

Actually what the heck does this post have to do with anything I wrote?

[PinkInTheLimo]

I tend to think older men have gone through enough wild oats to have learned to appreciate certain things that younger men tend to overlook in their zest for fun. Such as, the value of a lady's affection, and the value of working together as a team in a relationship. Finding a "good girl" can be tricky, but doable, because many times older guys get used by women needing life-lines.

 

 

I am currently in a relationship with a girl 15 years younger. And our situation is really what I base my opinion on, on how to do it right. We help each other, I'm 48 and because of my age and time to acquire resources, I have that to offer in addition to the experience of a toxic 23 year loveless marriage. Genuine female affection is good medicine for me, and this little single mom is full of that to give me. She has had bad relationships in the past, so we have that in common regarding appreciation for each other. I treat her with care and respect, love and trust, and she gives me that in return. She tells me she has never enjoyed the level of security she has had since being with me, I tell her I have never been this happy in my entire life. I'm a man who is resistant to change, and live my life around a series of life-systems and routines. This beautiful young girl has opened my world to a whole bunch of new possibilities I never considered. (story in itself). I have brought her into a world of feeling safe, secure, and treasured.

 

Why have you chosen to give your care, respect, love and trust to a woman who is 15 years younger than you? Why not to a woman your age?

 

I am thinking about starting a seperate topic on this but it irritates the hell out of me to see men my age going for women 10 to 15 years younger and then telling how good they are to them, as if women their own age don't deserve the same treatment.

 

It's because of these situations that a lot of good, attractive women over 45+ don't find a man their age. Yes they get interest from guys 10 to 15 years older than them but we don't want them!!! We want someone our own age...

[Johnson1]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

 

It all depends on what you're looking for. If you want someone who truly understands a woman because they've been through the ups and downs of a long marriage (like I have) and come to understand what it takes to make a woman happy, then yes, an older guy would be what you'd want.

 

As far as him thinking you're too immature, all I have to say to that would be, it depends on how 'with it' he is. There are plenty of older guys who have a younger appeal who are open minded and look for a younger woman who love to enjoy life as much as they do. Most men won't allow themselves to get 'old', especially not this guy.

 

Any older guy would be proud to have you on his arm. I know I would.

[Els]

About the only thing RedRobin and I agree on.

 

Proud non TV owner for 11 years.

 

I also haven't commuted to work in about 15 years.

 

Does anyone REALLY watch TV for 3 hours a day? Christ.

 

I had a TV in my parents' home throughout my childhood, and haven't had one ever since I moved out for college. Barely noticed the difference, probably because 1) I watched like an hour a week when I had it, and 2) All the good shows can be streamed on a PC anyway...

 

(Actually, I just realized that we have one that came with the current rental apartment, we just didn't bother setting it up. It's somewhere in a closet...)

[Emilia]

Does anyone REALLY watch TV for 3 hours a day? Christ.

 

I had a TV in my parents' home throughout my childhood, and haven't had one ever since I moved out for college. Barely noticed the difference, probably because 1) I watched like an hour a week when I had it, and 2) All the good shows can be streamed on a PC anyway...

 

(Actually, I just realized that we have one that came with the current rental apartment, we just didn't bother setting it up. It's somewhere in a closet...)

I don't see the difference between watching something on the TV or streaming it on your PC?

[Els]

I don't see the difference between watching something on the TV or streaming it on your PC?

 

S'why I said, I don't understand the non-TV-ownership club.

 

Unless its members don't stream anything online, ever.

[Emilia]

S'why I said, I don't understand the non-TV-ownership club.

 

Unless its members don't stream anything online, ever.

That would be me, I don't have internet at home.

[Babolat]

No. They are no different. Just more likely to need Viagra or have other health issues sooner than the young ins.

 

Cough, cough, man here, 47, never touched Viagra (all of the woman I have dated quit before I am ready to), no health issues, more fit than most men in their 30s!

 

I was invloved with a 28 year old this fall, and she could not keep up with me, after claiming she had a high sex drive. I did find, even though she was very mature for 28, the "years" difference was a challenge. She was not "relationship" mature and seemed to have a lot of expectations. She had been cheated on 2 times prior to me so maybe that had somethign to do with it, too. She also has some partying left in her, likes to go out every so often and stay out late, like 2AM+. Once a year maybe for me.

 

My dad married a woman 10 years younger than him. My ex-wifes dad, the same. I think it depends on the man. Sometimes it can be a good age match.

 

The woman i am getting to know now is older than me, which is a first for me since I was 25, when I dated a woman 32.

Edited April 14, 2014 by Babolat

[Grumpybutfun]

Very funny thread. ES, I think a good man is a good man. Age of course is relevant, but then any man you would be interested in would have good health and be attractive and not be on Viagra. I have single friends my age who never married because they just haven't found the right woman for them. Ten years would be my absolute limit on age though. I don't think you would be too immature for someone ten years older but anymore than that would be iffy. I have a house full of teens and early twenty something's right now because my kids brought their friends home with them for Spring Break and quite honestly my wife and I are running circles around them. Age is just a number. I am in the best shape of my life and my wife is the same....so very lovely. She is five years my junior, and we often joke about that like I robbed the cradle but she and I are very equal in terms of intelligence and maturity. At forty three I am better than ever, and so is she. She doesn't dye her hair or even wear makeup and is easily the prettiest woman in the room everywhere we go. Age doesn't have to be defeating if you love yourself enough to invest in selfcare so I assume those are the older men you would be interested in anyway.

It is all relative,

Grumps

[Haydn]

I have never been the older man. Every woman has been around the same or 5-8 years older. But for me it makes little or no difference. Although at 32 i couldn`t see myself with an 18-25 year old. Although......

[Michelle ma Belle]

I am 45 and have dated men of all ages; from 10 years older to young studs in their early twenties and everything in between and what I've come to know is that age really is just a number.

 

There are definitely some obvious pros and cons to dating in either direction but it really is very individual. I've met and dated men older than me that not only behaved immaturely but couldn't carry a conversation to save their lives. And I've dated men in their mid twenties who, by all accounts are only good for one thing, and had some of the best experiences with them.

 

It really depends on each man individually. My best advice is if you like someone DO NOT dwell too long on age especially if that is your ONLY barometer for dating them or not.

 

My current partner is 13 years younger than me and this relationships is hands down the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had. You just never know

[PinkInTheLimo]

Some of the only worthwhile art the US is producing right now is certain TV shows. The Sopranos, Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, The Wire. Don't know what you're all missing.

 

Add "Homeland". Season 1 and 2 are for me the best TV series that has ever been shown. I still need to take the time to watch Season 3.

While zapping I bumped into the first episode of Season 1 without knowing this was a TV series, I had no clue what it was about. Immediately I was gripped by the troat and given an uppercut at the same time.

 

No I could not live without my TV. In the next months for example I have to be able to watch Roland Garros and Wimbledon and the World Championship soccer.

 

And I need my every day dosis of CNN and BBC World.

[Babolat]

Does anyone REALLY watch TV for 3 hours a day? Christ.

 

I had a TV in my parents' home throughout my childhood, and haven't had one ever since I moved out for college. Barely noticed the difference, probably because 1) I watched like an hour a week when I had it, and 2) All the good shows can be streamed on a PC anyway...

 

(Actually, I just realized that we have one that came with the current rental apartment, we just didn't bother setting it up. It's somewhere in a closet...)

 

Try 24 X 7..exes TVs, 3 of them, never got turned off.

[Babolat]

Why have you chosen to give your care, respect, love and trust to a woman who is 15 years younger than you? Why not to a woman your age?

 

I am thinking about starting a seperate topic on this but it irritates the hell out of me to see men my age going for women 10 to 15 years younger and then telling how good they are to them, as if women their own age don't deserve the same treatment.

 

It's because of these situations that a lot of good, attractive women over 45+ don't find a man their age. Yes they get interest from guys 10 to 15 years older than them but we don't want them!!! We want someone our own age...

 

 

Probably the same reason a lot of my 40 something female friends are chasing 20 and 30 something men. And then wonder, why it never works out.

[RedRobin]

It all depends on what you're looking for. If you want someone who truly understands a woman because they've been through the ups and downs of a long marriage (like I have) and come to understand what it takes to make a woman happy, then yes, an older guy would be what you'd want.

 

As far as him thinking you're too immature, all I have to say to that would be, it depends on how 'with it' he is. There are plenty of older guys who have a younger appeal who are open minded and look for a younger woman who love to enjoy life as much as they do. Most men won't allow themselves to get 'old', especially not this guy.

 

Any older guy would be proud to have you on his arm. I know I would.

 

 

I don't think an older, divorced man has anything on a younger, divorced man...

 

 

I just LOVE how some men spin their experiences as being so wonderfully beneficial... and the women their same age with the same experiences ?? Oh, no, that's baggage! More hypocrisy and double standards.

 

 

It is kind of gross how some of you guys really do believe that nothing you do has any bearing on anything... and even funnier??? How you pitch your little fairy tales to the younger women... How you are so stable, and put together, and in no way cynical.

 

 

When the very fact that you need to be with a younger woman is all the proof anyone should need that the opposite is true.

 

 

p.s. if you are divorced, you didn't make her happy.

[janedoe67]

I like this thread. I now feel immensly good about my level of depth and substance.

 

Bwaha!

[pickflicker]

I have never dated a man more than a year older than me. Let's say I go for someone that's 10 years older (i.e. in his 40s). Is there a difference in how they act compared to men in their late 20s/early 30s? Are they less likely to commit? I also worry that I may be too immature for them

 

Oldest I've dated was 12 years older than me. I was 30, he was 42.

 

It was spectacular. Not meant to be...but spectacular.

 

*sigh*

[Arieswoman]

ES,

I am assuming you are dating with a view to an LTR, possibly marriage?

 

There are prons and cons for a women involved with an older man (10 years plus)

 

On the plus side they will hopefully be more mature and have a greater experience of life, making them a more "steady" partner.

They are likely to be more established in their career and be able to provide a more comfortable life-style for both of you.

 

If they have been married before, they will know what the "ground rules" are. Also, the kids will probably be older, more independent and less demanding on their father's time and attention.

 

On the minus side:-

If they have been married before they will have "baggage" to a greater or lesser degree. Also, if they already have children from a previous mariage/relationship,they may not want/can't afford any more. If you want children then you need to find this out as soon as you can.

 

If they are still single later in life (40s) they may be set in their ways and inflexible and be unable to compromise.

 

Most men retire at 60/65.

If your husband/partner stops work at that age you may find that there is a significant drop in income that you will need to adjust to. You may (if you work) find that the roles are reversed and you now become the main breadwinner.

In the normal scheme of things men predecease women, so you could end up being a younger widow than if you married a man of your own age group.

 

All this assumes that your older partner stays healthy until they die. Old age is not necessarily synonymus with infirmity but you need to be prepared for the possibility that your partner could become dependent on you, in his later life, and you may need to assume the role of carer.

Edited April 15, 2014 by Arieswoman

[PinkInTheLimo]

Age as such does not say anything about character and personality. It's not because someone is older that he is better. The older guys preying for younger women like to sell it that way but often they are only better at hiding their flaws in order to reel a woman in. They might become smoother but that's only on the surface.

 

I have a theory about this: with age people either become better or worse. There is no status quo. You become better by engaging in some introspection and by learning from your mistakes. Some people don't do that in which case with age their flaws only become bigger. It's mindboggling how some people simply don't evolve and grow. You then get the guy who was an idiot at 20 who is still an idiot at 60. And these old folks who are desperately trying to be younger than they are, because they never learnt to understand what age can bring you and to add the years in a graceful way.

 

The bottomline is that you start a relationship with a person not with an age. I don't like the idea of getting together with a guy 10 years older than me but if I would meet a guy who happens to be that much older and we really click, I would go for it. That will not happen however if I get the feeling that he wants at all costs a younger woman, because then he does not want to be with me but with my age.

[thefooloftheyear]

Just perusing these responses from the ladies...

 

I dont know why every older woman that sees a middle aged man with a younger woman thinks he trapped or tricked her...Its as if they simply cannot fathom the possibility that the little chicklet might actually pursue and want the older guy...It does happen...I hate to tell you...

 

Just sayin' here...

 

TFY

[Babolat]

I just LOVE how some men spin their experiences as being so wonderfully beneficial... and the women their same age with the same experiences ?? Oh, no, that's baggage! More hypocrisy and double standards.

 

 

It is kind of gross how some of you guys really do believe that nothing you do has any bearing on anything... and even funnier??? How you pitch your little fairy tales to the younger women... How you are so stable, and put together, and in no way cynical.

 

 

When the very fact that you need to be with a younger woman is all the proof anyone should need that the opposite is true.

 

 

p.s. if you are divorced, you didn't make her happy.

 

Why are you, spinning it this way? The girl I was interested in this fall, she was 29, I am 47, I did not spin anything, pitch anything or sell her anything, I acted and behaved like I normally do, and she, was attracted to that. I was suprised to say the least, but I did not change who I was nor did I try to mislead\misguide her.

 

I did not need to be with her, and her age never entered my mind. I liked her as a person and enjoyed spending time with her.

 

And, I'm divorced because we were both not happy. I, in fact, was miserable. It took leaving to finally relaize that.

 

When I was 45 I dated a woman who was 34. She persued me. Same thing, I did not change a single thing about me.

 

I understand your message, I just don't think you can generalize it to all men who end up with a younger woman.

[Babolat]

I have a theory about this: with age people either become better or worse. There is no status quo. You become better by engaging in some introspection and by learning from your mistakes. Some people don't do that in which case with age their flaws only become bigger. It's mindboggling how some people simply don't evolve and grow. .

 

Well said, Agreed, 100%. My ex gf was great at talking about change and introspection, note I said talking.

[oz-missy]

Just perusing these responses from the ladies...

 

I dont know why every older woman that sees a middle aged man with a younger woman thinks he trapped or tricked her...Its as if they simply cannot fathom the possibility that the little chicklet might actually pursue and want the older guy...It does happen...I hate to tell you...

 

Just sayin' here...

 

TFY

 

It sure does happen. I'm with a man 20 years my senior in a long term relationship. Shock. Horror. He didn't trap or trick me