Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[RedRobin]

What hasn't been mentioned in this thread is that maybe the "bad guy" here isn't the older guy...

 

Perhaps middle aged women(if they dont like the idea of having to compete with younger women) need to point the sharp end of that stick to the younger guys..

 

I know quite a bit of the makeup of the average 22-30 year old guy...I have been employing them for almost 3 decades now...At the current time, these guys are the absolute most immature and non committment minded than they have ever been...

 

I had already owned two homes and was running my own company when I was 24..Got married at that time and by 30 had a net worth that any 60 year old would be proud of..How often do you think that happens today? Almost never..These younger guys just seem to want to float around, enjoy their hobbies and their lives, but dont see marriage, "settling down" or committment as a viable option for them...Its their right, I suppose...No one needs to dictate to anyone how they want to run their life..

 

However...

 

Young women seem to be as inclined as ever to want to settle down and have the house, dog and picket fence...Especially true if they are successful themselves...Now, if you are in that demographic, and you are having a tough time finding a man(instead of a boy), then the only option might be to move up....The younger guys dont care...Theyll find someone to play with..But the older women are now left to fight for the desirable/attractive/successful older men, with the younger women....And they dont like that one bit....

 

TFY

 

Spoken like an old guy who doesn't want competition from younger women's contemporaries.

 

Most of those women don't have it anymore together than the guys. They just think they do... They like being told by some overgrown man child that she has an 'old soul' or some other nonsense. And getting lots of expensive treats.

 

One thing you and other older men can never give a younger woman is a life spent together hand in hand where they can grow together.

 

The prevalence of broken families these days doesn't give either men or women the opportunity to view how beautiful that can be with a similar age partner. That is a big part of the problem right there.

 

Babs,

 

I can almost guarantee that the 20 something will never date a much older man after this one dies. She is likely very conflicted over this. Sucks she has to deal with this at her age. Could have easily been prevented. Alas, she likely just looked at the surface and didn't consider the long term implications of her decision... Which people her age do so very often... Just the reason why they are so vulnerable to this kind of attention.

[Babolat]

They like being told by some overgrown man child that she has an 'old soul' or some other nonsense. And getting lots of expensive treats.

Unbelievable. I have never told a woman this, why assume, older men do? Why assume the poster did with his younger partner?

 

One thing you and other older men can never give a younger woman is a life spent together hand in hand where they can grow together.

 

Why not? Cause, he might get sick, and die, sooner? Like, she can't? You are making a lot of assumptions that because couples are of the "same age", again you still have not told us what that means, they will age at the same rate, get sick at the same rate, and die at the same rate. Hell, the 30 year old woman could get cancer today and die in 6 months.

 

.

 

Babs,

 

I can almost guarantee that the 20 something will never date a much older man after this one dies. She is likely very conflicted over this. Sucks she has to deal with this at her age. Could have easily been prevented. Alas, she likely just looked at the surface and didn't consider the long term implications of her decision... Which people her age do so very often... Just the reason why they are so vulnerable to this kind of attention.

 

I have no idea what 20 something you are referring to. If the two I reference, I have no idea who they are dating now. The 29 year old, I assume, is not dating as she continues to want to see me. And, until I comitt to an exclisive relationship, I'll continue to hang out with her. And, she knows this. And rub my old crusty gross body all over her beautiful young pearl like body. Ha! She states all she wants is sex and toss in dinner. But wait, I am taking advantage of her desires, her dysfunctionalness, her weakness....shame on me. I should help her, mentor her, coach her. I will coach her alright! I feel sorry for the next young man who can't give her, what she needs!

Edited April 18, 2014 by Babolat

[RedRobin]

Same or similar age (in my description) is what it has always been... I have always defined +/- 5 years as an age peer. Same or similar age in terms of development.

 

We can nitpick all day about what technically constitutes older or younger.

 

Within the window stated above... I would say the developmental differences are inconsequential and orders of magnitude less likely to cause issues than those that go much beyond that.

 

Kathy mentioned 10+ years as much beyond that... And provided some statistics to back that up.

 

The fact remains that lots of men can't manage ( in their minds) even a year or two older for women... Which is seriously sexist considering the insignificant differences in terms of real compatibility. That's 100% their ego talking...

 

And all I can say to that is fine. Two can play at that.

 

I am really liking the same/ similar age guy I just started seeing. He says he wants to keep up with me. He will have his first opportunity tonight. We are going to a hot yoga class being taught by a man. We will see how he manages my marathon training too. He is not a runner and I don't expect him to be... But I suggested he could ride a bike next to me and he seemed keen on that. Still early days. Could be all BS for all I know.

[KathyM]

No one cares that the 46 year old waitress from Topeka is getting it with a 28 year old guy..Thats why you dont hear about it..

 

And celebrities move more in and out of relationships/marriages because like entertainers, ballplayers, etc they are very rich. Money isnt an issue...Many horrendeous marriages have partners that begrudgingly stick it out because they dont have the money to do what they want to do and dont want to stick their kids in a shythole situation by doing so...

 

 

My moms best friend was married to a reknown neurosurgeon..Guy made millions..She was his 5th marriage...When he grew tired of her he gave her the multimillion dollar home, handed her a pile of money-(there was a pre-nup) and left without a trace...Let his lawyers handle everything..Is everyone with money like this? Of course not...But a lot of money eliminates the whole "sticking it out for the kids" and "cant afford to live apart" stories you always hear about.

 

 

 

Ask yourself this question...The divorce rate is at somewhere north of 50 %..of the remaining 40 something percent how many are in true marital bliss? And how many would divorce in a heartbeat if they were handed a pile of money?

 

There's your 70-80%....

 

TFY

So you're saying that celebrities would have just as good of marriages and make just as responsible or healthy choices in a marriage partner as regular folks do, and if not for the huge amount of money they have, they would stay married for the long term and have equally satisfying relationships. Nope, not buying that. Celebrities make very poor choices in a relationship partner and have a much higher rate of infidelity. Perhaps you should look up Brittany Spears two day marriage. Or Kim Kardashian's three month marriage. Celebrities are not a good example of people to follow on who makes wise choices in who to marry, or who has functional marriages.

[janedoe67]

I think any relationship - when two people go into it honestly with their eyes open and their brains engaged - can be fulfilling regardless of age difference. It is a matter of preference, honesty, and knowing the pros and cons.

[janedoe67]

So you're saying that celebrities would have just as good of marriages and make just as responsible or healthy choices in a marriage partner as regular folks do, and if not for the huge amount of money they have, they would stay married for the long term and have equally satisfying relationships. Nope, not buying that. Celebrities make very poor choices in a relationship partner and have a much higher rate of infidelity. Perhaps you should look up Brittany Spears two day marriage. Or Kim Kardashian's three month marriage. Celebrities are not a good example of people to follow on who makes wise choices in who to marry, or who has functional marriages.

 

Personally I think some of the reasons celebrity marriages tend not to fare as well is because people who are used to being the constant center of attention, who are handed virtually everything, and whose lifestyle becomes one where they are catered to have to work very hard not to become extremely entitled, narcissistic, and oblivious to how their reactions, actions, and feelings of the moment might affect another human or humans. In order to have a good marriage, you have to think of someone besides yourself, and in order to be a good person you have to rid yourself of the notion that you have the right to do whatever you want no matter how harmful.

[Babolat]

The fact remains that lots of men can't manage ( in their minds) even a year or two older for women... Which is seriously sexist considering the insignificant differences in terms of real compatibility. That's 100% their ego talking...

 

When I was on OLD my age age limit was 10 younger and 2 older. The 0-2 years older ones that messaged me, "Liked" me, well, we were not the same age in activity and lifestyle and most looked like my grandmother, and I had zero attraction to them. That, is not sexist, that is not my ego talking. That, is reality. I have to be attracted to my partner, in many ways.

 

Did you know I was getting ready to meet a 50 year old woman, who recently completed chemotherapy for breast cancer, and had, no hair? Of course not, because you have put me into so many of your other "all men" buckets that you would never take the time to really get to know me. I was attracted to her and was enjoying our messaging. She lives 90+ miles away so the distance was keeping us from meeting right away, with our schedule. In the interim, I met the 49 year old woman. I want to see where it goes. No sex yet, but plenty of kissing so it does not feel right to me to continue with the other woman right now.

 

Just a gut feeling from your comments; this 3 man date guy sounds like a people pleaser, and will do what you need him to do, to appear to be Active. He also sounds a bit codependent.

 

"He says he wants to keep up with me": Why has he not done all these things to improve himself, before meeting you, rather than tell you what he will do now that he has met you? Bascially, telling you, what he thinks you want to here. Signs of a player, or someone who does not know himself well, maybe? Ride his bike next to you in your marathon? After 3 dates he says this? Ugh, leave me alone, let me do my thing, by myself. Go ride your bike, in the park.

[Babolat]

Personally I think some of the reasons celebrity marriages tend not to fare as well is because people who are used to being the constant center of attention, who are handed virtually everything, and whose lifestyle becomes one where they are catered to have to work very hard not to become extremely entitled, narcissistic, and oblivious to how their reactions, actions, and feelings of the moment might affect another human or humans. In order to have a good marriage, you have to think of someone besides yourself, and in order to be a good person you have to rid yourself of the notion that you have the right to do whatever you want no matter how harmful.

Agreed, and, we do not hear about the celebrity marriages that went well, because, it does not make good news. Robert Redford and his wife, an amazing story.

 

KathyM, again, all this data..where is it? RR, same question. I'd love to review the same data you are reviewing.

[kaylan]

Seattle is a much better choice. NY sucks. Trust me on that one, lol

Oh yeah...all that rain. How fun. =P

 

Nothing beats the cultural atmosphere of NY =D

[thefooloftheyear]

So you're saying that celebrities would have just as good of marriages and make just as responsible or healthy choices in a marriage partner as regular folks do, and if not for the huge amount of money they have, they would stay married for the long term and have equally satisfying relationships. Nope, not buying that. Celebrities make very poor choices in a relationship partner and have a much higher rate of infidelity. Perhaps you should look up Brittany Spears two day marriage. Or Kim Kardashian's three month marriage. Celebrities are not a good example of people to follow on who makes wise choices in who to marry, or who has functional marriages.

 

Again...

 

NO ONE CARES what the average person does...My cousin cruelly dumped his wife because he found out after 3 months of marriage she couldnt have kids...and he is a nobody...

 

Sure, maybe some of these celebrities do kooky things...But a lot of the reason why they do it is because they have unlimited resources...

 

Ill stand by my original statement...Most of the reasons people dont leave relationships isnt because they love the person or they are second guessing the decision...They just dont have the resources to do it..and celebrities, entertainers, ballplayers, etc....well, they do...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

When I was on OLD my age age limit was 10 younger and 2 older. The 0-2 years older ones that messaged me, "Liked" me, well, we were not the same age in activity and lifestyle and most looked like my grandmother, and I had zero attraction to them. That, is not sexist, that is not my ego talking. That, is reality. I have to be attracted to my partner, in many ways.

 

Did you know I was getting ready to meet a 50 year old woman, who recently completed chemotherapy for breast cancer, and had, no hair? Of course not, because you have put me into so many of your other "all men" buckets that you would never take the time to really get to know me. I was attracted to her and was enjoying our messaging. She lives 90+ miles away so the distance was keeping us from meeting right away, with our schedule. In the interim, I met the 49 year old woman. I want to see where it goes. No sex yet, but plenty of kissing so it does not feel right to me to continue with the other woman right now.

 

Just a gut feeling from your comments; this 3 man date guy sounds like a people pleaser, and will do what you need him to do, to appear to be Active. He also sounds a bit codependent.

 

"He says he wants to keep up with me": Why has he not done all these things to improve himself, before meeting you, rather than tell you what he will do now that he has met you? Bascially, telling you, what he thinks you want to here. Signs of a player, or someone who does not know himself well, maybe? Ride his bike next to you in your marathon? After 3 dates he says this? Ugh, leave me alone, let me do my thing, by myself. Go ride your bike, in the park.

 

His job requires a lot of physical labor. He is quite fit. Just not as fit as me. At least cardiovascular. He does a lot of things around the house too. He is not a sit still kind of guy... Which is actually more compatible with me than 9 years younger trainer guy who doesn't do a whole lot except run!!

 

I suggested he could ride his bike next to me while I train... He didn't suggest it. My trainer friend... He runs 50 milers... His GF was not a runner, so she rode her bike next to him on long runs. It is a way to spend time together.

 

We will see on his other characteristics. He is a little lavish with the praise sometimes. He has also asked some tough questions here and there though. We will see.

 

The perennial prob with online dating is people saying whatever you want yo hear. Kind of comes with the territory. I know how to sort them out.

Edited April 18, 2014 by RedRobin

[Babolat]

We will see on his other characteristics. He is a little lavish with the praise sometimes. He has also asked some tough questions here and there though. We will see..

 

I have read this between the lines, too. Good luck, I do hope it works out if it's supposed to.

[KathyM]

What hasn't been mentioned in this thread is that maybe the "bad guy" here isn't the older guy...

 

Perhaps middle aged women(if they dont like the idea of having to compete with younger women) need to point the sharp end of that stick to the younger guys..

 

I know quite a bit of the makeup of the average 22-30 year old guy...I have been employing them for almost 3 decades now...At the current time, these guys are the absolute most immature and non committment minded than they have ever been...

 

I had already owned two homes and was running my own company when I was 24..Got married at that time and by 30 had a net worth that any 60 year old would be proud of..How often do you think that happens today? Almost never..These younger guys just seem to want to float around, enjoy their hobbies and their lives, but dont see marriage, "settling down" or committment as a viable option for them...Its their right, I suppose...No one needs to dictate to anyone how they want to run their life..

 

However...

 

Young women seem to be as inclined as ever to want to settle down and have the house, dog and picket fence...Especially true if they are successful themselves...Now, if you are in that demographic, and you are having a tough time finding a man(instead of a boy), then the only option might be to move up....The younger guys dont care...Theyll find someone to play with..But the older women are now left to fight for the desirable/attractive/successful older men, with the younger women....And they dont like that one bit....

 

TFY

I know many young men in their 20s, who are very commitment minded and responsible young men. My sons are all in their 20s, so are their friends, so are my nephews and their friends, and my niece's husbands/fiances. All of my first son's friends are either married or in a committed relationship or looking for one. Most are college graduates with reliable jobs. My other sons are either in college or graduated with an excellent job. They are both commitment minded. My nephews, both in that age range (20 to 30) are college graduates, highly intelligent men, who have wives who adore them and are good family men with small children. You try to paint young men out to be some irresponsible losers. Well, that is not the case at all.

[xxoo]

The fact remains that lots of men can't manage ( in their minds) even a year or two older for women... Which is seriously sexist considering the insignificant differences in terms of real compatibility. That's 100% their ego talking...

 

And all I can say to that is fine. Two can play at that.

 

Let's say you are 45, and you meet and connect with a 51 year old man. You two are super compatible and really hit it off.

 

Does it really matter if he would be interested in a 57 year old woman?

 

How much perfection do you demand from a man? Can you accept a man with a less than perfect ego, if he is still capable of love and fidelity?

[hasaquestion]

Good thing my 64-year old father and 47-year old mother didn't listen to the people in this thread!

[KathyM]

Again...

 

NO ONE CARES what the average person does...My cousin cruelly dumped his wife because he found out after 3 months of marriage she couldnt have kids...and he is a nobody...

 

Sure, maybe some of these celebrities do kooky things...But a lot of the reason why they do it is because they have unlimited resources...

 

Ill stand by my original statement...Most of the reasons people dont leave relationships isnt because they love the person or they are second guessing the decision...They just dont have the resources to do it..and celebrities, entertainers, ballplayers, etc....well, they do...

 

TFY

So you're saying the only reason people stay married is because they don't have the finances to divorce. Nope, not buying that either.

[thefooloftheyear]

So you're saying the only reason people stay married is because they don't have the finances to divorce. Nope, not buying that either.

 

 

You obviously have reading comprehension problems....I cant help you, but I do wish you well...

 

TFY

[Babolat]

I know many young men in their 20s, who are very commitment minded and responsible young men. My sons are all in their 20s, so are their friends, so are my nephews and their friends, and my niece's husbands/fiances. All of my first son's friends are either married or in a committed relationship or looking for one. Most are college graduates with reliable jobs. My other sons are either in college or graduated with an excellent job. They are both commitment minded. My nephews, both in that age range (20 to 30) are college graduates, highly intelligent men, who have wives who adore them and are good family men with small children. You try to paint young men out to be some irresponsible losers. Well, that is not the case at all.

 

Interesting how all of your examples are your sons, your family and close friends. Interesting how you attached a college education to committment minded, too.

 

Just sayin...there is a larger sample pool of data for one to poll from, should they chose to.

 

So, from this small sample, can we say ALL 20 something men are committment minded?

[Babolat]

Let's say you are 45, and you meet and connect with a 51 year old man. You two are super compatible and really hit it off.

 

Does it really matter if he would be interested in a 57 year old woman?

 

How much perfection do you demand from a man? Can you accept a man with a less than perfect ego, if he is still capable of love and fidelity?

 

Only if he works hard and can ride a bike! Didn't The 40 year old virgin, ride a bike?

[BradJacobs]

The fact remains that lots of men can't manage ( in their minds) even a year or two older for women... Which is seriously sexist considering the insignificant differences in terms of real compatibility. That's 100% their ego talking...

I can manage it but most of my age appropriate, eligible females have either let themselves go, don't want children and/or don't want to remarry.

 

For the most part that is why I date younger women.

[KathyM]

The Case For An Older Woman « OkTrends

 

 

Here is a study done by OK Cupid which shows the age preferences of both men and women.

 

 

Some of the things worth noting:

 

 

Men are willing to date same age women and women who are a couple of years older than them, but as the men get older, they expand their lower age limit to a greater extent, while keeping their options of same age women available.

 

 

Women list their age limit as approximately 6 years older than they are, which appears to stay constant as they get older, but as they get older, they also consider younger men.

 

 

The highest interest level of men seeking a partner appears to be younger women than themselves. The highest interest level of women seeking a partner is men within 6 years older than themselves, which, as the women get older, also includes men within 6 years younger than them.

 

 

According to these diagrams, women are not interested in much older men. They list their upper age limit as 6 years older, which remains pretty constant as they get older. These women may contact men up to 10 years older, but above that limit, the diagrams show these women are not interested. We can conclude from this study that women are not interested in men who are more than ten years older than them, and their preference is men who are within 6 years older than them, or younger.

[Robert]

the last 3 or so pages of the thread have been deleted, too much fighting amongst the posters here and not enough time to cleanup the thread.

 

Let's keep the barbs and pokes off the thread

 

Thanks

[thefooloftheyear]

The Case For An Older Woman « OkTrends

 

 

Here is a study done by OK Cupid which shows the age preferences of both men and women.

 

 

Some of the things worth noting:

 

 

Men are willing to date same age women and women who are a couple of years older than them, but as the men get older, they expand their lower age limit to a greater extent, while keeping their options of same age women available.

 

 

Women list their age limit as approximately 6 years older than they are, which appears to stay constant as they get older, but as they get older, they also consider younger men.

 

 

The highest interest level of men seeking a partner appears to be younger women than themselves. The highest interest level of women seeking a partner is men within 6 years older than themselves, which, as the women get older, also includes men within 6 years younger than them.

 

 

According to these diagrams, women are not interested in much older men. They list their upper age limit as 6 years older, which remains pretty constant as they get older. These women may contact men up to 10 years older, but above that limit, the diagrams show these women are not interested. We can conclude from this study that women are not interested in men who are more than ten years older than them, and their preference is men who are within 6 years older than them, or younger.

 

Here is what you fail to grasp.....

 

 

Ask any idiot on the street and they'll tell you they want Jessica Alba with bigger tits(if they are a guy) or Brad Pitt with a Hilton trust fund(if they are a woman)..No one is going to think of the possibility of a "fringe" situation if it comes their way..But they'd absolutely take it if the planets align...

 

 

You see...It doesnt matter if its one in a million...

 

Typically, the average fat, bald, broke middle aged guy isnt going to appeal to a younger woman...But not all middle aged guys fit this criteria..

 

Characterization of these individuals as creeps and predators and the women that could perhaps desire these guys as having emotional problems, daddy issues, etc is just flat out dumb...it makes as much sense as saying every blond woman is a moron...

 

And just for the record....I know nothing of OLD, but from what I have heard that particular site is as "Mickey Mouse" as anything out there...I woudlnt consider that a reliable source at all..

 

TFY

Edited April 19, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[Weezy1973]

I think the "older women" threads are a lot like the "short guy" threads.

 

Older women and short men are both concerned about their attractiveness level when it comes to the opposite sex. The anger that erupts from these threads is largely caused by members of these groups seriously questioning whether or not they are worthy of love (and both groups are worthy of love by the way).

 

Do more women on average tend to find taller men more physically attractive? Yes, on average. And do more men, on average tend to find younger (or at least youthful looking) women more physically attractive? Probably yes to that one as well.

 

But, seriously, who cares. The average age difference in relationships is 3.5 years - clearly this "epidemic" of huge age gaps in relationships is not even worth getting upset about.

 

And as is cited many times in the "short guy" threads - people can have whatever preferences they want. It doesn't make anybody more or less worthy of being loved. And there are plenty of people that don't care about such things to go around...

[KathyM]

Here is what you fail to grasp.....

 

 

Ask any idiot on the street and they'll tell you they want Jessica Alba with bigger tits(if they are a guy) or Brad Pitt with a Hilton trust fund(if they are a woman)..No one is going to think of the possibility of a "fringe" situation if it comes their way..But they'd absolutely take it if the planets align...

 

 

You see...It doesnt matter if its one in a million...

 

Typically, the average fat, bald, broke middle aged guy isnt going to appeal to a younger woman...But not all middle aged guys fit this criteria..

 

Characterization of these individuals as creeps and predators and the women that could perhaps desire these guys as having emotional problems, daddy issues, etc is just flat out dumb...it makes as much sense as saying every blond woman is a moron...

 

And just for the record....I know nothing of OLD, but from what I have heard that particular site is as "Mickey Mouse" as anything out there...I woudlnt consider that a reliable source at all..

 

TFY

Well, I posted a study on the topic done by one of the leading dating sites, which showed that young women prefer men within 6 years of their age and are not interested in men more than 10 years older. You can dismiss that all you want if it suits your purposes. I notice you don't have any studies to post that show otherwise. But delude yourself all you want, if it boosts your ego to believe otherwise. Maybe that one woman in 1,000 would be willing to date a man her father's age if she was desperate enough, or had daddy issues. There are certainly women out there who have daddy issues. Maybe you'll eventually come across one.