Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[kaylan]

Boy do older guys have an ego. Always trying to put down younger men and pretending that younger women don't prefer their contemporaries. At the end of the day most people date others their own age. So older men and women can stop attacking one another.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, I posted a study on the topic done by one of the leading dating sites, which showed that young women prefer men within 6 years of their age and are not interested in men more than 10 years older. You can dismiss that all you want if it suits your purposes. I notice you don't have any studies to post that show otherwise. But delude yourself all you want, if it boosts your ego to believe otherwise. Maybe that one woman in 1,000 would be willing to date a man her father's age if she was desperate enough, or had daddy issues. There are certainly women out there who have daddy issues. Maybe you'll eventually come across one.

 

Again....Your reading comprehension skills have failed you...The weather is great, but I guess the schools suck on Fantasy island..Oh well..

 

.No where in this thread do I mention anything about having a preference for younger women...I dont think any other guy did either...I am not even in the playing field! And I am the last guy that needs an ego boost...I am an arrogant prick without any help at all..

 

Doing a quick search, there are a multitude of studies...

 

Five Reasons Why Younger Women Prefer Older Men

 

I could go one for days, but who cares.?..We all know that people go into it thinking that the person of their dreams is around their age..Any idiot knows this...But people sometimes stray from the norm...Not for any other insidious or mentally inept reasons, but rather it happened in the organic sense..the same way any other relationship begins..

 

In all seriousness, I hope to God you dont fill the minds of the damaged souls that you counsel with this idealistic fantasyland crap..It would be doing them a horrible disservice..

 

TFY

[kaylan]

I hope when I'm older I don't need to feel validated by trying to date younger women while dissing older women yet all the while trying to uplifting myself. Older men and women need to stop trying to put one another down. As someone in his 20s its obvious to me how much some older folks pedestalize the youthful and slag off their contemporaries.

 

Seems some of you get your confidence and self worth need on who young people date.

[ThaWholigan]

 

I could go one for days, but who cares.?..We all know that people go into it thinking that the person of their dreams is around their age..Any idiot knows this...But people sometimes stray from the norm...Not for any other insidious or mentally inept reasons, but rather it happened in the organic sense..the same way any other relationship begins..

 

 

This.

 

It seems much of the comments made don't allow room for outliers which feeds the generalizations more. I'm far from someone to defend the older man/younger woman thing, particularly when I have always preferred women at and around my age. I wouldn't date anyone younger than 20 and currently I'm 25. Even 20 seems young to me right now .

 

But I see nothing right in lumping all into the same category. My step-father is in a relationship with a girl who is my age, and he's the last person I would call a "predator" or anything of the sort - nor does he derive self-worth either. Sometimes these things happen - sometimes girls relate to older men for some reason that doesn't always include daddy issues. Sometimes a man falls for a younger girl for reasons other than overzealous pursuit of youth and bitterness at women his own age.

 

Hey, they may be outliers, but they exist. Once again, I'm usually not the guy to defend this dynamic, but I will do so if only to indicate that it's not a black-and-white issue.

[Candy_Pants]

@Fooloftheyear Did you see the name on that site? Kathryn Michaels!!!

 

And I completely agree with those five reasons.

[kaylan]

I hope when I'm older I don't need to feel validated by trying to date younger women while dissing older women yet all the while trying to uplifting myself. Older men and women need to stop trying to put one another down. As someone in his 20s its obvious to me how much some older folks pedestalize the youthful and slag off their contemporaries.

 

Seems some of you get your confidence and self worth need on who young people date.

Typo. I meant to say "seems some of you get your confidence and self worth based on who young people date."

[thefooloftheyear]

@Fooloftheyear Did you see the name on that site? Kathryn Michaels!!!

 

And I completely agree with those five reasons.

 

 

Totally missed that!!!!........What a hoot!!!!!:laugh::laugh:

 

TFY

[kaylan]

^ I guess you missed fooloftheyear's earlier condescending post about being a business and his perception of young male employees. Followed by reasons why women would prefer older guys.

 

: shrug :

 

At the end of the day young dudes aren't worried about old blokes. Ive never felt like they were in direct competition with me. So meh.

[KathyM]

.No where in this thread do I mention anything about having a preference for younger women...I dont think any other guy did either...I am not even in the playing field!

Well, you certainly try hard enough to convince the board that younger women prefer older men.

I am an arrogant prick without any help at all..

No argument there. *winks*

Doing a quick search, there are a multitude of studies...

 

Five Reasons Why Younger Women Prefer Older Men

This isn't a study. It's one person's blog who is trying to promote her book. The fact of the matter is, 93% of marriages are between people close in age. That would dispel your myth that younger women prefer much older men.

I could go one for days, but who cares.?..We all know that people go into it thinking that the person of their dreams is around their age..Any idiot knows this...But people sometimes stray from the norm...,

7% stray from the norm. You and I can debate the reason why that 7% stray from the norm until the cows come home. I'm suggesting some women have daddy issues. Some have insecurities and look for a man who fills their need for security and stability that they themselves don't have.

Not for any other insidious or mentally inept reasons, but rather it happened in the organic sense..the same way any other relationship begins..

Not likely.

In all seriousness, I hope to God you dont fill the minds of the damaged souls that you counsel with this idealistic fantasyland crap..It would be doing them a horrible disservice..

 

TFY

So encouraging women to consider areas of compatibility is idealistic fantasyland crap? You don't know what you're talking about. Or are just trying to be an arogant prick. It's O.K. I know your ego is fragile.

[ThaWholigan]

Old blokes don't think / view dating, relationships, women, love and matters of the heart as a game or competition.

 

You'd be surprised - this kind of mindset can be prevalent in anyone, including older men! There are different hosts for every dynamic.

[ascendotum]

You'd be surprised - this kind of mindset can be prevalent in anyone, including older men! There are different hosts for every dynamic.

Uh huh, yep. For some its just an organic 'wow I wasn't expecting this to happen' thing, for others it will happen because they are instinctively attracted to a an attractive youthful women and there is no game plan, and for others, they know what they want and they know there is competition from other successful contempories and younger men, and they set out with a focus to what they want, and there is no serious of fortunate events.

[readynow]

The youngest man I've ever dated (or married) was 5years older than me.

 

I'm late 30s and I've always felt more mature than my peers so it seemed logical to date older... I can't imagine dating someone close to my age. I find younger men a little too Y2K. They just have a different new 'modern' way of thinking that just doesn't agree with me. Of course people can be bad whether they're 20 or 80!

 

Sex-wise, I have more satisfaction as I've got older and dated older men. When I was younger, the younger men thought they were doing all things right and you couldn't tell them different. I find older men more willing to please, more patient, more caring. I haven't had anyone need Viagra - yet!

 

Fitness-wise, I've always dated people who were very fit and active - more active than myself. Always into some sport or the other. My current bf plays golf, tennis, cycling, swimming, etc - I can never keep up when he takes me along with the hiking group

 

Behaviourally - he is quite stubborn and thinks he knows it all but he is also very caring and understanding. He is very honest, I wished he'd lie sometimes to make me feel good - he thinks it's always best on the long run to tell the truth.

 

Relationship-wise - he is no time waster, told me from the get go what he was looking for and wanted to know what I was looking for so that we don't waste each others time. He asked for the opportunity to be what I wanted and if it didn't work for me, then he would let go. No games, no pick-up lines, no wondering what was going on...

 

So, my type is definitely older. Of course that's just me, not saying anyone else should feel the same.

 

I do find it funny when my bf and I (silver fox true n true) are strolling down Oxford street with shopping bags and women his age look at me like Gold-digger and probably thinking, 'why don't you find someone your own age'... It doesn't help that I look over 10yrs younger than my own age and I'm dark-skinned

 

I never really thought about it but I think the only people who really have a problem with it is older women who want that age of men.

[thefooloftheyear]

^ I guess you missed fooloftheyear's earlier condescending post about being a business and his perception of young male employees. Followed by reasons why women would prefer older guys.

 

: shrug :

 

At the end of the day young dudes aren't worried about old blokes. Ive never felt like they were in direct competition with me. So meh.

 

It wasnt condescending...I guess you failed to read it properly...

 

I wont go back there, but the jist of my comments-based on years of experience is basically that guys in this age demographic arent really of the "settling down" type...They want to have fun and they have no interest in owning a home, having kids, etc...

 

Do you own a home and habe kids?

 

Sure, some younger women might desire an older man, just like a younger man might desire an older woman...Is there a law against that?

 

Sheesh...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

I'm sure the older men who have hit on me through the years didn't think they were predators. They thought they were enjoying something 'organic' too...

 

 

While, *I* thought they were using their situation to try and take advantage. As it is, I was obliged to be polite in my rejection of them... while suppressing my anger and feelings of betrayal.

 

 

If I'd been less independent, less observant, less confident, or had few or no examples of what healthy relationships look like at that age, no doubt I might have resigned myself to one of those situations... I might have allowed myself to be 'groomed' into that role in one form or another.

 

 

Take a look, folks, at how young, vulnerable women are 'groomed' into being prostitutes if you want to see a sick dynamic. Or boys are 'groomed' into being drug dealers (and also prostitutes, by a few). I used to date a man who was the chief investigator for a regional district attorney. He laid it out to me years ago and I've ever since understood that this is more or less the same process that lots of older men use to weasel a lot of younger women into sex or a relationship.

 

 

The younger me often asked myself what I was doing 'wrong' to invite that kind of attention.

 

 

The me now realizes that these men are conditioned by society to think that type of attention is appropriate and it had zero to do with me.

 

 

You can use historical precedent all you like. There are women even now being sold into marriage by their parents to much older men all over the world. Some sell themselves willingly to avoid a life of poverty or to have what they view as a better life. That is where it started. It started at a time when women had no financial power of her own.... and she was obliged to barter off whatever she had that was of value... To those men, it was her youth.

 

 

I consider myself extremely blessed to have lived long enough to see this come full circle. Full circle in a sense that I can see this dynamic for what it really is... and that 'attention' had zero to do with ME, and everything to do with what men are told is acceptable behavior.

 

 

I personally won't be acting polite about it anymore. Some preferences are not just 'preferences'.... they are sick. And while I can acknowledge the existence of outliers... I can only do so in the purely statistical sense, in that it is THEORETICAL. Not real.

 

 

Most people are NOT the exception or an outlier... as much as they'd like to think they are.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, you certainly try hard enough to convince the board that younger women prefer older men.

No argument there. *winks*

 

Please repost a single comment where I say anything anout trying to convince anyone that a younger woman would prefer an older man...Dont worry...I wont hold my breath

 

This isn't a study. It's one person's blog who is trying to promote her book. The fact of the matter is, 93% of marriages are between people close in age. That would dispel your myth that younger women prefer much older men.

 

I plucked the first thing off the top of the Google search...There were PAGES of stiuff there...And stop already with the 93% of marriages...It says nothing of LTR that arent marriages...or do you want to just conveniently leave that out..??

 

7% stray from the norm. You and I can debate the reason why that 7% stray from the norm until the cows come home. I'm suggesting some women have daddy issues. Some have insecurities and look for a man who fills their need for security and stability that they themselves don't have.

 

Thats quite condescending of you to your own gender..

 

Not likely.

 

So encouraging women to consider areas of compatibility is idealistic fantasyland crap? You don't know what you're talking about. Or are just trying to be an arogant prick. It's O.K. I know your ego is fragile.

 

No, you arent encouraging anything...You are trying to dictate that people fit into little boxes and if they dont you call them out as deviants and emotionally disturbed..Its dumb and shows a lack of insight and intelligence..

 

 

 

Have a Happy Easter.

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm sure the older men who have hit on me through the years didn't think they were predators. They thought they were enjoying something 'organic' too...

 

 

While, *I* thought they were using their situation to try and take advantage. As it is, I was obliged to be polite in my rejection of them... while suppressing my anger and feelings of betrayal.

 

 

If I'd been less independent, less observant, less confident, or had few or no examples of what healthy relationships look like at that age, no doubt I might have resigned myself to one of those situations... I might have allowed myself to be 'groomed' into that role in one form or another.

 

 

Take a look, folks, at how young, vulnerable women are 'groomed' into being prostitutes if you want to see a sick dynamic. Or boys are 'groomed' into being drug dealers (and also prostitutes, by a few). I used to date a man who was the chief investigator for a regional district attorney. He laid it out to me years ago and I've ever since understood that this is more or less the same process that lots of older men use to weasel a lot of younger women into sex or a relationship.

 

 

The younger me often asked myself what I was doing 'wrong' to invite that kind of attention.

 

 

The me now realizes that these men are conditioned by society to think that type of attention is appropriate and it had zero to do with me.

 

 

You can use historical precedent all you like. There are women even now being sold into marriage by their parents to much older men all over the world. Some sell themselves willingly to avoid a life of poverty or to have what they view as a better life. That is where it started. It started at a time when women had no financial power of her own.... and she was obliged to barter off whatever she had that was of value... To those men, it was her youth.

 

 

I consider myself extremely blessed to have lived long enough to see this come full circle. Full circle in a sense that I can see this dynamic for what it really is... and that 'attention' had zero to do with ME, and everything to do with what men are told is acceptable behavior.

 

 

I personally won't be acting polite about it anymore. Some preferences are not just 'preferences'.... they are sick. And while I can acknowledge the existence of outliers... I can only do so in the purely statistical sense, in that it is THEORETICAL. Not real.

 

 

Most people are NOT the exception or an outlier... as much as they'd like to think they are.

 

I wont say you are being disingenuous

 

But I find it amazing how some drop dead gorgeous women never have these experiences with all of these predatory douchebag men that you talk about....They can live their entire lives and never have a single issue..

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

^ I guess you missed fooloftheyear's earlier condescending post about being a business and his perception of young male employees. Followed by reasons why women would prefer older guys.

 

: shrug :

 

At the end of the day young dudes aren't worried about old blokes. Ive never felt like they were in direct competition with me. So meh.

 

 

Exactly. I work around a lot of great younger men who would be real catches to lots of young women. I'm really inspired by a lot of them... a few of them have gotten a bit doe-eyed over me from time to time, but I know that is just part of being young... I never took advantage.

 

 

... and I'm very glad you don't feel threatened or discouraged Kaylan. You definitely shouldn't. There are things a same age peer can give young women that an older man never could... and that is the opportunity to grow together in life.

 

 

My bet is that you are coming across healthier women (emotionally) anyway. You likely wouldn't want the women who might want older men.

 

 

They are probably the same ones you would eliminate from your dating pool in the first place because of all of the other issues you've talked about here. So maybe we should all be thankful for some older men taking them off your hands?? One less messed up girl you have to sort out yourself??

[readynow]

What I don't understand is:

*Is there a law (or even a guide) as to what a 'right' age difference is, whether the woman is older or the man is older;

*If there is such a guide, who wrote it;

and most of all,

** Why anyone thinks their personal experience (or their friends') qualifies them to say which is wrong or right.

 

Of course we all know of societies where girls are sold, many young, to much older men - I doubt this is what we speak of here. I thought we were speaking of consenting adults.

 

I personally (despite dating since I was 13) had my first sexual relationship when I was 24 - with my boyfriend whom I eventually married. So did my parents and grandparents so no history of child marriages anywhere near me!

 

I have a friend in her early 50s. She's very hot by anyone's standards, great career, has kids etc. She could never date someone older than she is because in her eyes, over 50s men look 'VERY OLD'! She's engaged to a 40yr old man and they are very happy too.

 

My grandparents lived to their 80s/90s - my grandmother was 9 years older than my grandfather. He died at 88 (she was 95ish) and they died within 4 months of each other.

 

We all have different experiences so, indeed, to each his (or her) own!

[RedRobin]

I wont say you are being disingenuous

 

But I find it amazing how some drop dead gorgeous women never have these experiences with all of these predatory douchebag men that you talk about....They can live their entire lives and never have a single issue..

 

TFY

 

 

Just because they don't talk to you about it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. As a woman, if you want to stay in the game, you learn how to brush it aside. Just like I did. And no, they certainly aren't going to share their experiences with some macho, blow hard traditional guy like you come across here. If anything, they are patronizing you just like they've been obliged to patronize lots of similar men. I know how THAT is done very well, thank you. It is an art form, really. To reject a guy and make him not feel rejected.

 

 

I know plenty of drop dead gorgeous women. All married, BTW, to same age men. Those of us in all male fields have experienced pretty much the same thing. Although, I don't consider myself drop dead gorgeous.

 

 

It is a lot less prevalent these days due to sexual harassment laws, thank goodness.

 

 

Check out the military, though, for some interesting recent examples. Gorgeous or not... doesn't excuse it.

[thefooloftheyear]

What I don't understand is:

*Is there a law (or even a guide) as to what a 'right' age difference is, whether the woman is older or the man is older;

*If there is such a guide, who wrote it;

and most of all,

** Why anyone thinks their personal experience (or their friends') qualifies them to say which is wrong or right.

 

Of course we all know of societies where girls are sold, many young, to much older men - I doubt this is what we speak of here. I thought we were speaking of consenting adults.

 

I personally (despite dating since I was 13) had my first sexual relationship when I was 24 - with my boyfriend whom I eventually married. So did my parents and grandparents so no history of child marriages anywhere near me!

 

I have a friend in her early 50s. She's very hot by anyone's standards, great career, has kids etc. She could never date someone older than she is because in her eyes, over 50s men look 'VERY OLD'! She's engaged to a 40yr old man and they are very happy too.

 

My grandparents lived to their 80s/90s - my grandmother was 9 years older than my grandfather. He died at 88 (she was 95ish) and they died within 4 months of each other.

 

We all have different experiences so, indeed, to each his (or her) own!

 

 

Good post and its exactly the point everyone is trying to make....

 

Absolutely nothing wrong with your female friend wanting to date younger...I say more power to her!

 

But if the roles were reversed, then the angry mob middle aged women are going to call that guy out as a deviant and a creep...Thats the issue at hand here and why I cant understand the dynamic of that behavior, only to chalk it up as them feeling like they are having to compete with a more desirable pool of women.....

 

So they just start to throw bottles....

 

TFY

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Just because they don't talk to you about it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. As a woman, if you want to stay in the game, you learn how to brush it aside. Just like I did. And no, they certainly aren't going to share their experiences with some macho, blow hard traditional guy like you come across here. If anything, they are patronizing you just like they've been obliged to patronize lots of similar men. I know how THAT is done very well, thank you. It is an art form, really. To reject a guy and make him not feel rejected.

 

 

I know plenty of drop dead gorgeous women. All married, BTW, to same age men. Those of us in all male fields have experienced pretty much the same thing. Although, I don't consider myself drop dead gorgeous.

 

 

It is a lot less prevalent these days due to sexual harassment laws, thank goodness.

 

 

Check out the military, though, for some interesting recent examples. Gorgeous or not... doesn't excuse it.

 

Oh please.....

 

I have been around these women...One in particular I spend more time with than her bf(who shockingly is 12 years older than her-that she appraoched initially at the gym she trains at-oh the horror)..They project an aura of confidence and I can say for absolute certainty that they arent getting jacked around by some moron..

 

Dont you ever tire of this mantra...???

 

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

But if the roles were reversed, then the angry mob middle aged women are going to call that guy out as a deviant and a creep...Thats the issue at hand here and why I cant understand the dynamic of that behavior, only to chalk it up as them feeling like they are having to compete with a more desirable pool of women.....

 

So they just start to throw bottles....

 

TFY

 

TFY

 

 

Because most of those guys are.

 

 

... and I guess I will never convince you that I don't want men who are interested in or willing to engage in sex or a relationship with a much younger woman. In fact, I'm doing my best to screen them out.

 

 

... and no, not because I'm afraid of getting dumped for a younger woman. I could get dumped anytime. Any idiot knows THAT.

 

 

I just happen to believe those men have something wrong upstairs that I want no part of. Really. So maybe I should be THANKFUL that men on dating sites state their skewed age ranges. Makes it easier for me to avoid them. That is one positive thing about those dating sites. You see their real preferences.

 

 

I don't have to go on a few (or more) dates to find out their last GF was young enough to be their daughter... like I did last year. What a nightmare THAT was.

[RedRobin]

Oh please.....

 

I have been around these women...One in particular I spend more time with than her bf(who shockingly is 12 years older than her-that she appraoched initially at the gym she trains at-oh the horror)..They project an aura of confidence and I can say for absolute certainty that they arent getting jacked around by some moron..

 

Dont you ever tire of this mantra...???

 

 

TFY

 

 

Don't you ever tire of yours?? That women are pissed at the 'competition'.

 

 

I guess I'd have to question your version of what confidence looks like then...

 

 

... and who said I was getting jacked around? I was never 'jacked around'. I got what I wanted in the end. Which makes be believe I probably will now too... Eventually.

 

 

It just won't involve an older man or ANY man who is interested in much younger women. *shrug*

[EasyHeart]

What I don't understand is:

*Is there a law (or even a guide) as to what a 'right' age difference is, whether the woman is older or the man is older;

*If there is such a guide, who wrote it;

and most of all,

** Why anyone thinks their personal experience (or their friends') qualifies them to say which is wrong or right.

 

Of course we all know of societies where girls are sold, many young, to much older men - I doubt this is what we speak of here. I thought we were speaking of consenting adults.

 

I personally (despite dating since I was 13) had my first sexual relationship when I was 24 - with my boyfriend whom I eventually married. So did my parents and grandparents so no history of child marriages anywhere near me!

 

I have a friend in her early 50s. She's very hot by anyone's standards, great career, has kids etc. She could never date someone older than she is because in her eyes, over 50s men look 'VERY OLD'! She's engaged to a 40yr old man and they are very happy too.

 

My grandparents lived to their 80s/90s - my grandmother was 9 years older than my grandfather. He died at 88 (she was 95ish) and they died within 4 months of each other.

 

We all have different experiences so, indeed, to each his (or her) own!

Welcome to Loveshack: The place where people with unhappy romantic lives think their problem is that other people are doing it wrong.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Old blokes don't think / view dating, relationships, women, love and matters of the heart as a game or competition.

 

Yeah right, that's why they say all along in this thread that older women are afraid to "compete" with younger women...

 

And that's why every time I told an older bloke on a dating site that I did not want to date someone that much older than me, he replied with "I look and act much younger than regular folks my age."

 

I think that older blokes are very very aware of their age and if they go after younger women it is not something that just happens, they know very well that they go for younger. Hence there vehement rejection of women their own age.

 

I agree with Kaylan that younger guys are not thinking a lot about this.