Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[KathyM]

I guess you failed to read it properly...

Is this your canned response to everyone who doesn't agree with you?

I wont go back there, but the jist of my comments-based on years of experience is basically that guys in this age demographic arent really of the "settling down" type...They want to have fun and they have no interest in owning a home, having kids, etc...

My husband and I were both in our 20s when we bought our first home. So was my nephew and his wife. Like I said before, the average age of men to get married in the U.S. is 29. That leaves a very large percentage as having married in their 20s, plus those that are interested in settling down, but haven't yet found the right one yet or are preparing to settle down.

Do you own a home and habe kids?

I owned a home and had kids in my 20s. So did my sisters, nephews and niece. You try to make it sound like men in their 20s are some kind of poor loserish irresponsible kids with no interest in settling down. That is just a false assumption. My nephews and my sons (all in that 20s age bracket) all are college graduates with really great jobs and wives or exclusive girlfriends whom they are committed to. The only one of the bunch that is still in college and not settled yet is in his early 20s, but he just ended a 3 year relationship with a woman he was very committed to and had planned to marry. It's a myth that men in their 20s are not interested in settling down.

[RedRobin]

Almost all of my professional male friends met their now wives in HS or college... A few waited a little longer, but still in their twenties and early thirties.

 

The ones who have made it highest up the career ladder married fairly young.

 

I am starting to wonder what caliber of young men TFY tends to hire.

 

Maybe this says more about your hiring practices TFY than it does young men in their twenties...

[Keenly]

The " I don't agree, therefore you have mental problems " attitude really makes me want to throw up.

[KathyM]

What I don't understand is:

*Is there a law (or even a guide) as to what a 'right' age difference is, whether the woman is older or the man is older;

*If there is such a guide, who wrote it;

and most of all,

** Why anyone thinks their personal experience (or their friends') qualifies them to say which is wrong or right.

 

Of course we all know of societies where girls are sold, many young, to much older men - I doubt this is what we speak of here. I thought we were speaking of consenting adults.

 

I personally (despite dating since I was 13) had my first sexual relationship when I was 24 - with my boyfriend whom I eventually married. So did my parents and grandparents so no history of child marriages anywhere near me!

 

I have a friend in her early 50s. She's very hot by anyone's standards, great career, has kids etc. She could never date someone older than she is because in her eyes, over 50s men look 'VERY OLD'! She's engaged to a 40yr old man and they are very happy too.

 

My grandparents lived to their 80s/90s - my grandmother was 9 years older than my grandfather. He died at 88 (she was 95ish) and they died within 4 months of each other.

 

We all have different experiences so, indeed, to each his (or her) own!

We are talking about generational age gaps as being the issue of contention and having issues of compatibility. Not relationships that are ten years' difference or less.

[KathyM]

I wont say you are being disingenuous

 

But I find it amazing how some drop dead gorgeous women never have these experiences with all of these predatory douchebag men that you talk about....They can live their entire lives and never have a single issue..

 

TFY

Well, my family has had the same issues that Redrobin is talking about. My sisters, myself, my niece, my kids' girlfriends, have all had experiences of unwanted attention from much older men, some of them married men. It's not uncommon.

[thefooloftheyear]

Is this your canned response to everyone who doesn't agree with you?

 

My husband and I were both in our 20s when we bought our first home. So was my nephew and his wife. Like I said before, the average age of men to get married in the U.S. is 29. That leaves a very large percentage as having married in their 20s, plus those that are interested in settling down, but haven't yet found the right one yet or are preparing to settle down.

 

I owned a home and had kids in my 20s. So did my sisters, nephews and niece. You try to make it sound like men in their 20s are some kind of poor loserish irresponsible kids with no interest in settling down. That is just a false assumption. My nephews and my sons (all in that 20s age bracket) all are college graduates with really great jobs and wives or exclusive girlfriends whom they are committed to. The only one of the bunch that is still in college and not settled yet is in his early 20s, but he just ended a 3 year relationship with a woman he was very committed to and had planned to marry. It's a myth that men in their 20s are not interested in settling down.

 

 

The response you are quoting is directed to another poster....NOT YOU!!!:laugh:

 

 

So I guess you didnt read it properly either...Holy Jesus, woman...go to the eye doctor already....

 

TFY

[Keenly]

Well, my family has had the same issues that Redrobin is talking about. My sisters, myself, my niece, my kids' girlfriends, have all had experiences of unwanted attention from much older men, some of them married men. It's not uncommon.

 

 

Some women want that attention from older men.

 

 

So where does that leave us?

[thefooloftheyear]

Almost all of my professional male friends met their now wives in HS or college... A few waited a little longer, but still in their twenties and early thirties.

 

The ones who have made it highest up the career ladder married fairly young.

 

I am starting to wonder what caliber of young men TFY tends to hire.

 

Maybe this says more about your hiring practices TFY than it does young men in their twenties...

 

 

Just your average, run of the mill 20 somethings....That make quite a bit of money, I might add.....And I have been in business for almost 30 years...Must be doing something right?

 

Not all are like this...And I can tell you that 20 years ago, the average guy I had in here wasnt like these guys are now...They just dont want to settle down...Who cares? They have every right..I dont blame them anyway...They seem quite happy, actually...

 

TFY

[KathyM]

The response you are quoting is directed to another poster....NOT YOU!!!:laugh:

 

 

So I guess you didnt read it properly either...Holy Jesus, woman...go to the eye doctor already....

 

TFY

Dear boy,

 

 

You have given me this same response to me directly, claiming I have reading comprehension issues, and now you are giving it to another poster as well, just because we don't agree with you.

[KathyM]

Some women want that attention from older men.

 

 

So where does that leave us?

That's the problem right there. These much older men THINK young women want their attention. Newsflash: they do not want it. It's creepy. It's embarrassing. It's unwanted. Maybe some woman who is starved for attention or desparate, or who is looking to be rescued by some daddy figure might be open to it, but the vast majority of women are not.

[thefooloftheyear]

Dear boy,

 

 

You have given me this same response to me directly, claiming I have reading comprehension issues, and now you are giving it to another poster as well, just because we don't agree with you.

 

 

If you respond/answer a post thats not directed at you, what would you calll it? Selective vision?

 

This is starting to become a real laugh fest..

 

TFY

[KathyM]

There are various ages of men and some who are married who are rude, inappropriate, indecent, creepy, sick and even evil. No doubt about that.

 

However, I have received unwanted attention from various ages of women (and men) and some who were married too. Some of them were also rude, inappropriate, indecent, creepy, sick and even evil.

 

Newsflash... There are some s.hitty PEOPLE in the world.

 

Why does that come as a surprise to you?

No surprise there. We are well aware of it.

Do I paint the entire female and male gender, people of a certain age, gays with a black brush? No.

 

I just ignore them and keep on trucking down the road.

 

Why are you unable to do the same?

No one is saying that all men are like this. Both Redrobin and I have experiences with both types: the honorable men who are a credit to their gender, and those types who are predators.

[Keenly]

That's the problem right there. These much older men THINK young women want their attention. Newsflash: they do not want it. It's creepy. It's embarrassing. It's unwanted. Maybe some woman who is starved for attention or desparate, or who is looking to be rescued by some daddy figure might be open to it, but the vast majority of women are not.

 

 

 

So would you like to explain to me how in the world, in MY anti-social, barely go outside life, I've managed to meet 3 different women all slightly younger than myself, who prefer 35-45 year old men?

 

How is that possible? Since NO GIRLS like the attention from older men, according to you.

[KathyM]

If you respond/answer a post thats not directed at you, what would you calll it? Selective vision?

 

This is starting to become a real laugh fest..

 

TFY

Do I need to find the two (or more) posts which you directly claimed I had reading comprehension issues? Tsk, tsk.

[KathyM]

So would you like to explain to me how in the world, in MY anti-social, barely go outside life, I've managed to meet 3 different women all slightly younger than myself, who prefer 35-45 year old men?

 

 

How is that possible? Since NO GIRLS like the attention from older men, according to you.

I didn't say no girls like the attention from much older men. I said most do not want it. Those who may be desparate for attention might want any kind of male attention.

 

 

Maybe you need to get out of your basement more often.

[KathyM]

Can we focus on healthy women / men / couples?

 

Can we just agree that there are some sickos, whackos and monsters in both genders?

 

Can we just agree that unhealthy people who date or get involved with sickos, whackos and monsters have their own set of issues too?

 

Can we just agree that there are some healthy people who become victims of sickos, whackos and monsters in both genders?

Agreed.

 

 

****************

[Keenly]

I didn't say no girls like the attention from much older men. I said most do not want it. Those who may be desparate for attention might want any kind of male attention.

 

 

Maybe you need to get out of your basement more often.

 

 

Of course. Not only do we respond to a different account by labeling them as having something wrong with them for liking what they like, but we also take a nice little sentence to make a personal jab at me, because you can't refute my experiences.

 

 

Thank you for bringing down your own argument a few notches.

[FitChick]

Most attractive women ignore unwanted attention from men of any age. It's just something clueless men do, like catcalling from a passing car. Who cares? I refuse to wear a burqa. Yes, it bothered me when I was younger but I was timid and insecure.

 

If a younger woman wants to date an older man, I really don't care if his (or her) intentions are honorable. Has nothing to do with me. I wouldn't want them criticizing me for dating younger men for the same reason. We are all adults making our own decisions.

[thefooloftheyear]

Most attractive women ignore unwanted attention from men of any age. It's just something clueless men do, like catcalling from a passing car. Who cares? I refuse to wear a burqa. Yes, it bothered me when I was younger but I was timid and insecure.

 

If a younger woman wants to date an older man, I really don't care if his (or her) intentions are honorable. Has nothing to do with me. I wouldn't want them criticizing me for dating younger men for the same reason. We are all adults making our own decisions.

 

Well...that wasnt so hard now, was it?....

 

TFY

[suladas]

It wasnt condescending...I guess you failed to read it properly...

 

I wont go back there, but the jist of my comments-based on years of experience is basically that guys in this age demographic arent really of the "settling down" type...They want to have fun and they have no interest in owning a home, having kids, etc...

 

Do you own a home and habe kids?

 

Sure, some younger women might desire an older man, just like a younger man might desire an older woman...Is there a law against that?

 

Sheesh...

 

TFY

 

Totally depends on the guy. I bought my first house at 21, just bought my 2nd at 24 so I have a rental property. Now I won't confuse buying a house with settling down. I just relate buying a house to maturity. However the one thing many older people don't realize is it's a lot tougher to buy a house today then it was 20, 30, or 40 years ago. Prices compared to wages are a TON higher. People who bought a house when it was the same as a years wage must be nice. Where I live house prices have doubled in the last 10 years, wages sure as heck haven't.

 

As far as older men and "competing" with them, never concerned me. Maybe it's because i'm already as established or more then most men in their 30's, or it's the fact that I don't see dating as competing. I see it as two people together who work, not "oh there's a hot girl with a older guy i'm jealous". If they work together, good for them, obviously not the girl for me.

 

I have zero interest dating someone who expects a guy to be well off and provide for them. I actually try to hide that stuff early on to avoid women who are big on that. They need to bring something to the table to. Probably why i've ended up dating older women, and for maturity. Actually also because i'm finding a lack of maturity in women my age, while i'm not looking to get married and have kids tomorrow, things like going out drinking every weekend and all that teenager stuff is not for me. And I want an actual relationship, not this casual multi dating thing so many younger people are into.

[thefooloftheyear]

Totally depends on the guy. I bought my first house at 21, just bought my 2nd at 24 so I have a rental property. Now I won't confuse buying a house with settling down. I just relate buying a house to maturity. However the one thing many older people don't realize is it's a lot tougher to buy a house today then it was 20, 30, or 40 years ago. Prices compared to wages are a TON higher. People who bought a house when it was the same as a years wage must be nice. Where I live house prices have doubled in the last 10 years, wages sure as heck haven't.

 

As far as older men and "competing" with them, never concerned me. Maybe it's because i'm already as established or more then most men in their 30's, or it's the fact that I don't see dating as competing. I see it as two people together who work, not "oh there's a hot girl with a older guy i'm jealous". If they work together, good for them, obviously not the girl for me.

 

I have zero interest dating someone who expects a guy to be well off and provide for them. I actually try to hide that stuff early on to avoid women who are big on that. They need to bring something to the table to. Probably why i've ended up dating older women, and for maturity. Actually also because i'm finding a lack of maturity in women my age, while i'm not looking to get married and have kids tomorrow, things like going out drinking every weekend and all that teenager stuff is not for me. And I want an actual relationship, not this casual multi dating thing so many younger people are into.

 

I agree with you that it IS tougher...Still possible, but quite a bit tougher...And this is just one of the many reasons you dont see younger guys with the house, kids, dog, etc..All of my younger male cousins kids are all well educated, and seem like solid young men, but none of them have any of these things, nor do they really want it at this time..Why? Its probably because you need around 300K just for a deposit on a house around here...Its nuts..

 

As for competing? Guys dont compete and "one up" each other the way women do...They do it with men, clothes, shoes, jewelry, hair, boobs, kids..you name it.....Men dont really give a shyt one way or another....

 

TFY

[Under The Radar]

Categorically, this thread has achieved EPIC status ...... someone should call Guinness.

[Woggle]

Categorically, this thread has achieved EPIC status ...... someone should call Guinness.

 

Lets all crack open a Guinness as well?

[Under The Radar]

Lets all crack open a Guinness as well?

 

 

 

LOL ......

 

 

Sure, why not ...... I don't even drink alcohol, but this thread might drive me to start .

[KungFuJoe]

LOL ......

 

 

Sure, why not ...... I don't even drink alcohol, but this thread might drive me to start .

 

This is the most alarming thing I've read in the thread so far!

 

Someone buy this person a DRINK!