Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[janedoe67]

One thing this thread has taught me is that there are a lot of people in the world who seem overly concerned and inordinately obsessed with what complete strangers do.

 

But then I already knew that......

 

I had creepy attention from a couple of older people when I was younger. I avoided them. It was gross (they didn't "do" anything, but I had that creep vibe). Then I had the example of my father, an amazing and godly Christian man, who is married to my 10 years younger mother, an amazing and godly Christian woman. They have been married 54 years.

 

I have a friend who tended to go much older, even in high school - her father was not around. It was obvious what was going on there, and yes, she got used, and it was very very sad. But then I have my aunt, whose first marriage was with a horrible abusive husband, and whose 2nd marriage has lasted over 30 years with a kind man who is more than 10 years her senior. Again, both wonderful Christian people.

 

What that very limited personal experience says to me (and yes, making a generalization based on MY circle of friends/family is unscientific) is that there are times when the older man/younger woman dynamic is unhealthy, and there are times when it is great. And it depends more on the people involved than the math.

Edited April 20, 2014 by janedoe67

[Under The Radar]

One thing this thread has taught me is that there are a lot of people in the world who seem overly concerned and inordinately obsessed with what complete strangers do.

 

But then I already knew that......

 

I had creepy attention from a couple of older people when I was younger. I avoided them. It was gross (they didn't "do" anything, but I had that creep vibe). Then I had the example of my father, an amazing and godly Christian man, who is married to my 10 years younger mother, an amazing and godly Christian woman. They have been married 54 years.

 

I have a friend who tended to go much older, even in high school - her father was not around. It was obvious what was going on there, and yes, she got used, and it was very very sad. But then I have my aunt, whose first marriage was with a horrible abusive husband, and whose 2nd marriage has lasted over 30 years with a kind man who is more than 10 years her senior. Again, both wonderful Christian people.

 

What that very limited personal experience says to me (and yes, making a generalization based on MY circle of friends/family is unscientific) is that there are times when the older man/younger woman dynamic is unhealthy, and there are times when it is great. And it depends more on the people involved than the math.

 

 

 

Exactly ...... I'll drink to this .

[oz-missy]

That's the problem right there. These much older men THINK young women want their attention. Newsflash: they do not want it. It's creepy. It's embarrassing. It's unwanted. Maybe some woman who is starved for attention or desparate, or who is looking to be rescued by some daddy figure might be open to it, but the vast majority of women are not.

 

Excuse me but sod right off.

 

How dare you paint all women who are in a relationship with an older man as starved for attention, desperate or having daddy issues. I take extreme offence at this statement. Again I will repeat myself, I am in a relationship with an older man. He did not coerce me into it. I'm not starved for attention. Neither am I desperate or do I have "daddy issues".

 

Plus this statement is from a woman who is claiming to be a counsellor and advocate for women. Please stop doing that so you don't corrupt the minds of the impressionable.

[lollipopspot]

As for competing? Guys dont compete and "one up" each other the way women do...They do it with men, clothes, shoes, jewelry, hair, boobs, kids..you name it.....Men dont really give a shyt one way or another....

 

That's certainly not true.

[RedRobin]

All arguments about mental issues aside...

 

I don't see why anyone as accomplished and attractive as the OP would want to settle for an older man....

 

She seems fine on her own and can afford to take her time finding a real peer. Just like the guys.

 

I think she might need to move to a different place with a more favorable demographic though.... And stop believing stories that older men are somehow better or commitment minded just because they are older.. They aren't.

 

If people are so concerned with dispensing with stereotypes... We can start with that one...

 

...and if she does end up with an older man... At least she will have gone into it with her eyes open... Not sold down the pike by society and older men with their own agendas that have nothing to do with her.

 

Edited: hey ES, it probably was fun watching the peacocks strut their stuff here, eh? If I were going to choose one for you here amongst the poseurs... I have a couple of favorites. If you are curious about why, then PM me.

Edited April 20, 2014 by RedRobin

[joystickd]

All arguments about mental issues aside...

 

I don't see why anyone as accomplished and attractive as the OP would want to settle for an older man....

 

She seems fine on her own and can afford to take her time finding a real peer. Just like the guys.

 

I think she might need to move to a different place with a more favorable demographic though.... And stop believing stories that older men are somehow better or commitment minded just because they are older.. They aren't.

 

If people are so concerned with dispensing with stereotypes... We can start with that one...

 

...and if she does end up with an older man... At least she will have gone into it with her eyes open... Not sold down the pike by society and older men with their own agendas that have nothing to do with her.

 

Edited: hey ES, it probably was fun watching the peacocks strut their stuff here, eh? If I were going to choose one for you here amongst the poseurs... I have a couple of favorites. If you are curious about why, then PM me.

Everyone has an agenda. Some are just more honest about it than others. It says a lot when people have to spend so much time "warning" someone about older men and their "unwanted" advances. You had bad experiences but that doesn't mean any other woman will. Hell I had bad experiences with women of my own race but I'm not going to tell every guy not to date them or bash these women. When you do that you could be ruining them from having a potential rewarding relationship if an older man was compatible with them. I'm not for the whole older man/ younger woman thing, but I do understand why some men gravitate towards younger women. Hell I have been with women 10-20 years older than me and there were one or two that it was understood why a man her age didn't want to date her.

 

You also can't sit here and act like these younger women are all innocent. There are some that seek out older men for that "come up". You honestly can't talk all this negativity without acknowledging that their are younger women that are manipulative too. It's just annoying that you and some other user have lumped up the creepy harassing older men with just older men looking for something romantic. You are no different than the guy that lumps the women that genuinely are golddiggers with the women that want a man on a certain level because they understand the economics of having a family and also wanting someone on their level especially if they are a professional.

[iiiii]

To the OP, I just don't think you can generalize.

 

Some older guys are really mature and have it together - some are immature and seem to have learned nothing about relationships in their lives. Same as young guys, really.

 

The only thing that is really different is that older guys are likely to be at a different life stage to you, e.g. they may have already had their kids and not want more, they may already have. They may have already bought property or settled into a location or career and not want to travel or change. Mind you, there are 20 year olds like that too - like I said, you can't generalize.

 

I wouldn't advise you "settle" for anyone. That won't make you happy. And when you find the right person, you won't feel like you're settling.

[iiiii]

Excuse me but sod right off.

 

How dare you paint all women who are in a relationship with an older man as starved for attention, desperate or having daddy issues. I take extreme offence at this statement. Again I will repeat myself, I am in a relationship with an older man. He did not coerce me into it. I'm not starved for attention. Neither am I desperate or do I have "daddy issues".

 

Plus this statement is from a woman who is claiming to be a counsellor and advocate for women. Please stop doing that so you don't corrupt the minds of the impressionable.

 

No, no, no. Don't you know that folks like us who are in relationships with age gaps are all just sick, desperate gold diggers who are settling for the only male attention we can get? I mean, how dare we pretend we're sane and happy?

[Woggle]

You Lose I wouldn't touch one of those women with a ten foot poll but not all single women in their 30s and 40s are like that. Just because certain posters like to generalize about older men doesn't mean we should generalize about older women.

 

You are going to catch hell for that post but it does describe a lot of people. Those kind of women as much as they complain about no good men they chew up and spit out nice guys like a spider.

[joystickd]

You Lose I wouldn't touch one of those women with a ten foot poll but not all single women in their 30s and 40s are like that. Just because certain posters like to generalize about older men doesn't mean we should generalize about older women.

 

You are going to catch hell for that post but it does describe a lot of people. Those kind of women as much as they complain about no good men they chew up and spit out nice guys like a spider.

They need to see that because there are women out here that make men want to go younger. It's better a turnout than a burnout

[PinkInTheLimo]

You Lose, this must be the vilest post I have ever read on Loveshack. The endless stream of ugly things you say about 30+ women says an awful lot about yourself and very little about the 30+ women. Your post shows a total lack of class and volumes of inner poison.

 

If we judge people by their relationship track record, yours is not so brilliant either because you are over 40 and you are still not married. Why would you at 42 never married be any better than a woman of 42 who has never been married. Maybe she has also been working hard, had a few serious relationships but not yet that relationship where she wants to get married and start a family.

 

Most 25 year old girls find a guy of 42 way too old to start a relationship with. Most 25 year old girls prefer to have children with a guy who is not a lot older than they are. And most 25 year old girls are not very impressed with someone's CV or career, they want someone they can relate to and makes a decent living.

Most of all they want someone who is kind and your post shows that you are anything but kind.

[Under The Radar]

Looks like Round 2 is starting soon ......

 

 

*UTR gets the hell out of dodge*

[joystickd]

You Lose, this must be the vilest post I have ever read on Loveshack. The endless stream of ugly things you say about 30+ women says an awful lot about yourself and very little about the 30+ women. Your post shows a total lack of class and volumes of inner poison.

 

If we judge people by their relationship track record, yours is not so brilliant either because you are over 40 and you are still not married. Why would you at 42 never married be any better than a woman of 42 who has never been married. Maybe she has also been working hard, had a few serious relationships but not yet that relationship where she wants to get married and start a family.

 

Most 25 year old girls find a guy of 42 way too old to start a relationship with. Most 25 year old girls prefer to have children with a guy who is not a lot older than they are. And most 25 year old girls are not very impressed with someone's CV or career, they want someone they can relate to and makes a decent living.

Most of all they want someone who is kind and your post shows that you are anything but kind.

All this talk about men it needed to be said that there are some burnout women

[iiiii]

You made me laugh, You Lose.

 

Now I can't work out if my sweetie is a bad predatory manipulative older man with wicked designs on my poor helpless little self, or if I'm a bitter unmarried dried-up over-30 year old with emotional baggage trying desperately to trick the poor man into marriage?

[iiiii]

Now that, is funny. Love the sarcasm.

 

We aim to please...

[Woggle]

I want to thank pickflicker for seeing it from our side and being fair.

[RedRobin]

Meh, well... statistics don't lie. Some of you can believe all the rationale you want about being an exception all you want, if it helps you get through the day.

 

And ES, well, she seems to be doing just fine. She's managed to fend off the attentions of these self-described older, 'better' men trying to prop up their later years on her back. lol.

 

Glad that the other posters showed their true colors though.

 

See? It's in there somewhere, ES... with men who have those preferences and history. Take your time if/when you come across them. It will come out soon enough, just like it did here. Don't be another statistic.

Edited April 21, 2014 by RedRobin

[anne1707]

As a woman, I find some of the views expressed in this thread shameful. Thankfully they are not representative of the views of all women.

[RedRobin]

As a woman, I find some of the views expressed in this thread shameful. Thankfully they are not representative of the views of all women.

 

 

Well, I find it lots of things shameful... one of them... saddling up on a much younger person to help get through ones old(er) age or to prop up their ego. No matter how they spin it. At the end of the day, that is all it is. *shrug*

Edited April 21, 2014 by RedRobin

[Art_Critic]

Well, I find it lots of things shameful... one of them... saddling up on a younger person to help get through ones old(er) age or to prop up their ego. No matter how they spin it. At the end of the day, that is all it is. *shrug*

 

The funny thing about life RR is that we all age, you included... it might very well be possible you find yourself older, single and dating younger men. life has a funny way of showing us there are more ways to live it.

 

IMO..There isn't anything wrong with dating someone of a different age than yourself and if someone does it doesn't make them needing their ego propped up, it makes them human...

 

I hope your future looks bright and you don't age..but if you do age and find yourself looking at that 35 year old hunk of a guy I hope you go for it rather than think you need your ego propped up.

[RedRobin]

I find nothing disrespectful at all in saying that I very much appreciate and enjoy being around older men and younger men. I've said it quite often here...

 

 

It doesn't diminish their value as human beings whatsoever just because I don't feel the need to eff men in those age groups to either soothe my loneliness or prop up my ego. I'm self-aware that way, lol.

[RedRobin]

The funny thing about life RR is that we all age, you included... it might very well be possible you find yourself older, single and dating younger men. life has a funny way of showing us there are more ways to live it.

 

IMO..There isn't anything wrong with dating someone of a different age than yourself and if someone does it doesn't make them needing their ego propped up, it makes them human...

 

I hope your future looks bright and you don't age..but if you do age and find yourself looking at that 35 year old hunk of a guy I hope you go for it rather than think you need your ego propped up.

 

 

well, one thing we can count on from the younger guys who go for older women... they almost always view it as temporary. They are smart that way. lol. If I ever DID go for that arrangement, that is how I'd view it too.

 

 

It is usually just some younger women who make the mistake of chaining themselves long-term in some way to the older guy. That is where they make the mistake, IMHO.

[RedRobin]

You Lose, this must be the vilest post I have ever read on Loveshack. The endless stream of ugly things you say about 30+ women says an awful lot about yourself and very little about the 30+ women. Your post shows a total lack of class and volumes of inner poison.

 

If we judge people by their relationship track record, yours is not so brilliant either because you are over 40 and you are still not married. Why would you at 42 never married be any better than a woman of 42 who has never been married. Maybe she has also been working hard, had a few serious relationships but not yet that relationship where she wants to get married and start a family.

 

Most 25 year old girls find a guy of 42 way too old to start a relationship with. Most 25 year old girls prefer to have children with a guy who is not a lot older than they are. And most 25 year old girls are not very impressed with someone's CV or career, they want someone they can relate to and makes a decent living.

Most of all they want someone who is kind and your post shows that you are anything but kind.

 

 

yes... and if we scratch under the surface of this guy... he's likely done his share of 'whoring' around himself and did his part creating the damage he carefully describes here... or enabling others in his social circle to jump in and take their pound of flesh. lol.

 

 

No. I see nothing noble in those guys. It's the highest order of narcissism and shows a lack of self-awareness that is stunning in it's magnitude.

 

 

Stunning, but not surprising given how often I see it amongst men his age. It's just that some of these younger women haven't learned to spot these hypocrites in a crowd.

 

 

All that ugliness and hypocrisy shows itself by the simple fact that they feel somehow entitled to someone younger...

 

 

It must come as a huge surprise to those guys that lots of great women don't want them just for that fact alone.

[joystickd]

yes... and if we scratch under the surface of this guy... he's likely done his share of 'whoring' around himself and did his part creating the damage he carefully describes here... or enabling others in his social circle to jump in and take their pound of flesh. lol.

 

 

No. I see nothing noble in those guys. It's the highest order of narcissism and shows a lack of self-awareness that is stunning in it's magnitude.

 

 

Stunning, but not surprising given how often I see it amongst men his age. It's just that some of these younger women haven't learned to spot these hypocrites in a crowd.

 

 

All that ugliness and hypocrisy shows itself by the simple fact that they feel somehow entitled to someone younger...

 

 

It must come as a huge surprise to those guys that lots of great women don't want them just for that fact alone.

He is not vile. He was just offering the fact there are some questionable women out here too, but you all just like to attack men and see any man that says something about women and evil. That was all he was pointing out. Hell just like you talk about the men there are burnout women out here too just looking to manipulate and find a poor sap. If you can't handle the truth then that is your issue burnout

[Woggle]

yes... and if we scratch under the surface of this guy... he's likely done his share of 'whoring' around himself and did his part creating the damage he carefully describes here... or enabling others in his social circle to jump in and take their pound of flesh. lol.

 

 

No. I see nothing noble in those guys. It's the highest order of narcissism and shows a lack of self-awareness that is stunning in it's magnitude.

 

 

Stunning, but not surprising given how often I see it amongst men his age. It's just that some of these younger women haven't learned to spot these hypocrites in a crowd.

 

 

All that ugliness and hypocrisy shows itself by the simple fact that they feel somehow entitled to someone younger...

 

 

It must come as a huge surprise to those guys that lots of great women don't want them just for that fact alone.

 

He is simply showing the other side of things. Also I have no issue with women who had their fun or had some wild times. There are plenty had fun and look back on it without a load of rage and resentment towards men in general that she will one day dump on some poor naive guy who won't know what him. They are the kinds of women who go for the same guys over and over again and never once take any responsibility for how they get themselves into the same situations. They complain that no good men exist but let them find one treats him well and they bite his head off like a black widow. He isn't simply talking about women with a past.