Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[FitChick]

It affects me and lots of other women everytime we have to fend off unwanted advances by much older men on a routine basis. Which we do.

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime a much older man intentionally or unintentionally interprets our innocent kindness and exuberance as an invitation to f*ck.

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime a much older man assumes his role in our lives is anything OTHER than a father-like figure or friend.

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime we are led to believe by a much older man that we can't trust men to look out for us or respect us... at any age... and that at any age... we women are just something to stick a d*ck into and little more.

Many younger men do the same things. Deal with older men the way you do with younger men who behave this way.

 

I predict this thread will be closed or cleaned up due to all the personal attacks.

Edited April 26, 2014 by FitChick

[RonaldS]

Wow, this thread has really gotten pointless.

 

Guess it's time to go bang out some young Tinder hos.

[RedRobin]

Many younger men do the same things. Deal with older men the way you do with younger men who behave this way.

 

 

No, not that many younger men do the same thing. And if they did, they usually aren't in a position to make women's life difficult in other ways if and when she declines his advances.

 

...it doesn't feel nearly as disgusting, and the younger guy isn't usually going to go to such an effort to try and pretend they are a friend or mentor just to get a piece of ass...

[joystickd]

I don't need to see how you are IRL. You've made yourself clear here enough times.

 

 

I've also explained many times how these 'preferences' of yours and men like you effect me and lots of other women.

 

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime we have to fend off unwanted advances by much older men on a routine basis. Which we do.

 

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime a much older man intentionally or unintentionally interprets our innocent kindness and exuberance as an invitation to f*ck.

 

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime a much older man assumes his role in our lives is anything OTHER than a father-like figure or friend.

 

 

It affects me and lots of other women everytime we are led to believe by a much older man that we can't trust men to look out for us or respect us... at any age... and that at any age... we women are just something to stick a d*ck into and little more.

 

 

THAT is how it affects us, you clueless little prick.

The thing is your experiences are not the rule for all women. Unwanted advances lol. You just deal with it like you would any other unwanted advance from a man of any age. It sounds like you experience this often. So the older guys you deal with are either jerks or they see something in you has them thinking they can do that.

 

We all had bad experiences. Hell I had a lot of bad experiences with Black women but you don't see me on here "warning" men about Black women. It's that person's right to date whoever they want to date and wrong for me to poison whatever situation they want. I will never know what that person's true intentions are. You never know the two people will meet and have a future. What is the benefit to "warning" if you don't know the true intentions of these men? All you have is assumptions and negative ones at that about men in general. Have you ever talked and "warned" the men about younger women that are looking for older men? or any woman with questionable intentions? No I don't think you would ever do that.

[RedRobin]

If men don't want to be accused of being predatory, they should take responsibility for behavior that can be construed as predatory.

 

Hitting on much younger women is predatory by default, with very rare exceptions. The fact it is done so routinely by older men highlights a fundamental sickness in our society based on a time when women had no way to support themselves and couldn't function independently.

 

It is not women's job to police men's behavior. It is men's job to police their own. To the extent they refuse to do this, only underscores their selfishness.

 

My mere existence as a woman does not justify the inappropriate attention of those men... Nor will I shoulder any responsibility whatsoever for their poor behavior...

 

And last but not least... I couldn't care less what their true intentions are.. Of older men. Their attention alone tells me everything I need to know about them. Whether it is with me or someone else they dated. I get it that some men aren't used to being judged for their choices, but too bad. I get it that they are used to being viewed as somehow 'special' for dating younger women.

 

I don't see them that way. I view men who date much younger women as emotionally lazy, stunted, and sometimes predatory. If the younger women want to experiment, or even latch onto that long term, well.. Good luck.

[RedRobin]

Are you effing kidding me???

 

How in God's name did you extrapolate that?...

i really dont see how that is "generalizing that middle aged women are unfit and unattractive""

 

Cmon...

 

TFY

 

Yea... Your comment gave me the same impression... Like, all you middle aged men need do is hit the gym and act cool... And that makes you so much more attractive than your same age female peers....

 

While the women need to put aside six figures in personal enhancement dollars in order to be considered 'hot' in your eyes. It isn't enough for her to share your interests and be just as fit as you. Unless she is perpetually frozen in time as someone who can pass for younger than you, she's not worthy. I feel the same way with Woggles comment. His wife is only legitimate because she looks younger than him. Instead of just owning she is older. And leave it at that.

 

It is the same old BS. You are completely blind to your own sexism... That much is obvious.

[thefooloftheyear]

If men don't want to be accused of being predatory, they should take responsibility for behavior that can be construed as predatory.

 

Hitting on much younger women is predatory by default, with very rare exceptions. The fact it is done so routinely by older men highlights a fundamental sickness in our society based on a time when women had no way to support themselves and couldn't function independently.

 

It is not women's job to police men's behavior. It is men's job to police their own. To the extent they refuse to do this, only underscores their selfishness.

 

My mere existence as a woman does not justify the inappropriate attention of those men... Nor will I shoulder any responsibility whatsoever for their poor behavior...

 

And last but not least... I couldn't care less what their true intentions are.. Of older men. Their attention alone tells me everything I need to know about them. Whether it is with me or someone else they dated. I get it that some men aren't used to being judged for their choices, but too bad. I get it that they are used to being viewed as somehow 'special' for dating younger women.

 

I don't see them that way. I view men who date much younger women as emotionally lazy, stunted, and sometimes predatory. If the younger women want to experiment, or even latch onto that long term, well.. Good luck.

 

You are totally dismissing any woman that actually pursues/desires a particular man?? Huh?? Why is it always that dynamic(guy acting in a predatory manner to the woman)?? I have had attention from women my entire life...Id never have to "hit" on anyone..unless I wanted to...and its really not in my personality to do so...Id never be called a "player"..Sorry you have had experience with creepy guys..*shrug*..

 

But listen to this....

 

Women(especially in their most desirable age ranges), routinely dismiss (and often mock)guys because they are too short, fat, bald, have a small dick...whatever...No one bats an eye...Not saying this is anything I would do, but now, if a desirable and attractive older man decides to date a younger attractive woman(thats truly interested in him) for reasons of a superficial nature(may or may not be the case)- then he is immediately a creep and predator, who is "emotionally lazy and stunted"?

 

What would you call all those women(maybe yourself, too?) that dismissed a guy based on superficial reasoning??

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Yea... Your comment gave me the same impression... Like, all you middle aged men need do is hit the gym and act cool... And that makes you so much more attractive than your same age female peers....

 

While the women need to put aside six figures in personal enhancement dollars in order to be considered 'hot' in your eyes. It isn't enough for her to share your interests and be just as fit as you. Unless she is perpetually frozen in time as someone who can pass for younger than you, she's not worthy. I feel the same way with Woggles comment. His wife is only legitimate because she looks younger than him. Instead of just owning she is older. And leave it at that.

 

It is the same old BS. You are completely blind to your own sexism... That much is obvious.

 

 

I guess you need your eyes checked as well..

 

Where did I say anything about these particular women being more desirable.....IN MY EYES....Please show me...

 

So when are you going to start dating the fat and bald guys? Dont be a hypocrite now!!

 

 

TFY

[Woggle]

We live in a society where most women would rather the men do the approaching and we have had several threads on her where complain that men don't approach. If women want most of the approaching to be done by men one by product of that is women sometimes will be talked to by men they are not interested in. Men can't magically read whether or not a woman will be interested.

[Woggle]

Yea... Your comment gave me the same impression... Like, all you middle aged men need do is hit the gym and act cool... And that makes you so much more attractive than your same age female peers....

 

While the women need to put aside six figures in personal enhancement dollars in order to be considered 'hot' in your eyes. It isn't enough for her to share your interests and be just as fit as you. Unless she is perpetually frozen in time as someone who can pass for younger than you, she's not worthy. I feel the same way with Woggles comment. His wife is only legitimate because she looks younger than him. Instead of just owning she is older. And leave it at that.

 

It is the same old BS. You are completely blind to your own sexism... That much is obvious.

 

My wife has never once visited the surgeon. She has never smoked or did any hard drugs and she lives a healthy lifestye so there goes that theory.

[RedRobin]

I guess you need your eyes checked as well..

 

Where did I say anything about these particular women being more desirable.....IN MY EYES....Please show me...

 

So when are you going to start dating the fat and bald guys? Dont be a hypocrite now!!

 

 

TFY

 

I have dated overweight men. Most are not physically active. I have come across a couple who ARE physically active... Even run marathons. They chub up in the winter when not in training. They like their beer, lol.

 

I have dated bald men too. Actually, I don't find bald men any less attractive than men with hair... Provided they don't sport the comb over or bozo the clown look.

 

I have dated a guy with a legitimate micropenis. As big as my pinkie. I am not kidding. I really liked him... Instead of talking with me about it, he got mean. Very mean.

 

I have dated rich men and poor men. Tall and short.

 

But I won't date a much older guy. Having worked around them my entire life. I have had the benefit of seeing that dynamic upfront and personal. I say benefit... Because I didn't need to date them to see what it was all about.

 

Nor will I date a man with a history that demonstrates lack of discipline or responsibility... In all the myriad ways that manifests itself. Including men with a history of dating much younger women. They lose all credibility with me.

 

Like I said... Lots of guys are used to not being judged for their dating choices... Well, too bad. Smart women are not going to overlook it.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have a friend of mine that is trying his luck on OLD...Hes 54..widower..

 

He's a reasonably attractive guy in an average sort of way...No frills...

 

Anyway. He meets and dates pudgy, menopausal women that criticize him because he doesnt have a hot body and doesnt make enough money...

 

And they are dead broke and on the balls of their asses.....

 

I guess people just want what they want...I guess..

 

TFY

[stillafool]

Kathy I am 41 every day for 23 years I've woke up at 3a.m to go work in oil industry. Saving every penny to buy a nest - huge home with a pool close a school which costs 650k. Not to mention an suv and furniture... Sorry but my fiancé whose barely above 20 demands it. KathyM is it too much to ask for a family?

 

Not at all but you'd better get started. Your age is the problem. There are new studies that show older men (old sperm) has been linked to the cause of autism. For healthy reproduction age is a factor for both genders, not just women.

[RedRobin]

I have a friend of mine that is trying his luck on OLD...Hes 54..widower..

 

He's a reasonably attractive guy in an average sort of way...No frills...

 

Anyway. He meets and dates pudgy, menopausal women that criticize him because he doesnt have a hot body and doesnt make enough money...

 

And they are dead broke and on the balls of their asses.....

 

I guess people just want what they want...I guess..

 

TFY

 

I am not in favor of anyone who insists on qualities they can't offer themselves.

 

I am sorry your friend is having a tough time.

[EasyHeart]

If men don't want to be accused of being predatory, they should take responsibility for behavior that can be construed as predatory.

Let me guess. YOU get to decide what "predatory" mean?

 

Hitting on much younger women is predatory by default, with very rare exceptions. The fact it is done so routinely by older men highlights a fundamental sickness in our society based on a time when women had no way to support themselves and couldn't function independently.

Hey, I was right!

 

Why is "[h]itting on much younger women is predatory by default"? Who made that decision?

 

It is not women's job to police men's behavior. It is men's job to police their own. To the extent they refuse to do this, only underscores their selfishness.

And yet you've taken it upon yourself to police the behavior of every man in the world. What gives you that power?

 

My mere existence as a woman does not justify the inappropriate attention of those men... Nor will I shoulder any responsibility whatsoever for their poor behavior...

Your mere existence in the world means that you can't control everyone else. The whole world does not revolve around you.

 

And last but not least... I couldn't care less what their true intentions are.. Of older men. Their attention alone tells me everything I need to know about them. Whether it is with me or someone else they dated. I get it that some men aren't used to being judged for their choices, but too bad. I get it that they are used to being viewed as somehow 'special' for dating younger women.

 

I don't see them that way. I view men who date much younger women as emotionally lazy, stunted, and sometimes predatory. If the younger women want to experiment, or even latch onto that long term, well.. Good luck.

But it's not your job to police men's behavior, right?

[xxoo]

Redrobin, did an older man take advantage of you when you were young?

[janedoe67]

Yes, but as I said, I know women who are single/divorced and women who are married, who are fit and active at middle age. If you're implying that there are no fit/active single women that are middle aged, I would argue with that. I know women who are single and are fit/active at middle age.

 

I completely agree. To me, fitness is a lifestyle choice that transcends age. My father was fit up until he died in his 70's. My mother isn't quite as active now, but she still goes to the gym every day to do the elliptical and she has these hot pink hand weights she uses

[janedoe67]

I thought of this video when reading today lol

 

QuickBooks Support - Sample company files

[123321]

You don't want women your own age. That must mean you are bitter too, lol.

 

Not bitter, I said NOT bitter.

 

Also, I've dated from +17 to -25 so far, so I don't think I have an age hangup.

[janedoe67]

If an older man rejects a particular 40+ woman because she is in terrible shape, not attractive to him, etc, who cares.

 

BUT

 

If he rejects ALL40+ women sight unseen JUST because they are 40+...

 

IMO that's stupid and shallow.

[Under The Radar]

*I'll* confidently say it's objectively stupid and shallow ......

[Keenly]

No, I'd prefer you men pull your heads out of your *ss for a change. It isn't our jobs to keep rejecting them.

 

 

It is THEIR job to respect us. It is YOUR job to respect women, if you are worth a damn.

 

 

But clearly, you are too lazy to do that. That's ok. You have lots in common with the other so-called men who are too lazy to check yourself, grow some self-awareness, and you know... other things that come along with being a decent human being.

 

 

Because we all know how important YOUR needs are. God forbid anything should get in the way of you getting your needs met. No. That might mean you are, GASP, responsible. Woah!!!

 

 

You spend far too much time attempting to police half of the world rather than focusing on improving your own life.

 

 

Stop worrying about controlling another persons behavior, its really that simple.

 

I don't tell you how to live your life, so what gives you the right to tell other men how to live theirs?

 

 

You still never answered my question, even though you think you did.

 

How does two consenting adults with a huge age gap in a living relationship affect you? Oh it doesn't? Interesting .

[Anela]

Having just read through most of the 68 pages on here, it's only 3 or 4 middle aged women who lose their minds over this.

 

Younger, Middle Aged and Older Women in this thread have said countless times:

 

1. Some of them like / date / have married older men because they liked them or were in LOVE!. The object of their affection and love just happened to be X years older. Are there various reasons why these women were drawn too, attracted, feel in love with these men? Yes, but just like with everyone else they were normal, healthy, etc. reasons / preferences / qualities / personality / etc.

 

2. They did not care who other women date unless a jerk, loser, psycho, etc.

 

3. They all agreed that some men are jerks and jerks can be younger, same age or older than you.

 

4. They get hit on by jerks (younger, same age and older) but ignore them and suggested the 3 or 4 middle aged women do the same.

 

5. They believe that it is more common for a woman and man to be similar in age but age difference relationships can / do happen and far more frequently than the 3 or 4 middle aged women in this thread want to imagine or believe.

 

 

 

It's not a sore subject to a majority of the women in this thread. It's just a small handful and yes we all know why. Based on their posts / threads / history. It's no surprise they all attract / date / married / divorced jerks, cheaters, losers, scumbags, douches, etc. They have a long history of self-destructive patterns they have demonstrated over many many years. They are clearly bitter and have a lot of resentment towards men and even their own gender when the women is perceived to be a threat or someone they consider better (looks better, skinner, younger, gets more attention, has less baggage, their happy, in love, dating a great guy, etc).

 

I equate them to someone who has bad credit, lives paycheck to paycheck, doesn't save, always asking to borrow money, broke, massive debt and declared bankruptcy twice.

 

Are you going to seek them out for Financial Advice? Investment Opportunities? Loan them money? Hire them to be your Financial Planner and manage your money? HELL NO!

 

Excluding the 3 or 4 middle aged women who post in this thread:

 

1. Everyone else in the thread basically agrees with what everyone else in the world knows about age gap relationships. Which is they can / do work for many, pluses and minuses, potential benefits and issues, concerns, etc. Not any different from what we do with any relationship.

 

2. There have been good discussions by both men and women on what the pluses and minuses, potential benefits and issues, concerns, etc. are. They vary depending on the individual, what matters most to them, what they value, their preferences, etc. As with anything, some were genuine and many were superficial.

 

Welcome back.

 

I'm not quite middle-aged, and this has been going on for YEARS. My sister's husband tried to take advantage of me, thinking I must be desperate/needy, because I was single at the age of 27. I can't think of any other reason as to why he would think that I would help him to cheat on my sister. He was around the age of 50 by then. I had men older than my dad, hitting on me when I was FOURTEEN.

 

It isn't a sore subject to those who don't have to deal with it; I think most, if not all, of those women are happily partnered, and have been for a while. Or they're still young enough that they can attract all sorts. Two women who are happily married, commented in the other thread, one who had no problem with older men, but could see our side of it, based on her own experiences when dating.

 

I'm practically as inexperienced as Somedude, so maybe I should be chasing college-aged men. I wanted to be dating men around my own age, but those online tended to not want to meet me - they wanted someone younger. I should have chatted more to the tow truck driver the other day - I wasn't sure how old he was, and I thought he might be a bit young, but he seemed to like me. I was too shy, and my parents were there, so that was awkward, as well.

 

So, you've dropped the "sensible women" and just decided to hone right in on age. Nice.

[RedRobin]

Redrobin, did an older man take advantage of you when you were young?

 

 

Those stories have been shared on another thread.

 

 

My experiences are not unique, at all... among women in an all male field.

 

 

... Still exist to this day. All I have to do is logon to any online dating profile to get another taste of it.

 

 

This isn't about me. This is about what some men think they are entitled to and think they can get away with... and it is only getting worse.

 

 

... and to 'whatever his name is today' poster... I'm none of what you describe in your post. I've got great men in my life who love me... have had great men in my life in the past too.

 

 

It is for THAT reason, precisely, that I don't want women to sell themselves short by dating/marrying older men. Who most of the time believe themselves to be better than them, and especially better than their same age peers... and even if those guys really didn't feel that way... really, are these women so desperate they need to sell off their youth?? Really?? Why settle??

 

What men like you HATE, is that there ARE women like me... younger... same age... and older than you who are pulling the veil back on the little fantasy life you wish to paint for them.... and it's all BS. Just smoke and mirrors.

Edited April 26, 2014 by RedRobin

[xxoo]

Those stories have been shared on another thread.

 

 

My experiences are not unique, at all... among women in an all male field.

 

 

... Still exist to this day. All I have to do is logon to any online dating profile to get another taste of it.

 

 

This isn't about me. This is about what some men think they are entitled to and think they can get away with... and it is only getting worse.

 

But did they actually get anywhere?

 

Older men tried when I was in my 20s. They didn't get anywhere. In some cases, looking back with maturity, I took advantage of them in small ways, knowing full well that they were helpful because of my youth and beauty. I even got free legal services

 

Give women credit. They aren't children, and they aren't fools.