Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[123321]

Through all these discussions, has 'significantly' been defined? Maybe I missed it.

 

Not in the thread that I'm aware of, but the really big data mining study I was looking at set it somewhere on the order of 1 in 100 younger men marry a woman significantly older, so it does happen but it's significantly less often.

[123321]

The chunky wrinkled guys doesn't like older women because they are supposedly chunky and wrinkled. These guys don't see or don't want to see they are losing their physical attractiveness either. It's a defense mechanism.

 

That has a sort of superficially appealing pop-psy feel to it but for myself it's actually a lot simpler; I've always dated the most attractive women I could. Nothing has changed about that, the women I can date have just become more attractive.

 

Occam, razor, etc..

[hotpotato]

Nonsense.....

 

Those old fools are no different than the fat, menopausal, broke ass middle aged women that have the nerve to think they can score a rich guy with a smoking body and an 8 figure net worth just because they happen to have a pair of droopy tits...

 

TFY

 

Oh reallY?

I actually have to deal with these men, and sometimes they will stalk. The last stalker was ready to drop his older gf so he could have a hot young thank.

 

Or the 70 year old man who invited me over to his assisted living home for "wine,"

 

These guys go past wishful thinking and will invade the space of a young woman if that's what they think they have to do to score some young poon.

 

Or a certain 70 something relative who won't stop flirting with women in their late teens/early 20s no matter how uninterested or uncomfortable she looks.

 

I can't even be friends with an older/elderly man because eventually the "hey you wanna f?" conversatioin will inevitably come of. Some of these mofos are barely walking, let alone sexual activity. But hey, he can maintain an erection with pills if necessary, so he thinks he's hot.

[hotpotato]

That has a sort of superficially appealing pop-psy feel to it but for myself it's actually a lot simpler; I've always dated the most attractive women I could. Nothing has changed about that, the women I can date have just become more attractive.

 

Occam, razor, etc..

 

How old are you? Are you rich?

Why does it always have to be about sex and who is more physically attractive?

[hotpotato]

pred·a·to·ry

ˈpredəˌtôrē/

adjective

1.

relating to or denoting an animal or animals preying naturally on others.

"predatory birds"

synonyms: predacious, carnivorous, hunting, raptorial; More

2.

seeking to exploit or oppress others.

"a life destroyed by predatory biographers and yellow journalists"

synonyms: exploitative, wolfish, rapacious, vulturine, vulturous More

 

I seriously doubt any man, of any level of attractiveness, of any level of monetary success or social popularity, etc, etc, seeking to engage a woman of any age for consensual adult romantic and/or sexual interaction is predating her. Women in this day and age are not beholden to men in any way, shape or form and such freedom has the teeth of law.

 

If you don't like men 'hitting' on you, change social convention. Until then, tough cookies!

 

I've had to adopt a new ways of dealing with men-if he's not gay and I dont want a sexual relationship with him, I stay away from him. Say as few words as possible. No eye contact. Just ignore him.

[EasyHeart]

That has a sort of superficially appealing pop-psy feel to it but for myself it's actually a lot simpler; I've always dated the most attractive women I could. Nothing has changed about that, the women I can date have just become more attractive.

 

Occam, razor, etc..

Ditto.

 

I kinda wonder how people know how old other people are. Do they ask for IDs every time someone talks to them? When I approach a woman I'm attracted to, I have no idea how old she is.

[thefooloftheyear]

Oh reallY?

I actually have to deal with these men, and sometimes they will stalk. The last stalker was ready to drop his older gf so he could have a hot young thank.

 

Or the 70 year old man who invited me over to his assisted living home for "wine,"

 

These guys go past wishful thinking and will invade the space of a young woman if that's what they think they have to do to score some young poon.

 

Or a certain 70 something relative who won't stop flirting with women in their late teens/early 20s no matter how uninterested or uncomfortable she looks.

 

I can't even be friends with an older/elderly man because eventually the "hey you wanna f?" conversatioin will inevitably come of. Some of these mofos are barely walking, let alone sexual activity. But hey, he can maintain an erection with pills if necessary, so he thinks he's hot.

 

 

And some 65 year old lady told me I had "gorgeous arms" in an elevator last year.....I thanked her for her flattering comment and went on with my life...

 

Yawn...

 

TFY

[hotpotato]

Ditto.

 

I kinda wonder how people know how old other people are. Do they ask for IDs every time someone talks to them? When I approach a woman I'm attracted to, I have no idea how old she is.

 

That may be true to some degree, but its very difficult for even a 50 year old man to mistake a 20 or 30 something female for obe his age. Its obvious unless shes had a really hard life that she is young.

 

People often think I am 18-20. Sometimes I get mistaken for a child depending on how I dress. Ive had older men try to talk to me because they thought I was a kid.

[hotpotato]

And some 65 year old lady told me I had "gorgeous arms" in an elevator last year.....I thanked her for her flattering comment and went on with my life...

 

Yawn...

 

TFY

 

Did she ask for sex and start touching you, telling you what kind of porn she like, invite you over for a foot rub or wine or movie (aka sex)? Stare at your genitalia or body parts? Ogle you? Follow you to your car?

 

If not, we are not talking about the same thing.

Sounds like you just got a complement, not a sexually aggressive older women who doesnt want to hear no or take a hint.

[123321]

How old are you? Are you rich?

Why does it always have to be about sex and who is more physically attractive?

 

I'm in my 40s and I'm a well compensated professional but not rich, and "attractive" is not the same as "physically attractive", although physically attractive does factor in overall.

[hotpotato]

I'm in my 40s and I'm a well compensated professional but not rich, and "attractive" is not the same as "physically attractive", although physically attractive does factor in overall.

If you make good money you can have some luck with younger ladies.

That being said, a lot of the older guys who think they are smoking hot are broke in addition to being phyically unattractive. Theyre really not as desirable as they think they are.

[hotpotato]

Did she ask for sex and start touching you, telling you what kind of porn she like, invite you over for a foot rub or wine or movie (aka sex)? Stare at your genitalia or body parts? Ogle you? Follow you to your car?

 

If not, we are not talking about the same thing.

Sounds like you just got a complement, not a sexually aggressive older women who doesnt want to hear no or take a hint.

 

Or did she put her hands in her pants and try to flirt with you? Hint how she would leave her old geezer hubby if only a young stud like you?

 

Comparing a few nice words to delusional and often sexual aggressive older men? Not even close!

[Woggle]

It's hard enough to find somebody worthy of committing to so if you find and there happens to be an age difference what is so wrong with going for it. I was married to a woman my own age and dated many women my own age and none of them were worth more than a few dates but my wife I would give the world to because she earns it. If this dynamic plays it self out with an older man and younger woman why is that so wrong?

[EasyHeart]

Did she ask for sex and start touching you, telling you what kind of porn she like, invite you over for a foot rub or wine or movie (aka sex)? Stare at your genitalia or body parts? Ogle you? Follow you to your car?

So would you consider that behavior appropriate if the man was the same age as you?

[RedRobin]

Or did she put her hands in her pants and try to flirt with you? Hint how she would leave her old geezer hubby if only a young stud like you?

 

Comparing a few nice words to delusional and often sexual aggressive older men? Not even close!

 

 

... or did she hint that things might be difficult for you in some way if you rejected her??

 

 

... did she have the power of the institution she was involved with tell you that your concerns were irrelevant and overblown?? and that any complaints would go in the trash along with the rest of the complaints against her?? (this went on for years in the military and in the Catholic Church).

 

 

... did she bring her friends over to try their luck with you too??

 

 

... were you working a minimum wage job you couldn't afford to lose?

... supporting a child or parents?

 

 

... was she the boss??

 

 

Does the thought of any of these possibilities cause even the slightest bit of anxiety, if it happened to you? or your daughter?

 

 

... so while people here don't like it, I still believe that the very small percentage of large age gap relationships that exist tend to provide ammunition to the actual predators (usually men) that they have some chance of 'success' if they just keep hoeing that row... which is the main reason I'm so against them.

 

 

The vast majority of women don't want that attention... and I'd argue, perhaps more women ought to show their displeasure in ways that are strikingly negative for the men who approach them.... not just a polite rejection. Perhaps that is the only way those guys will get a clue.

[FitChick]

I kinda wonder how people know how old other people are. Do they ask for IDs every time someone talks to them? When I approach a woman I'm attracted to, I have no idea how old she is.

This is the price I pay for looking 10-15 years younger than my calendar age. The only reason I lie on my dating profile. Otherwise I'd get the old gits in nursing homes chatting me up. I think many of them have had small strokes which can cause them to lose any inhibitions, so you must forgive their lapses in judgment.

 

As for men always marrying younger women, that was the cultural norm back when we needed breeders to work on the farm or in factories to bring in money and the daughters had to marry well to support her parents in old age. The times they are a changin' and more women go to college and get top jobs and make more money than many men. They don't need a man to support them so do what the men have done and look for younger, more attractive mates, not for breeding but for fun. Years ago, you never heard of celebrities with younger husbands or boyfriends. It wasn't acknowledged. Now, no one bats an eye. They get a wink and a nod.

 

As has been said before, if they are consenting adults, it's no ones business but their own.

 

And for your entertainment, here is a big news story today about one older man and his younger mistress.

[hotpotato]

So would you consider that behavior appropriate if the man was the same age as you?

 

No, but old men especially should know better.

They have had more opportunity to interact with women and should know after decades of life that is not how to interact with the opposite sex. In fact, the older guy who was stalking me even said he should know better and acknowledged that he was being silly, but yet he continued.

 

I have had issues with at least one younger guy, but he wasn't nearly as aggressive. Nowadays I mostly avoid men unless Im sexually interested.

 

I'm not against dating older or younger men within reason. When I was 20, I dated a man who was nearly 40 for several years. We still talk, and he is still fixated by my age. His dad married someone 20 years younger, and that's what he wants to do.

[FitChick]

When I was 20, I dated a man who was nearly 40 for several years... His dad married someone 20 years younger, and that's what he wants to do.

So that meant he couldn't even start dating until he was 38.

[PinkInTheLimo]

It all comes down to projection. They see themselves deteriorating and feel bad, but instead of being self-reflective, they focus on the supposed faults of female peers.

 

I've seen this quite a bit with guys in their 50s. The chunky wrinkled guys doesn't like older women because they are supposedly chunky and wrinkled. These guys don't see or don't want to see they are losing their physical attractiveness either. It's a defense mechanism.

 

Some guys think that as long as he can maintain some semblance of erection, he is still hot. Never mind that he may have saggy skin, fat, bald, hasn't worked out since age 25, and sometimes even broke. Younger women are supposed to see past all of that when the man wouldn't do the same for a woman that age. They think because super rich old guys date young(er) women, they can,too.

 

Before anyone says anything, I'm not even 35. I'm 27. I've dated older men.

 

One guy my age I was talking to online once showed me his true colours. I asked him why he was looking for women minimum 4 years younger than him.

He said that if he was talking to a woman his age he saw a mirror which reflected his own age. So he wanted a younger woman because he did not want to see his own aging characteristics in his partner.

 

The thing is: what kind of mirror is he holding up for his younger partner? He wants to look at something young but does not seem to care that his partner has to look at something old.

 

When I talk to a guy my age and I see the wrinkles and the grey hair, I find it actually reassuring. I would feel bloody old next to a 20 year younger guy...

 

Older men looking for younger women, it always boils down to men not being able to accept their age. But who are they fooling? We all will die some day and those guys who are pretending to look so much younger than other guys their age will not necessarily live longer.

 

I think that by the time a guy is 40 he should have come to a point where he accepts that he is aging.

[RonaldS]

Older men looking for younger women, it always boils down to men not being able to accept their age. But who are they fooling? We all will die some day and those guys who are pretending to look so much younger than other guys their age will not necessarily live longer.

 

I think that by the time a guy is 40 he should have come to a point where he accepts that he is aging.

 

Nothing 'always boils down to' one anything. People have different reasons for picking who they pick.

 

And this notion that when an older guy is with a younger woman, and he's looking at a younger face and body, that he is somehow doing the woman some sort of disservice by not reciprocating her youth is hilarious. Most of the time, if a woman is with a man, she wants to be with him. So, she picked him as much as he picked her, so why does he owe her physical age equivalence?

 

You are right about one thing. Men should accept they're aging. But accepting that you're aging doesn't have to mean 'letting yourself get old'. Some of us have discovered that with a little effort, we can stay young.

[thefooloftheyear]

Did she ask for sex and start touching you, telling you what kind of porn she like, invite you over for a foot rub or wine or movie (aka sex)? Stare at your genitalia or body parts? Ogle you? Follow you to your car?

 

If not, we are not talking about the same thing.

Sounds like you just got a complement, not a sexually aggressive older women who doesnt want to hear no or take a hint.

 

 

:laugh:

 

Are you kidding???

 

I have had my ass grabbed more than a hundred times in my life(yes, I am serious)...I hav had my arms felt, my shoulders, back.....just about everything you can think of...Mostly by dope women when I was working in(and occasionally going to)clubs ...Its not as prevalent as it was now that I am older...but let me say this of the older(40 and up) crowd...

 

These women will say some of the nastiest, most sexually explicit stuff to guys...Especially now that we are in the era of texting...And they will send photos,(without being requested)...I dont know why they do it, and I really cant explain it...If I said some of this stuff....Its unreal..

 

And the thing is that when women do this stuff, its considered cute and flirty...When men do it...Its creepy and predatory...And to take it a step further, what do you think a cop would say if I went to the station to file a complaint because a woman in a bar grabbed my crotch.?? Hed probably call me a fag and tell me to go home and get over it...It happens to a woman, then there is an APB for immediate arrest ofa sexual predator..Its the grossest form of a double standard that exists...

 

As I say this, I NEVER would dare touch a woman that I didnt know...Grab her ass? Are you kidding?? In fact, not only have I not touched anyone, I have never even told a strange woman that she looked nice, or her hair looked good...I am not that type, and quite frankly Id be afraid of being accused of something improper...Who needs that??

 

And after all that, I still dont look unfavorably upon women...Some are a little salty and some are proper...

 

TFY

[sillyanswer]

Adults should be able to date other adults by mutual consent. Age shouldn't prevent two adults from mutually agreeing to date.

 

Not sure what all the fuss is about.

[RonaldS]

Exactly. Women come on to men aggressively all the time. Older women do it a lot. I've had tons of WAY overboard advances by older women. Like, 'Are you serious?!' overboard. Ass grabbing, arm clutching, general groping, standing super close so their tits are swaying back and forth on your arm, etc.

 

I recall an incident when I was 23. My friend was having a graduation party, and everybody was partying pretty good. My friend's mom started talking to me, and she said something about something, and I mentioned that I had done a lot of (something...can't remember what). All I can remember is my friend's mom putting her mouth next to my ear, and sounding just like Vera de Milo, said 'Well, you haven't done me yet', and then she sucked on my neck. I was like, 'Whoa, lady!', hahaha!

 

Look, women (even older women) pull that crap all the time. You just deal with it and go about your day if you aren't interested.

Edited April 27, 2014 by RonaldS

[RedRobin]

And this notion that when an older guy is with a younger woman, and he's looking at a younger face and body, that he is somehow doing the woman some sort of disservice by not reciprocating her youth is hilarious.

 

 

She is doing herself a disservice by allowing it.

[hotpotato]

Exactly. Women come on to men aggressively all the time. Older women do it a lot. I've had tons of WAY overboard advances by older women. Like, 'Are you serious?!' overboard. Ass grabbing, arm clutching, general groping, standing super close so their tits are swaying back and forth on your arm, etc.

 

I recall an incident when I was 23. My friend was having a graduation party, and everybody was partying pretty good. My friend's mom started talking to me, and she said something about something, and I mentioned that I had done a lot of (something...can't remember what). All I can remember is my friend's mom putting her mouth next to my ear, and sounding just like Vera de Milo, said 'Well, you haven't done me yet', and then she sucked on my neck. I was like, 'Whoa, lady!', hahaha!

 

Look, women (even older women) pull that crap all the time. You just deal with it and go about your day if you aren't interested.

 

It's kind of hard to just deal with it when it's stalking...

 

Did you like those advances? Did you like it?