Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[carhill]

In fairness, men in their 40's aren't 'elderly', at least in terms of adult age gap dating interactions.

 

Now, when Clint Eastwood was in his 60's dating his most recent spouse, she was quite successful in her own right and I believe in her late 20's when they met. That, to my mind, would be a good example of an elderly man hitting on a young woman, apparently successfully, since they did get married and had a child. Perhaps a poor general example, since he's been a popular celebrity for decades and is well-known as a ladies man, but his style does reflect what I've seen of elderly men I've known who consistently leer at and/or attempt to date young women. Usually, and anecdotally always, they are and have been very successful with women, meaning they never lacked a partner and in some cases were married for decades and continued to hit on women, including young women, while married. They key is that they don't reflect on such matters or post about them on web forums. They're out there having a wonderful time for themselves and apparently with women who enjoy their company, whether as a lover or spouse. Will that perspective die off with my generation? Perhaps. It depends on how the fathers of my generation socialized their sons. What examples they set. Time will tell.

[123321]

Seriously? How often do you see 20 something women with elderly men, save the Anna Nicoles of the world dating rich ones? It does not work for the average man.

 

Well I'm late 40s and my last few GF have been under 25. As for how often, I don't care, as long as it works for me.

[William]

Since moderation got a report on this thread in general, a rarity for consolidated threads, I took a look and will add this comment:

 

While differing perspectives and experiences and anecdotes are expected and welcomed here, let's keep the discussion focussed on the process of age gap dating and refrain both from making editorial comments about fellow members or groups of members, as well as from exhibiting a term moderation receives fairly often, at least in the past, in reports: gender-bashing.

 

I'll repost the topic:

 

Note from moderation: This thread was chosen as a starting point for consolidating discussion of dating older/younger men and women; the risks, the benefits, the challenges, the process. Personal anecdotes are welcomed; general comments/threads will be merged into this thread as seen/reported.

 

Thanks and please continue!

[RedRobin]

Will that perspective die with along with the 50+ generation?

 

I suspect it will depend also on how the young women are socialized. Many more of them are not looking for marriage... Some don't want kids... Some are fine having them on their own... Lots more are making great money on their own and interact with men regularly in non sexual ways. More of them are becoming comfortable dating younger men... Sometimes much younger men.

 

So I anticipate that fewer of them will feel the need to settle for older men for reasons they otherwise might have in the past.

[hotpotato]

Well I'm late 40s and my last few GF have been under 25. As for how often, I don't care, as long as it works for me.

 

Youre still not elderly.

For the record, 40s are usually not considered elderly.

 

Ls must have a different definition of elderly!

 

A couple men in their 40s are pretty hot and make good money, too.

Some can manage to date women quite a big younger.

[thefooloftheyear]

I saw a commercial on TV last night for the "Our Time" OLD site...

 

They had a late 50's(?) woman on there...and she was so happy to have found the man of her dreams...One thing she mentioned as a plus about that site was that all the men she met weren't looking for younger women....:laugh:

 

 

TFY

[RonaldS]

I saw a commercial on TV last night for the "Our Time" OLD site...

 

They had a late 50's(?) woman on there...and she was so happy to have found the man of her dreams...One thing she mentioned as a plus about that site was that all the men she met weren't looking for younger women....:laugh:

 

 

TFY

 

Hmmmm.....interesting.

 

Might have to check it out. Even though I have a preference for younger women, I do occasionally get a hankerin to GILF out.

[FitChick]

Hey, Gaius, since you like older women, Margaret Richard, famous PBS fitness guru for many years, lives in Boston now. She is divorced and available! At least take a class with her in Brookline not only to get into shape but you might meet other women as well.

 

She is very sweet and funny.

of her talking about fitness was done on her laptop and is NOT a flattering angle (one reason why I want to get a separate webcam when I buy a laptop). She is much prettier in person. She has a "hard core" following of younger men who comment about how hot she looks on every youtube clip she has.

 

Then come back and tell us about your amazing age gap relationship with her.

[Woggle]

Will that perspective die with along with the 50+ generation?

 

I suspect it will depend also on how the young women are socialized. Many more of them are not looking for marriage... Some don't want kids... Some are fine having them on their own... Lots more are making great money on their own and interact with men regularly in non sexual ways. More of them are becoming comfortable dating younger men... Sometimes much younger men.

 

So I anticipate that fewer of them will feel the need to settle for older men for reasons they otherwise might have in the past.

 

How is not hypocritical for you to promote women dating younger men and then act like men doing it is such a horrible thing? I have no issue with either but this is a blatant double standard which you are always saying you oppose.

[RedRobin]

Youre still not elderly.

For the record, 40s are usually not considered elderly.

 

Ls must have a different definition of elderly!

 

A couple men in their 40s are pretty hot and make good money, too.

Some can manage to date women quite a big younger.

 

 

Anyone old enough to be my dad at any age was considered 'elderly' by me.

 

 

To a young lady in her teens, a guy in his late 30's is 'elderly'... When I was in my early 20's, a guy in his 40's was therefore 'elderly'...

 

 

To a woman in her 30's, a guy in his 50's is 'elderly'... and so on....

[sillyanswer]

I struggle to see why it's so surprising to some posters that youth is attractive.

[PinkInTheLimo]

So what if it is hard? That is what they are getting paid to do.

 

Multimillion dollar homes don't sell overnight... Don't be sad. Make them work for their friggin money!!

 

Or start your own matrimonial service that caters to a different clientele. A more hip one that doesn't go for gender stereotypes, for one.

 

Like they say... Out of adversity comes opportunity.

 

RedRobin, the problem is that they don't want to work for their money. This leading agency in my country has already refused to subscribe women over 50 in their agency.

As a matter of fact on their website they explicitly say that a man over 50 still has many chances to find a woman whereas this is not the case for women over 50. They also say that older women have to have an open mind. I cringe when I read this because it means that we have to settle for guys we consider as second choice (as in older than we want, not as fit as we want, less educated than we want).

 

At least they are honest enough to say that most women don't want a guy more than 10 years older.

 

I think that one day I will file a complaint against this agency for breaching the gender equality laws in my country.

 

I think that such agencies should refuse to introduce men to much younger women and tell them that they will be introduced to women a couple of years older than them.

 

It can happen in life that by chance you get together with a partner significantly younger than you. This is however very different than only wanting such a partner and deliberately excluding women your own age.

 

I have female colleagues end of their forties with a man who is 12/13 years older. That means that the guy is now 60. They still have young children. I would for the life of me not want to trade with them.

 

In 10 years they will be end of fifties with a 70-year old at home, at the end of their sixties, with an 80-year old.

I imagine myself at 80 sitting on the porch with my husband who is somewhere between 75 and 85. I don't imagine myself nursing my 93 year old husband. I only want to do that when at +/- 90 we are nursing each other. My motto is: I only want to push my husband's wheelchair the moment I am sitting in a wheelchair myself .

 

Let's for a moment assume that a 40 year old guy has indeed so much more to offer to a 28 year old girl than a 30 year old guy.

But what has a 63 year old to offer to a 50 year old woman that a 53 year old cannot offer? Maybe just that he wants her and that the 53 year old does not want her since he is aiming for a 40 year old woman. But that's not enough reason for me to go for an older man. The fact that he wants me is not enough...

 

The irony of it all is that if I would post recent pictures on OLD and mention that I am 40, no one would guess that in reality I am 10 years older...

[123321]

Women have no problem with a guy their own age or a couple of years older. Men do and there is no objective reason for that choice.

 

The same could be said about your refusal to date a man who is 60 if you are 50. People have their preferences and it's not up to the world to change to suit you, sorry.

[123321]

.... it means that we have to settle for guys we consider as second choice (as in older than we want, not as fit as we want, less educated than we want).

 

Oh the horror, you're finally experiencing the dating market like almost every male has since he was a teenager. Life isn't about handing every person what they want. Lucky you had 5 decades of luxury before you had to discover that I guess.

[Keenly]

Oh the horror, you're finally experiencing the dating market like almost every male has since he was a teenager. Life isn't about handing every person what they want. Lucky you had 5 decades of luxury before you had to discover that I guess.

 

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Shaka Laka.

[PinkInTheLimo]

The same could be said about your refusal to date a man who is 60 if you are 50. People have their preferences and it's not up to the world to change to suit you, sorry.

 

There are objective reasons not to date a 60 year old man when you are a 50 year old woman:

 

1. Statistics show that men live less long than women. If you get together with a 10 year older guy chances are that when you are still healthy yourself, he will have health problems and die. You will be a widow earlier and be nursing a husband with poor health. This will seriously influence the quality of your life.

I know it is not always like that, my father was for example 7 years older than my mother and she died before him. But in most cases the older man dies before the younger woman.

 

2. If you are a professionally active woman of 50 your man of 60 will retire in a couple of years making you most probably the most important breadwinner in your household. This will make you poorer plus the contrast between a partner who still has a professional career and one who is retired will create tensions. You are not in the same life phase.

 

3. I find a healthy sex life very important and I hope to have one until I am very old. If the guy is 10 years older there will be a time when he can't get it up anymore while the woman still wants sex.

I will be content with just holding hands when me and my partner are both 90+ but I don't want a man of 75 who can only hold hands when I still want some real sex

 

4. Being with a 10 year older man would make me feel really old. When I will ne 60 I will have no problem with the reality of being 60. But right now at 49 (still not fully 50) I want to live the reality of being almost 50.

 

My refusal to date a 10 year older man is not the same as the refusal of guys to date women their own age. There are no objective reasons to not date a woman your own age, unless you want children (in which case one could wonder if you should not have started with that a long time ago).

[PinkInTheLimo]

Oh... You mean like when I was 23 years old, great guy, good looking, great job, honest, trustworthy, caring, etc. and girls my age would rather go out with the 30 year old jerk who was married, the guy down the street who sold drugs or the guy who cheated on her all the time

 

I am sorry to hear that you are still suffering from being rejected when you were 23 years old but I am not a therapist. I cannot help you here. The only thing I know is that if your motivation to date younger women is to get back at all the women who rejected you at the time you set yourself up for failure.

 

I myself certainly do not have a record of having rejected a lot of men, as a matter of fact I have often been rejected myself. I am someone who looks for quality in a relationship and I am very idealistic and then it is not so easy to find a partner.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am sorry to hear that you are still suffering from being rejected when you were 23 years old but I am not a therapist. I cannot help you here. The only thing I know is that if your motivation to date younger women is to get back at all the women who rejected you at the time you set yourself up for failure.

 

I myself certainly do not have a record of having rejected a lot of men, as a matter of fact I have often been rejected myself. I am someone who looks for quality in a relationship and I am very idealistic and then it is not so easy to find a partner.

 

 

Thats your problem right there....and, unfortunately, its the problem of many of the members of your gender...

 

Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself...What makes YOU so special??

 

Not trying to cut you down, but this is the reason women spin their wheels....They grossly overstate their own value with this idealism nonsense..

 

TFY

[sillyanswer]

There are no objective reasons to not date a woman your own age, unless you want children (in which case one could wonder if you should not have started with that a long time ago).

 

That's true, but objectivity sometimes gets trumped by attraction for both parties. Where two people are able to date the type of person they desire then I wish them well and wouldn't be so crass as to point out that, objectively, they shouldn't date each other.

[123321]

The irony of it all is that if I would post recent pictures on OLD and mention that I am 40, no one would guess that in reality I am 10 years older...

 

Well that's the difference between you and other women I guess, because I've NEVER heard any other woman over 40 say anything like that before, so good for you. Good luck.

[123321]

My refusal to date a 10 year older man is not the same as the refusal of guys to date women their own age. There are no objective reasons to not date a woman your own age ...

 

To the contrary, all your "objective reasons" are either speculative (we will be tense because he's retired and I'm not) non-objective (I would feel old) or are applying dubious statistics to individuals.

 

I was going to make a similar list but CS has done a reasonable job already.

[Weezy1973]

I'll put up a few drawbacks with dating someone substantially younger (15+ years younger):

 

 

1. The younger person will likely want children of their own eventually. Are you up for changing diapers and 2:00 a.m. feedings night after night at age 50?

 

The answer for a lot of people would be "yes." That being said - I don't know anybody, young or old that likes 2:00am feedings. In fact a baby sleeping through the night seems to be a major relief to most parents. Facebook worthy even. And as a side note, older people need less sleep.

 

2. The children from the new family will need a lot of your time, attention, money, etc., as well as the children from your prior marriage. After you've spent so much money to raise one generation of children, are you going to have the time, energy, and money to raise a new group of children with the younger wife?

 

For some people the answer would be yes. In fact for some people the whole reason to have a younger partner would be for exactly what you describe here.

 

3. If you have a new family at 50, you'll be 70 years old and still putting your kids through college. When will you retire? Your wife will be working at her job, but what will you be doing? Trying to keep on working to support that second set of kids at 70 years old?

 

If one's offspring are in college, they likely aren't kids anymore and are responsible for their own lives. A lot of people pay their own way through college or get scholarships. Also, age has nothing to do with being able to support a family as many, many young families also struggle with it.

 

4. What happens when that younger wife is no longer attracted to you? When she starts thinking you are too old and not a match for her? Will she then divorce you for someone younger because she no longer considers you an attractive spouse, and thinks you look too much older than her now?

 

The first assumption would be that the younger partner's (male or female) attraction would be based on a lot more than physical appearance - in fact I would guess that for most people open to dating someone much older, the physical appearance of their partner is less important than it would be for the general population. Unless they have a wrinkle fetish or something. Can't forget the wrinkle fetishists...

 

I just wanted to toss these considerations into the discussion, since some men seem to concentrate only on appearance, and don't take the practical considerations into account.

 

If a man wants to start a family it would be impractical to consider someone nearing or post-menopausal. It's important to also consider that practical consideration.

[Weezy1973]

Most men are not interested in starting another family at 50 years old. They've been there, done that.

 

Indeed, and the vast majority of people are not in a 15+ year age gap relationship. I thought we were talking about the few people that are. My bad if I'm mistaken.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Well that's the difference between you and other women I guess, because I've NEVER heard any other woman over 40 say anything like that before, so good for you. Good luck.

 

I agree that it is in general men who are saying such things.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself...What makes YOU so special??

 

Nowhere I am pretending that I am so special. But also not of so little value that I should date men who are a lot older than me.

 

It's the men who want at all costs a younger woman who think they are so special... Just read this thread from A to Z and you will see that.