Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[hotpotato]

I did not even have a look at this because... I don't care! You are about this because you want to be better than other men, I don't give a fiddling fart.

 

Attraction is and has always been about a lot more than looks.

 

Thee example is just plain silly. If one of us used Rena Mero or Elsa Pataky as an example of why men should date older women, we'd be laughed out of this dicussion. Pataky and Mero are outlier, just like Herschel guy is an outlier.

[thefooloftheyear]

I did not even have a look at this because... I don't care! You keep going on about this because you want to be better than other men, I don't give a fiddling fart.

 

Attraction is and has always been about a lot more than looks. Being smart and street wise is more important to me than having a perfect body, although I like someone who is a bit sporty like myself.

 

 

Hey, Im not the one saying old guys cant keep it up....YOU are...

 

So now looks dont matter?? Ok...I get it...

 

Good Lord....I wish you all the best..

 

TFY

[Emilia]

You can pick a 35 year old guy tomorrow that would be smoked by a 55 year old guy....Yes, in the bedroom as well....

 

TFY

I really really can't imagine that scenario. I live in London, we have all sorts. Different lifestyles, nationalities, ethnicities, etc but 55 year-olds can't out do 35 year-olds. When you hit 50 you start going downhill pretty much and you start aging faster. It's not the same as comparing 25 and 45 year-olds. At 55 life is pretty much over as far as competition goes. It's just how it is.

[RonaldS]

I live close to the city of NOLA, which is very liberal. I must have missed all the hot 30 and 40 something guys.

 

Ronald S is trying to make me sound like some backwoods hick.

Wait, what's that I hear, banjos???

 

a) visiting does not equal living

b) come on....there is not much in the South that's liberal. Not even NOLA.

c) I was right. You live in a small, conservative town

d) I come from a small, conservative town in the Bible Belt of Michigan, so I know which way the wind blows

 

If you just go visit a large city, you're probably hanging out in more touristy areas. So, you're not getting a fair representation of the population of that city.

 

Take Chicago, for example. If you come visit Chicago as a tourist, in all likelihood, you'll end up in the area known to locals as the 'Viagra Triangle'. Tourists flock there, and there are tons of rich old guys (and by old, I mean old) who are trying to pick up young women while they're in the city. If you were in that area, you would be like, 'Ewww...gross'.

 

However, if you went into neighborhoods like Wicker Park, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village, West Loop, etc (where tourists rarely go), you would see a very, very different scene. You would see a lot of men who are older (35+) who fit the mold I'm talking about.

 

I mentioned earlier in this thread about the Tinder matches I had. Hundreds...that's hundreds...were more than 6 years younger than me. That's hundreds of 25-33 year old women within probably 10 miles of me who want to go out with me (I'm just a couple months from being 40). I've gone out with tons of women who were 25-30. And it's not just me....I know a lot of guys who are my age who regularly date younger women.

 

It's a very different dynamic than a small town.

[RonaldS]

Also, hotpotato....you state that 10 years is not a big age difference, but at the beginning of this thread, the consensus was that 6+ years constituted an age gap, and that 10 years older was 'old'.

 

I think it was pinklimo who shallowly told me when she was 30 that she would have just looked at a me (at 39) as just old and creepy (nevermind that I doubt I ever would have even looked in her direction when she was 30, so she wouldn't have had to worry about it).

 

So, 10 years older was already established as being 'old'.

Edited April 29, 2014 by RonaldS

[hotpotato]

a) visiting does not equal living

b) come on....there is not much in the South that's liberal. Not even NOLA.

c) I was right. You live in a small, conservative town

d) I come from a small, conservative town in the Bible Belt of Michigan, so I know which way the wind blows

 

If you just go visit a large city, you're probably hanging out in more touristy areas. So, you're not getting a fair representation of the population of that city.

 

Take Chicago, for example. If you come visit Chicago as a tourist, in all likelihood, you'll end up in the area known to locals as the 'Viagra Triangle'. Tourists flock there, and there are tons of rich old guys (and by old, I mean old) who are trying to pick up young women while they're in the city. If you were in that area, you would be like, 'Ewww...gross'.

 

However, if you went into neighborhoods like Wicker Park, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village, West Loop, etc (where tourists rarely go), you would see a very, very different scene. You would see a lot of men who are older (35+) who fit the mold I'm talking about.

 

I mentioned earlier in this thread about the Tinder matches I had. Hundreds...that's hundreds...were more than 6 years younger than me. That's hundreds of 25-33 year old women within probably 10 miles of me who want to go out with me (I'm just a couple months from being 40). I've gone out with tons of women who were 25-30. And it's not just me....I know a lot of guys who are my age who regularly date younger women.

 

It's a very different dynamic than a small town.

 

First of all, nola is very liberal. Im not sure why youd believe differently.

What are you trying to prove to me anyway? I dated a man who was nearly 20 years older than me. Ia agree that an older man can be reasonably attractive, but by no means is that the norm.

 

Second of all, I wasnt necessarily in ny or las vegas as a tourist. Ive been to bars, clubs, etc. I was there because I was dating someone not to sightsee. I was there to socialize with him, his friends, family, coworkers, etc not as a tourist. Hot older guys still relatively few and far between. Im not sure why youre trying to pretend like older guys are so hot.

 

Yes, older rich guys will have more success with getting younger women. Tgats what ive been saying tge last couple pages!

 

Even in the city there were plenty of young people paired with other young people.

[thefooloftheyear]

I really really can't imagine that scenario. I live in London, we have all sorts. Different lifestyles, nationalities, ethnicities, etc but 55 year-olds can't out do 35 year-olds. When you hit 50 you start going downhill pretty much and you start aging faster. It's not the same as comparing 25 and 45 year-olds. At 55 life is pretty much over as far as competition goes. It's just how it is.

 

 

Understand what I am saying....On average, id say you are absolutely correct..,.

 

I dunno...I guess I just know a lot of really well put together middle aged guys...I mean, I have a close friend that I train with occasionally that is 63 years old..ANY 30 year old would be more than happy to trade physiques,...And he is out every weekend, rafting on the rapids, hiking, mountain biking...He's married to 40 year old woman who is a competitive bodybuilder.....He is the one that set me up in the powerlifting competition...Both of us are entering the "open" mens division, even though we could qualify for the "masters" class..The guy is an animal..

 

When I went to the beach last year, I took note of the women in two piece bikinis....Most were in their 20's and maybe 2 or 3 out of 10 didnt look absolutely embarrassing in them...People are different...

 

I guess I just dont understand the thinking behind some of these women that think a guy is finished at 40...Makes no sense, because I see more than my share of 40 and under guys that look pretty bad...

 

TFY

[PinkInTheLimo]

I think it was pinklimo who shallowly told me when she was 30 that she would have just looked at a me (at 39) as just old and creepy (nevermind that I doubt I ever would have even looked in her direction when she was 30, so she wouldn't have had to worry about it).

 

Yes you are right. When I was 30 I thought a 39 year old man was too old for me. You hear it from the horse's mought.

At almost 50, I find a man of 59 too old for me. I am not ready yet to celebrate the 60th birthday of my partner. A 59 year old man has nothing more to offer than a man closer to my age.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Understand what I am saying....On average, id say you are absolutely correct..,.

 

I dunno...I guess I just know a lot of really well put together middle aged guys...I mean, I have a close friend that I train with occasionally that is 63 years old..ANY 30 year old would be more than happy to trade physiques,...And he is out every weekend, rafting on the rapids, hiking, mountain biking...He's married to 40 year old woman who is a competitive bodybuilder.....He is the one that set me up in the powerlifting competition...Both of us are entering the "open" mens division, even though we could qualify for the "masters" class..The guy is an animal..

 

When I went to the beach last year, I took note of the women in two piece bikinis....Most were in their 20's and maybe 2 or 3 out of 10 didnt look absolutely embarrassing in them...People are different...

 

I guess I just dont understand the thinking behind some of these women that think a guy is finished at 40...Makes no sense, because I see more than my share of 40 and under guys that look pretty bad...

 

TFY

 

All the bragging about how strong you are physically do not make any difference to a woman. As a matter of fact it is a turn off. I don't like braggers.

 

Noone says that a guy is finished at 40, 50 or 60. That's not the point. The reason I don't want to date a 60 year old man is not because I consider him to be finished, it is because he is 60 which is more than 10 years older than me which I find too old.

[RonaldS]

First of all, nola is very liberal. Im not sure why youd believe differently.

What are you trying to prove to me anyway? I dated a man who was nearly 20 years older than me. Ia agree that an older man can be reasonably attractive, but by no means is that the norm.

 

Second of all, I wasnt necessarily in ny or las vegas as a tourist. Ive been to bars, clubs, etc. I was there because I was dating someone not to sightsee. I was there to socialize with him, his friends, family, coworkers, etc not as a tourist. Hot older guys still relatively few and far between. Im not sure why youre trying to pretend like older guys are so hot.

 

Yes, older rich guys will have more success with getting younger women. Tgats what ive been saying tge last couple pages!

 

Even in the city there were plenty of young people paired with other young people.

 

When you have lived in truly liberal cities, NOLA doesn't seem very liberal. Relatively speaking it is, because the South is SOOOO conservative.

 

Anyway, I'm not trying to prove older guys are hot. I'm attempting to disprove the position of many in this thread that older guys are not desireable. You are not one of the primary offenders, so it's not really directed at you. This thread is 400 pages long, and a lot of it is people like RedRobin saying that a 25 year old woman going out with a 40 year old man is doing herself a disservice because she's getting nothing in return and the 40 year old guy is not desireable by comparison to a guy 10-15 years younger.

 

Look, I went back to school a couple years ago. I was in an education program, which meant every class was me, 4 or 5 other guys, and then a ton of women/girls. If I wanted to hang out with 21 or 22 year old girls, I could have cleaned up. If was too easy. I never bothered to date any of them, although I did have a few that would meet up with me at coffee shops to work on projects (even though we never actually worked on the projects while we were there).

 

So, maybe I would have one girl as a partner on a project, and then some other girls would ask her if we were hooking up, and then I would have these other girls sweating me to hang out, or asking me if I wanted to get together to work on projects or study, and I would always end up with these girls' #s, and invariably they would text me while drunk and confess their attraction or whatever. It was hilarious.

 

And these were young girls...21, 22...too young for me. Pretty, intelligent, on a path to success in life.

 

So, I must not be that undesirable.

[sillyanswer]

All the bragging about how strong you are physically do not make any difference to a woman. As a matter of fact it is a turn off. I don't like braggers.

 

Your first sentence is an incorrect generalisation. It does make a difference to some women (sometimes positively, too). You might find it a turn off, but not everyone is the same.

[thefooloftheyear]

All the bragging about how strong you are physically do not make any difference to a woman. As a matter of fact it is a turn off. I don't like braggers.

 

Noone says that a guy is finished at 40, 50 or 60. That's not the point. The reason I don't want to date a 60 year old man is not because I consider him to be finished, it is because he is 60 which is more than 10 years older than me which I find too old.

 

 

Im the last guy anyone would call a braggart...I take care of myself very well, I couldnt give a flying shyt what any woman thinks about the fact that I am in good physical condition..I dont do it to impress women and I never have...Only jackasses do that..I do it for my own well being and preservation of my health...Nothing more..

 

And I am not going to further embarrass you by quoting a previous post you made about a guy not being able to get hard, or that you would have to care for him...Dont be a hypocrite..

 

TFY

[MidwestUSA]

Yes you are right. When I was 30 I thought a 39 year old man was too old for me. You hear it from the horse's mought.

At almost 50, I find a man of 59 too old for me. I am not ready yet to celebrate the 60th birthday of my partner. A 59 year old man has nothing more to offer than a man closer to my age.

 

 

 

I hope you won't hold it against a 47 year old if he rejects you because he doesn't want to celebrate your fiftieth. That's only fair.

 

I'm starting to think this whole thread has more to do with women (a couple of them here) not embracing aging gracefully.

[thefooloftheyear]

I hope you won't hold it against a 47 year old if he rejects you because he doesn't want to celebrate your fiftieth. That's only fair.

 

I'm starting to think this whole thread has more to do with women (a couple of them here) not embracing aging gracefully.

 

 

Winner, winner chicken dinner!!!

 

 

TFY

[RonaldS]

I hope you won't hold it against a 47 year old if he rejects you because he doesn't want to celebrate your fiftieth. That's only fair.

 

I'm starting to think this whole thread has more to do with women (a couple of them here) not embracing aging gracefully.

 

DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!

 

Midwest wins the internets.

[MidwestUSA]

 

DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!

 

Midwest wins the internets.

 

And I'm over 50! And you thought I was out to pasture!

[123321]

Nowhere I am pretending that I am so special. But also not of so little value that I should date men who are a lot older than me.

 

It's the men who want at all costs a younger woman who think they are so special... Just read this thread from A to Z and you will see that.

 

Or maybe it's just that they date the most attractive they can. Sometimes the simple answer is the answer.

 

 

I can explain ....

 

tl,dr; You made a lot of bad choices but it wasn't your fault, it was someone else and you shouldn't have to live with the consequences. I want that deal too.

 

 

I would want to know how they will feel about having an older partner when they are 60. A lot of women do mind and the older guys won't get these women.

 

That's fine, I only need one at a time. See how that works out well for everyone when people don't blame others for their dating issues?

 

 

It's not. Guys just need to realize they are not nearly as attractive to young women as they think.

 

There are old, fat, bald, ugly, broke, but still thinks he should have a young'n.

 

Maybe he can, maybe he can't, but for sure it's his own concern and no one else.

 

 

Ok, then your beliefs about what 20 somethings do isnt necessarily true. Or maybe there is more truth to it in Cali.

 

See above.

 

 

No idea but I won't settle for an older man ever.

 

Good luck, also as a backup plan I hear pets are nice.

 

 

Attraction is and has always been about a lot more than looks. Being smart and street wise is more important to me than having a perfect body, although I like someone who is a bit sporty like myself.

 

So even if they are ideal in every other way you will reject them based on age, and you were complaining about what?

[PinkInTheLimo]

I hope you won't hold it against a 47 year old if he rejects you because he doesn't want to celebrate your fiftieth. That's only fair.

 

I'm starting to think this whole thread has more to do with women (a couple of them here) not embracing aging gracefully.

 

50-47 = 3 years difference

 

60-49 = 11 years difference

 

Not the same kind of difference for starters. And why would the woman of 49 have to be OK with being together with a 60 year old but the 47 year old man not with a 50 year old woman.

 

My privacy is important so I am not going to post a picture of myself but if anyone knows how to age gracefully it is me. I have always been an attractive lady and with being older I have also become more elegant (I used to be a tomboy in my 20ies). I will always be attractive and elegant, even when I am hitting 80 or 90.

The reason? I was raised by a very elegant mother so I know how it looks...

[MidwestUSA]

50-47 = 3 years difference

 

60-49 = 11 years difference

 

Not the same kind of difference for starters. And why would the woman of 49 have to be OK with being together with a 60 year old but the 47 year old man not with a 50 year old woman.

 

 

Not saying she should, if that's her preference.

 

 

But you don't have a choice in the matter of the 47 year old if he says 'eeeeew' to almost 50, that's all I'm saying. You don't decide what HE'S okay with. It works both ways.

[hotpotato]

Or maybe it's just that they date the most attractive they can. Sometimes the simple answer is the answer.

 

 

 

 

tl,dr; You made a lot of bad choices but it wasn't your fault, it was someone else and you shouldn't have to live with the consequences. I want that deal too.

 

 

 

 

That's fine, I only need one at a time. See how that works out well for everyone when people don't blame others for their dating issues?

 

 

 

 

Maybe he can, maybe he can't, but for sure it's his own concern and no one else.

 

 

 

 

See above.

 

 

 

 

Good luck, also as a backup plan I hear pets are nice.

 

 

 

 

So even if they are ideal in every other way you will reject them based on age, and you were complaining about what?

 

Actually, it IS my business because I have to deal with older and elderly men throwing themselves at me, stalking me, even approaching me because they think im a child...

[Keenly]

50-47 = 3 years difference

 

60-49 = 11 years difference

 

Not the same kind of difference for starters. And why would the woman of 49 have to be OK with being together with a 60 year old but the 47 year old man not with a 50 year old woman.

 

My privacy is important so I am not going to post a picture of myself but if anyone knows how to age gracefully it is me. I have always been an attractive lady and with being older I have also become more elegant (I used to be a tomboy in my 20ies). I will always be attractive and elegant, even when I am hitting 80 or 90.

The reason? I was raised by a very elegant mother so I know how it looks...

 

Huh? Being attractive isn't knowledge based. One doesn't " know " how to be attractive. If it was like that, there would be no ugly people because there would be a class in college called how to be attractive.

 

 

And I'm sorry, but to claim you'll still be attractive at 90, now we are just shouting into the wind.

[Keenly]

Actually, it IS my business because I have to deal with older and elderly men throwing themselves at me, stalking me, even approaching me because they think im a child...

 

We have been over this. Say no and move on, instead of attempting behavior control.

 

 

Its not your business what a man does with his life. I don't know where you think you have this right to tell some one how to live because you might have to say no thanks to some one every now and then.

I'm sorry that being hit on is SUCH an inconvienence for you. The horror....

[Babolat]

Im the last guy anyone would call a braggart...I take care of myself very well, I couldnt give a flying shyt what any woman thinks about the fact that I am in good physical condition..I dont do it to impress women and I never have...Only jackasses do that..I do it for my own well being and preservation of my health...Nothing more..

 

And I am not going to further embarrass you by quoting a previous post you made about a guy not being able to get hard, or that you would have to care for him...Dont be a hypocrite..

 

TFY

 

+1 and in my case I actually enjoy going to the gym, hiking, biking, playing tennis, working out, Yoga, walking, being Active. A secondary result is the compliments I get from my female friends, my dating partners and heck even my male friends. And yeah, it's feels good to hear the compliments. It's not my goal or morivation though; I do it for me.

[Babolat]

My privacy is important so I am not going to post a picture of myself but if anyone knows how to age gracefully it is me. I have always been an attractive lady and with being older I have also become more elegant (I used to be a tomboy in my 20ies). I will always be attractive and elegant, even when I am hitting 80 or 90.

The reason? I was raised by a very elegant mother so I know how it looks...

This just sounds, weird, odd, strange, almost egotistical to me. I'm with Keenly on this one.

 

I've aged gracefully for many reasons, good genetics being one, and I have no control over that. The things I do have control over I take care of.

 

I am 47, seeing a woman 49, who will be 50 very soon, and she is amazingly hot. She has the body of a 35 year, maybe a 30 year old, and the activity and "fun" level of the same. I have recenlty been with a 29 year old woman, and hands down this woman could "compete" with her at all levels.

 

All of my males friends have dropped their jaw when they meet her; my female friends too. On top of all that, she is an amazing woman. If she ever said something like you just said to me, I'm pretty sure I would say "Really?" and reconsider what kind of person she is.

[MidwestUSA]

This just sounds, weird, odd, strange, almost egotistical to me. I'm with Keenly on this one.

 

 

All of my males friends have dropped their jaw when they meet her; my female friends too. On top of all that, she is an amazing woman. If she ever said something like you just said to me, I'm pretty sure I would say "Really?" and reconsider what kind of person she is.

 

It goes back to my 'fear of aging' theory. After all, you have to prove it to yourself first.