Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[hotpotato]

So, you're the second woman in this thread who was OKAY WITH 'age gap dating' when it was working in your favor.

 

SMH at the hypocrisy.

 

I dont care if a woman wants to date a man who is much older, I'm simply saying that the average old and elderly man thinks he is more attractive than what he really is. He also doesn't see that yes older men can marry younger women, but they are usually bringing something else to the table besides sex and romance.

[Iguanna]

I really don't understand some women's obsession with older men hitting on younger women. It's something that happens for thousands of years. Specifically only some decades ago it was really common young women to marry older men cause the older men were richer and the woman preferred the money than the love. I think that all this passionate opinions have to do once again with feminism. Women these days grow up thinking they are the best and the smartest and the most beautiful and nobody can be good enough to have them. "How dares a less [put adjective here] man talk to me and hope that I will be with him?". I'm not saying that we should not be careful with the person we choose, but all this feministic superiority of the woman is starting to sicken me. I swear that if I were a man I would find it very hard to find a woman due to this idiotic superiority.

[MidwestUSA]

 

He has a desired goal in mine. It's either because he would like to get to know you better and see if he is interested in pursing a romantic relationship with you or purely a physical one. Either way, he is still attracted to you physically and sexually.

 

 

 

 

Isn't this the way dating starts for anyone, regardless of age gap, regardless of who does the initiating? Isn't this the point?

[hotpotato]

If you look at LS as a whole, most of the guys here would rather cut their penis off before they would ever do a "cold approach" in real life. Which is why most guys on here are primarily online daters only.

 

If a guy sees a woman he is attracted too and wants to pursue a romantic or physical relationship with her, hitting on her and asking her out is not illegal or a crime.

I didn't say it was, save stalking and sexual harassment.

 

 

I commend him.

 

His Ex wasn't doing it for him and got rid of her to pursue a prettier younger girl.

 

So if an older man has issues with an older gf, he should dump her for someone younger. That's actually very sad.

 

 

Man gets a new better looking girlfriend which is what he wanted and his Ex is now free to go find someone who wants her.

 

Bottom line, he did his Ex a favor not a disservice.

And it would have been a disservice for me to date someone like that. What if we were together for awhile, and I *gasp* got older? I wouldn't want him to drop me for someone else. No thanks, I'll pass.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to befriend a girl in the hopes that more can happen. It's not the approach I would do. Some older men and every "Nice" guy (young and old) I know this is pretty much their only play in their playboy.

 

Pretending to be to get in someone's pants is sneaky and underhanded. This tactic leads to jealousy, hurt, and confusion.

[TheGuard13]

 

That's exactly what the problem is. They see George Clooney or Donald Stirling score hot young thangs and think it's in the cards for them,too.

 

 

Or maybe they just like "hot young thangs" too, whether they think they can score them or not. I'm sure a lot of men know they don't really have a shot, but take the chance anyway.

 

 

The ones who become overly aggressive and stalkerish are obviously doing things that are unacceptable.

[hotpotato]

Do you think if he is asking you out on a date (in this case a movie) because he just wants to spend money on you?

 

He has a desired goal in mine. It's either because he would like to get to know you better and see if he is interested in pursing a romantic relationship with you or purely a physical one. Either way, he is still attracted to you physically and sexually.

 

You, him and everyone else on the planet knows what is going on. Don't pretend otherwise.

 

If a man is only after sex, I'd rather him to just ask me to eff really fast. I'm all for cutting out the facade and the bs.

 

If a man is physically attracted to me and wants to get to know me, I expect him to be polite about it.

 

A lot of men do see dating as a transaction, but that's for another thread.

[MidwestUSA]

 

 

A lot of men do see dating as a transaction, but that's for another thread.

 

 

That's not something that's limited to an older man/younger woman scenario either. So yep, another thread indeed. Along with stalking.

[sillyanswer]

I dont care if a woman wants to date a man who is much older, I'm simply saying that the average old and elderly man thinks he is more attractive than what he really is. He also doesn't see that yes older men can marry younger women, but they are usually bringing something else to the table besides sex and romance.

 

Given that most approaches, across all ages and both sexes, result in a "no" (source: I made this up but it seems likely) and given that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (source: Plato ? Aesop? ) I'll go out on a limb and claim that everyone who approaches someone else thinks they are more attractive than they are because they're hoping for a "yes" when reality suggests this is unlikely most of the time. In other words, I don't think this phenomenon is confined to the average old and elderly man.

 

(Is "old and elderly" a tautology, or did you mean something specific by it?)

[RonaldS]

Yes, and they were most likely dating rich men or men who were unusually attractive. There are a lot of ifs and buts in there. I dated a man who was about 17 years older, but he made decent money, had done ok for himellf, looked relatively young, wasn't portly, and was my type.

 

Well, this certainly is an interesting minor detail that had been conveniently left out of the discussion for a long time.

 

*sigh*

 

So, let me get this straight.....even though older guys hitting on you is gross, pervy, scary, upsetting, and creepy, when you meet an older guy who is attractive, successful and fit, you had no problem dating him?

 

I see.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, this certainly is an interesting minor detail that had been conveniently left out of the discussion for a long time.

 

*sigh*

 

So, let me get this straight.....even though older guys hitting on you is gross, pervy, scary, upsetting, and creepy, when you meet an older guy who is attractive, successful and fit, you had no problem dating him?

 

I see.

 

 

It's perfectly okay when the 'perks' outweigh the creepy factor. Love the use of the word 'perk'. Not sure how you missed this, several pages back. It's pretty obvious money is the big draw.

 

"Ive dated older men. My ex was almost 20 years older. I liked that he was my type, but honestly, the money was a big perk. I used to talk to a guy who was about 25 years older, but he was really, really physically attractive and he made good money. He was very far from the average 45 year old specimen. Average older guy thinks he can swoon a hot young thang no matter what he looks like or his earning potential."

[RonaldS]

Midwest, who did you quote?

[sillyanswer]

I was thinking of starting a new thread about this the other day when I found this one, and realised it would just get consolidated into this anyway, so I'll put this here...

 

Most OLD sites have search tools to let me find people meeting certain characteristics, such as age, but sometimes I then see that that person excludes people my age from the range of ages they are looking for. So I don't write to them. This isn't necessarily "age gap" dating - I'm neither old and elderly nor am I looking to date a 20 year old - but even some people with fairly close ages to me don't want to date someone my age (and that's fine).

 

So, my question is, are there some OLD sites that allow me to search for partners who themselves want to date someone my age?

 

And, for bonus marks, does anyone think such a thing would be an improvement?

[MidwestUSA]

Midwest, who did you quote?

 

 

 

See post #1123. Sorry, I should have referenced that. I'm not adept at this whole multi-quoting thing.

Edited April 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added permalink

[Iguanna]

So if an older man has issues with an older gf, he should dump her for someone younger. That's actually very sad.

 

Sadder than a young woman accepting to be with an older man only if he has money and is attractive?

[RonaldS]

I was thinking of starting a new thread about this the other day when I found this one, and realised it would just get consolidated into this anyway, so I'll put this here...

 

Most OLD sites have search tools to let me find people meeting certain characteristics, such as age, but sometimes I then see that that person excludes people my age from the range of ages they are looking for. So I don't write to them. This isn't necessarily "age gap" dating - I'm neither old and elderly nor am I looking to date a 20 year old - but even some people with fairly close ages to me don't want to date someone my age (and that's fine).

 

So, my question is, are there some OLD sites that allow me to search for partners who themselves want to date someone my age?

 

And, for bonus marks, does anyone think such a thing would be an improvement?

If you go on Tinder, you enter a preferred age range. The women that show up in your search will have your age in their age range, so you don't waste your time getting all excited about a woman who would have no interest in you. Also, with Tinder, if you 'match' with a woman, it's because she is also interested in you.

 

That's what was funny about when I posted the age range of all of my matches. People here were discounting that I had so many matches that were between 6-15 years younger because they were assuming that it was like an OKC 'match', where they just show all of the potential women in your area that you match well with according to their mysterious algorithm.

 

No, Tinder 'matches' are when you pick the woman and the woman also picks you. So, I had all of those hundreds of matches that were 6-15 years younger than me to demonstrate that younger women do like older guys under certain circumstances....a notion substantiated when several women admitted to having relationships with older guys who were attractive, fit and successful (even though they adamantly insisted that older guys were creepy pervs).

[hotpotato]

Yes! They are not married.

 

He deserves to be with someone he wants and she deserves someone that wants her.

 

What is the alternative? They stay together because it would upset the woman? How is that fair to him or her?

He should stay and do the best he can to fix what he has.

What am I supposed to do, date an older guy because he got a lil hot and bothered and dissatisfied?

 

 

 

I can't say I blame you.

 

Personally, I would never date someone who is in a committed relationship either. If they were dating and not in a committed relationship that is a different matter.

 

 

 

Do you come right out and tell men they have to be rich and make X amount?

 

What happens if they are rich but cheap? Are you going to stay if he never spends it on you or very frugal?

 

If you knew the guy would never get married and did not want kids, would you bother dating him if that was your desired goal? Now are you going to ask him that before the first date? I doubt it.

 

Women are just as guilty as men are of "pretending" or having goals, desired outcomes in mind and agendas.

 

Ok, now I'm a goldigger. For the record, Ive dated men who were all over the spectrum from having no job to being upper middle class.

 

No, I wouldn't say that. I'm not specifically looking for a rich man anyway.

 

I do OLD, and people are usually straightforward on their profiles with what they want. So yes, it does come up before the first date.

[hotpotato]

Sadder than a young woman accepting to be with an older man only if he has money and is attractive?

 

Maybe sadder than old men fixated on a womans age???

Most people want to be with someone they find attractive anyway. I guess it's only controversial when young women dont want to date older or elderly men.

 

Plenty of people want to be with someone attractive. It's just a fact of life it's harder to be attractive at 50, 60 years old and up.

[RonaldS]

The amount of credibility that has been lost in this thread is on a Tiger Woods level.

[thefooloftheyear]

So, from what I can gather...If a guy hits on a woman, and its found out that he isnt rich, attractive enough or whatever....then he is a predatory creep....But if he's an older sexy guy and has some loot, then game on??

 

Help me out here....Im confused...

 

TFY

[sillyanswer]

If you go on Tinder, you enter a preferred age range. The women that show up in your search will have your age in their age range, so you don't waste your time getting all excited about a woman who would have no interest in you.

 

I didn't know that. Thanks!

 

Also, with Tinder, if you 'match' with a woman, it's because she is also interested in you.

 

Yes, that's a good feature. It also means that age-gap daters can 'like' older women or younger men to their heart's content without bothering anybody as it doesn't send any sort of alert to the other person unless/until the match is mutual, and there's no silly winking.

[hotpotato]

Well, this certainly is an interesting minor detail that had been conveniently left out of the discussion for a long time.

 

*sigh*

 

So, let me get this straight.....even though older guys hitting on you is gross, pervy, scary, upsetting, and creepy, when you meet an older guy who is attractive, successful and fit, you had no problem dating him?

 

I see.

 

Well, he was attractive!

Here's a question, why are women supposed to look past all of men's faults? No matter how old he is, or whatever, she is supposed to look on the inside and love him, yet he doesn't do that same?

 

It's perfectly okay when the 'perks' outweigh the creepy factor. Love the use of the word 'perk'. Not sure how you missed this, several pages back. It's pretty obvious money is the big draw.

 

"Ive dated older men. My ex was almost 20 years older. I liked that he was my type, but honestly, the money was a big perk. I used to talk to a guy who was about 25 years older, but he was really, really physically attractive and he made good money. He was very far from the average 45 year old specimen. Average older guy thinks he can swoon a hot young thang no matter what he looks like or his earning potential."

 

 

 

 

If anyone thinks young hotties are married men old enough to be their grandfathers, I have some bad news!

 

 

Why are people acting like this is something new or something not obvious? Even a lot of older women with younger men are exceptional in some way. Madonna gets hot young guys but she's rich. Same for Susan Surandon. And Heidi Klum who is rich and exceptionally attractive.

 

:confused:

[carhill]

So, from what I can gather...If a guy hits on a woman, and its found out that he isnt rich, attractive enough or whatever....then he is a predatory creep....But if he's an older sexy guy and has some loot, then game on??

 

Help me out here....Im confused...

 

TFY

I personally never got that impression from the older/younger women I approached and/or dated, or from any of my female friends over the decades, but it appears to be one impression forwarded here.

 

Regarding a past posting, while I had not kept up with the machinations of Clint's marriage (now divorce process), the news stories evidently bore out exactly what the thrust of my posting was focused on. He and Dina had their differences, she first filed for a separation (I saw the case summary at the court) then a divorce a month later (same) and Clint proceeded to apparently become involved with the ex-spouse of the old 'friend' Dina took up with, a lady some 40+ years his junior. Did he care how it 'appeared'? Ha! That's what successful men do. What they want to. Sure, some will call them names like creepy or perverted. Yep, it happens. Part of life.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Plenty of people want to be with someone attractive. It's just a fact of life it's harder to be attractive at 50, 60 years old and up.

 

I'm not finding it difficult at all. And I attract men of similar levels of attractiveness. I just wish they would stop trying to date me for my money!

 

 

:laugh:

 

 

My point is, it works both ways.

[Emilia]

The age of the man or women is irreverent. Their ages do not determine if they are capable of loving each other. Their ages do not make their love any stronger or weaker. Their love and desire to be together it's what most important to them, not their age.

Then those people have a very unrealistic view of the future. I can assure you, there is a reason why most people marry someone close to their age: they don't want to start being a carer to an elderly person in their 40s or give up sex.

[Woggle]

I do agree that men in relationships have no business trying to flirt with women no matter what age. If he is that unhappy then break up first and if he is just looking to cheat then he is scum. This I do agree with HP.