Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[123321]

The reason they go younger is so that it easier to create more. Much like owners of sweat shops who need to keep going to poorer countries for cheaper and cheaper labor.

 

 

If I read about the experiences of men with these preferences on this thread, alot of them seem to be going through women like toilet paper. Or trying to. Not sure how that makes them worthy of the 'love' they seek to claim or manipulate from younger women.

 

I'm glad that any pretense at being rational is gone.

 

 

.... unless a woman had a very compelling reason for having not gotten married/had kids by a certain age (eg tracking blue whale migration patterns across the Pacific her entire adult life), then I become leery of that woman ....

 

I could add a few to the list, but I agree with your summary.

 

 

The above quote could (and in my experience often is) a woman who was so busy enjoying her youth by dating exciting guys and spending money that she never saw any reason to settle down, and now that she's realized guys are not falling all over her any more she wants to settle down. But she has nothing interesting to offer now. What she does have is a nice collection of debts and emotional baggage.

 

Additionally if she managed to have a kid or two she might utter that date killing phrase "my kids will always come first". Well **** that. It's not healthy for the kid(s), the relationship, and I won't put up with it, check please.

[RonaldS]

I am starting to see this in my XW. That loss of joy for living. Look, she was always a somewhat depressed, unhappy person, but she still had an exuberance for living for a good portion of our relationship. She would laugh so hard at things, her eyes were bright, and she was living the life she wanted.

 

But when I'm around her now, it's gone. It's a shame. She is still so beautiful, but she only smiles with her mouth. She's on her way to marrying her new guy, and she's, I guess, back in the game and on her way to having a 'normal and acceptable' life, and one would think she would be happy.

 

So, she has a pic of her and her new guy together on a boat somewhere. It's in one of those frames that has the word 'love' scribbled all over it (which I'm assuming he gave to her, because she would never pick something like that out herself). Anyway, they have their arms around each other, and it's so sweet and romantic, but she just doesn't look happy. Her smile looks totally forced. Look, I've known this woman for 15 years. I know when she's happy and when she's not.

 

If you put that pic side-by-side with a pic of us when before things started to get bad, there would be a night-and-day difference. It's that striking.

 

The point of all of this is that often older women who have been through life and things didn't work out wear that like a badge on their shirt. I use my XW because I know her and have a basis for comparison. The look on her face these days just looks sad to me.

[MidwestUSA]

 

The point of all of this is that often older women who have been through life and things didn't work out wear that like a badge on their shirt. I use my XW because I know her and have a basis for comparison. The look on her face these days just looks sad to me.

 

 

Jeez, not to thread jack, but don't the kids bring her joy? That's sad.

[RonaldS]

Jeez, not to thread jack, but don't the kids bring her joy? That's sad.

 

They do, but it seems as if they're the only joy she seems to have.

[RedRobin]

If you find the right man, he won't blame you keeping to your standards on the fact that you've hit menopausal years.

 

Just as you surely found 20 something's back in the day who considered your standards prudish and probably dumped you for it. Don't choose to write them out of your history now.

 

Bottom line, you need to reevaluate why you're finding no one up to your standards. Have you considered moving? Maybe you'll see, on your trip, that there are locations out there that hold promise for you.

 

 

Please don't misconstrue that example with me. I'm not of menopausal years. Although, I imagine that having any sexual standards at all will be tougher to navigate as I get older, since so many men (young and old) seem to think women over a certain age somehow ought to drop their standards and values and just feel grateful to be wanted at all. Which I don't believe... but that is the message they are pitching here.

 

 

As for me, I know very well why I haven't found anyone to my standards around HERE... it's been explained many times in other threads... same issues that some of the guys on this thread have complained about...

 

 

Debt laden due to their divorce, treats their kids like pets, history of promiscuity, substance abuse or doesn't take care of themselves. Since I don't have that history, I'm not settling for a man who has. I'm not one of those women who are terribly forgiving of a man's past just because he happens to be the last man standing on this crappy 'island' I live on, lol.

 

The above quote could (and in my experience often is) a woman who was so busy enjoying her youth by dating exciting guys and spending money that she never saw any reason to settle down, and now that she's realized guys are not falling all over her any more she wants to settle down. But she has nothing interesting to offer now. What she does have is a nice collection of debts and emotional baggage.

 

Additionally if she managed to have a kid or two she might utter that date killing phrase "my kids will always come first". Well **** that. It's not healthy for the kid(s), the relationship, and I won't put up with it, check please.

 

 

I feel similarly about men who haven't married by a certain age.

 

 

...but here you are trying to be that 'exciting guy' that younger women date. Why? So you can come here and b*tch later about how she used up her 20's dating guys with your preferences??

 

 

That makes a lot of sense, lol.

 

 

... and I agree with you about the statement 'my kids come first'. Well duh. I've dated a couple of guys who said that. These are guys who really have no life other than kids and work.... and my life is supposed to revolve around the umpteenth million little trivial events that their kid experienced today.... not to mention the schedule of their ex.

 

 

The sad thing is, I really DO enjoy kids and spending time with them. But for chrissakes... the time to start teaching them responsibility and a sense of autonomy is long before they turn 18.

 

 

I mean... why do people think I'm ok camping cross country solo with my dog?? It's because my parents gave us time to explore and do without constant hovering and micro-managed structured events. Heck, me and my sister used to skateboard down to the local pool (about 2 miles away) when we were 9 and 10 years old. We'd catch a bus to the beach and spend the day there. All they asked is that we get our chores or homework done and get home before it got dark. All that before cell phones, lol. But I digress...

Edited May 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory comments

[RedRobin]

I am starting to see this in my XW. That loss of joy for living. Look, she was always a somewhat depressed, unhappy person, but she still had an exuberance for living for a good portion of our relationship. She would laugh so hard at things, her eyes were bright, and she was living the life she wanted.

 

But when I'm around her now, it's gone. It's a shame. She is still so beautiful, but she only smiles with her mouth. She's on her way to marrying her new guy, and she's, I guess, back in the game and on her way to having a 'normal and acceptable' life, and one would think she would be happy.

 

So, she has a pic of her and her new guy together on a boat somewhere. It's in one of those frames that has the word 'love' scribbled all over it (which I'm assuming he gave to her, because she would never pick something like that out herself). Anyway, they have their arms around each other, and it's so sweet and romantic, but she just doesn't look happy. Her smile looks totally forced. Look, I've known this woman for 15 years. I know when she's happy and when she's not.

 

If you put that pic side-by-side with a pic of us when before things started to get bad, there would be a night-and-day difference. It's that striking.

 

The point of all of this is that often older women who have been through life and things didn't work out wear that like a badge on their shirt. I use my XW because I know her and have a basis for comparison. The look on her face these days just looks sad to me.

 

 

or... there is a much simpler explanation....

 

 

Botox. That is what it does. It keeps the eyes from creasing. Makes it look like the upper part of their face is frozen.

 

 

Might just be that simple. Maybe you should suggest she lay off it or tone it down a little. As great as it is to keep the crows feet from forming, it does weird things to people's expression.

 

 

Sandra Bullock is a good recent example. She was in some cop comedy movie I saw recently and her eyes didn't crease even a little the whole time. Strange. There are a couple of celebrity men who are starting to use it too. Just looks off.

[RedRobin]

Can't the woman also be responsible for her actions and decisions and choices?

 

Sure, but let's make sure she has all of the information so she can make an informed decision.

 

Society in general and lots of older men in particular are not helping in that respect. Oh sure. Maybe when it comes to their own daughters they grow some insight and proper caution when it comes to age gap 'relationships'... But in their own dating life? Nah...

 

People here want to give me and some other women crap for telling it like it is. These guys try to minimize it and call it jealousy, or sour grapes, or whatever... But notice please I am not picking up the cast offs of these younger women who choose to date older men. Just the opposite.

 

Those guys want to date younger women... Be my guest. I won't be dating them. Just that one piece of information alone tells me everything I need to know about a mans relationship preferences... Makes things easy for me.

 

So... Please do share your exploits. Please do tell me all about what a stud you are for dating younger women, lol. I am all ears.

[FitChick]

I've just realized that the reason so many people mistake me for much younger is because I fit none of the stereotypes bandied about here of "older women." That works out very nicely for me.

[Under The Radar]

These type of women are a "Nice" Guys WET DREAM. Finally a woman with tons of baggage and issues who NEEDS me and all this stuff to "fix". You see he doesn't have any self-worth or self-respect so he preys up (we like that term in this thread) these woman and wants more than anything to demonstrate / prove his worth / value by being their whipping boy, "fixing them" and sticking around after being on the receiving end of some serious hell / misery s.hit.

 

Problem is, "Nice" Guys will never blow the woman's hair back like the "Bad" Boys and Douche Rockets did for the last decade. These women are bored out of the freakin minds and repulsed by them.

 

These women when older will attempt "dumpster diving" (we call it settling here), bit their lip and try to force herself to like / date / marry these guys. Usually the women can't take it anymore and ends up dumping him (he has this done dozen of times and keeps taking her back). Sometimes they are able to convince / force themselves to marries him. Of course, more cheating / affairs with various "bad" boy or douche rockets ("Nice" Guys has this done dozen of times and keeps taking her back) and finally after slowly torturing the "Nice" Guy after many years, the woman puts him out his misery by divorcing him. Her parting gift, fleecing his ass in divorce court.

 

You see this played out in the Divorce and Marriage forums 1 out of every 3 threads. I have seen it happen to plenty of "Nice" Guys through the years and heard all the horror stories from other men. It's why I believe these women to be Life Sucking Vampires and to be avoided like the plague.

 

 

 

This was comforting ...... much like snuggling up to my favorite teddy bear ...... thanks for sharing ...... LOL.

[Under The Radar]

I feel for you Bro if you are a "Nice" Guy. God help you if you are. LOL!

 

 

 

Thanks, but I'm not much for labels .

 

 

Though, I'll say I rank your previous post slightly higher than this one.

 

 

However, in the end, another teddy bear hug is in order ...... my stuffed animals are all "Nice" ...... just sayin.

[123321]

I feel similarly about men who haven't married by a certain age.

 

Up to you. I'm one of those guys who waited until my career and finances were in order before looking. That was the plan.

 

 

...but here you are trying to be that 'exciting guy' that younger women date.

 

You miss the point COMPLETELY. I don't want them, they're no better younger than later. Hotter but not better. I want the one that's going to choose to commit, not be forced by circumstances to commit or become a cat lady.

 

 

I mean... why do people think I'm ok camping cross country solo with my dog?

 

No idea.

[Anela]

 

You miss the point COMPLETELY. I don't want them, they're no better younger than later. Hotter but not better. I want the one that's going to choose to commit, not be forced by circumstances to commit or become a cat lady.

 

I don't know anyone who is looking for a man, solely so they won't become a cat lady - and what is with that, anyway? I'm so tired of reading "jokes" about people and the reasons they have cats.

 

If I were that desperate, I would have hooked up with one of those much older men. I didn't want to. Honestly, I've known more girls who were desperate to have a boyfriend, than grown women.

[123321]

Honestly, I've known more girls who were desperate to have a boyfriend, than grown women.

 

This isn't the child molester thread last time I looked; I only date grown woman, where have you seen anything different here?

[Robert Z]

I don't know anyone who is looking for a man, solely so they won't become a cat lady - and what is with that, anyway? I'm so tired of reading "jokes" about people and the reasons they have cats.

 

If I were that desperate, I would have hooked up with one of those much older men. I didn't want to. Honestly, I've known more girls who were desperate to have a boyfriend, than grown women.

 

 

Dunno, my sister just had liposuction done because she keeps getting rejected by men [her belly is the least of her problems!]. And my other sister complains about my sb because women like my first sister can't find a man.

 

Both of my sisters were considered to be hot in their day.

[RonaldS]

I don't know anyone who is looking for a man, solely so they won't become a cat lady - and what is with that, anyway? I'm so tired of reading "jokes" about people and the reasons they have cats.

 

Really? Are you kidding?

 

I know literally dozens of women who, once one of their friends broke the dam and got married, all of their friends just started grabbing guys to marry. It was always like musical chairs. That pressure that young women feel, from their friends, family and society, to settle down, get married, but a house and have babies is very real.

 

It looks cute at the time, but some people see it for what it is, because we know hollow, bad relationships when we see them. It's endemic in the US at this point.

[thefooloftheyear]

Some of you all are really pretty tough on the older ladies...Not too many 20 somethings look as good as this 47 year old, and I cant say for sure but after seeing the lapdance scene in "The Wrestler" looks all natural to me...*shrug*

 

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Up to you. I'm one of those guys who waited until my career and finances were in order before looking. That was the plan.

 

 

So, your PLAN was to run through as many women as you could in your 20's and 30's until your finances and career were in order. I see.

 

 

Thank you for validating my prior statement. "men with these preferences do plenty to create the damage they despise when witnessed"

 

 

 

miss the point COMPLETELY. I don't want them, they're no better younger than later. Hotter but not better. I want the one that's going to choose to commit, not be forced by circumstances to commit or become a cat lady.

 

 

 

No, I haven't missed any points. These are YOUR fears talking. You assume that older, emotionally healthy women are just settling for you or that you will be manipulated yourself.

[sillyanswer]

So... Please do share your exploits. Please do tell me all about what a stud you are for dating younger women, lol. I am all ears.

 

I make no such claims studliness so you'll be spared that.

[man_in_the_box]

Ugh, this thread makes me want to slowly scratch my eyes out with red-hot iron pokers.

[janedoe67]

I think the people on this thread who have the feelings about older men that they have due to traumatic experience of themselves and loved ones are being judged harshly. Trauma DOES shape us. I and a couple of people I care about were molested by a conservative christian minister. I suffered sprirtual abuse from another. And my male christian counselor a few years ago came onto me. So it would make sense for me to be leery and warn others about extremely conservative Christian leaders.

 

I do recognize that my small personal anecdotal sample does not represent all ministers and therapists, so I don't do that. But people are different. Some people have more trouble making that distinction.

[hotpotato]

Interesting. Plenty of posts from men claiming age doesn't matter... when in their posts, they explain in great detail why age clearly DOES matter.

 

 

Her age matters. His doesn't.

 

 

... and I agree that anyone teaches them how to treat him/her. A younger woman who dates or marries an older man is teaching herself that, for some reason, she is not worthy of a same age peer she can spend her life with. She is teaching that older man and any older man she is with that he can succeed at stealing her youth for his own benefit.

 

 

These men who claim that younger women are more attractive, happy, fun, or less damaged... have done plenty to create the kind of damage they supposedly hate in women when witnessed.

 

If age didnt matter, having a young woman wouldnt be a big deal to so many older men.

 

 

The reason they go younger is so that it easier to create more. Much like owners of sweat shops who need to keep going to poorer countries for cheaper and cheaper labor.

 

 

If I read about the experiences of men with these preferences on this thread, alot of them seem to be going through women like toilet paper. Or trying to. Not sure how that makes them worthy of the 'love' they seek to claim or manipulate from younger women.

 

Well, age does matter but only for women.

Ill get flamed for pointing out the obvious that older and elderly men are generally not attractive to young women. However, on ls one can go on all day long about how women expire at age 35.

[hotpotato]

And because someone else said it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well that's rough because it's absolutely central to my statement. People here are saying that if she SPECIFICALLY is having the experiences she SPECIFICALLY says she has, then maybe it has something to do with her because it seems extremely atypical. Sorry (again) if that sort of conversational thread doesn't fit into the narrative you were wanting or expecting.

 

Well, know I do my best not to acknwledge any man im not romanticall or sexually interested in. That will hopefully solve the problem.

But it's the conversation we were having HERE in that context.

 

 

 

 

First, why do you care what he thinks? Second, yes, there is a lot more to life. [/Quote]

 

Im simply point out how a lot of older men think.

 

 

 

"Supposed to" is such a horrible phrase in this context don't you think? How about we just let people do what they like and leave the motives to themselves?

 

 

This is a discussion. Of course, we will talk about peoples motives.

 

Says who?

Seriously? Why do you think most people date and marry people around the same age?

[Robert Z]

Those guys want to date younger women... Be my guest. I won't be dating them.

 

I don't believe anyone was asking!

 

And telling like it is? What makes you an expert, your bad attitude? I guess live and let live doesn't exist in your universe. It is all about how you see things and screw the rest of the world, right? Is it any wonder that men like me prefer younger women?

Edited May 2, 2014 by Robert Z

[hotpotato]

Given that most approaches, across all ages and both sexes, result in a "no" (source: I made this up but it seems likely) and given that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (source: Plato ? Aesop? ) I'll go out on a limb and claim that everyone who approaches someone else thinks they are more attractive than they are because they're hoping for a "yes" when reality suggests this is unlikely most of the time. In other words, I don't think this phenomenon is confined to the average old and elderly man.

 

(Is "old and elderly" a tautology, or did you mean something specific by it?)

 

I meant what I said when I said older and elderly.

[Robert Z]

I dont care if a woman wants to date a man who is much older, I'm simply saying that the average old and elderly man thinks he is more attractive than what he really is. He also doesn't see that yes older men can marry younger women, but they are usually bringing something else to the table besides sex and romance.

 

Actually, all men tend to see themselves as being more attractive than in fact. And women tend to see their own imperfections and not their attributes.

 

But then I'm not all men. I work my ass off to be as desirable as possible. I take nothing for granted. I don't expect her to see me as a 25 year old. And we are both comfortable joking about the differences that arise due to age. She likes to pretend I'm 31 and I play along. But it's just for fun.

 

Us older men, at least those of us who are sane, are likely far more aware of our age than you could ever imagine. It is a daily battle. The ravages of age are always nipping on our heels and we run for our lives.

Edited May 2, 2014 by Robert Z