Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Candy_Pants]

whichever one of you is older is a perverted predator!

 

He is. And that's how I like it .

[RedRobin]

Here is Untouched's other thread if anyone wants to give her any [advice].

 

 

She is inexperienced and making out with this guy on a first date. As another person already said... sounds like a train wreck if she's looking for a relationship. Regardless of this guys' age...

 

 

It is because of his age that *I* am more concerned though. Definitely.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/476200-how-get-started-stuck-scared

 

 

question to folks here... is this the advice you'd give your own daughter, neice, cousin... anyone else you cared about? If she were an early 20-something, never had sex before, guy twice her age making out with her on the first date... (or son, nephew, cousin for that matter)

 

 

Seriously??

Edited May 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Haydn]

Red you seem so jaded about so many things. I suspect that you are missing out on someone who is just around the corner. I dont know but there must be something positive you take from a RS?

 

Of course i would never advise my girls to do the things that could put them in harms way. But it will not be my call, it will be theirs and i as their father will always be there to pick up the pieces.

[joystickd]

So no... not letting my emotions or fears get away from me.

Actually you are. You are letting your past bad experiences get you to the point where you have to "warn" women about older men. What if a younger woman actually wants an older man? That is their right to do that. It's unfair to let your bad experiences get you to a point emotionally where you feel the need to pass your poison on to other women. Hell I have had bad experiences with certain groups of women, but I don't go "warning" men to not date them because my experience is not the universal experience. It's not going to happen to every man. Just like you getting the unwanted attention is not going to happen to every woman. There is not this mass hysteria from older men to find a younger woman. If they want someone younger that is their choice. Hell you don't see men going around here warning about your fringe attitude or bitterness. We all treat people according to how they treat us. It says a lot about you and a few other women that you let the actions of a few men get you this riled up and emotional.

[joystickd]

My husband and I were born three hours apart. I think it's appalling for others to date beyond three hours older or three hours younger.

 

You should have been warned about older men. Where was she when you needed her?

[RedRobin]

Actually you are. You are letting your past bad experiences get you to the point where you have to "warn" women about older men. What if a younger woman actually wants an older man? That is their right to do that. It's unfair to let your bad experiences get you to a point emotionally where you feel the need to pass your poison on to other women. Hell I have had bad experiences with certain groups of women, but I don't go "warning" men to not date them because my experience is not the universal experience. It's not going to happen to every man. Just like you getting the unwanted attention is not going to happen to every woman. There is not this mass hysteria from older men to find a younger woman. If they want someone younger that is their choice. Hell you don't see men going around here warning about your fringe attitude or bitterness. We all treat people according to how they treat us. It says a lot about you and a few other women that you let the actions of a few men get you this riled up and emotional.

 

 

oh please. Everyone on here is giving advice based on their past experience.

 

 

Women (in general) aren't warned about the consequences of dating/marrying older men. Society, media, and some men perpetuate the fetishization of younger women. I'm not the only person on this thread who has highlighted exactly how either. It is done in lots of ways.

 

 

There is not mass hysteria of older men to find younger women? Ok, I dare you to find any movie in the past however many years that featured a leading man over 35 ish with a woman close to his own age in a plausible romantic role.

 

 

Anyway, I think we've observed well enough that even 'well meaning' people here who want to be inclusive and accepting would have a hard time accepting it for their own child. And we all know why too. Some just don't want to admit it.

 

 

What I am saying is only poison to those who wish to maintain the status quo... If they make a choice to be with an older man after hearing some of the 'cons', then its on her. At least she is going into it with eyes open.

Edited May 14, 2014 by RedRobin

[sillyanswer]

Ok, I dare you to find any movie in the past however many years that featured a leading man over 35 ish with a woman close to his own age in a plausible romantic role.

 

Dare accepted.

 

The Thomas Crown Affair (the Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo version).

[joystickd]

oh please. Everyone on here is giving advice based on their past experience.

 

 

Women (in general) aren't warned about the consequences of dating/marrying older men. Society, media, and some men perpetuate the fetishization of younger women. I'm not the only person on this thread who has highlighted exactly how either. It is done in lots of ways.

 

 

There is not mass hysteria of older men to find younger women? Ok, I dare you to find any movie in the past however many years that featured a leading man over 35 ish with a woman close to his own age in a plausible romantic role.

 

 

Anyway, I think we've observed well enough that even 'well meaning' people here who want to be inclusive and accepting would have a hard time accepting it for their own child. And we all know why too. Some just don't want to admit it.

 

 

What I am saying is only poison to those who wish to maintain the status quo... If they make a choice to be with an older man after hearing some of the 'cons', then its on her. At least she is going into it with eyes open.

Its almost insulting to women that you feel that women already wouldn't know the 'cons' of dating someone older. You make it seem like these women can't really think for themselves and are just so caught up or even manipulated by these older men. So much for women's empowerment.

[joystickd]

Ok, I dare you to find any movie in the past however many years that featured a leading man over 35 ish with a woman close to his own age in a plausible romantic role.

Honestly to you it wouldn't matter. There are movies like that, but you tend to see what only supports your beliefs. We all do give advice about past experience but it's not the overwhelming monologues that you do. We don't tend to have some elitist attitude about waiting for sex, the glories of corporate men that we work with, or the fact you need a credit check from a man. Hell even your total fear of being a submissive female partner. I and probably other have learned that when a woman has become too logical and methodical in dating and not enjoying the emotional side that she has really big issues. BTW save us the well I do enjoy........monologue. If any man in real life knew your opinion they would run. Beliefs that negative you can't hide them forever.

[Untouched]

 

She is inexperienced and making out with this guy on a first date. As another person already said... sounds like a train wreck if she's looking for a relationship. Regardless of this guys' age…

 

I am looking for my first SEXUAL relationship. And I am 24. I am an adult. Most of my childhood friends have already been married for a while. I understand you have your own standards and rules, and if you think that making out on the first date is wrong, of course you should never. I DON'T think it is wrong. I LIKED IT.

 

 

question to folks here... is this the advice you'd give your own daughter, neice, cousin... anyone else you cared about? If she were an early 20-something, never had sex before, guy twice her age making out with her on the first date... (or son, nephew, cousin for that matter)

 

 

Seriously??

 

You know, lady, I have friends. One is strongly advising against it. But you know what? She is not acting like I am contemplating joining a cult or something. She is afraid I might get hurt. She also RESPECTS my freedom. She would not ever DARE to believe that she has to be right and that I MUST do what she says/thinks or my life will be ruined. IT IS MY LIFE AND MY MISTAKES TO MAKE.

 

The point of friends is to be there for you, not to try to scare you or bully you into following their beliefs.

 

You keep harping on my age and the age of men. How old are YOU anyway.

Edited May 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Untouched]

I have not seen any of these movies and to be honest middle aged romances are not interesting to me! Maybe when I get to your stage RR! But I just Googled and there are a lot of them.

 

Movies About Middle-Aged Romance

 

There are many lists.

[carhill]

It occurs to me that young women are socialized by older women who were once young women so it follows that such mentors would impart their wisdom and life experience upon the young women and role model them in such a way as to provide them with the healthiest and clearest vision of dating and men and age-gap relationships in general. Don't they? After all, who better than a woman to know the pleasures and pitfalls of age-gap relationships for a woman?

 

Now, if the child ignores their mentor and goes off and experiences life for themselves on their own terms, a perfectly valid choice, they made that choice and bear the consequences of their own actions, like any human does, since we all have free will. The same if they follow their mentor's guidance in lock-step. It's still a choice and free will.

 

The same applies to a young man and his mentors/role models.

 

Myself, I never received defined messages to 'hit on young chicks' or 'only date older women' so never looked at relationships relevant to numerical age. All I saw, and dated, and married, were people. Some were younger, some older, swinging through about a twenty year range in total, and some the same age. That's just how it worked out; no plan or methodology. On second thought, perhaps there was, that of my mentors, who didn't place significant emphasis on age, rather other aspects of a person. Hard to know for sure.

[RedRobin]

Dare accepted.

 

The Thomas Crown Affair (the Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo version).

 

 

Excellent. They were both 45 at the time. His character was a 'playboy' and the plot line was that he met his 'match' in Russo's part as the detective.

 

 

It should be noted that the screenplay was written by a woman.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am looking for my first SEXUAL relationship. And I am 24. I am an adult. Most of my childhood friends have already been married for a while. I understand you have your own standards and rules, and if you think that making out on the first date is wrong, of course you should never. I DON'T think it is wrong. I LIKED IT.

 

 

 

 

You know, lady, I have friends. One is strongly advising against it. But you know what? She is not acting like I am contemplating joining a cult or something. She is afraid I might get hurt. She also RESPECTS my freedom. She would not ever DARE to believe that she has to be right and that I MUST do what she says/thinks or my life will be ruined. IT IS MY LIFE AND MY MISTAKES TO MAKE.

 

The point of friends is to be there for you, not to try to scare you or bully you into following their beliefs.

 

You keep harping on my age and the age of men. How old are YOU anyway.

 

She(RR) has a point here....

 

Let me start by saying that you are entitled to do whatever you want...You are a full fledged adult..And I have also stated my own personal beliefs that people deserve the right to pick a partner that suits their own needs...

 

That being said...

 

Im about the same age as your BF and I am as "youthful" a guy of that age is that you will ever see...So I should be on your side here....But I really have to call into question what in the living hell a guy that age would ever possibly see in common with a 24 year old that is admttedly a noob?? It makes absolutely NO sense at all!

 

If you were 34 years old, in a stable career, had several LTR's and maybe you were divoiced/widowed and had a kid(s)...Then my opiniion may be completely different....But you arent..

 

It appears that its either that guy is stunted emotionally/socially/whatever....or hes just looking to get at your ...er....well, you get the idea...

 

Like you accurately stated...Its your life...Measure twice, cut once...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

I am looking for my first SEXUAL relationship. And I am 24. I am an adult. Most of my childhood friends have already been married for a while. I understand you have your own standards and rules, and if you think that making out on the first date is wrong, of course you should never. I DON'T think it is wrong. I LIKED IT.

 

 

 

 

You know, lady, I have friends. One is strongly advising against it. But you know what? She is not acting like I am contemplating joining a cult or something. She is afraid I might get hurt. She also RESPECTS my freedom. She would not ever DARE to believe that she has to be right and that I MUST do what she says/thinks or my life will be ruined. IT IS MY LIFE AND MY MISTAKES TO MAKE.

 

The point of friends is to be there for you, not to try to scare you or bully you into following their beliefs.

 

You keep harping on my age and the age of men. How old are YOU anyway.

 

 

I encourage you and others to see my response in your other thread. On that other thread, I actually encouraged you to get the virginity cr*p out of the way so you can focus on other things. This guy is just as good as any if that is all you are looking for.

 

 

If you are looking for a relationship, with him or anyone, I suggest you look into other threads that advise women in particular to make men prove their interest in other ways. One date and this guy has his tongue down your throat. How has he proved his interest in you exactly?

 

 

But that's fine, really. If you've never had that, I can understand the pent up frustration. But please don't delude yourself that you get to skip the steps to building a real relationship just because your family and religion held you back in your socialization. If you want to just cross your fingers and hope for the best, I guess that's an option too. Maybe if I was your age when I contemplated losing my virginity, I'd feel the same way.

 

 

Anyway, I'm sorry you came from a family with such embedded issues like this. I didn't have that background, so you can stop confusing me with them.

[RedRobin]

I have not seen any of these movies and to be honest middle aged romances are not interesting to me! Maybe when I get to your stage RR! But I just Googled and there are a lot of them.

 

Movies About Middle-Aged Romance

 

There are many lists.

 

 

I haven't looked at the list yet, but you are considering 35+ to be middle aged??

[RedRobin]

I encourage you and others to see my response in your other thread. On that other thread, I actually encouraged you to get the virginity cr*p out of the way so you can focus on other things. This guy is just as good as any if that is all you are looking for.

 

 

 

Was also going to say. This guy doesn't seem to be acting any differently than the younger 3-date rule guys you seem to want to avoid.

[Untouched]

Anyway, I'm sorry you came from a family with such embedded issues like this. I didn't have that background, so you can stop confusing me with them.

 

There you go again. Where have I said my family has "embedded issues"? They are fundamentalists and have values and morals that go along with their religious beliefs. They are happy. I don't believe the same way.

 

And I am NOT confusing you with them. Heavens no. They are emotionally normal, in my opinion, even though they are coming from a much different place than me or most other people outside of that community.

 

Do you get it?

 

Why are you bickering with me in this thread? I did not ask for ANY advice or help in this thread. I am trying to participate.

 

Do you think just because you are old and I am young that you have some kind of right to lord it over me?

 

Anyway I am sick of trying to defend myself to you. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to be happier than you are now before it is too late.

[clia]

I haven't looked at the list yet, but you are considering 35+ to be middle aged??

 

Assuming a life expectancy of around 80 years old, 40 is the start of middle age, isn't it?

[joystickd]

Excellent. They were both 45 at the time. His character was a 'playboy' and the plot line was that he met his 'match' in Russo's part as the detective.

 

 

It should be noted that the screenplay was written by a woman.

 

Who wrote it shouldn't matter fact is that is a movie that is example. You have to put your spin on everything don't you

[Untouched]

Assuming a life expectancy of around 80 years old, 40 is the start of middle age, isn't it?

 

I have always thought that middle age starts at about 35. At home it definitely is considered middle aged. I don't have a problem with it though obviously.

[joystickd]

There you go again. Where have I said my family has "embedded issues"? They are fundamentalists and have values and morals that go along with their religious beliefs. They are happy. I don't believe the same way.

 

And I am NOT confusing you with them. Heavens no. They are emotionally normal, in my opinion, even though they are coming from a much different place than me or most other people outside of that community.

 

Do you get it?

 

Why are you bickering with me in this thread? I did not ask for ANY advice or help in this thread. I am trying to participate.

 

Do you think just because you are old and I am young that you have some kind of right to lord it over me?

 

Anyway I am sick of trying to defend myself to you. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to be happier than you are now before it is too late.

It's already too late. What man would let her give them a credit check?

[RedRobin]

Do you think just because you are old and I am young that you have some kind of right to lord it over me?

 

 

If memory serves, you are the one making my age the issue. You don't know how old I am. Noone does here. I've never stated it.

 

 

If you are feeling picked on by me, it is because of your lack of experience. Not your age. Well, your relative age compared to this guy, yes. But not your actual age.

 

 

Maybe I ought to change my wording from 'younger women' to 'inexperienced women'. That would probably be more in line with my actual concerns or thoughts anyway, so thank you.

[RedRobin]

I have always thought that middle age starts at about 35. At home it definitely is considered middle aged. I don't have a problem with it though obviously.

 

 

 

Does that apply to both men and women where you come from? 35 is middle aged for both? Just curious.

 

 

I joked around with someone I worked with not long ago that 25 was middle aged considering the number of men who have their first heart attack or kick around 50.... and that they'd better get on it. lol.

 

 

They were giving me cr*p because I bought a Porsche and told me it was the first sign of middle age.

[joystickd]

If memory serves, you are the one making my age the issue. You don't know how old I am. Noone does here. I've never stated it.

 

 

If you are feeling picked on by me, it is because of your lack of experience. Not your age. Well, your relative age compared to this guy, yes. But not your actual age.

 

 

Maybe I ought to change my wording from 'younger women' to 'inexperienced women'. That would probably be more in line with my actual concerns or thoughts anyway, so thank you.

 

Shame shame resorting to insults