Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[sillyanswer]

oh, I dunno. Half the people on this thread trying to claim that large age gap relationships are no different than any other relationship?

 

But who claimed that all outcomes are equally plausible when it comes to age gap dating/relationships? Nobody? Thought so.

[xxoo]

There are lots of women who don't feel the need to settle for men who have made bad choices in their life and overlook things in them that they would not overlook in me or any other woman.

 

 

I know that chaps the *ss of a lot of guys here. They feel entitled to do whatever they want, then think some woman is going to accept them after the fact.

 

 

Including their own aging that they can't accept in women.

 

 

I AM better than those guys. Lots of women are. But I get it that the best a lot of you can do is keep telling us we aren't so that we will settle for that.

 

 

I really am sorry for some of you guys that the world told you that your choices don't matter. I'm sorry that the world told you wrong ideas of what it means to be a good man. I'm sorry that some of you feel the need to keep dating down in age to hide from yourselves.

 

 

But it is not women's jobs to redeem you. Sorry that the world told you it was.

 

 

Maybe some of you men could focus on helping younger men make better choices rather than focus on forcing me and other women like me to accept your bad ones. Especially when you wouldn't do the same for a woman.

 

Which men are you talking about--the men successfully attracting younger women, of the men who have no interest in dating younger women?

 

I haven't seen a presence of men who struggle to attract younger women. If they choose to do so, they can. Not you, and not me, but plenty if other women, because those women WANT to do so. The fact is that men can date younger if they wish, as can women. Find someone who doesn't WANT to, and live and let live.

[RedRobin]

And, no, it isn't on me when most men over a certain age suddenly "prefer someone younger". It is on me to be sane, and nice to be around (and that goes for them, as well).

 

 

You are absolutely right, Anela, it's not on you. I'm very glad you can see that.

 

 

But cheer up. Those men over a certain age who now claim to now 'prefer someone younger'... that says a lot about their character.

 

 

There are lots of younger women who don't want those guys either, for all the same reasons we talked about here. They can see the hypocrisy written all over those guys faces. Or they should. They should be asking themselves what is it about their age exactly that those guys want but can't handle in their own selves?? Smart women don't fall for that.

 

 

I know it is hard not to internalize this, but you know you wouldn't want those guys anyway. Why would you want a guy who was insecure about his own aging and can't handle a woman who is his peer?

 

 

Sure, it's tough to find good men. But those guys who prefer younger women usually aren't good men, at all. So they have made it easy for you by stating that 'preference'. Take it as a blessing.

[RedRobin]

Which men are you talking about--the men successfully attracting younger women, of the men who have no interest in dating younger women?

 

I haven't seen a presence of men who struggle to attract younger women. If they choose to do so, they can. Not you, and not me, but plenty if other women, because those women WANT to do so. The fact is that men can date younger if they wish, as can women. Find someone who doesn't WANT to, and live and let live.

 

 

Which men am I talking about? The ones trying to hide their bad choices in life by choosing younger or less experienced women who haven't learned yet how to sort them out.

 

 

The men who think their aging has magically made them better, but the reality is that they are no different, and often times worse in terms of life choices, than the same age women they are rejecting.

 

 

The older ones who think they can convince women to settle for them or sleep with them by filling them full of fear of getting older or dying alone.

 

 

No, I have no plans on 'live and let live' with those guys on this forum. And while, IRL, I avoid them myself (the older guys trying to date me with that philosophy, especially) I would do my best to discourage any of my female friends and family from dating those guys either. Because I don't think those men are good men.

 

 

And if those women don't want to hear my opinion about it? That's fine too. At least they are going into things with their eyes wide open, and they have no one to blame but themselves after the fact. They can't say no one told them at least.

 

 

Edited: Oh, and TFY. There is no doubt that society puts less emphasis on men's bad choices in life and brushes them under the carpet. There is no doubt that society tells women they need to put up with it, or they need to feel somehow 'worse' about themselves simply because they are a woman who might have made similar choices. I'm just one more woman who says they don't have to put up with it.

Edited May 15, 2014 by RedRobin

[JohnM]

So are these guys outwardly stating they are pressing these girls into being with them by creating a fear of being alone or is it your personal reading of them that makes them not "good men"?

[RedRobin]

So are these guys outwardly stating they are pressing these girls into being with them by creating a fear of being alone or is it your personal reading of them that makes them not "good men"?

 

 

I'm saying that these guys attempt to create that fear in the younger women they pursue.

 

 

Same way some men claim that all men cheat if given the opportunity. They want those women to settle for the ones that cheat.

 

 

Here is an example... There was a poster here who joked about telling his much younger sugar baby (prostitute) that she was looking older. People were giving him tips on teasing her about spotting a grey hair. Women too! That's what I find even more repulsive. Other women who help guys like him make his mark on her.

 

 

Effing disgusting.

 

 

Do I think these older men play to a younger women's insecurities to get them to date them? You better believe I do. In fact, I think that is probably the only way most of them can get those women. That, or trying to convince her he's so much better than men her own age. Either one is dishonest and manipulative.

Edited May 15, 2014 by RedRobin

[xxoo]

Which men am I talking about? The ones trying to hide their bad choices in life by choosing younger or less experienced women who haven't learned yet how to sort them out.

 

 

The men who think their aging has magically made them better, but the reality is that they are no different, and often times worse in terms of life choices, than the same age women they are rejecting.

 

 

The older ones who think they can convince women to settle for them or sleep with them by filling them full of fear of getting older or dying alone.

 

 

No, I have no plans on 'live and let live' with those guys on this forum. And while, IRL, I avoid them myself (the older guys trying to date me with that philosophy, especially) I would do my best to discourage any of my female friends and family from dating those guys either. Because I don't think those men are good men.

 

 

And if those women don't want to hear my opinion about it? That's fine too. At least they are going into things with their eyes wide open, and they have no one to blame but themselves after the fact. They can't say no one told them at least.

 

 

Edited: Oh, and TFY. There is no doubt that society puts less emphasis on men's bad choices in life and brushes them under the carpet. There is no doubt that society tells women they need to put up with it, or they need to feel somehow 'worse' about themselves simply because they are a woman who might have made similar choices. I'm just one more woman who says they don't have to put up with it.

 

These younger women have choices. They choose these men. They could date men their own age, but are attracted to the older guy for some reason. WoMen don't need to be convinced by the men. They are hot for each other. Trying to stop attraction is a losing battle.

 

I wouldn't encourage a friend or family member to date an older man. I would voice my concerns, if I had them. But I would listen and try to understand their feelings toward each other, and support her in making good decisions for herself. Her life, not mine.

Edited May 15, 2014 by xxoo

[sillyanswer]

Here is an example... There was a poster here who joked about telling his much younger sugar baby (prostitute) that she was looking older. People were giving him tips on teasing her about spotting a grey hair. Women too! That's what I find even more repulsive. Other women who help guys like him make his mark on her.

 

 

Effing disgusting.

 

I think even the "tips" were intended in the same jocular way. I understand that not everyone shares a sense of humour, but I hardly think it was "disgusting". Lighten up, Red!

[RedRobin]

These younger women have choices. They choose these men. They could date men their own age, but are attracted to the older guy for some reason. WoMen don't need to be convinced by the men. They are hot for each other. Trying to stop attraction is a losing battle.

 

I wouldn't encourage a friend or family member to date an older man. I would voice my concerns, if I had them. But I would listen and try to understand their feelings toward each other, and support her in making good decisions for herself. Her life, not mine.

 

 

I dunno about that. Helping someone figure out why they are attracted to someone who is likely bad for them, or giving them fair warning about what the consequences of doing so are... seems a whole lot better than letting them learn the hard way by saying nothing.

 

 

I'm glad you would voice your concerns. Not sure why you choose not to here though. Or take issue with someone else (me and a few others) who voice their concerns about these relationships.

[RedRobin]

I think even the "tips" were intended in the same jocular way. I understand that not everyone shares a sense of humour, but I hardly think it was "disgusting". Lighten up, Red!

 

 

I don't have a sense of humor when it comes to attempting to diminish someone they supposedly care about in order to get them to stick around. Especially in that particular situation.

 

 

Those who think that was funny have some soul searching to do, IMHO.

[JohnM]

I'm saying that these guys attempt to create that fear in the younger women they pursue.

 

 

Same way some men claim that all men cheat if given the opportunity. They want those women to settle for the ones that cheat.

 

Do I think these older men play to a younger women's insecurities to get them to date them? You better believe I do. In fact, I think that is probably the only way most of them can get those women. That, or trying to convince her he's so much better than men her own age. Either one is dishonest and manipulative.

 

Well, I'm dating a girl who is 18 and I'm 27. I certainly have not created that fear in her. She is smart and assured, why create an atmosphere of fear in order to keep someone. That would be toxic. The last girl I dated was 26 and was no good for me so I thought why not open myself up to the right person rather than only age ans see how it goes. Would happily date someone older than me too of course.

 

Some may claim that but no myself, given that I was cheated on. The last girl I dated had cheated with her last and I was willing to look past that.

 

I don't need to employ any tactics to 'get them' to date me. I'm a nice guy, I look after myself both physically and mentally and I guess find that combined with my personality is what makes Mr attractive. Not playing mind games and bigging myself up to ensnare them. She wants to be with me because she likes me and I treat her well, no psychology to it.

[RedRobin]

Well, I'm dating a girl who is 18 and I'm 27. I certainly have not created that fear in her. She is smart and assured, why create an atmosphere of fear in order to keep someone. That would be toxic. The last girl I dated was 26 and was no good for me so I thought why not open myself up to the right person rather than only age ans see how it goes. Would happily date someone older than me too of course.

 

Some may claim that but no myself, given that I was cheated on. The last girl I dated had cheated with her last and I was willing to look past that.

 

I don't need to employ any tactics to 'get them' to date me. I'm a nice guy, I look after myself both physically and mentally and I guess find that combined with my personality is what makes Mr attractive. Not playing mind games and bigging myself up to ensnare them. She wants to be with me because she likes me and I treat her well, no psychology to it.

 

 

While I wouldn't recommend any female friend or family member that young (18) to date someone your age... It is the 30 and older guys I'm more concerned about in general with women that age.

 

 

The guys here in their 30's and beyond... divorced or never married trying to get with much younger women. 'Grooming' them. That's where you see it the most. A few of them will even admit that the younger woman is insecure and can never shut up about all their exploits. As if that makes him a better person.

 

 

They joke about it, the younger woman's confusion. Lots of 'likes' for those posts here too.

 

 

Lots of sick people here (men and women) who really don't care about the well being of younger or less experienced women. Is what I see. Or ones who feel like they don't have a say and should just let it pass.

Edited May 15, 2014 by RedRobin

[Keenly]

While I wouldn't recommend any female friend or family member that young (18) to date someone your age... It is the 30 and older guys I'm more concerned about in general with women that age.

 

 

The guys here in their 30's and beyond... divorced or never married trying to get with much younger women. 'Grooming' them. That's where you see it the most. A few of them will even admit that the younger woman is insecure and can never shut up about all their exploits. As if that makes him a better person.

 

 

They joke about it, the younger woman's confusion. Lots of 'likes' for those posts here too.

 

 

Lots of sick people here (men and women) who really don't care about the well being of younger or less experienced women. Is what I see. Or ones who feel like they don't have a say and should just let it pass.

Here we go again. They are sick because they don't see it like you see it.

[xxoo]

I dunno about that. Helping someone figure out why they are attracted to someone who is likely bad for them, or giving them fair warning about what the consequences of doing so are... seems a whole lot better than letting them learn the hard way by saying nothing.

 

 

I'm glad you would voice your concerns. Not sure why you choose not to here though. Or take issue with someone else (me and a few others) who voice their concerns about these relationships.

 

I do voice my concerns here, if I have them. But the concerns are not sweeping, nor area judgments of age gap relationships.

 

First we need to listen. Then we can judge if there is reason for concern in a particular situation.

 

The first rule of guiding younger people: listen more than you speak.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, I'm dating a girl who is 18 and I'm 27. I certainly have not created that fear in her. She is smart and assured, why create an atmosphere of fear in order to keep someone. That would be toxic. The last girl I dated was 26 and was no good for me so I thought why not open myself up to the right person rather than only age ans see how it goes. Would happily date someone older than me too of course.

 

Some may claim that but no myself, given that I was cheated on. The last girl I dated had cheated with her last and I was willing to look past that.

 

I don't need to employ any tactics to 'get them' to date me. I'm a nice guy, I look after myself both physically and mentally and I guess find that combined with my personality is what makes Mr attractive. Not playing mind games and bigging myself up to ensnare them. She wants to be with me because she likes me and I treat her well, no psychology to it.

 

 

I dunno....Call me nuts but I dont see this...Now I am not criticizing you, I just cant see it as an option id ever consider........

 

When I was 27, I was done with school. paying a mortgage, running my own company, and trying to make my way in the world...I just couldnt envision, seeing myself with someone that I might have to take to the prom....

 

Thats why I think these things can make some sense for some, yet for others, its just really not their deal....

 

TFY

[JohnM]

No offense taken, as I've said myself I will see how it goes.

 

I am settled in my job and life whereas she has it all to do and only time will highlight the inner workings of this dynamic. Some things are best experienced, I'm a deep thinker myself but its only through doing something you know how it works for you. In my previous relationship she was five years ahead of this girl yet in terms of life progress was at the same level of education and career so an elder does not always have the progress that goes in hand.

 

I can definitely appreciate that for some people it may not work, there a lot of variables in any relationship aside from age also entering the equation and they are all having a good mix in my mind.

[sillyanswer]

I don't have a sense of humor when it comes to attempting to diminish someone they supposedly care about in order to get them to stick around. Especially in that particular situation.

 

 

Those who think that was funny have some soul searching to do, IMHO.

 

It was a joke about getting old and was meant humourously. I laughed.

[MidwestUSA]

I don't have a sense of humor....

 

 

 

Could be the root of your problem right here!

 

I mean really, the fact that something on an internet forum BOTHERS you to the extent it does.

 

 

Really?

[RedRobin]

Could be the root of your problem right here!

 

I mean really, the fact that something on an internet forum BOTHERS you to the extent it does.

 

 

Really?

 

 

Says older woman who encourages escort purchaser to make fun of his purchase at her expense. And goes on to give him tips on how to dig at her more even though he clearly mentioned her discomfort at the thought.

 

 

You have an interesting sense of humor. Indeed.

 

 

Would you expect your children to tolerate this kind of thing?

 

 

Really?

[RedRobin]

How about we turn it around. What if the woman found something her partner was insecure about and purposely teased HIM about it... and got off on bragging about it here. Would you and your 'likes' find that funny?

 

 

Are you going to give her tips on how to stick the knife in a bit deeper? Or is that only coaching you give men? Older men who want to secure younger women, that is.

 

 

Hilarious.

[RedRobin]

Not every woman thinks that being a man means he gets to carry around a stick to beat them with, either emotionally or physically, while she laughs it off.

 

 

I actually expect men to be more thoughtful than that. Fortunately for me, the good men in my life would never knowingly hurt someone they care about. They certainly wouldn't be looking for tips online about how to humiliate her and laughing about her discomfort.

[joystickd]

Funny how these women get bent out of shape because of a man's preferences but they have them too. Hypocritical

[RedRobin]

Funny how these women get bent out of shape because of a man's preferences but they have them too. Hypocritical

 

I've never asked for anything I can't offer myself. Unlike a lot of guys here who think they are entitled to their preferences even though they have all the same baggage and worse as the women they discard... and have to keep going younger and younger to avoid facing themselves.

Edited May 15, 2014 by RedRobin

[Untouched]

Red Robin, I have just spent quite a lot of time reading your posts on this thread and a couple of others. We all know what you think. The overall impression you make, though, is of a middle aged woman who blames the fact that most men are not interested in her on the idea that they're all scumbags who want young women.

 

I bet that is not why you are single.

 

You seem like a huge sexist. If a man says one single thing you do not like you decide he is a lowlife. I am not sure why you even bother with men at all, I can't see why you would want to with the way you think.

 

I know there are sleazy guys, believe me. I don't want to have anything to do with them.

 

Being young and attractive is def an advantage in dating. I'm sure you had your day when you had it yourself.

 

Being older is not so bad though (I hope ). Everybody gets to that point if we are lucky enough to live long enough! And I am sure there are men who like dating older ladies, in fact many of them have said so right here.

 

I like people who do not judge a book by its cover the best. That means not only liking people for their age or looks. Also not hating people because they might not prefer YOUR age or looks.

[joystickd]

I've never asked for anything I can't offer myself. Unlike a lot of guys here who think they are entitled to their preferences even though they have all the same baggage and worse as the women they discard... and have to keep going younger and younger to avoid facing themselves.

 

No man think they are entitled. You are the one that feels that way judging man or woman that doesn't have your opinions