Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[thefooloftheyear]

Red Robin, I have just spent quite a lot of time reading your posts on this thread and a couple of others. We all know what you think. The overall impression you make, though, is of a middle aged woman who blames the fact that most men are not interested in her on the idea that they're all scumbags who want young women.

 

I bet that is not why you are single.

 

You seem like a huge sexist. If a man says one single thing you do not like you decide he is a lowlife. I am not sure why you even bother with men at all, I can't see why you would want to with the way you think.

 

I know there are sleazy guys, believe me. I don't want to have anything to do with them.

 

Being young and attractive is def an advantage in dating. I'm sure you had your day when you had it yourself.

 

Being older is not so bad though (I hope ). Everybody gets to that point if we are lucky enough to live long enough! And I am sure there are men who like dating older ladies, in fact many of them have said so right here.

 

I like people who do not judge a book by its cover the best. That means not only liking people for their age or looks. Also not hating people because they might not prefer YOUR age or looks.

 

 

Yep...

 

We all get a discount at the Supermarket and the Early Bird specials down in Florida really are the bees knees!!!

 

 

 

TFY

[Untouched]

I'd be just like everyone else who doesn't give a shyte about women's lives or what they are signing up for in their pursuit of looking all cool, trendy, and accepting-like. Even when they wouldn't recommend it for their own family members.

 

People who REALLY care about other peoples lives DO NOT try to control the people.

 

Allowing a person to follow their own path and learn their own lessons, and then to be there for them if it goes bad OR good, is the ONLY way to be a real supportive person.

 

I have left a tight knit religious community. Where a girl is TOTALLY protected from ANYTHING outside. Like you seem to believe girls and women need.

 

You have no idea how hard it was for my parents to accept my choice to go. They still love me. They might think I will burn in hell, but I really don't think they do. They know that their job is to teach and then to let the young people choose.

 

I am naive and inexperienced and young, for sure, but I am probably more in touch with the idea that I have FREEDOM to make choices and to maybe crash and burn and it is so awesome. I do other dangerous things besides date an older man, too, like drive a car and walk on the street in a city at night. I DO NOT NEED YOU OR ANYBODY TO PROTECT ME and neither to my friends. Unless a murderer is running at us or something.

 

I don't think you have any kids. That is a good thing since you do not believe in letting people live and choose. And what if it were a boy. Scary.

[RedRobin]

Red Robin, I have just spent quite a lot of time reading your posts on this thread and a couple of others. We all know what you think. The overall impression you make, though, is of a middle aged woman who blames the fact that most men are not interested in her on the idea that they're all scumbags who want young women.

 

I bet that is not why you are single.

 

You seem like a huge sexist. If a man says one single thing you do not like you decide he is a lowlife. I am not sure why you even bother with men at all, I can't see why you would want to with the way you think.

 

I know there are sleazy guys, believe me. I don't want to have anything to do with them.

 

Being young and attractive is def an advantage in dating. I'm sure you had your day when you had it yourself.

 

Being older is not so bad though (I hope ). Everybody gets to that point if we are lucky enough to live long enough! And I am sure there are men who like dating older ladies, in fact many of them have said so right here.

 

I like people who do not judge a book by its cover the best. That means not only liking people for their age or looks. Also not hating people because they might not prefer YOUR age or looks.

 

 

 

I guess you haven't read enough, then. That I'm not middle aged, and that I actually HAVE had fulfilling relationships in my life. Thing is, I could settle for an older man just like you are. I could get that any day. I could settle for all kinds of things, but I don't have to.

 

 

Problem is, I don't want men who like relative little girls. I've rejected more than one my own age who claimed they wanted a relationship with me after I found out they dated women young enough to be their daughters or close to it.

 

 

Although, I don't get the sense you want a real partner or a peer. That would be common amongst women who come from very religious backgrounds. Need a man to make decisions for her. It's a tough nut to shed. It isn't surprising that older, fatherly types appeal to you.

 

 

OTOH, I know a few people from very religious backgrounds. They don't sound like you at all when it comes to sex and relationships... and confusion about them. Not at all.

 

 

Have to say... I'm not even convinced about your so-called lack of relationship experience based on how you talk. You sound like some of the guys here who have showed up under different names pitching the benefits of being with older men in one form or another.

[Keenly]

I've never asked for anything I can't offer myself. Unlike a lot of guys here who think they are entitled to their preferences even though they have all the same baggage and worse as the women they discard... and have to keep going younger and younger to avoid facing themselves.

 

Insert elitist voice here.

[Robert Z]

Problem is, I don't want men who like relative little girls. I've rejected more than one my own age who claimed they wanted a relationship with me after I found out they dated women young enough to be their daughters or close to it.

 

 

 

Great. Then don't date them. Now what do the other umpteen pages of hate that you're spewed have to do with it.

[RedRobin]

They know that their job is to teach and then to let the young people choose.

 

 

That is a good thing since you do not believe in letting people live and choose.

 

 

I've said more than once that my concern is that women aren't given the information they need to make an informed decision.

 

 

You don't like the information, fine. Don't shoot the messenger. You have the information now. You can't say you weren't warned.

 

 

You are right that you are free to live and to choose. It's also my right to not STFU just because some people want to preserve the status quo when it comes to their dating preferences... that I personally believe harms young or inexperienced women.

 

 

The only way you can feel good about your decision, I guess, is to make a lot of assumptions about my motives and background too. So it goes both ways. I'm not the only person here who is telling you it ain't the best idea. Dating this guy.

[Untouched]

I guess you haven't read enough, then. That I'm not middle aged,

 

Well how old are you then? I have been trying to figure it out and the closest I can come is between 47 - 50.

 

Thing is, I could settle for an older man just like you are. I could get that any day.

 

Why don't you stop talking down to me. I am not SETTLING. I am choosing do do what I wish to do.

 

Maybe some man will come your way who will SETTLE for an older woman some day. Do you like the sound of that?

 

 

 

Although, I don't get the sense you want a real partner or a peer. That would be common amongst women who come from very religious backgrounds. Need a man to make decisions for her.

 

Right now I am not exactly looking for a partner. I am breaking out. Really I do NOT want anybody making decisions for me, it does not matter if it is a man or a woman. YOU seem all about making decisions for everybody, or trashing anybody who does not go along with you. More than any of the men I have found on here so far.

 

OTOH, I know a few people from very religious backgrounds. They don't sound like you at all when it comes to sex and relationships... and confusion about them. Not at all.

 

 

Have to say... I'm not even convinced about your so-called lack of relationship experience based on how you talk.

 

I have been on my own for over five years now. I am in graduate school. For years I was terrified of putting my feet in the water as far as dating goes. I've been figuring it out and also I have grown up a LOT.

 

Mistake or not, I refuse to sit around being scared and doing nothing until I am sure it is 100% safe and that my parents and MIDDLE AGED angry bitter people approve of it.

 

You sound like some of the guys here who have showed up under different names pitching the benefits of being with older men in one form or another.

 

Haha that is a good one.

[123321]

There are lots of women who don't feel the need to settle for men who have made bad choices in their life and overlook things in them that they would not overlook in me or any other woman.

 

The experience of many guys wouldn't really qualify as "making bad choices"; in many cases they were busy with their proverbial nose to the grindstone developing a career and being rejected by women their own age. Now that they are a little older and a success professionally they find those same women, who are now rejecting their peers, are available to date.

 

That's life.

 

 

I know that chaps the *ss of a lot of guys here. They feel entitled to do whatever they want, then think some woman is going to accept them after the fact.

 

Well I don't see guys here complaining, so the "chapped *sses" might not be precisely where you think they are.

 

 

Including their own aging that they can't accept in women.

 

See above.

 

 

I AM better than those guys. Lots of women are. But I get it that the best a lot of you can do is keep telling us we aren't so that we will settle for that.

 

Honestly I don't think most guys care what women decide to settle for, as long as the guy can get what he wants. That might sound bad but it's human nature. If you were getting what you wanted your "*ss would be less chapped", so to speak.

 

 

I really am sorry for some of you guys that the world told you that your choices don't matter. I'm sorry that the world told you wrong ideas of what it means to be a good man. I'm sorry that some of you feel the need to keep dating down in age to hide from yourselves.

 

Well, speaking for myself, all I can say is feel however you like, my life is good.

 

 

But it is not women's jobs to redeem you. Sorry that the world told you it was.

 

I didn't get that memo.

 

 

Maybe some of you men could focus on helping younger men make better choices rather than focus on forcing me and other women like me to accept your bad ones. Especially when you wouldn't do the same for a woman.

 

Young men complain that they have trouble getting a date, older women complain they have trouble getting a date. Everyone else seems reasonably happy WRT dating.

[sillyanswer]

How about we turn it around. What if the woman found something her partner was insecure about and purposely teased HIM about it... and got off on bragging about it here. Would you and your 'likes' find that funny?

 

So long as it's still about age-gap dating, bring it on! Height is the classic target.

[RedRobin]

Why don't you stop talking down to me. I am not SETTLING. I am choosing do do what I wish to do.

 

Maybe some man will come your way who will SETTLE for an older woman some day. Do you like the sound of that?

 

 

Not even close...

 

 

For someone who claims to be so age-blind, you certainly are obsessed with finding out my age.

 

 

Perhaps you aren't nearly as age-blind as you claim to be.

 

 

Why would I want a grown up man-child who has sexual feelings for an inexperienced young woman... young enough to be his daughter, who needs to pump up his ego or make himself feel better about aging? Or to avoid dealing with his issues? Doesn't sound like relationship material TO ME. You can have him. Seriously.

[Untouched]

I just want to clarify something and it's pertinent to this thread and not just RR's domination here.

 

I am 24. I am very serious, studious, I have high intelligence (sorry but it is true). I was raised to be like a traditional woman and not to be frivolous, I would like to throw a lot of that off but it's who I am. I do NOT and can't even imagine wanting to "party." I mean I do enjoy a social life with my friends, but not getting drunk, being in bars and clubs, etc. I have never been drunk and probably won't. I like to think and talk. I guess … I am kind of like an old person already, compared to many people my age.

 

That all contributes to why I am attracted to this older science nerdy man. He is more my type than the guys my age who I have gone out with so far.

 

If I find out that he is a predatory man "grooming" teenage girls I will be disgusted by him. That is not okay. But not all men are like that either, even if they are dating younger. We will see.

[Robert Z]

No man think they are entitled. You are the one that feels that way judging man or woman that doesn't have your opinions

 

 

We are entitled to approach any woman we want. And they are entitled to reject us if they wish.

 

 

RR, obviously you've been hurt. So have I. I have moved on. Are you ever going to? Or do you plan to spend the rest of your life shaking your fist at the sky and crying because the world doesn't work the way you think it should?

[sillyanswer]

Young men complain that they have trouble getting a date, older women complain they have trouble getting a date. Everyone else seems reasonably happy WRT dating.

 

I know this might sound crazy...

 

What if the young men and older women were to get together and go on dates? Then everybody would be happy!

 

 

 

(Sorry to interject an on-topic post.)

[Untouched]

For someone who claims to be so age-blind, you certainly are obsessed with finding out my age.

 

I don't say I am "age blind." What does that even mean. Of course I recognize peoples ages.

 

I am interested in your age because age seems to be an obsession of yours. If you weren't on the old side, I don't think you would care about men not wanting to date you because they are "going younger" as you put it.

 

I don't want to argue with you any more. It really is off putting to come on here and find a person who believes that she is the ONLY right person. It is not a way to get anybody to listen to you, if you are serious about "helping" other people. That does not seem to be the real intent though.

 

I feel sorry for you, sincerely. I hope you can get rid of all that toxic baggage of yours and be able to be happy with a man, or without a man.

 

Now I am going to try my best to stop defending myself or other people who want to make choices that might be disagreeable to you. I really have read what you have written.

[Haydn]

Red, at 32 would i be the younger man or the older one? I have kiddies so i am very picky. I have a strict vetting system. It is called trust and not thinking everyone is out to get me. I really do hope you meet this bloke who ticks all the boxes.

[RedRobin]

The experience of many guys wouldn't really qualify as "making bad choices"; in many cases they were busy with their proverbial nose to the grindstone developing a career and being rejected by women their own age. Now that they are a little older and a success professionally they find those same women, who are now rejecting their peers, are available to date.

 

 

I believe it was you claiming there was something wrong with women who did the same.

 

Well I don't see guys here complaining, so the "chapped *sses" might not be precisely where you think they are.

Sure they are. It's why so many keep responding to my posts. lol. They are afraid women will start to view THEM in the same light they view women. Old and washed up.

 

Thing is, for alot of them, they are. Money and status don't have the same appeal it used to. That is why I said I felt sorry for them. You and other men like you are doing a lot of men a huge disservice by leading them to believe they can afford to wait till their 40's and beyond to find a life-partner. IF they are interested in finding a life partner, that is.

 

Honestly I don't think most guys care what women decide to settle for, as long as the guy can get what he wants. That might sound bad but it's human nature. If you were getting what you wanted your "*ss would be less chapped", so to speak.

Meh, don't confuse my penchant for debate and a good turn around as a chapped *ss. I have no problems getting dates either. In fact, lots of people have taken me to task for all the 'men' I have to dump. *shrug* A few of whom have attitudes and backgrounds like yours.

 

 

I wouldn't date a guy with your attitude and apparent hypocrisy and double standards. Didn't when I was in my 20's either. Guess I felt I didn't need to.

 

 

It's only women without other options who need to. Or who need the man to make the decisions... or has some dominance/submission issues. That's what I observe. Not an age thing though really. More of the latter.

 

Young men complain that they have trouble getting a date, older women complain they have trouble getting a date. Everyone else seems reasonably happy WRT dating.

I dunno about that. Lots of people complain about not being able to get a date. Doesn't seem age related to me at all.

[Candy_Pants]

I know this might sound crazy...

 

What if the young men and older women were to get together and go on dates? Then everybody would be happy.

 

NOOOOO . That doesn't fit MY idea of a proper relationship .

 

Plus, I can't go much younger before it becomes "illegal".

 

Oh wait, I'm married!! Continue.

[Robert Z]

Where is all of the vile and contempt for women who like to date older guys? It takes two to tango.

 

 

RR, do you hate the women as much as you hate the men? Or are you strictly a man hater?

[RedRobin]

I don't say I am "age blind." What does that even mean. Of course I recognize peoples ages.

 

I am interested in your age because age seems to be an obsession of yours. If you weren't on the old side, I don't think you would care about men not wanting to date you because they are "going younger" as you put it.

I don't want to argue with you any more. It really is off putting to come on here and find a person who believes that she is the ONLY right person. It is not a way to get anybody to listen to you, if you are serious about "helping" other people. That does not seem to be the real intent though.

 

I feel sorry for you, sincerely. I hope you can get rid of all that toxic baggage of yours and be able to be happy with a man, or without a man.

 

Now I am going to try my best to stop defending myself or other people who want to make choices that might be disagreeable to you. I really have read what you have written.

 

 

 

I never said that. I don't want men who prefer to go a lot younger. Whether they are my same age or older. Who says I care about dating them?

 

 

I'll tell you what is really annoying though... having a guy with that history try to convince me he wants a relationship with me, or might. If I'm meeting men online they are easy enough to avoid.

 

 

IRL, they don't actually wear a sign saying "I prefer (relative) little girls". It comes out soon enough though.

[RedRobin]

FYI... I have a date this weekend with a guy close to my age, with kids, divorced, similar educational background as me. We are going to his favorite yoga place then out to eat afterwards. I told him I'm training for a marathon and was looking for cross-training opportunities. So, we will see.

[MidwestUSA]

Says older woman who encourages escort purchaser to make fun of his purchase at her expense. And goes on to give him tips on how to dig at her more even though he clearly mentioned her discomfort at the thought.

 

 

You have an interesting sense of humor. Indeed.

 

 

Would you expect your children to tolerate this kind of thing?

 

 

Really?

 

I do and she does. She's 24. We really do have bigger things to worry about. A sense of humor helps us thru every day; not to mention laughing feels good.

 

 

As an 'older woman' who went thru what you are going thru, I could be of help. But, really I feel you're beyond it. Do you not have anyone in your life who can help you thru this time? I was fortunate to have an older sister who got there before I did. Had she not come thru, there were several friends who had been there as well. Estrogen replacement did it's part too; I didn't resist it and used it for the shortest period of time necessary.

[joystickd]

FYI... I have a date this weekend with a guy close to my age, with kids, divorced, similar educational background as me. We are going to his favorite yoga place then out to eat afterwards. I told him I'm training for a marathon and was looking for cross-training opportunities. So, we will see.

 

Just don't show the bitterness. He will run

[Robert Z]

Just don't show the bitterness. He will run

 

 

No sht!!! The biggest turn off for me has nothing to do with age. It is attitude.

 

 

I walked out on a date with a lovely 30 year old woman about a year ago... lovely until she opened her mouth.

[RedRobin]

Untouched, my sincere apologies. It is not my intention to make you feel ashamed. You probably got plenty of that from your religious background.

 

 

I just can't help feeling sad for you, that's all. Not sorry for you... but sad for you. Hard to explain.

[sillyanswer]

FYI... I have a date this weekend with a guy close to my age, with kids, divorced, similar educational background as me. We are going to his favorite yoga place then out to eat afterwards. I told him I'm training for a marathon and was looking for cross-training opportunities. So, we will see.

 

Good luck on your date!