Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[RedRobin]

Lol. I really have to laugh at this. I think it's all men you are afraid of. We all meet the wrong people that helps us appreciate the right one when they come

 

 

meh, whatever. Its my experience that lots of men aren't really looking to build intimacy, find a relationship, or build a life with anyone. They mostly want their physical needs met and are willing to say whatever to try and make that happen. OR, they know exactly what they are looking for, but are fine killing time with a women without filling that woman in on his real goals. That probably makes up most men past a certain age, ones who have been divorced, etc... Which is why I've come across so many of them since my fiancée died. I've ceased taking it personally. I just sort them out ASAP.

 

 

...but back on topic...

 

 

... and I think more women looking for relationships would be wise to stop internalizing these so-called 'preferences' of men their own age seeking younger women. In fact, they should do everything in their power to figure out in advance what those guys real preferences ARE so they can actively avoid them.

 

 

If a guy can't handle a woman his own age, why even bother with him? I don't need no man-child who needs a relative child to feel good about himself.

 

 

In other words, don't get pissed. Just be proactive about sorting them out. Easy to do since so many men LOVE to brag. Even if they don't... still isn't that tough to sort them out.

Edited May 19, 2014 by RedRobin

[joystickd]

meh, whatever. Its my experience that lots of men aren't really looking to build intimacy, find a relationship, or build a life with anyone. They mostly want their physical needs met and are willing to say whatever to try and make that happen. OR, they know exactly what they are looking for, but are fine killing time with a women without filling that woman in on his real goals. That probably makes up most men past a certain age, ones who have been divorced, etc... Which is why I've come across so many of them since my fiancée died. I've ceased taking it personally.

 

It's not that they don't want to but people do differently with different people there maybe something they see that may just have them wanting something physical. If it was lots then he'll the world would be full of single women, but it's not true. It's just men you come across so that in itself says a lot. Maybe it's something with you. One can't always point the finger at the opposite sex all the time. You as an adult have to take some share of the responsibility

[Keenly]

 

 

If a guy can't handle a woman his own age, why even bother with him? I don't need no man-child who needs a relative child to feel good about himself.

 

 

 

 

If a woman can't handle a guy that's been around, why even bother with her?

[GorillaTheater]

So you think that expressing your concerns about such issues to your daughter is perfectly O.K., but expressing such concerns to the general public on a message board is not O.K.? So people should only be concerned about those we love, and not care at all about anybody else? I don't see the reason for the objection to some women expressing their concerns about such relationships on a thread that is about such relationships. Is everyone who posts here supposed to think large age gaps are not a problem, or else they are not allowed to post, or not allowed to have an opinion on the topic? We are all expressing our opinions on the topic. That's all.

 

I almost responded with the "where the hell did I say you couldn't post??" before I realized what was going on, which is you pulling the "forum Nazi" card on me. "Look at this GT bastard, friend of the patriarchy and enemy of young oppressed women, telling me that I can't post!" Nevermind the fact that it has no basis in reality.

 

Good one, Kathy.

[Woggle]

What RR doesn't realize is that in many cases an FWB relationship is something a woman freely chooses. It's not something men force upon women. Many women choose to have casual sex and FWB type of arrangements and know exactly what they are getting into.

[RedRobin]

If a woman can't handle a guy that's been around, why even bother with her?

 

 

I think it is best for both involved to find people who share their values. If she hasn't 'been around' then she has every right to hold out for a guy who also hasn't 'been around' and is more relationship oriented, if that is what she is looking for.

 

 

She shouldn't settle for a guy who has 'been around' just because she's afraid of being alone. Not all guys sleep around or want to. They are hard to find though. Yep.

[joystickd]

Funny thing about these women they talk about the men being predatory but never talk about the younger women that use older men. They want to make it all the man's fault I take it. He is dysfunctional if he wants a younger woman. If he wants a FWB then he doesn't practice restraint. What's the woman's role in all of this? I see the women as immature because they lack accountability.

[RedRobin]

What RR doesn't realize is that in many cases an FWB relationship is something a woman freely chooses. It's not something men force upon women. Many women choose to have casual sex and FWB type of arrangements and know exactly what they are getting into.

 

 

This isn't the 'who is ok with FWB' thread.

 

 

I've never personally met a woman who was ok with one.

 

 

I'm not ok with men who make a habit of casual sex. So it doesn't really matter to me who initiated it or went along with it. I'm ESPECIALLY not ok with a man claiming to be looking for a relationship who wants to tread water with me (no matter what he calls it) while he keeps his eyes peeled for a younger woman to actually commit to. If he's done that with someone else, its a pretty good bet he will try that with me.

 

 

Like I said, if that's his real preference, then just go ahead and do that. Please. I really have better things to do than waste my time with those guys. People act like I'm all bent out of shape about their preferences, when I'm not. I don't like having my time wasted. They aren't doing me any favors at all by trying to date me. Even more reason why I scratch my head why younger women would want them either. Except they don't know any better... is my only guess.

 

 

I get it that these same guys with those preferences think women their own age are desperate though, or should be. Maybe that is why some of them try. *shrug*

[joystickd]

This isn't the 'who is ok with FWB' thread.

 

 

I've never personally met a woman who was ok with one.

 

 

I'm not ok with men who make a habit of casual sex. So it doesn't really matter to me who initiated it or went along with it. I'm ESPECIALLY not ok with a man claiming to be looking for a relationship who wants to tread water with me (no matter what he calls it) while he keeps his eyes peeled for a younger woman to actually commit to. If he's done that with someone else, its a pretty good bet he will try that with me.

 

 

Like I said, if that's his real preference, then just go ahead and do that. Please. I really have better things to do than waste my time with those guys. People act like I'm all bent out of shape about their preferences, when I'm not. I don't like having my time wasted. They aren't doing me any favors at all by trying to date me. Even more reason why I scratch my head why younger women would want them either. Except they don't know any better... is my only guess.

 

 

I get it that these same guys with those preferences think women their own age are desperate though, or should be. Maybe that is why some of them try. *shrug*

 

It's the woman's own fault if she don't like it because she settled for it

[RedRobin]

He is dysfunctional if he wants a younger woman. If he wants a FWB then he doesn't practice restraint. What's the woman's role in all of this? I see the women as immature because they lack accountability.

 

 

It is my role to assess whether he wants what he says he wants and is who he says he is.

 

 

If he has a history of FWB, then I assume he would try to make me one if given the opportunity. OUT.

 

 

If he has a history of dating (much) younger women, then I assume that is his preference. OUT. He will have a MUCH harder time convincing me that I'm the exception. I don't really care. Much easier for me to just go on his past actions.

 

 

It's not that tough.

 

It's the woman's own fault if she don't like it because she settled for it

 

 

 

Only if she is told the truth in advance. They usually aren't. It is usually something guys try to weasel women into by lies of omission.

 

 

Anyway, it's why I don't date men who have had FWB. If he'll do it to one woman, he'll try it with another. It won't be me, is all I know. Let him date a much younger woman who doesn't know how or maybe doesn't care how to sort those guys out, lol. Be my guest!

[joystickd]

It is my role to assess whether he wants what he says he wants and is who he says he is.

 

 

If he has a history of FWB, then I assume he would try to make me one if given the opportunity. OUT.

 

 

If he has a history of dating (much) younger women, then I assume that is his preference. OUT. He will have a MUCH harder time convincing me that I'm the exception. I don't really care. Much easier for me to just go on his past actions.

 

 

It's not that tough.

 

 

 

 

 

Only if she is told the truth in advance. They usually aren't. It is usually something guys try to weasel women into by lies of omission.

 

 

Anyway, it's why I don't date men who have had FWB. If he'll do it to one woman, he'll try it with another. It won't be me, is all I know. Let him date a much younger woman who doesn't know how or maybe doesn't care how to sort those guys out, lol. Be my guest!

A person knows a situation isn't going anywhere and should be honest with themselves about it. You can't place that blame on the man.

[Keenly]

It is my role to assess whether he wants what he says he wants and is who he says he is.

 

 

If he has a history of FWB, then I assume he would try to make me one if given the opportunity. OUT.

 

 

If he has a history of dating (much) younger women, then I assume that is his preference. OUT. He will have a MUCH harder time convincing me that I'm the exception. I don't really care. Much easier for me to just go on his past actions.

 

 

It's not that tough.

 

 

 

 

 

Only if she is told the truth in advance. They usually aren't. It is usually something guys try to weasel women into by lies of omission.

 

 

Anyway, it's why I don't date men who have had FWB. If he'll do it to one woman, he'll try it with another. It won't be me, is all I know. Let him date a much younger woman who doesn't know how or maybe doesn't care how to sort those guys out, lol. Be my guest!

 

You are being extremely irrational on this topic.

 

 

So if some has done something in the past, it means they are going to do it to you? That's pretty paranoid.

 

So you are telling us you have never in your entire life done something that you then looked back and thought " okay I want do that again " OR your opinion in a subject changed.over.time ? You would away a man who slept around from 22 to 25 and for the last 15 years has remained in relationships?

 

 

There is an article on yahoo this morning about women who have such ridiculously high expectations that they are destined to permanently remain single. I highly recommend you take a gander at it.

[KathyM]

I almost responded with the "where the hell did I say you couldn't post??" before I realized what was going on, which is you pulling the "forum Nazi" card on me. "Look at this GT bastard, friend of the patriarchy and enemy of young oppressed women, telling me that I can't post!" Nevermind the fact that it has no basis in reality.

 

Good one, Kathy.

Well, you said in your prior post that large age gap relationships are none of my business, so I assume you don't think I should be posting anything about them, since your objection is to me posting my perspective about them on the message board.

[KathyM]

Funny thing about these women they talk about the men being predatory but never talk about the younger women that use older men. They want to make it all the man's fault I take it. He is dysfunctional if he wants a younger woman. If he wants a FWB then he doesn't practice restraint. What's the woman's role in all of this? I see the women as immature because they lack accountability.

I have no respect for women (or men) using someone for their money (golddiggers), who then dump their older man/woman as soon as they decide it's time to get their share of the guy's assets and run. You are trying to paint this as some gender war, but it's not. At least that's not my perspective. The same compatibility issues are there whether it's the man who is older or the woman.

[melodymatters]

Doesn't EVERY person of every age have to listen to their intuition, set boundaries and take charge of how they are being treated in ANY relationship ?

 

I don't believe in FWB's either, and I've successfully avoided them, including two marriages to men much younger than I.

 

It is never a forgone conclusion, and I respect anyone's decision to want nothing to do with that situation. I'm sure it's just as prevalent though in same age relationships if not more so.

[Woggle]

If a person doesn't want FWB relationships it's not hard to avoid them. They aren't for me either but as long as both people are honest with each other and are on the same page I have no issue with them.

[RedRobin]

So if some has done something in the past, it means they are going to do it to you? That's pretty paranoid.

 

So you are telling us you have never in your entire life done something that you then looked back and thought " okay I want do that again " OR your opinion in a subject changed.over.time ? You would away a man who slept around from 22 to 25 and for the last 15 years has remained in relationships?

 

 

Yes, it means they are more likely to do it to me... whatever it is.

 

 

I guess you need to ask yourself the same question. Would you throw away a woman who had slept around from 22-25 and for the last 15 years has remained in relationships?

 

 

If the answer is yes, then don't expect the woman to stick around either.

[Untouched]

I'm not sensitive about it. I'm totally fine with men having that preference. I don't want those men.

 

I don't believe you because if that were the truth, you simply would not go out with them rather than rant and rave on this thread about how horrible they all are along with women who go out with them.

 

 

If that is their preference, they should stick to it. Not try to weasel me into a FWB while they continue to troll for younger women or whatever.

 

That would be a sleazy man. Being sleazy does not have anything to do with what age a person wants to date. If he really likes young women and will settle for you just for sex, he is a jerk. THAT is gross.

[Keenly]

Yes, it means they are more likely to do it to me... whatever it is.

 

 

I guess you need to ask yourself the same question. Would you throw away a woman who had slept around from 22-25 and for the last 15 years has remained in relationships?

 

 

If the answer is yes, then don't expect the woman to stick around either.

 

I would absolutely not throw that woman aside because of something that took place almost two decades ago.

 

 

You definitely have trust problems. They will forever be an obstacle for you unless you address them.

[Untouched]

Not liking or wanting someone does not mean that they "can't handle" it. It means that they're just not interested.

 

As I have said before, from my perspective (young woman), it is insulting and patronizing to hear older people insisting that it is their way or the highway. We are adults.

 

Obviously some people here have made some choices and I guess mistakes that have warped them out forever. And they think that if they had not done this or that, now they would be enjoying life instead of bitter and miserable.

 

I don't think it's normal though.

[RedRobin]

I don't believe you because if that were the truth, you simply would not go out with them rather than rant and rave on this thread about how horrible they all are along with women who go out with them.

 

 

You don't have to believe me. I don't go out with them at all if I know in advance... and I certainly don't keep going out with them once I learn about their history... but I also think young women shouldn't believe their BS. I know I don't.

 

 

That would be a sleazy man. Being sleazy does not have anything to do with what age a person wants to date. If he really likes young women and will settle for you just for sex, he is a jerk. THAT is gross.

Of course it is sleazy. In my opinion, most guys who want to date women young enough to be their children ARE sleazy or stunted. They are doing me a favor by letting me know about their dating history. If it includes much younger women, then I know he's not for me.

 

 

They are all yours, sweetheart. But I get it that you think women older than you all want your man, lol.

 

 

You persist in making believe that me or other women are somehow envious of you. Ok. Whatever makes you feel better.

[Haydn]

What if you did not know his history and spent maybe 6 months falling in love. Then he reveals it in a deep conversation. Would you show him the door?

[RedRobin]

Not liking or wanting someone does not mean that they "can't handle" it. It means that they're just not interested.

 

As I have said before, from my perspective (young woman), it is insulting and patronizing to hear older people insisting that it is their way or the highway. We are adults.

 

Obviously some people here have made some choices and I guess mistakes that have warped them out forever. And they think that if they had not done this or that, now they would be enjoying life instead of bitter and miserable.

 

I don't think it's normal though.

 

 

Who says I'm bitter and miserable? I'm perfectly happy not dating men who prefer younger women. I wish they'd stop trying to get me to go out with them or whatever they are going for, to be honest. I've got better things to do. If I'm annoyed about anything, it is that. Wasting my time.

[RedRobin]

What if you did not know his history and spent maybe 6 months falling in love. Then he reveals it in a deep conversation. Would you show him the door?

 

 

Wouldn't happen. I don't spend six months 'falling in love' with men I don't know the history of.

 

 

This kind of thing usually comes out within the first month or two. Yes. I have shown them the door. More than one, in fact. I can think of two in the past year alone.

[Untouched]

Who says I'm bitter and miserable?

 

You show it.

 

I'm perfectly happy not dating men who prefer younger women. I wish they'd stop trying to get me to go out with them or whatever they are going for, to be honest. I've got better things to do. If I'm annoyed about anything, it is that. Wasting my time.

 

Wasting your time by asking you on a date? Ummm … just say "no." It takes less than a minute. Anyway, you spend a huge amount of time on it all by yourself right here.