Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Anela]

 

 

 

 

I did not date at all in my teenage years. I did not date at all in my twenties. I got my very first girlfriend at 31.

 

Neither did I, and I've said before that you've had more experience than I have. You've also slept with more people than I have.

 

If I only date women who are my age, a huge part of me feels that I've missed out on the younger women, who were age appropriate for me at one point in time. The problem was that when I was a teenager and still at my 20's women simply did not like me.

I missed out, too. It sometimes still feels painful that I missed out on certain things, but I can't relive that at almost forty years of age. I know it's painful, but I really can't imagine dating that young of a man. I even have trouble with the idea of dating a man in his early thirties, and good looks don't necessarily come with youth.

 

I knew a woman who said she looked better in her forties, and had a young man who really wanted to be involved with her, but she wasn't going for it.

 

My first and only GF so far was 21 when we broke up and I'm very happy I got to date somebody so young. Though we were only together for six months, it just wasn't enough. Ideally I wanted to stay with her for as long as possible, and basically just watch her grow up.

Do you know how that sounds?

 

Ideally I'd want to get one more early 20's girlfriend. This semester at college will be last try. Once I'm done with college I really want to date a girl somewhere between 22-25. If for whatever reason that relationship doesn't work out. My next girlfriend would be upper 20's to my age.

 

One thing that age really does affect is that I absolutely will not date a woman who has kids. From now into sometime in the future that is non-negotiable. I would also strongly prefer not to date a woman who has been married.

There are a lot of women out there who don't have children, or been married. Women of all ages.

 

We both have obsessions with age, due to our inexperience, and it sounds like you also deal with some sort of social anxiety - mine was crippling, and still can be at times. I remember when it hit me - everything that people had been trying to get through to me, and then I started to simultaneously panic, and kick myself for letting childhood experiences, and my own insecurities body-wise, cripple me for so long. I wanted to break out, and...

 

then men my age were just getting to the point where they were no longer interested in women their own age. Suddenly, that pendulum swings, and I was just really getting out there. I'd been more confident in myself, and my body - and here they were, ready to make me feel bad about myself. I wasn't good enough, I also was behind when it came to education and any sort of career (I still am). I've done the, "It's not fair!!" thing. I've cried it out in the shower, and then found something to take my mind off it when I was out of there. I still cry about it at times. I've occasionally envied prettier women, but not in a way that begrudges them. I just wished that I could have had more options. We don't all get that.

 

I have to stop visiting these threads - they poke at my insecurities, and I don't mean to write a book every time I post. I would prefer to put my energy elsewhere. There shouldn't be anything stopping you from trying to go out with women your own age *now*. You're already grown up, and really, that should make you feel better - you're an adult, a grown man, not a college boy.

[somedude81]

Neither did I, and I've said before that you've had more experience than I have. You've also slept with more people than I have.

 

So you've only had one or less boyfriends? It's pretty hard to have less experience than me.

 

I missed out, too. It sometimes still feels painful that I missed out on certain things, but I can't relive that at almost forty years of age. I know it's painful, but I really can't imagine dating that young of a man. I even have trouble with the idea of dating a man in his early thirties, and good looks don't necessarily come with youth.

 

That is your decision.

 

I don't feel that I'm too old to date an early 20's woman. I'm sure that day will come, but today is not it.

 

Do you know how that sounds?

 

I can't really think of a better way to say it. I met her when she was 20. I was there for her 21st birthday party. I was there for her last semester at college. I would have liked to see her start nursing school. Then see her become a nurse and so on. Maybe "watching her mature" is a better way to say it?

There are a lot of women out there who don't have children, or been married. Women of all ages.

 

Though the older a woman gets, the more likely she is to have been married or have children.

 

We both have obsessions with age, due to our inexperience, and it sounds like you also deal with some sort of social anxiety - mine was crippling, and still can be at times. I remember when it hit me - everything that people had been trying to get through to me, and then I started to simultaneously panic, and kick myself for letting childhood experiences, and my own insecurities body-wise, cripple me for so long. I wanted to break out, and...

 

then men my age were just getting to the point where they were no longer interested in women their own age. Suddenly, that pendulum swings, and I was just really getting out there. I'd been more confident in myself, and my body - and here they were, ready to make me feel bad about myself. I wasn't good enough, I also was behind when it came to education and any sort of career (I still am). I've done the, "It's not fair!!" thing. I've cried it out in the shower, and then found something to take my mind off it when I was out of there. I still cry about it at times. I've occasionally envied prettier women, but not in a way that begrudges them. I just wished that I could have had more options. We don't all get that.

 

I have to stop visiting these threads - they poke at my insecurities, and I don't mean to write a book every time I post. I would prefer to put my energy elsewhere.

 

You've been through a lot Anela. But right now the only thing stopping you from dating the men you want, is yourself.

 

There shouldn't be anything stopping you from trying to go out with women your own age *now*. You're already grown up, and really, that should make you feel better - you're an adult, a grown man, not a college boy.

 

While I am a grown man biologically, I simply don't have the life experience that a man my age should have.

 

The only work I've ever done is retail. I'm in college. And I've only had one relationship in my entire life, which was only six months long. I'm far behind where the majority of men my age are.

[clia]

I don't feel that I'm too old to date an early 20's woman. I'm sure that day will come, but today is not it.

 

Plenty of men date younger women. Heck, my fiance is 8 years older than me. The problem you have is that early 20s women don't seem to want to date you. You've managed to date one early 20s woman in all this time, and she broke up with you after six months. It's frustrating watching you pound your head against the wall over and over again. It's fine to try to relive your youth and to pursue whoever you want to pursue, but as I and others have told you, you might have more success in accomplishing your goal of getting a girlfriend if you broadened your age range and at least included women up to your age.

[serial muse]

Plenty of men date younger women. Heck, my fiance is 8 years older than me. The problem you have is that early 20s women don't seem to want to date you. You've managed to date one early 20s woman in all this time, and she broke up with you after six months. It's frustrating watching you pound your head against the wall over and over again. It's fine to try to relive your youth and to pursue whoever you want to pursue, but as I and others have told you, you might have more success in accomplishing your goal of getting a girlfriend if you broadened your age range and at least included women up to your age.

 

Yeah, I guess that's the thing I don't understand, SD - you say you're focusing on young women because why would older women want to date you...but the thing is, you're not getting traction with young women. So why you wouldn't want to even consider dating someone closer to your age is rather mysterious to me.

 

I mean, honestly, I've got no dog in this hunt. I say this without any emotion at all. I really don't care if you want to date young women (although "watch them grow up" or even "mature" is a bit...uncomfortable. I don't know what you can possibly mean by that but ok).

 

But whatever, because it doesn't make any logical sense, what you say. You're not having dating success within your long-established parameters. You say those parameters exist because you wouldn't have dating success outside of them. But you haven't tried that, so how can you possibly say it? (and I'd think the vast majority of let's say upper-20s women are still not married with kids)

 

Does not compute.

[GorillaTheater]

You can't help wanting what you want, SD, but just so you know, older women will rock your world.

 

When I dated, it was always women my age or older. Heaven forbid I wound up with a woman even less mature than me.

[ascendotum]

Neither did I, and I've said before that you've had more experience than I have. You've also slept with more people than I have.

 

I missed out, too. It sometimes still feels painful that I missed out on certain things, ......

 

There shouldn't be anything stopping you from trying to go out with women your own age *now*. You're already grown up, and really, that should make you feel better - you're an adult, a grown man, not a college boy.

 

It will be harder for you to recapture the lost youth experiences but you can still very easily do it with OLD as long as you don't expect anything serious. You have that advantage over SD. Stacks of younger guys online looking for fun with older women than the other way around.

 

Also I don't fully agree with this " and here they were, ready to make me feel bad about myself. I wasn't good enough,". Yes there is a preference for older men to want younger, but IRL life guys don't say stuff to make you feel bad. Rather they will just say nothing and not hit on you. Like SD does not get a lot of support for his missed opportunities and how he should have done this or done that over the years, the same can be said for you unfortunately. The advantage you had over SD is that you were a younger woman, and guys will hit on you & ask you out, whereas SD and other guys with insecurity don't have that luxury. They have to make it happen and take the initiative and are expected to make themselves better men when women don't reciprocate.

 

I'm genuinely sorry you have had a crappy love life. SD has too, and I don't see why you give him **** instead of more compassion as he is going through the same as you. If you had met SD at 30 with your crippling anxiety there is the high chance nothing would have happened due to his insecurity over not having much success and your bad shyness not giving him any feedback if he had chatted to you.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with him for trying to catch up with the fun loving yrs of younger women. I wouldn't judge you any worse for trying to score fun with guys in their 20s. You are welcome to try for the same thing. There is nothing stopping him from going out with women his own age, but why restrict himself and not catch up on lost opportunities with sexier fun women...like the majority of guys enjoyed. Also these women are more happy go lucky. They wont have had their hearts broken, or been cheated on, or been burned by jerks & badboys types. They don't yet have dealbreaker lists or redflag lists or check off lists and would be more tolerant of his immaturity level in life, and are just out to enjoy life whereas women mid 30s have a 'been there done that' attitude and now want to marry an established man and have a family asap. He shouldn't restrict himself to a narrow band of women, but I think his best chances for the time being is with women like his ex. No offense meant.

[Weezy1973]

Yeesh. Wanting to date young women because you feel like you missed out is a bit of a creepy sentiment. Probably because it totally objectifies women. Which, come to think of it, is likely one of the reasons why the men communicating this sentiment have practically no success with women...

[StanMusial]

People who struggle with the opposite sex are going to do so no matter what the ages are. It's not like SD is some aging Casanova who preys on the 21 year old Flavor of the Month. Just in his last few posts that is pretty obvious.

 

I will add, he's on a college campus and I don't know him or his life but the laws of the universe dictate that people in proximity with one another are more likely to get together. Realistically, if he put up a profile on a dating site requesting women in their 30's he would probably have very little luck with that either. Dang.

[ascendotum]

I agree with you on a lot of these points. If it weren't for the fact that I really like my GF, I would probably be dating a younger woman myself, for many of the same reasons you mentioned here. However, if someone has almost ZERO success going after a particular kind of girl, do you still think they should keep chasing that same type of girl, while excluding all others?

 

Like you I thought the 20s were my best dating years. I think SD should to try and get some more there too. Yeah his success has not been anything to jump up and punch the air over, but since his recent success it should encourage him to try get similar again. I totally agree he should not limit himself and should flirt with whoever he finds attractive regardless of age. If a 35 yr old divorcee shows him interest, he should go for it. It just doesn't have to be forever after with any woman he doesn't want it to be like that. I think it would help not to have that mindset that if he gets someone say older or a single mom, that he does not have to get stuck in a LTR. He should not just take whatever (or possible see it as settling in his mind) but move on when he wants to find what really makes him be truly happy and I think that is going to be someone in their mid 20s or younger. At the moment he is surrounded at college & salsa by pretty young things, so its natural that's going to capture the focus of his desire. His age and lack of cocky fun confidence is not going to make him a smash hit, but he should try make the most of that time...but also go for any other women he likes as well where ever

Edited August 26, 2014 by ascendotum

[somedude81]

Plenty of men date younger women. Heck, my fiance is 8 years older than me.

 

See everybody else. I'm not such an oddball.

 

The problem you have is that early 20s women don't seem to want to date you. You've managed to date one early 20s woman in all this time, and she broke up with you after six months.

 

Look at it from my point of view.

 

I've slowly but surely been getting better with women. Finally I get a super cute amazing 20 year old girlfriend. Then suddenly I'm dumped after six months. It's not my fault at all that she dumped me. Trying to analyze why doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past and there is nothing I could have done, or could do.

 

What matters is that I did have a high quality girlfriend. Which means I can get a girlfriend again. This current semester is going to be the first time I'm going to seriously try to meet women since my ex dumped me. Spring semester I was in simply no condition to try and date. Things are different now.

 

It's frustrating watching you pound your head against the wall over and over again.

 

Ha! If you think it's frustrating watching me do it, think how I must feel. I'm not really doing it out of choice.

 

It's fine to try to relive your youth and to pursue whoever you want to pursue,

 

In order to relive my youth, I must have lived it first.

 

but as I and others have told you, you might have more success in accomplishing your goal of getting a girlfriend if you broadened your age range and at least included women up to your age.

 

I am completely fine dating women my age. What I'm not going to do is exclude young women.

[ascendotum]

Yeesh. Wanting to date young women because you feel like you missed out is a bit of a creepy sentiment. Probably because it totally objectifies women. Which, come to think of it, is likely one of the reasons why the men communicating this sentiment have practically no success with women...

 

I don't think wanting to capture what you missed out in earlier life, be it romance with younger person, or education or travel & adventure or starting your own business that you dreamt of when young or whatever is creepy. I know more women sleeping with guys over a dozen yrs younger, than men, but no one ever calls that creepy. they are not capturing what they missed out on, but getting validation they still got it, or just enjoying guys who are fit & horny and have a bon vivant youthful attitude. I don't that's necessarily any higher in principle.

 

Its not just young women's looks, it their fun loving nature, their sense of adventure, their happy go lucky attitude to life & sex, their lack of relationship baggage, and list of deal breakers and just wanting a sweet devoted bf to hang out with and not some ideal husband type. For someone like SD and his lack of relationship & career experience its going to be bigger deal for women in their mid 30s than some woman in her early 20s, and that's a factor that is going to affect his options. Is it any less legitimate than lots of other guys who want younger women simply because they have less attitude / sexier figures / no kids. Really guys or women primarily choosing a partner or fling because they find them hot (face and or body) is objectifying them too, and lots of people do that. Just my opinion anyway. He needs to do what makes him happy and not what others tell him to make him fit into society norms better.

Edited August 26, 2014 by ascendotum

[Weezy1973]

I don't think wanting to capture what you missed out in earlier life, be it romance with younger person, or education or travel & adventure or starting your own business that you dreamt of when young or whatever is creepy. I know more women sleeping with guys over a dozen yrs younger, than men, but no one ever calls that creepy. they are not capturing what they missed out on, but getting validation they still got it, or just enjoying guys who are fit & horny and have a bon vivant youthful attitude. I don't that's necessarily any higher in principle.

 

Its not just young women's looks, it their fun loving nature, their sense of adventure, their happy go lucky attitude to life & sex, their lack of relationship baggage, and list of deal breakers and just wanting a sweet devoted bf to hang out with and not some ideal husband type. For someone like SD and his lack of relationship & career experience its going to be bigger deal for women in their mid 30s than some woman in her early 20s, and that's a factor that is going to affect his options. Is it any less legitimate than lots of other guys who want younger women simply because they have less attitude / sexier figures / no kids. Really guys or women primarily choosing a partner or fling because they find them hot (face and or body) is objectifying them too, and lots of people do that. Just my opinion anyway. He needs to do what makes him happy and not what others tell him to make him fit into society norms better.

 

 

Yes it's your opinion and you're entitled to it. Unfortunately, in terms of having a successful relationship, your opinion is wrong.

 

The average age difference in marriage is 3.5 years. Large age gap relationships tend to fail. I'm not making it up.

 

If SD (or anyone else) was just looking for a fling or casual sex I'd say have at it. But he's not. He's stated multiple times that he's looking for a meaningful relationship and, as evidence has it, focusing on a demographic that is far younger (or older) will likely not have much success. And let's face it, SD has not had much success.

 

If SD stated "I'm looking for a woman that I genuinely connect with, regardless of age" I'd be much more understanding...

[clia]

I think there is nothing wrong with him for trying to catch up with the fun loving yrs of younger women. I wouldn't judge you any worse for trying to score fun with guys in their 20s. You are welcome to try for the same thing. There is nothing stopping him from going out with women his own age, but why restrict himself and not catch up on lost opportunities with sexier fun women...like the majority of guys enjoyed. Also these women are more happy go lucky. They wont have had their hearts broken, or been cheated on, or been burned by jerks & badboys types. They don't yet have dealbreaker lists or redflag lists or check off lists and would be more tolerant of his immaturity level in life, and are just out to enjoy life whereas women mid 30s have a 'been there done that' attitude and now want to marry an established man and have a family asap. He shouldn't restrict himself to a narrow band of women, but I think his best chances for the time being is with women like his ex. No offense meant.

 

What do you base the bolded statements on? By the time me (and my friends) were 21, we had all had our hearts broken, been cheated on, and been burned. We also had a list of dealbreakers and redflags and a list in mind of what we were looking for in a boyfriend. If anything, I was probably more picky about what I wanted in a man at 21 than I was as I got older.

[ascendotum]

What do you base the bolded statements on? By the time me (and my friends) were 21, we had all had our hearts broken, been cheated on, and been burned. We also had a list of dealbreakers and redflags and a list in mind of what we were looking for in a boyfriend. If anything, I was probably more picky about what I wanted in a man at 21 than I was as I got older.

 

Yes I realize quite a number will have. One of my sisters had but not the other one at that age. SD's ex didn't seem to be affected like that. Yes lots of women would have had their heart broken when their first bf dumped them, but the accumulation of relationship baggage for a 21 yr old is going to be less than a 33 yr old generally speaking. I find deal breakers + redflags build up over the years. Lots of women in their early 20s don't have them to any great extent yet, even though you did. You can see it in the posts here with women who are in their 20s vs 30s vs 40s. There was a thread here recently on standards and the over whelming nature of posts seemed to be women saying they had higher standards and were pickier as they got older.

 

Whatever demographic is the most friendly & accepting of him should be were he should focus the most while also taking into account what he doesn't want (preferably no divorcees no overweight no kids). I agree a LTR with a young woman is not great chance of success. I think the STR he had with his ex was good for him and couple more would also be good before he settles down with someone late 20s up, but that looks to be a few yrs away.

[Anela]

It will be harder for you to recapture the lost youth experiences but you can still very easily do it with OLD as long as you don't expect anything serious. You have that advantage over SD. Stacks of younger guys online looking for fun with older women than the other way around.

 

I don't want to just have fun, though, and I don't feel comfortable going there. I really hate the double-standard, though.

 

Also I don't fully agree with this " and here they were, ready to make me feel bad about myself. I wasn't good enough,".

 

I experienced it, so you're saying that you don't believe me. Typical, and a reminder to not just bother talking, because hey, I'm a woman.

 

Yes there is a preference for older men to want younger, but IRL life guys don't say stuff to make you feel bad.

 

They do at times, and online dating is the worst for it. They even alter their ages to try to come off as younger, and turn up in the searches of younger women.

 

Rather they will just say nothing and not hit on you. Like SD does not get a lot of support for his missed opportunities and how he should have done this or done that over the years, the same can be said for you unfortunately. The advantage you had over SD is that you were a younger woman, and guys will hit on you & ask you out, whereas SD and other guys with insecurity don't have that luxury. They have to make it happen and take the initiative and are expected to make themselves better men when women don't reciprocate.

 

Not much of an advantage. I had guys hit on me for sex, and those who showed serious interest, were unhealthy douchebags. They still are. The healthier ones tended to go for the prettier girls.

 

And not being hit on by the good ones, can hurt after a while.

 

 

I'm genuinely sorry you have had a crappy love life. SD has too, and I don't see why you give him **** instead of more compassion as he is going through the same as you. If you had met SD at 30 with your crippling anxiety there is the high chance nothing would have happened due to his insecurity over not having much success and your bad shyness not giving him any feedback if he had chatted to you.

 

I showed him a lot of compassion. He had me crying, three years ago, after I popped into a thread to commiserate - three guys, actually. TBF saw, and told me not to bother with them, and I should have listened; instead, I responded here and there - and was just told I wasn't trying hard enough, and was a whiner, because hey: vagina. I was born with the golden ticket, apparently.

 

Tonight, after I said to my father that I wished that real magic existed, he told me that it does: my smile. That was a much sweeter response than any that have come my way, regarding female genitalia, and how we have it so easy.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with him for trying to catch up with the fun loving yrs of younger women. I wouldn't judge you any worse for trying to score fun with guys in their 20s. You are welcome to try for the same thing. There is nothing stopping him from going out with women his own age, but why restrict himself and not catch up on lost opportunities with sexier fun women...

 

Excuse me? What makes them sexier and more fun? For your information, I was "happy go lucky" before my experiences with those guys I mentioned above, and I still can be. We don't lose our senses of humour, and our sense of adventure, just because we've transcended the age of 35.

 

like the majority of guys enjoyed. Also these women are more happy go lucky. They wont have had their hearts broken, or been cheated on, or been burned by jerks & badboys types. They don't yet have dealbreaker lists or redflag lists or check off lists and would be more tolerant of his immaturity level in life, and are just out to enjoy life whereas women mid 30s have a 'been there done that' attitude and now want to marry an established man and have a family asap. He shouldn't restrict himself to a narrow band of women, but I think his best chances for the time being is with women like his ex. No offense meant.

 

I had a long list of dealbreakers, when I was a teenager! I was never interested in bad boys, and you really underestimate girls and women, in saying this...

[StanMusial]

Yes it's your opinion and you're entitled to it. Unfortunately, in terms of having a successful relationship, your opinion is wrong.

 

The average age difference in marriage is 3.5 years. Large age gap relationships tend to fail. I'm not making it up.

 

If SD (or anyone else) was just looking for a fling or casual sex I'd say have at it. But he's not. He's stated multiple times that he's looking for a meaningful relationship and, as evidence has it, focusing on a demographic that is far younger (or older) will likely not have much success. And let's face it, SD has not had much success.

 

If SD stated "I'm looking for a woman that I genuinely connect with, regardless of age" I'd be much more understanding...

 

I can't believe some of the advice I read on here.

[iiiii]

Yeesh. Wanting to date young women because you feel like you missed out is a bit of a creepy sentiment. Probably because it totally objectifies women. Which, come to think of it, is likely one of the reasons why the men communicating this sentiment have practically no success with women...

 

It's true - sorry SD. It's OK to be attracted to certain things. But most of my female friends are creeped out by men that exclusively date women much younger than they are, or who say they exclusively want to date women much younger than they are.

[serial muse]

 

I am completely fine dating women my age. What I'm not going to do is exclude young women.

 

Ok great, except you've said often on here that you don't want to date women your age. So you can understand our confusion. I mean, you've said you'll keep an open mind, but then you say things like you're specifically targeting young (early 20s, even late teens???) women because whatever, I don't know, something about fat single moms that seems a bit specious.

 

Bottom line, casting a wider net does NOT mean settling on your values. You don't have to date someone overweight or who is a single mom if you don't want to. 28-year-olds are generally neither. There have got to be a few grad students dotting the landscape somewhere, for God's sake.

 

But you say that for your next person, you want her to also be in the 20-ish range, and then you'd maybe go older. Um, what? Why would that make any bit of difference if your goal is to find someone to be with?

 

Or is it? Look, I get the idea that for you right now finding a girlfriend isn't primarily about finding someone who'll love you; instead, she'd be a kind of trophy to prove something to yourself, and that's why you want someone young, which, yeah, is the total cliche that people are calling out. Yet, given your often-expressed anxiety over the issue of having a person in your life who'll stick around in other threads, I hope you can see just how confused you sound. It's like you don't really know what your own priorities are. No wonder we're all like, WTF??

 

I mean, seriously, do whatever you want, of course, but I just think it's worth really thinking about what you're saying here. I for one am completely confused.

Edited August 26, 2014 by serial muse

[somedude81]

Ok great, except you've said often on here that you don't want to date women your age. So you can understand our confusion. I mean, you've said you'll keep an open mind, but then you say things like you're specifically targeting young (early 20s, even late teens???) women because whatever, I don't know, something about fat single moms that seems a bit specious.

 

Bottom line, casting a wider net does NOT mean settling on your values. You don't have to date someone overweight or who is a single mom if you don't want to. 28-year-olds are generally neither. There have got to be a few grad students dotting the landscape somewhere, for God's sake.

 

 

If I run into a woman who is my age and interested in me, I'll date her.

 

What I'm not going to do is go out looking for women older than 25. But if I happen to meet one, that's fine.

 

Is it a little clearer?

 

 

But you say that for your next person, you want her to also be in the 20-ish range, and then you'd maybe go older. Um, what? Why would that make any bit of difference if your goal is to find someone to be with?

 

I'm saying that right now I want to focus on early 20's girls while I'm still in college. Once I'm out of school, my age range will shift up but I really want a girlfriend who is still in her 20's.

 

Or is it? Look, I get the idea that for you right now finding a girlfriend isn't primarily about finding someone who'll love you; instead, she'd be a kind of trophy to prove something to yourself, and that's why you want someone young, which, yeah, is the total cliche that people are calling out. Yet, given your often-expressed anxiety over the issue of having a person in your life who'll stick around in other threads, I hope you can see just how confused you sound. It's like you don't really know what your own priorities are. No wonder we're all like, WTF??

 

I mean, seriously, do whatever you want, of course, but I just think it's worth really thinking about what you're saying here. I for one am completely confused.

 

Seriously? A trophy?

 

I've written at least a thousand times on this forum why I prefer a younger woman.

 

Of course I want somebody who'll love me. How the hell did you come to the conclusion did I didn't? Why the heck do you think I've been so devastated when my ex left me? Hell, I even said on here that I wish I could have married her, or been on that path. So how's that for the thought that I just want a casual thing?

Edited August 26, 2014 by somedude81

[Anela]

If I run into a woman who is my age and interested in me, I'll date her.

 

What I'm not going to do is go out looking for women older than 25. But if I happen to meet one, that's fine.

 

Is it a little clearer?

 

Clearer in the fact that you are excluding women over a certain age, when you're the one looking - yes.

 

 

 

 

I'm saying that right now I want to focus on early 20's girls while I'm still in college. Once I'm out of school, my age range will shift up but I really want a girlfriend who is still in her 20's.

 

Generally, when girls date older men, it's because the man acts like a grown man, and isn't trying to be a college boy.

 

 

 

Seriously? A trophy?

 

I've written at least a thousand times on this forum why I prefer a younger woman.

 

Of course I want somebody who'll love me. How the hell did you come to the conclusion did I didn't? Why the heck do you think I've been so devastated when my ex left me? Hell, I even said on here that I wish I could have married her, or been on that path. So how's that for the thought that I just want a casual thing?

 

You're acting as though you're levelling up in a game, rather than looking for a long-term partner. That is what's wrong.

 

And please don't turn this into a jealous older woman thing - in case anyone is thinking of going there. In your thread when you were on vacation, I tried to give you advice that might have helped you to meet someone, but you were focused on teenage girls.

[ascendotum]

You're acting as though you're levelling up in a game, rather than looking for a long-term partner. That is what's wrong.

 

And please don't turn this into a jealous older woman thing - in case anyone is thinking of going there. In your thread when you were on vacation, I tried to give you advice that might have helped you to meet someone, but you were focused on teenage girls.

 

I'd say he wants what a lot of other guys had that's all, but given he is behind in the dating game, he has a bit of a flip flop approach. I'm sure he would have loved a gf early 20s for a while, then a fling or ons or two, then a gf for a few yrs mid 20s, then a fling or ons or two, then a gf late 20s who he goes on to marry. Lots of guys enjoyed that sort of life experience. He wants it too I'm sure but is stuck between having some good memories with a few younger women and finding someone to love that turns him on and vice versa, in a condensed time frame now.

You probably don't care about enjoying some experiences with different men and just want someone to love and never be single again, so you don't see it quite the same as he does...I'm assuming

Edited August 26, 2014 by ascendotum

[somedude81]

Clearer in the fact that you are excluding women over a certain age, when you're the one looking - yes.

 

Let me wrap my head around this.

 

Even though I have no issue dating a woman my age, I am still excluding them because I'm not actively looking for them.

 

Did I get that right?

 

Generally, when girls date older men, it's because the man acts like a grown man, and isn't trying to be a college boy.

 

And who would want to date an older guy who is trying to be a college boy?

 

If the answer isn't, "Women your age" then don't even bother trying to make that point.

[MidwestUSA]

 

And who would want to date an older guy who is trying to be a college boy?

 

 

I can't think of any subgroup of women who would unless he has a lot of money and pays for constant partying, good food, and outings on his boat. As a temporary thing, of course.

 

 

We had a couple of those in my social group in college. They weren't guys we dated. At that point in life, they seemed like elders. And when we graduated, they were still there, partying it up with the newbies.

[Anela]

Let me wrap my head around this.

 

Even though I have no issue dating a woman my age, I am still excluding them because I'm not actively looking for them.

 

Did I get that right?

 

You only ever talk about younger women, unless you're making a crack about older women. Yeah, they're an afterthought.

 

 

 

And who would want to date an older guy who is trying to be a college boy?

 

If the answer isn't, "Women your age" then don't even bother trying to make that point.

 

No, older women wouldn't want to date a boy. Why are you trying to be a boy? Why aren't you wanting to act like a man?

[StanMusial]

I don't think it is a good idea to date someone just so you can "catch up" to where you think you should be. But in your other post it seemed like you really wanted to stick with that girl and not just jump to the next and the next. Honestly, if girls your age don't want you then what else are you to do?